


Reasons to Date Me

by minatosanaaa



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Best Friends, Enemies to Friends, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 93,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23664658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minatosanaaa/pseuds/minatosanaaa
Summary: It started off as a joke. Then soon became a tradition. It felt right. Harmless, they thought.But here’s what went wrong: one caught feelings, and the other? well…(or alternatively: Nayeon gives Jeongyeon reasons to date her. It’s not a big deal, really. Until it is.)
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Yoo Jeongyeon, Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 311
Kudos: 990





	1. The Devil

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) It's my very first fic to ever write here, and this has been in my drafts since November of last year. I didn't have much confidence to post it, but here I am. 
> 
> Enjoy, i guess!!!
> 
> (Take it easy on me.)
> 
> twitter tag: #r2dm

_ July 2020 _

The summer breeze invites itself inside Jeongyeon’s apartment, a promising heat that’s a bit cooler than a pre-heated oven. With her grey panel curtains drawn to the side, an enormous custom window comes to sight. In an area that’s eight storeys above Seoul, its remarkable nightscape sure captivates her attention every time with no fail.

Lots of people tell her that she’s doing quite well for someone her age—she doesn’t exactly know what that implies but she almost always agrees anyway.

Before living the life she currently has, doubts did cloud her mind; a life of luxury as what they always say is something many people envy—they all often think money and fame is the answer to everything, but that isn’t always the case, not to her at least. It wasn’t just always fun and parties, squandering her money as if it were the end of the world—she had her fair share of struggles too.

But now it seems like it’s paying off. 

She had moved here three years ago. A spontaneous decision she had made when she had managed to save quite a few. Her parents opposed the idea but there really was nothing they could do—her mind was made up; talking her out of it back then would be like talking to a brick wall.

Months went by and she eventually had convinced her parents—through several talks, serious ones, of course.

Sure, buying an apartment at such a young age is a big step, but not to Yoo Jeongyeon. She isn’t afraid to take risks, hasn’t been. And so far, she has no regrets.

Her eyes trail on every flashing light there is before her.

It’s calming.

There’s something about the liveliness of the city that strikes her—she can’t put a finger on it, but it stirs something deep down.

Could it be the sheer vigorous atmosphere? Or the sweet whiff of air that has probably travelled to places she has never been? She has yet to figure those out—she still has lots to figure out. Though all things considered, it does send excitement to her bones. Excitement—she wishes to feel that more often.

It has been a long ride for her.

All the things she didn’t know that mattered, now somehow does. Even the tiniest things, things that may seem shallow, things that people tend to overlook now somehow makes her feel alive, in a way that one doesn’t just breathe alone, but live life through one’s own accord.

Control. She finally feels in control, of her own life, in every little thing she does, and she is in a state of satisfaction.

A faint tune brings her back from her musings.

A notification from her phone, and a toothy grin flashes across her face with the sender’s name appearing right before the bright screen.

**Dahyun**

_[12:11 AM]_ Hey

_[12:11 AM]_ We’re going out tomorrow night. U game?

_[12:12 AM]_ There’s drinks.

_[12:12 AM]_ And girlsss ;)

Kim Dahyun. Oh God, where does Jeongyeon even start?

To put it simply, she’s a dear friend of hers. Funny, charming, short and outgoing—that’s how Jeongyeon would describe Dahyun.

The woman is two years younger than her and had met her all the way back in uni, barely even seeing each other in the campus due to their contrasting timetables.

But that didn’t stop them from hanging out.

As a matter of fact, it was Dahyun who had taken the initiative to approach her, always asking Jeongyeon to go out with her, teaching her how to unwind in circumstances that she thought was helplessly never-ending.

Soon enough, they became almost inseparable.

_[12:13 AM]_ not sure yet. I’ll let you know asap

_[12:14 AM]_ currently dealing with something.

_[12:14 AM]_ i’ll see if im able to sort it out tomorrow

_[12:15 AM]_ also, go to sleep.

**Dahyun**

_[12:15 AM]_ You’re awake!!!

_[12:15 AM]_ HA. LAME. BOOOOOO.

_[12:17 AM]_ Also, who sleeps these days?

_[12:18 AM]_ ur mum.

**Dahyun**

_[12:18 AM]_ *surprised pikachu meme*

_[12:18 AM]_ Did you really just drag my mother into this?

_[12:18 AM]_ uh-huh

**Dahyun**

_[12:19 AM]_ Unnecessary!!

_[12:20 AM]_ GOOD NIGHT 

_[12:20 AM]_ (I hope the bogeyman visits u)

_[12:22 AM]_ good night.

_[12:23 AM]_ (i hope ur ex visits u)

**Dahyun**

_[12:25 AM]_ ENOUGH.

_[12:26 AM]_ Text me that again and ill block you

The last message gives her a good laugh she didn’t know she needed—it’s what Jeongyeon used to say to them whenever she felt her patience depleting—now she’s getting a taste of her own medicine.

She would love to text back, but knowing Dahyun, it's best not to provoke her. She can be, how do you call it—a bit intense.

She crosses the living room in a few strides.

The space isn’t as grand as you think; her living room, her room, her kitchen, her dining room, her bathroom, they’re all just right for her. She sees no point in buying a bigger apartment when she lives alone anyway.

A tiny dog greets her from the couch, running as if it were seeing its owner after a long working day. She kneels on the marbled floor and stretches her arms out wide, witnessing its tail swishing from side to side.

The dog isn’t hers. And no, she didn’t _steal_ the poor little thing. She simply took it in.

The story goes all the way back to the parking lot.

The sun was close to setting and Jeongyeon had just came back from a special interview under the care of a renowned women’s magazine.

Whilst tidying the boot of her car, gathering her kits, clothes and whatnots, a cream-furred Pomeranian gallivanting around the area stole her attention. The most obvious response to the situation as mentioned, is to find the owner.

And so, she did.

She walked for minutes, round and round, corner after corner, but there weren’t any possible owners in sight. She waited for a while, of course—more or less an hour, leaning against her car’s taillights as she kept the dog in check.

Much to her dismay, no one showed up.

However, as someone whose schedule is packed—time was of the essence—she definitely had been intending to pamper herself with a bit of free time she was provided; hence, she took the little one in her place for the night.

She does plan to return the dog to its owner when daylight comes, which is why she had told Dahyun earlier that she has matters to attend to.

The Pomeranian hops into her arms and begins licking the sides of her face.

She calls the little one _‘Tiny’_.

Why, you ask? Because she can.

Come to think of it, she wonders why _Tiny_ has been so nice to her. Like it’s born with an amiable personality—or maybe it’s just trained well. _Tiny_ never snarled or barked at her. It’s surprising yet heart-warming, nonetheless.

She wishes she could keep it. A ridiculous wish, she knows; kind of selfish as well for saying such thing without considering its owner who is probably worried sick, bawling right in this very moment.

“Don’t worry, _Tiny_. We’ll find your mommy… or daddy tomorrow.” Jeongyeon pats its small head and coos it, landing a lingering peck on its fluffy fur.

Having the living room lights switched off, she carries _Tiny_ in her arms and follows the glowing light from her bedroom.

It’s always been hard for her to sleep in complete utter darkness; she prefers having her bedside lamp switched on. It helps keep the ghosts away, or so she believes.

“Oh, that’s nice,” she says, groaning as her body hits the mattress. It sinks in the softest way possible. _Tiny_ moves to the right side of the bed and automatically lies on the pillow. It’s a sight Jeongyeon wishes she could see every night.

She buries her head in one of her pillows and inhales the pungent smell of the new memory foam. A small smile etches on her face as she feels it caressing her skin.

This year has been nothing but good to her and she can’t wait to witness what more there is in store for her.

But really though, what more can she ask for?

_A significant other?_ She chuckles at the thought.

The corners of the room glimmer as rays of light enter through her window, exposing the decorative posters and doodles messily pinned on the wall. Her sheer curtains dance as the wind begins to blow, flipping the magazine’s pages that features her face, placed on her desk next to the window.

She gives it one last shift, blanket tangled amongst the linen, and lets her eyes fall flat till she sees nothing but black.

She hopes for something good to happen when the sun rises.

“Good night, _Tiny_ ,” she mumbles.

\--

Morning has come sooner than she had anticipated. A loud groan echoes in the bedroom as she stretches her back and limbs, feeling the utter satisfaction of the crisp cracking along her bones, similar to a sound of one's knuckle being cracked—and as soon as she makes her way to the living room, _Tiny_ is already wagging its tail uncontrollably.

_Someone seems happy._

“Good morning to you too,” Jeongyeon says, combing her messy hair as she heads to the bathroom. _Tiny_ follows her with light steps.

“You pervert.” She playfully shoots a glare, waiting for _Tiny_ to enter before closing the door. _Tiny_ just sits there attentively, watching Jeongyeon do her usual morning routine. Brushing her teeth, washing her face and this and that.

_What a good boy… or girl._ She didn’t really check.

“You must be hungry,” she says. “Should we go for a morning walk and grab a treat? I’m hungry too.” _Tiny_ just sticks its tongue out and she takes it as a big whopping ‘yes’.

She advances to her closet with _Tiny_ still trailing behind, and snatches an oversized hoodie, a black one that has its brand embroidered on its chest—she fails to remember whether it’s a sponsored clothing or not, but it should be fine.

Wearing a casual yet comfortable clothing shouldn’t be a crime for someone like her.

Well, she is a model—maybe a few people would be able to recognise her on the streets?

She shakes her head.

_Nah, who cares._ She shrugs and puts it on.

_Your manager does._ She pauses midway.

“Fuck.” She starts taking it off—again pausing midway, her hair tussled with the fabrics of the clothing.

_Or_ , she could just throw in a cap and a pair of sunglasses to match her outfit? Surely no one would be able to recognise her then.

Yes, it’s pure genius.

Giving herself a determined look in the mirror, she projects a satisfied look whilst tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“ _Tiny_ , let’s go,” she says. She clips a leash on its collar that surrounds its neck, just an old one she had found in one of her drawers.

She used to have a dog too named _Bbosong._ Sadly, not too long ago, _Bbosong_ passed away.

She had loved _Bbosong_ so much. She recalls the sadness she had felt and how it came in waves with various stages; and trust her when she says she went through all six: denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance and resolution.

Her sister, Seungyeon played a part in the process as well—a huge part—which Jeongyeon had witnessed and felt. Not only did she provide her warmth as a sister but as a friend as well. Her sister gave her all the comfort she needed.

Despite her apartment still feeling a tad empty, Jeongyeon is doing her best to keep moving forward.

A figure of a woman pans into view as the front door eases open.

_Tiny_ runs across the hallway before Jeongyeon could even close the door behind her, almost losing her footing with the leash still in her hand.

“Kookeu!” a voice exclaims. _Kookeu?_ The name rings a bell.

Jeongyeon turns around, her brows knitted, and sees an averagely tall woman in her 20s, cradling _Tiny_ on the floor as if it’s a newborn baby.

The woman sports a light brown hair, seemingly silky and slightly wavy, flaunting an attractive smile that reaches her eyes. A black sweater hugs the woman’s body, paired with a plaid cream pants.

Jeongyeon swears she’s seen her before. She seems familiar, almost too uncanny.

That hair. Jeongyeon swears she recognises that hair. Though it’s four inches shorter, it’s not entirely novel to her, especially when the woman still parts her hair the same way.

“Kookeu! Where have you been?” the woman asks, her tone filled with anxiety.

Words seem to die in Jeongyeon’s throat as she instantly grasps the actuality.

There’s no other excuse to make when that voice—a voice so distinct, so fruity, but now slightly mature, suddenly brings her all the way back to high school, remembering how she used to hear that voice each waking day.

“Nayeon?” Jeongyeon fails to hide her surprise, nails digging into the leather material that encloses the leash.

The woman looks up and meets her eyes.

Those eyes. They still look the same, albeit less fragile and less curious. Like they all have their life figured out—bold and open yet still sparkles in the same manner.

Nayeon squints. “Yes? Who—”

Im Nayeon. There’s a lot to say about Nayeon. The last time Jeongyeon saw her, they weren’t really in their best conditions. She blames a lot of things for it. Mostly herself though.

“Hi.” A lopsided smile appears by chance. “Do you live here?” she says, her index finger pointing to the wooden door opposite to hers.

And a shriek resonates in Jeongyeon ears—far from what the imagined response she had in mind.

“Do I know…” Nayeon trails, her voice hints of doubt as she slowly rises.

“Oh, it’s Jeongyeon. Yoo Jeongyeon,” she says, taking her pair of sunglasses off and her hoodie that’s placed atop her head. “I’m not sure if you still remember me, but we were good friends… back in high school.”

There’s a flicker of remembrance in Nayeon's eyes.

The woman avoids her gaze, eyes wavering in places, anywhere and everywhere but Jeongyeon. Soundless, like those pictures she has of the woman still living in her phone.

Has Jeongyeon perhaps mistaken?

“Are you okay?” Jeongyeon asks, her hand slightly hesitant to touch the woman by the shoulder. She instantly pulls a face, hearing the words that verily slipped out of her mouth—Nayeon used to say that it’s a dumb question, but Jeongyeon rather opposes.

“H-hi,” Nayeon says, fingers fumbling between her hands. “It’s been a long time.”

_Yeah, it has._ Jeongyeon lets out a chuckle—seemingly amused with the response she isn’t accustomed to.

“It’s nice to see you again.” Jeongyeon attempts to go in for a hug—both clearly clueless as to which direction to scoot and what hand goes where, so they ultimately settle for an awkward pat on the shoulder, ebbing away wordlessly, half-embarrassed and half-confused.

But Nayeon smiles though, a bashful one—a smile that Jeongyeon feels she's seeing for the first time—like a premiere of a film that has long been awaited.

It’s refreshing.

Jeongyeon clears her throat. “You still look the same.”

The woman is right—it has been so long, years even.

So much time has passed that Jeongyeon had even doubted herself if she’s actually seeing who she thought she was seeing. That maybe it was a mirage, kindled by longing and bitterness that still resides at the tip of her tongue.

Obviously, lots of things have changed, though one of the few things that remained the same is Nayeon’s smile. Pure and unmatched. It has always been one of Jeongyeon’s favourite things about her.

“Thanks… I’ll take that as a compliment,” Nayeon says, often changing her stance, unable to settle what leg to rest her weight on.

“It is a compliment,” Jeongyeon says almost immediately, startling not only her but the woman in front of her as well.

“Oh.” Nayeon rubs the back of her neck, suppressing a wide grin.

Jeongyeon has always been very confident in herself and the way she interacts with people—it’s no question that it is very much required in the industry she is working in; one must have an exceptional interpersonal skills to survive, realistically speaking.

But now that she's facing a familiar face, why is it that there's now this feeling of uncertainty in the words and vocabularies she intends to use?

Drawn from the corners of her mind, doubting every sentence she gets to form—why does it feel so out of the ordinary?

She feels nervous. Unable to speak, unable to bring the words out into the air for Nayeon to hear.

It’s appalling.

_Tiny_ barks for the first time, interrupting, and Jeongyeon jumps in place.

“I should… I should go,” Nayeon squeaks, now facing the dog.

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Jeongyeon plays with the leash in her hand. “Is _Tiny_ your dog?” She scratches her head. If so, is it the same dog Nayeon had when they were still in high school?

“Tiny?” Nayeon repeats, seemingly addled.

“Yeah…”

“Who’s Tiny?” Nayeon doesn’t take her eyes off _Tiny._

“ _Tiny_ —the dog you’re petting right now. Is this the same dog you adopted years ago? Kookeu?”

“Yeah,” Nayeon says, pursing her lips. “I was looking everywhere for him last night.”

Ah, no wonder why Jeongyeon didn’t get bitten or barked at.

Nayeon had Kookeu when she was in her senior year, and Jeongyeon remembers him being so little that he even managed to fit inside a shoe.

“Oh, shit—sorry,” Jeongyeon starts. “I found him near my car yesterday and was looking for the owner around the parking lot, but I didn’t see anyone, so I just took him in. I was planning to return him today though—and then you showed up.” Jeongyeon offers a kind smile.

“Oh. Well.” Nayeon coos over Kookeu in her arms. “Thank you for taking care of him.”

Jeongyeon ruffles the fur in Kookeu’s cute little head. “Of course. I mean—I didn’t really recognise him, but it seems like he did. Looks like I’m still his favourite,” she says with a hint of tease layered in her voice.

Nayeon doesn’t say anything. The woman shoots her a glare instead, and soon follows a faint chuckle, staring at Kookeu with her eyes that reflect fondness and pride.

The sound of a phone chiming puts Jeongyeon’s hand back in place.

She fishes for her phone in her front pocket and stares at the screen.

_Not now._

“Anyway—I really should… go,” Nayeon says, withdrawing the leash that’s entangled in Jeongyeon’s hand.

“Hello?” Jeongyeon says, picking up the call. It’s her manager—blabbering about the changes in her schedule and whatnots, and unknowingly tunes out as her gaze follows Nayeon’s figure, walking away. “Unnie, I’ll call you back—I just… Nayeon!” she calls out.

The elevator doors slide open and Nayeon proceeds to enter, head whipping back as Jeongyeon’s voice echoes throughout the space. The woman raises her hand and waves timidly.

With the doors closing, the last thing Jeongyeon sees is Nayeon’s faltering gaze, leaving her in the middle of the hallway, unmoving and stupefied.

“My leash…” she mutters.

Unbelievable. Jeongyeon sighs, albeit loudly, a little disheartened as she looks at her phone. The call is still ongoing with the time almost running to two minutes now.

It’s the first time they’ve seen each other in years and the first thing she had truly noticed were the changes Nayeon went through. Despite having the exact same features, the Nayeon she knew wasn’t as timid as the Nayeon she just talked to—in fact, the Nayeon she knew wasn’t timid at all.

She recalls their first ever meeting—their first encounter at school, how Nayeon acted in front of her and how their introductions changed drastically over the years.

All they did was bicker. A trademark of them—a classic—and she supposes it never gets old.

Being around Nayeon had always been a daily struggle—Jeongyeon would often wonder what awaited her every day at school.

There were a lot of ups and downs, the ups outweighing the downs. The downs being the nonsense battles between them, the endless misunderstandings and the constant bickering—though, the last one might as well be an integral part of the ups, because they have been doing it for as long as Jeongyeon can remember—all day, every day, 24/7, all year-round.

The best part is, they almost seem to never run out of things to say—a nonstop back and forth duel.

But after years of not seeing each other—feeling as if those years were already a thousand lifetimes—Jeongyeon believes they both have become speechless, words running dry as the memories come running back to them.

Jeongyeon knows they both had so many things to say, to ask, things that were more than just your typical ‘his and hellos’ or your ‘long time no sees’—so many pent up emotions balled into one that they ended up saying nothing at all.

“Jeongyeon? Are you even listening?” her manager calls out through the phone.

“Y-yes. Yes, sorry,” she says. “Yes, I am.” She isn't.

Jeongyeon shakes her head and wears her sunglasses, hiding her sunken eyes beneath its tint as she too, advances to the elevator.

~

** March 2012 **

It’s Jeongyeon’s first day at her new school. The situation is not entirely new to her. They always move places. And it just so happens that this year, her dad decided to move here in Seoul. She hopes this is the last time though.

She doesn’t hate the idea. It has its perks.

Most of the time, the good things outrank the bad. One of the good things is meeting new people. It’s an absolute thrill for her. So far though, she hasn’t really met anyone that strikes her or catches her vibe, a potential friend she might add.

The school? Yeah sure, the school is nice. Much nicer than the previous one she went to. Though she can’t really say the same for the people. They’re a bit intimidating.

She could be wrong though. Perhaps she has judged them too quickly.

She shrugs anyway.

Her uniform is a bit tight on her, caressing its fabric as she tries to eliminate the visible creases on her blazer. Right now, she’s in the toilet, minding her own business.

The rest of the cubicles were empty when she came in, so might as well hum her way through it.

She’s taken a liking in this girl group called Girls’ Generation. They’re popular at the moment; a hot topic in Korea and Japan, if you will. Though she believes they’re going to make it even bigger in the future.

It sounds cheesy _(or crazy)_ but their music saved her. It’s a bit hard to explain why and how. She could write a few guesses, but there really isn’t a clear answer. Maybe it’s the absolute joy their music brings or their personality as a group or as individuals. Of course, she doesn’t know them personally—they’re idols after all. But she could always tell what pure hearts look like. And they have the purest hearts.

The main door creaks open and it instantly puts her on silent. The tap has been turned on and she hears the water cascading along the edges of the sink. Somehow, underneath the noise, a muffled sound of someone crying is projected.

Who could it be?

She wouldn’t want to make it awkward by bursting out the stall unannounced. Whoever it is, they probably need space right now—a time to be alone—which could probably explain why they came inside the bathroom, off and away from the crowd’s sight.

But Jeongyeon can’t possibly stay inside this cubicle forever. She still has classes.

Should she just act like she doesn’t notice? _It could work._

The sound of the toilet flushing must have startled them that the sobs roughly cease.

_Play it cool, play it cool._ Jeongyeon exits the cubicle and clears her throat, not daring to raise her head whatsoever. Gingerly, she moves towards one of the sinks, keeping her gaze far and away as possible.

Should she at least say something?

Clearing her throat once more, she faces the mirror and pretends to fix her hair, eyes unknowingly stealing a few glances at the girl beside her.

_Pretty._ Light brown hair, medium length, and parted neatly a few centimetres away from the middle.

“What do you want?” the girl snaps.

Jeongyeon jerks. “M-me?” She scans the room before pointing to herself.

“No, me—” mocks the girl. “—yeah, of course you. What are you looking at?”

Jeongyeon meets the girl’s eyes for the first time. They seem sad for some reason. Glassy and fragile. “I-I’m not… I just… I mean, are you okay?”

The girl scoffs. “What’s it to you?” And reapplies her lipstick and mascara from her purse.

“Nothing—I’m just worried…”

“How about you mind your own business?”

“Well, I was trying to but—”

“But, but—no one cares.” The girl smacks her lips together. She faces Jeongyeon, her stance a bit aloof and conceited. “Listen, I’m pretty sure you’re new here. Everyone’s been talking about you, but I don’t really give a crap about—”

“Woah... Slow down. I was just concerned. You need to chill out.” Everyone’s been talking about her? Good things, she hopes.

The girl just smirks. “Stay in your lane, new kid.”

Jeongyeon lightly stumbles on the side as the girl charges past her shoulder.

As the door closes, Jeongyeon can only scold herself for not thinking of a better comeback. _‘You need to chill out’? Really? Surely, you could’ve done better than that._

Whoever that was, Jeongyeon can already tell how much of a pain in the ass she is. Probably one of those entitled mean girls in the campus—every school has them, so it really isn't very surprising.

With a quick brush on her shoulder, she grips on her backpack’s shoulder strap tightly and heaves a sigh.

What a great way to start her first day.

\--

The next day, Jeongyeon finds herself leaning against the school rail with a novel in her hand.

She came 15 minutes early to school, plenty of time to read as she’s nearing the final chapter.

The weather is particularly nice today. It’s not too hot, not too cold and not too windy, it rests somewhere in between the three.

Every now and then, students who are noticeably years younger than her walk by, would drop a few “good morning, unnie”, before scampering away with their light giggles. They don’t even give Jeongyeon enough time to put her novel down and greet back.

She looks at the time on her wrist, and there’s three minutes left before class starts.

Thinking of already heading in, she dog-ears the page she’s reading and closes it.

“How’s it going, new kid? Already skipping school?” It’s the same girl from yesterday, walking towards her way, her hair now tied into a ponytail.

Maybe she just loves annoying Jeongyeon—not having anything better to do, or she just likes the attention—either way, they’re both counterproductive anyway.

Jeongyeon parts her lips, ready to say something back, but the sudden thump of a shoe against the uneven surface of the ground has her silenced, too dazed to even react that she merely steps out of the way, watching the girl trip and fall on her face.

The girl lets out a faint yelp as she moves her elbow.

It happened all too quickly.

The girl is not only irritating, but clumsy too. Great combination.

Jeongyeon squats down. “Are you okay?” She feels eyes all around them.

“Why do you always ask that dumb question?” the girl hisses as she tries to lift herself up. “Don’t look at me!”

“Let me help.” Jeongyeon chooses to ignore the remark and assists the girl gently by the arm, her novel sandwiched under her right arm.

“I’m fine. I can manage,” mutters the girl.

“I don’t think you are—”

“I said, I’m fine.” The girl hides her face in the fabric Jeongyeon’s blazer, cheeks flaring red.

The bell goes off and students finally begin to race inside the building, having less and less people in the space they’re in.

A final tug and Jeongyeon manages to make the girl stand on her feet—there are a few scrapes on her knees.

“I told you I was fine,” the girl says, glaring at Jeongyeon—probably just hiding the shame of tripping in front of the schoolyard.

“Right. I’m sure you don’t need my help walking inside then.” Jeongyeon expresses a dismissive shrug and begins walking away.

“I-I really don’t!” yells the girl, now a few metres away from her.

And Jeongyeon just throws an ‘ok’ gesture in the air without looking back.

She’ll be fine.

\--

“So, do you have a crush on anyone so far?” Momo munches on the kimchi from her tray. It’s lunch time and they’ve just managed to find a vacant table amongst the dense crowd.

Hirai Momo, her newfound friend as well as her seatmate in class. A Japanese girl with a cute fringe.

She’s lovely to say the least—plausibly one of the sweetest people she has ever met.

It’s only been a week since she came here, and she has already grown accustomed to almost everything—her classes, the food and the people.

“Crush? I don’t even know half the people here,” Jeongyeon says as she shoves a slice of pizza in her mouth.

Momo shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, there should be at least one person you find attractive, right?”

“Well, Mina is attractive…”

There’s a pregnant pause.

Momo begins to cough loudly, having bits of kimchi splattered on the table as she hits her chest continuously. There’s a look of surprise on her face. The situation she is in is right around ‘choking but not really.’

“You’re—you’re into… girls?” the girl manages to say.

_Oh._ She forgot she hasn’t come out to them yet.

“Yeah… is that bad?” her voice trails.

“No, no, no—” Momo flails her arms in front of her face. “I just never would’ve guessed. Me too, me too. Wait no, not really—I’m kind of into both.”

Jeongyeon’s smile reaches her eyes. That went way better than she had expected. “That’s nice to know.”

“But really? Myoui Mina?” Momo continues as she takes another bite. “ _The_ Myoui Mina? You have a crush on _the_ Myoui Mina?”

_What’s with the emphasis?_ Jeongyeon is more than confused. Sure, she finds Mina attractive but what’s with all the intrigue? “Okay, I said she’s _attractive_ , I didn’t say that I have a _crush_ on her.”

“Same thing,” Momo teases. She wipes her face with a napkin and turns to her drink. “You know that lots of students are crushing on you, right? Like as soon as you came in, you were the talk of the ‘town’. Boys, girls—literally everyone… I swear, majority of the people here are into you. But I mean, who wouldn’t be? With that charming smile and sick-ass hair.”

“And how am I supposed to feel about that?” She chuckles.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Momo’s tray is now spotless. How did all the food manage to fit in such a small body?

“I’m part of the minority by the way,” the girl adds, revealing a cheeky grin.

“Thanks for letting me know.” She rolls her eyes jokingly.

“How are things between you and Nayeon?” Momo asks. All Jeongyeon’s senses immediately heighten at the sudden mention of the name.

Oh, and yes, Nayeon. Im Nayeon. The girl she had encountered in the bathroom was Nayeon. The same girl that tripped and fell in front of so many people.

Turns out she’s a really good friend of Momo. The latter claims that the girl is nice, but Jeongyeon doubts it. She’s seen what she’s like and she has seen enough.

And that girl is _far_ from nice.

“Same old, same old.”

“Are you still not in good terms? I swear she’s a good person. She’s nice to most people I know. You just maybe have to let her warm up to you or something.”

“I don’t really care. She can do whatever she wants.” She leans away. And it’s true, she just couldn’t care less.

“Speak of the devil… Here comes your best friend,” Momo announces with a sly tone in her voice. Jeongyeon looks up from her tray and lo and behold, the devil approaches their table along with their other friends. And no, she’s definitely not her best friend.

“The line was so long! It took us awhile,” Jihyo exclaims as she sits right next to Momo.

Park Jihyo. Medium length hair, round eyes and a friendly smile. She’s a year younger than Jeongyeon yet quite mature for her age. And honestly, Jeongyeon can’t relate _._

Jihyo is a good friend of Nayeon—the latter treats her more like her younger sister than anything else.

“Heavy tray coming through!” Sana singsongs animatedly as she sits on Jeongyeon’s right.

Minatozaki Sana. From Osaka, Japan but mainly spent her childhood in Korea. Insanely gorgeous and bubbly. Tall, close to Jeongyeon’s height and ridiculously fit for someone their age. She’s in Jeongyeon’s class as well. The girl practically grew up with Momo and would often call themselves soulmates and best friends, though Jeongyeon believes there’s something more—an implicit thing between the two—but it’s not her place to say so.

“New kid, move."

“Ow—Watch it!” Jeongyeon says as she feels her left leg being kicked. “You’ll spill your food!”

“I said move!”

“I can’t! Sana is literally right here!”

“You have a lot of space there!”

“Why don’t you just sit beside Jihyo! She has plenty of space right there!” Jeongyeon points to the vacant seat on Jihyo’s right.

“I don’t want to—this right here is _my_ seat.”

“Says who?”

“Oh, boy. Here they go again,” Jihyo groans.

“Says your mum!”

A loud audible gasp is heard from Momo, and the entire cafeteria goes mute.

“Jesus Christ,” Jihyo mutters, covering the sides of her face with her hands.

“I think they’re staring us,” Momo muses.

“No shit.” Jihyo bites her lower lip.

“Guys, you’re embarrassing us. You know what, I’ll just move myself.” Sana pushes her tray forward, creating a screeching sound and sits on the other side of the table. “Why do both of you make such a big deal out of everything?” the Japanese girl adds, whispering.

The students turn to their businesses—the cafeteria now being filled with chatter and clamour again.

Incoherent words come out of the devil’s mouth as Jeongyeon scoots to the now empty space on her right.

A day with Nayeon is always terrible. So yes, being in the devil’s presence for days on end has been absolute hell for her.

Momo has been encouraging her to give the girl another chance, but what chance is there to give when the only thing Nayeon gives her is headache.

To make it even more interesting, Nayeon is exceptionally nice to everyone but her. How childish is that?

“Nayeon, isn’t Myoui Mina in your class?” Momo starts, and it grabs Jeongyeon’s attention.

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason.” Momo throws a glance at Jeongyeon’s way. _Can she not?_

“Wait, isn’t Mina a year younger than us?” Sana’s brows furrow.

Jihyo nods. “Yeah, but she’s really smart, as in _smart_ smart. Like a prodigy or something. She used to be in my class, but they moved her two years higher this school year. So now she’s in Nayeon’s class.”

“Is that allowed?” Jeongyeon joins in.

“Good question. I have no idea,” Jihyo answers truthfully.

“Well, they already moved her, didn’t they?” Sana drinks her banana milk. “Speaking of Mina—Nayeon, didn’t you say you have a crush on her?”

The girl beside Jeongyeon stiffens.

Well, that’s new. Nayeon hardly ever gets caught off guard.

“Sana! I said she’s _cute_ , don’t twist my words.”

“Same thing.” Sana shrugs. _Have I ever mentioned how Sana and Momo are exactly the same person?_

“Really? Jeongyeon said the same thing to me minutes ago!” Momo exclaims.

“Woah!” Sana says, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” Jihyo laughs.

_Great._ Jeongyeon winces. _Way to add more fuel to the fire._ Now Nayeon’s gonna think they’re both after the same person.

Mina is attractive, there is no point in denying that, but Jeongyeon has no plans on asking her out or anything, so there really shouldn’t be any reason for Nayeon to glower at her.

This feels as if she has been put in a hot seat, a very uncomfortable one as she feels Nayeon’s eyes bore into the side of her face.

Now, all thanks to Momo, things are going to be more interesting from now on.

The Japanese girl isn’t even bothered by the fact that she may have just stirred a possible dreadful battle. The girl is busy talking to Sana, both exploding with sweetness and naivety.

“I don’t like Mina,” is all Jeongyeon could say.

She makes a note to herself: _Don’t tell Momo shit._

\--

Another week has passed and Jeongyeon is sat on a chair in a library.

There aren’t many students around—kids hardly ever study these days. As for her though, she has to. It’s boring in so many ways but it will help her feel more at ease knowing that she tried her best.

She peeks over the transparent window and sees the vast horizon, painting the skies in hues of orange. She isn’t very fond of the colour, but when it’s amongst the clouds, it becomes a different story.

The chair across her creates a scraping sound as it’s dragged against the floor. The space is silenced. “Sorry, sorry…”

_For fuck’s sake._

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t drag you out,” Jeongyeon says, groaning as she shoves her face in her palms.

“Because I’m pretty and you don’t own this building.”

Just when Jeongyeon thought she was going to have a good day, the devil decides to stop by uninvited. It’s a nuisance, really. Despite wanting to say something back, she doesn’t want to waste her energy on such an irrelevant and unproductive behaviour.

An exasperated sigh floats in the air as she turns her attention back to her notes.

**‘Explain what we mean by the ‘lock and key model.’’**

_Okay. So, it is basically an idea… used to explain how enzymes work. It means that th—_

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Jeongyeon closes her eyes. _It means that the 3D shape of the active site o—_

“Do you have a test or something?”

She clenches her jaw. _It means that the 3D shape of the active site of the enzyme is like a lock—_

“Which do you think came first—the chicken or the egg?”

“Can you please shut the fuck up?” She slams her hands on the textbook. “Thank you,” she adds as she sends a piercing glare across before scanning her notes once more.

**‘What is the difference between a eukaryotic cell and a prokaryotic cell?’**

_Well, a eukaryotic cell is a cell that has… its genetic material enclosed i—_

A sound of a pen dropping on the wooden table cuts her train of thought.

She tears her eyes off her book, face visibly displeased as she stares at Nayeon who’s busy stacking highlighter pens on top of another. This girl is meant to be a year older than her yet still acts like she’s 12.

She shakes her head. _A eukaryotic cell is a cell that has its genetic material enclosed in a nucleus, whilst prokaryotic on the other hand is a cell where the genetic—_

“So, new kid, do you like Mina?”

“For the last time, it’s Jeongyeon,” she snaps.

“Who cares?” Nayeon crosses her arms. “So, do you like Mina?”

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths._ “No.”

“Good. Who do you have an eye on then?”

“I swear to fucking God, if you don’t shut—”

“I’m just asking—"

“Well, can’t you see I’m studying?” she says, raising her voice.

Kids around her begin to stare. Jeongyeon could feel the judgment reflected by their gazes as they whisper to each other before resuming to their work.

It’s starting to feel like it’s her fault all of a sudden. It’s fascinating how quickly the tables have turned—against her favour. It’s unfair yet she manages to excuse herself; an apology escapes her lips, bowing simultaneously to those disturbed.

If looks could burn, Nayeon would’ve probably turned to ashes by now.

A chuckle is heard from the girl across, playing with her hair. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

Jeongyeon sighs. “I don’t have my eye on anyone, okay? There you go. Now, will you please leave?”

“I don’t want to.” Nayeon rests her head on the desk, fingers fiddling with the scattered pens. If anything, Jeongyeon reckons she’s just bored.

“Why?” It comes out more like a whine.

“Because arguing with you is fun.”

The abrupt confession leaves Jeongyeon baffled. And not only that but seeing the devil say it with a smile on her face makes it even more baffling, as though she’s toying with Jeongyeon’s sanity. It’s not just your casual, polite, closed mouthed smile—it’s your rare, one million-watt, gummy smile.

_Pretty,_ she thinks.

She clears her throat. “You’re fucking crazy. Literally, who says that?”

The devil sits up straight with a slacked jaw. “What did you say?”

“What?”

“Don’t _‘what?’_ me. You know what you said.”

“I said you’re crazy—"

Nayeon steps on Jeongyeon’s shoe under the table lightly, grazing it as if she plans on getting it dirty. “Call me crazy one more time and I’ll—”

“Crazy.”

A thud.

“AH FUCK!”

The rest becomes a blur to her.

It’s kind of embarrassing to be honest. And she refuses to retell what happened in depth.

Long story short, she goes home with a bruise on her knee and a niggling pain in her foot.

And forget about her study session; they both got kicked out.

She really should’ve seen it coming.

[What’s happening?]

****

**she is fucking crazy.**

7:22 PM · Mar 22, 2012 · Twitter for iPhone

\--

Today is Friday. As what they always say, ‘thank God it’s Friday’. And it could only mean one thing to Jeongyeon—no, two things actually: No school and no Nayeon. It already screams heaven.

Oh, and not only that, but she had purchased a new video game yesterday and is looking forward to playing it during the weekends. Jihyo claims she has the game too, so maybe they can team up online.

“Jeongyeon, do you have cram school tomorrow?” Momo whispers amid their teacher announcing some shit she can’t be bothered listening to.

“It’s Saturday, so no. Why?” she whispers back.

“Can you maybe do me a favour?”

Her eyes perk up. Momo hasn’t asked her for a favour before. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

Momo parts her lips, contemplating, but nothing comes out.

The background full of noise comes to a halt as the teacher taps his desk, calling everyone’s attention. “I expect this to be done by Monday, okay?” he says, referring to the writings on the board.

Jeongyeon supposes he tries too hard to be intimidating. Not even a student would flinch in his presence. As expected, the class carries on with their chatter and activities that aren’t school related. She does feel bad for him, but what can she do? Plus, he’s bad at teaching anyway.

“The thing is—“ Momo resumes. “—Nayeon asked me for help… this upcoming weekend. She said she’s failing chemistry… and I would love to help her… if I could, that is. But I already made plans with my sister and I can’t just cancel last minute. So… can you… maybe help her?”

“No.”

As if on cue, the teacher clasps his hands. “I’ll see you on Monday.” And with that, Jeongyeon shoves her books in her bag.

“Jeongyeon-ah~” Momo tugs on the hem of her skirt.

No. Even if she’s given a million dollars to do so, her answer will still be ‘no’. After what happened in the library, she’ll most likely lose her sanity if she does end up seeing Nayeon again.

God probably did her a favour by not putting the devil in the same year and class as her.

Their friends still don’t know what happened, and she doesn’t have the energy either to tell them. When she showed up at school and got asked about the bruise on her knee, she easily made up an elaborate excuse of bumping it on one of the school desks.

Things are easier that way.

“Momo, you know very well that we don’t get along. I would love to help, really, but just… not her.”

“I’ll treat you some ice cream… and bubble tea on Monday!”

_Bubble tea?_ It’s tempting.

She shakes her head. “Sorry man, still no.”

Momo’s pout becomes even more apparent. Lips jut still and brows raised dramatically as if she’s mimicking a small puppy—such a sight melts Jeongyeon’s heart, but she has an ego to protect. She won’t budge now.

“Just please think about it?”

There is nothing to think about. What else is there to think about? They both can’t stand each other—end of story.

But instead of saying so, Jeongyeon reluctantly nods.

“Great!” says Momo, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Usually, she would scream and dodge the gesture, but not today.

She just smiles.

She’ll worry about it later. She has still got cram school to go to.

\--

The mattress sinks abruptly as her back falls right in the middle. She keeps her eyes unblinking, random thoughts jumping in all sorts of places in her room. It’s everywhere and she barely can escape it. On the ceiling, on her bookshelf, on her desk—everywhere.

Throwing a small and quiet fit, hair tussling amongst the pillows, she heaves a big sigh.

Her phone lights up.

**Momo**

_[10:33 PM]_ Hi. I know you’re stressed with school and cram school

_[10:33 PM]_ And everything but

_[10:33 PM]_ Pls don’t be mad…

_[10:34 PM]_ I think we all are :/ fuck school honestly

_[10:35 PM]_ and why would I be mad at u???

**Momo**

_[10:35 PM]_ The thing is……

_[10:35 PM]_ that’s a lot of dots.

_[10:36 PM]_ you’re scaring me hdjshj

_[10:36 PM]_ did something happen??

**Momo**

_[10:37 PM]_ DON’T BE MAD

_[10:38 PM]_ I may have… given... Nayeon

_[10:38 PM]_ Your number…

_[10:39 PM]_ Hehe.

She inhales sharply as she reads the messages over and over again, as though it’s able to magically change if she just gives it time.

“I may have given Nayeon your number,” she reads aloud.

Panic washes over her.

_[10:48 PM]_ pls say you’re kidding

_[10:49 PM]_ this has to be an april fools joke right??

_[10:49 PM]_ right?????

_[10:51 PM]_ MOMO-YAH

**Momo**

_[10:53 PM]_ Bro it’s not even April yet T.T

_[10:54 PM]_ fuckckckcckckckc

**Momo**

_[10:55 PM]_ IM SORRY. LOVEYOU

She tosses her phone away, having it land neatly on her bedside table. _What the fuck? How could Momo do this to me?_

Pacing around her room, to and fro, she attempts to convince herself that this is nothing compared to other people’s problems. That this is just a test.

_A TEST FOR WHAT?_

Who does Nayeon think she is? It’s not like she’s the President’s daughter, right? Hakuna Matata—yes, there’s no need to worry. Everything is going to be just fine. If she just blocks her number—no, no, she won’t do that. Knowing Nayeon, that devil would probably bombard her with messages in her social media accounts. It would even be more frustrating.

The bruise on her knee is still no better than yesterday—it’s tiny but it’s still in the range of red and purple tinges. She frowns. “What am I going to do?”

A loud buzz. It’s her phone.

She closes her eyes, not wanting to be near it.

Another buzz. And another. And another.

She covers her ears.

It’s Nayeon. Definitely Nayeon. Momo isn’t the type to flood her with texts like that.

Her phone lights up for the nth time.

“Jesus.” _Make it stop._

**0XX-XXX-XXXX**

_[11:01 PM]_ New kid, it’s Nayeon

_[11:01 PM]_ Me texting you rn doesn’t mean we’re friends..

_[11:02 PM]_ But I just really need your help… Momo said u can help me

_[11:04 PM]_ You there?

_[11:05 PM]_ Also, sorry about ur knee. Like. Really.

_[11:05 PM]_ And foot.

_[11:05 PM]_ We’re cool, right?

_[11:06 PM]_ You’re not ignoring me, are you

_[11:06 PM]_ I should probably stop texting you..

_[11:07 PM]_ Sike, it’s me again.

_[11:08 PM]_ YAH

_[11:09 PM]_ YOO JEONGYEON

_[11:09 PM]_ How dare you disrespect me like this? IM OLDER THAN YOU

_[11:10 PM]_ I know you’re reading this!!!

_[11:11 PM]_ Should I break your fingers too??

_[11:14 PM]_ AIGHT

_Jesus Christ._ Must she always live like this?

_[11:15 PM]_ what do you want

**0XX-XXX-XXXX**

_[11:15 PM]_ Hi. FINALLY

_[11:16 PM]_ It’s about my chemistry subject

_[11:16 PM]_ Can you maybe tutor me this weekend?

_[11:17 PM]_ Pls?

_[11:17 PM]_ You don’t have to, of course… But I kind of really

_[11:18 PM]_ REALLY need ur help. It’s my last year... And I can’t afford fail this.

_[11:19 PM]_ You know I wouldn’t ask you if I had a choice.

_[11:21 PM]_ u honestly think I would?

Does Nayeon expect her to just forget about the things she did?

The audacity is just amazing, really. Why Jeongyeon of all people? Lots of other people will be more than willing to help her; people who either have a crush on the girl or people who want to get to know the girl better, and Jeongyeon is not one of them.

**0XX-XXX-XXXX**

_[11:34 PM]_ Right.

_[11:34 PM]_ Sorry.

_[11:35 PM]_ This is obv dumb. Pretend you didn’t hear from me.

Guilt arrives unannounced. The grip on her phone has become tighter than ever, clueless about what the messages could mean or what to even say.

She buries her face in her palms as she lets her back fall on the floor.

It’s not easy; choosing between her sanity and helping the devil isn’t easy. But her mother always tells her to be nice—to others and even to your enemies.

As for Nayeon, she isn’t technically her enemy.

Yes, she hates her guts but calling Nayeon her enemy would be too much. The girl doesn’t even deserve such a title. She’s merely an acquaintance—whom Jeongyeon argues with 24/7.

Was Jeongyeon perhaps too mean?

An audible sigh leaves her lips. If she somehow does help Nayeon, what can she benefit from it? Because right now, it seems all too one-sided. 

She kicks off her carpet. “I don’t know anymore!” She closes her phone and sets it aside.

If Nayeon fails her test, that wouldn’t be her problem though, right? It’s not like Nayeon is responsible for Jeongyeon’s grades, so why should she be worried about Nayeon’s?

But then again, it’s not like Nayeon _wants_ to fail. Isn’t that why she had been asking her friends to help her because she wants to do better?

_Stop being such a softie._

She turns and lies on her stomach. _This is dumb._

An immediate realisation strikes her like a light bulb being switched on. Scurrying from the floor and unto her feet, she fixes her carpet in place and puts her slippers on.

Maybe her sister can help.

She scrambles towards the door and bolts downstairs where she finds Seungyeon, her sister, watching a famous TV show. People often tell them how they look so much alike, though Jeongyeon believes otherwise.

“Hey, can you help me for a second?” she asks.

“Homework?” her sister replies, eyes not leaving the television screen.

“No, no. It’s about something else. It’s more like—me asking for your opinion on something.”

Seungyeon whips her head. “Love life?”

“What? No! I-It’s not about me… It’s about my friend. She’s uhh asking for an advice but I couldn’t come up with one.”

Seungyeon laughs. “Sure. What is it?” She turns the television off, handing all her attention to her.

Jeongyeon sits on the edge of the couch. “So, my friend has this _friend_ that she just can’t stand. Like, they literally argue all the time. And now this _friend_ of hers is failing a class, so now she needs a bit of help with her studies and all, but the other friends… I-I mean _we_ aren’t available to help her. Which then led this _friend_ reach out to my friend. The thing is—this friend of mine… she’s a bit hesitant. Like I said, they argue all the time. But at the same time, she feels guilty about the thought of not helping that _friend_. What do you think she should do?”

Seungyeon gives her a look. “Why are they even friends in the first place?”

“They’re not technically ‘friends’, but y’know, they have mutual friends. An acquaintance maybe?” There’s a subtle wince on her face as she tries to sound convincing.

“Okay,” Seungyeon says. “Well, I think she should help that _friend._ ”

“Why do you say so?”

“Because friends or not, the fact that _that friend_ reached out to her specifically, tells me that she needs the help more than ever. If that _friend_ swallowed her pride to talk to your other friend, why shouldn’t that other friend of yours swallow their pride as well?”

“Maybe because she had beaten the shit out of me,” Jeongyeon mutters to herself.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Jeongyeon says. “You’re probably right. Thanks.” She makes her way to the stairs.

“Jeongyeon, if your other friend feels guilty about not helping that _friend_ , then maybe it’s a sign that she should.”

She stops on her tracks. “What if they fight again?”

“At least your friend tried, right? Better than not doing anything at all.”

She has lost count of how many times she sighed today. “Right. Thank you. I’ll make sure to tell her that.”

As she climbs the stairs, she hears chatter coming from the television again.

Perhaps her sister is right. It wouldn’t hurt to try once more. It’s no big deal.

After debating for minutes on end, she finally picks her phone up.

_Jesus, take the wheel._

_[12:27 AM]_ tomorrow. 2 PM. @ the library.

There, she sent it. She did it. She actually did it.

She takes in a good amount of air and tries to calm herself down. _Deep breaths._ Meditation usually helps. _It’s okay, it’s only for a day._

It should help. _Deep breaths._

“It’s not helping,” she mutters.

Regrets? Yup, she has a lot of those.

\--

“No. Nayeon… look, how many aluminiums do we have here?” Jeongyeon asks, referring to the textbook in front of them. They have been in the library for more than an hour already.

For the past few minutes, Jeongyeon had been observing the girl beside her, understanding that Nayeon is having a hard time grasping the basics of the topic they are tackling.

Chemistry isn’t something students take lightly. It is hard—it’s even harder and more confusing if you don’t know the basics; she has been keeping an eye on Nayeon intently and how well she does in the exercises they do. And the results weren’t that great.

Jeongyeon figured that once she teaches Nayeon the basics, the girl would be able to pick it up in a flash.

There are plenty of things that surprised Jeongyeon about Nayeon today, one of which is the girl’s perseverance. She’s impressed at how determined she is—a trait that she least expected the girl to possess.

Nayeon tucks the loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Uhh... two?”

“Exactly. And on this side, we have one, right?”

“Right.” Nayeon puts on her thinking face.

“So, what do you think we should do? We should…” she coaxes.

“Double the number of aluminium on this side, which makes it two on both sides!” Nayeon exclaims. There’s now a bright smile on her face.

Jeongyeon chuckles. “That’s right.”

She can’t tell if Nayeon had briefly forgotten that they are inside a library or she’s purposely clapping her hands enthusiastically, overjoyed at the fact that she finally got the hang of it.

Somehow, Jeongyeon wishes she could see Nayeon like this all the time. The girl looks genuinely happy.

_Happy._ Jeongyeon is starting to like that word.

And they continue like so. Every time Nayeon gets something right, Jeongyeon would give her a high five. Then Jeongyeon would introduce a new topic, starting with the basics, doing a couple of recaps and Nayeon would end up finding it easier afterwards; the girl would even manage to solve difficult questions in a much lesser time. It’s impressive.

Perhaps, this devil doesn’t suck as much as Jeongyeon thought.

“Wow, I didn’t see it that way before. You’re really good at this,” Nayeon compliments as she finishes the final step of the equation.

“I guess you can say that I’m a genius.” She shrugs. A cocky expression paints her face as she crosses her legs. “Anyway, we should take a break.”

“Yes. I’m glad you said that. I deserve it.” Nayeon closes the book and rests her head on the wooden desk, her hair covering most of her face.

6:46 PM, her wristwatch reads. _That was fast._

Jeongyeon swears it was only 4:00 PM just then.

“You know, I really didn’t like you at first.” Nayeon breaks the silence.

It catches Jeongyeon by surprise.

She quickly tries to form a coherent sentence using the clattered words in the corners of her mind, but Nayeon beats her to it.

“I hated the fact that you’re so confident. You know... walking around school on your first day and acting so friendly with the other students—I thought _‘who does she think she is?’_. I judged you because everyone immediately liked you. It was a bit weird for me. And of course, I didn’t wanna be swayed like them. Immature, I know. I was _so_ convinced that you weren’t as nice as they thought. That it was just a façade,” she says, voice still as low as a whisper.

Jeongyeon stays mum.

“But maybe I was wrong. I know you didn’t like me too, especially after that bathroom incident and the incidents after that. I didn’t even expect that you’d actually help me.” She rises from the table, brushing her hair neatly. “I guess what I’m saying is… thanks.”

Jeongyeon speedily scrambles for a response, for an answer in places that pose nothing but questions.

“Thanks… for… saying all that,” she manages to say.

Nayeon bites her cheek and avoids her eyes. “You’re still annoying though.”

There goes the Nayeon she knows.

Jeongyeon sticks her tongue out. “So are you.”

“I still can’t stand your face. Especially with that hair. It’s repulsive.” The girl gags.

“People say I look so cool and pretty with it. You’re just jealous.”

“Well, they’re lying,” the girl replies.

“You just thanked me and now you’re being crazy again. Should I have you checked?” She rests her hand on the girl’s forehead.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Are you really going to act like this the whole evening?”

“Maybe,” the girl mumbles.

“Maybe,” she mocks animatedly.

“I hate you.”

Jeongyeon scoffs. “I hate you too.”

“Shut up. I said it first.”

\--

It’s Tuesday and their last period of the day.

More often than not, Jeongyeon finds herself zoning out during lectures. She often questions and blames the system. How it works and if it is indeed effective. Learning used to be so fun, but now it’s as if students prioritise memorising rather than learning it by heart; it makes them incapable of being creative. It saddens her, but it is what it is.

So here she is, doodling random objects on her notes. A star, tornados and all other things you can think of.

“How was the study session?” whispers Momo, peeking over her notes.

“It was alright. Better than I expected.” It’s true. Although they did argue a couple of times, they have managed to cover the important lessons Nayeon needed for her test. That being said, she wonders how the girl went.

“Really?” Momo muses. “That’s good news! Apparently, she’s getting her marks today—I hope she did well. She told me you’ve been nice to her.”

“She did?” Jeongyeon doesn’t believe it. Though, it’s a possibility.

The teacher stops writing on the board. There’s five minutes left before school ends, and Jeongyeon begins to pack her things sneakily. “Before you go, don’t forget about the test we have on Friday,” he says.

“I can’t even be bothered.” Momo hits her head on the desk. “Since when did school get this boring?”

Jeongyeon merely laughs at her friend’s antics. She can’t say she doesn’t feel the same.

As the big hand strikes at 12, she feels her neck sheathed by an arm, yanking her and Momo outside the class.

It’s Sana. Jeongyeon almost forgot that they all share the same class. “I heard you tutored Nayeon this weekend.” Her voice still chirpy as ever.

“Yeah, she’s a lot smarter than I imagined,” she replies as they walk towards the main exit. They usually wait for Nayeon and Jihyo at the gate. It has become a habit now.

“I see~ That’s why she bought you chocolates,” the Japanese girl chimes as she links her arm with Momo’s.

Momo halts. “She bought Jeongyeon chocolates?”

_She bought me chocolates?_ It’s the first time she’s hearing this.

Sana gasps. “Wait! Was it… was it meant to be a secret? I-I had no idea!” The Japanese girl frantically tosses her hands in the air. “She’s coming! Act like you didn’t know.” She purses her lips as she waits anxiously.

Jeongyeon faces the front and sees Nayeon running. There’s this mystifying glow that surrounds the girl, a glow the coruscates each time she draws nearer, something Jeongyeon is foreign to. It radiates a vibrant energy, too blinding even for Jeongyeon’s already round eyes.

Their gazes meet, and the girl’s face quickly brightens, eyes forming a crescent-like arc. “Yoo Jeongyeon!”

Jeongyeon sees a sheet of paper crumpled in the girl’s hand. “I passed! I passed, I passed, I passed!” Nayeon animatedly announces, rushing to her like a small child.

What comes next is something out of the ordinary. A gesture that is so spontaneous and uncommon to Jeongyeon.

She holds her breath.

Her cold and icy skin now feels a tad hot, likely warm to the touch as Nayeon pounces on her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders—a tight squeeze around her torso with the girl’s chin resting against the crevice of her neck—she stiffens, every muscle tensing in the girl's hold, eyes as big and as round as a ball.

“Thank you,” Nayeon whispers, her voice dulcet like the sound of wind brushing past her ears.

Jeongyeon drags her delicate hands against Nayeon’s back and awkwardly pats it—gentle yet doubtful.

Her eyes shift to her friends, exchanging looks as if what they’re seeing is an utter bull. A curious glint resides in their eyes, but ultimately pull a teasing smile.

“Y-you’re welcome.”

_This is weird._

Jeongyeon clears her throat. “Okay, you can let go now. Your hair stinks.”

“Fuck you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	2. Old Friends

_ August 2020 _

Everything resumes normally as usual. Jeongyeon is still Jeongyeon and she’s still as busy as a bee.

It has been three long weeks since Jeongyeon’s last encounter with Nayeon, and she would be lying if she were to say that the woman hadn’t crossed her mind at all.

In everywhere she went, in every place she set foot on, Nayeon was there with her, still is—in her mind, like an incessant rain in a fine sunny morning.

She had been told she looked distracted—her co-workers often found her spacing out in between photo shoots or during the customary briefings, as though her thoughts just swam in an ocean full of memories, a recollection of the past that she thought had long been forgotten, buried at the very bottom of her mind.

She didn’t dream of seeing Nayeon again, but there she was, one cloudy morning, in front of Jeongyeon, still as charming as ever—though a bit reserved.

In her years of living in this building, not once did she ever see Nayeon come and go. Questions coast through her mind, often wondering why and how: _‘Why now?’_ or _‘How come?’_

Jeongyeon did stop by in front of the woman’s front door, probably countless times—sometimes in her pyjamas and sometimes even straight after work, in the dimly lit hallway at 2:00 AM. But she never knocked, never called, never tried, figuring it would be too unnatural and vexing.

Plus, Jeongyeon is hardly ever home anyway.

Judging by their previous encounter, she isn’t too sure if Nayeon is keen on the idea of seeing her again. It was kind of awkward now that she thinks about it.

Beyond her glass windows, there she sees the sun slowly kissing the edge of the skyline. And she honestly wouldn’t mind standing outside her balcony—to just watch and stare, till the sun disappears, and witness the sky turn to dusk.

Work has been nothing but stressful lately; she constantly goes travelling from places to places to fulfill her schedule as promised—doing photo shoots with this brand and that brand, doing various CFs as well as attending runway shows.

It’s the life she chose—so she can’t really complain. And besides, she doesn’t regret it, not even a bit. Although, it does get tiring sometimes, but nothing like a good cup of coffee can’t fix.

She has actually been meaning to grab one from the coffee shop down the road. The same coffee shop she used to visit when life was less hectic and demanding.

Dressed in a comfortable white shirt that’s tucked neatly under her pair of denim shorts, she layers it with an oversized bomber jacket that surprisingly goes well with her overall outfit.

She gives herself a quick scan in the mirror.

The hair she has now is much longer than what she used to have—the one she had in high school was short, almost like a boy cut. But now it reaches past her shoulders, and had it dyed in a much lighter brown. She also has a fringe now, a fairly thin one that rests on her forehead quite nicely.

Other than those, the rest still looks the same, albeit more pronounced, like her jaw.

But really, not much have changed.

It’s still the same old Jeongyeon—confident and collected, whose eyes spark as though they’re able concur everything.

With one last look, she rushes out her front door and takes the elevator, bopping to the instrumental pop songs played through its speakers.

\--

The streets turn out to be busier than usual.

People are staggering and bumping onto each other across ends, so busy, moving with urgent haste as if their time is about to run out.

Some however, not all, are spending their evenings revelling in the city, with their friends, families and significant others. The mere presence of smiles on everyone’s faces—smiles that are unfeigned and full of delight makes Jeongyeon feel happy.

Halfway through her stroll, she begins to notice a few people pointing at her, whispering to each other as if they know her.

She touches her head, making sure her cap is in place, but the only thing she touches is her thick hair.

It isn’t there.

It dawns upon her that she had left her cap on the kitchen counter, and so she quickly lowers her gaze as she approaches the corner.

“Oh my God, isn’t that Yoo Jeongyeon?” she hears a couple of them say. Cameras begin to start clicking and flashing—and all she could do is give them her best smile.

They keep a safe distance, not too close to Jeongyeon, and for that, she is grateful.

She pushes the door open—or so she thought. A grunt leaves her lips. The glass door clinks but it doesn’t open.

_Could it be jammed?_

Cranking her neck, she tries again, adding a little more power, similar to a strength that’s needed to push a well-stocked trolley.

But it doesn’t stir, it doesn’t move, and ends up slamming her forehead instead against the cold hard glass. “Ow—"

She feels them staring. With her face now beet red, she’s too ashamed to even lift her gaze.

They most likely took pictures of her already, of what had just happened. And she knows it’s going to pop up on her timeline later, where people would talk about how clumsy she is, or worse, use it as a meme.

She grips on the handle tightly as she attempts to push it again. _Why won’t it budge?_

“Uhm, it says pull.”

She freezes. Tongue-tied and slightly anxious.

_Does it?_

Taking a huge gulp, there she sees a moderately huge sign that screams ‘pull’ pinned on the far-right corner of the door.

_It does._

The grip she’s been holding loosens as she grimaces, hiding her face behind her hair.

Out of all the days there is to humiliate herself, why did it have to be today?

She hears murmurs around her.

Carefully rotating her body, she faces the owner of the voice, putting on the kindest smile she could muster. It’s undeniably painful to pretend that she’s okay when she’s obviously not.

The smile looks probably weird.

“Thanks,” she squeaks, ducking her head.

Long and wavy hair. A rosy lipstick and a light foundation. The person seems quite dolled up for a quick trip to a local coffee shop.

_Wait._

_Nayeon?_

There’s that flicker of recognition again, in the woman’s eyes, looking as though she is far more surprised than Jeongyeon is.

The woman immediately looks away and pulls the door herself, ushering Jeongyeon to enter the place with her fair hand.

“Thanks.”

Jeongyeon waits for Nayeon inside. Excited to say something, just anything, perhaps even an icebreaker to make it less awkward. She’s not even hiding the fact that she had been anticipating this moment.

Putting on a smile on her face, she motions a tiny wave, resting just below her shoulders—a terribly meek one, too concerned that others might notice.

But the woman just walks past her. Not sparing her a single peep as if she were a speck of dust atop the shelves—snubbed, almost inexistent to the human eye.

So, she withdraws her hand quite quickly and examines her surroundings in hopes that no one had seen what had just transpired.

She inhales sharply. “Right. It’s fine. She just didn’t see you and no one saw you,” she says to herself.

It might be a good idea to keep her head low now.

Her eyes land on Nayeon’s figure as they both queue in line, separated by at least three people in between.

The woman has a novel enclosed in her hand, a thick one that Jeongyeon can’t quite see what it is that’s inscribed on its paperback cover.

She squints. “ _The Fault in Our Stars,_ ” she reads, albeit quietly. “Predictable,” she adds with a fond smile sculpted on her lips. A smile that’s all-knowing, recalling what Nayeon was like back then, and unknowingly slips the information at the back of her mind. _Nayeon still loves sappy shit._

She diverts her attention and scans through the menu above that showcases different flavours and possible combinations _. Caramel macchiato?_ Sounds a bit fancy.

Sure, she’ll give that a try.

\--

Jeongyeon carries a small coaster pager in her hand.

She had just finished ordering and is now looking around for a place to sit.

The place has gotten more popular ever since she had last visited; she used to come here with Dahyun and remembers the place not having these many customers before.

The staff throw her smiles and shy waves, seeing both old and new faces. She smiles back generously. 

A few customers start to pull out their phones, sneaking photos of her, but not sneaky enough for Jeongyeon to not notice.

From afar, she sees Nayeon, eyes glued on to the novel, seemingly engrossed as her eyes waver and her skin goes blanch—Jeongyeon assumes that the woman is reading the novel's climax.

With no tables available around, Jeongyeon ponders on whether she should sit on the vacant chair across the woman.

There shouldn’t be an issue, right? They are old friends after all.

Old friends.

She wonders if they can be friends again.

“May I?” Jeongyeon asks, pointing to the empty chair.

Nayeon tears her eyes off the page she’s fixated on.

And there it is again, the dumbstruck gaze subsequent to locking eyes with Jeongyeon, like a lens of a camera that habitually refocuses and doubts what’s in front of it.

Somehow, Jeongyeon is already getting used to it.

Nayeon nods seconds later. No words come out of her mouth as Jeongyeon sits across.

“How is it?” Jeongyeon refers to the novel laid out on the table.

“Oh. Uhh, this?” Nayeon lifts the novel in the air and shifts on her seat. “It’s, it’s… uhh, great,” she says, and sips her hot coffee.

Before Jeongyeon could even speak her mind, the small coaster pager buzzes against the table, lighting up in a bright red colour that startles the two of them. “Be right back.” She smiles.

Jeongyeon rushes to the counter and carefully brings the tray to their table, containing her beverage and the small slices of tiramisu she had spontaneously added.

There are steps ahead, about a metre away now. Steps that dip and take her to the table where Nayeon resides.

And it does go without saying that staying focused is her main priority right now. One wrong move, and she just might topple everything over—certainly _not_ in front of so many people. She won’t dare to embarrass herself that way. Too drastic and scarring.

“Jeongyeon unnie, is it okay if we t-take a photo together?” a girl behind her speaks up.

“Sure, just, just give me a few seconds, okay?” She finally reaches their table, and lays the tray lightly, not spilling a single drop of her coffee out the cup.

Jeongyeon can feel Nayeon’s eyes on her as she turns her back to face the girl. A middle schooler—gaping at Jeongyeon—just about half her age, wearing an expression that reflects liking and regard. It’s adorable.

The girl raises her phone up and pulls a wide smile, and Jeongyeon tries to wink at the front camera, attaching a ‘V-sign’ to her cheek.

“Thank you, unnie,” the girl says shyly, bowing, and runs back giggling to who Jeongyeon assumes is the girl’s mother.

Jeongyeon relays a friendly wave across the room as the girl turns back once more to face her. The girl waves back before leaving the place, her free hand intertwining with her mother’s.

_Adorable._

Jeongyeon returns to her seat with Nayeon propping her chin on her palm, smiling.

“What’s up?” Jeongyeon asks. “Is there… something on my face?”

Nayeon retreats to the back of her seat slowly, the soft smile disappearing. “No. It’s nothing.”

“Was it too weird for you… seeing all that?” Jeongyeon winces.

“N-no.” Nayeon waves her hands in front of her face. “It’s okay, it’s fine. Really.”

Jeongyeon merely chuckles. “Here,” Jeongyeon says, sliding the plate containing a slice of tiramisu across. “I remember you said you liked desserts, so I got you some.”

Nayeon stares at the dessert. “Oh,” she says. “Thank you but I’m not… really hungry.”

“Oh,” Jeongyeon says, dragging the dessert near her coffee. “Well, more for me then.” And shoots a light-hearted smile.

Nayeon merely purses her lips, flicking through the pages of her novel that’s currently in her hold.

It’s quiet between them. Where everywhere else is roaring with chatter, every nook and cranny of the coffee shop, they seem to be the only odd ones out, like an untouched water, calm and subdued.

Jeongyeon wouldn’t say it’s awkward—she’s rather nervous than anything else and she doesn’t even know why.

Though she bets it’s just the kick of running across Nayeon again.

One can argue that it’s purely coincidental—but one might also say that maybe it’s ‘kismet’ just nudging them by the shoulder, poking them, like a pair of boulders being forced to talk.

It takes on many forms or names, if you will. Some people call it fate, others call it destiny, karma, fortune, chance—no matter what name it uses, they all still mean one thing.

And maybe Jeongyeon doesn’t mind it.

Most things in life happen by _chance_ anyway.

\--

“So, why that book?” Jeongyeon asks after a long while.

Nayeon lifts her head. “Oh, I uhh, I watched the movie and I thought I should give the book a read,” she says. Quite a terse sentence if you ask Jeongyeon.

“I loved the movie,” Jeongyeon exclaims. “I haven’t read the book at all though, so you’ll have to let me know how good it is, and maybe I will.”

Nayeon plays with the pages and raises her cup near her lips. “Right. Yeah. Yeah, why not?” she says in between sips.

“Cool.” Jeongyeon just sends a smile across and resumes eating the dessert.

Her eyes scan the place, aware of the stares given by the people around them, murmuring to themselves as Jeongyeon meets their eyes.

“Hey, if you feel uncomfortable… with all _this,”_ Jeongyeon says, subtly making a gesture as she refers to their surroundings. “You can tell me and I’ll—”

“N-no. It’s okay. I’m leaving anyway.” Nayeon gathers her things off the table.

“Wait, already?”

“Yeah. I have… uhh… other things to take care of.” Nayeon points to her phone as her bum leaves the seat.

“You haven’t even finished your coffee. Is everything okay?” _Are we okay?_

“You still keep asking the same questions,” Nayeon says, smiling politely. “It’s nice seeing you again, Jeong... yeon. Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon’s eyes waver, legs fastened under the table, unsure what to do next.

It's starting to sink in to her that maybe Nayeon is deliberately avoiding her. But for what reason exactly?

Nayeon begins to start walking away, further and further, hadn’t even waited for Jeongyeon’s response.

“Nayeon, Nayeon!” she calls. Too late, the woman is already out the door.

It leaves Jeongyeon no choice but to scramble to her feet. “Nayeon! Nayeon, wait!” The bare picture of her chasing after a woman whose strides are unbelievably long—too long even for her already long legs, is an occurrence that she still can’t quite wrap her head around.

Nayeon sure does work hard but Jeongyeon works harder. Harder than the devil even.

 _Wait._ She tilts her head. “Nayeon _is_ the devil,” she mumbles, albeit cheekily.

\--

•• _Fate is a bitch,_ Nayeon thinks to herself as she flees the coffee shop. ••

\--

To be clear, Jeongyeon is not stalking Nayeon. Funnily enough, Nayeon takes the exact same route Jeongyeon takes, back to their apartment building.

There are all sorts of routes, of course, even a shorter one, but Jeongyeon chooses to walk this way every time to relish the lively atmosphere—she wonders what Nayeon’s reason could be.

They pass by a broken streetlight, an indication that they have arrived. 30 metres down the road is their apartment building, standing tall and bright.

Jeongyeon’s eyes naturally follow Nayeon every time she walks. Throughout the stroll, however, not once did Nayeon look back.

“Are you really going to ignore me for the rest of the evening?” Jeongyeon calls out, trailing behind the woman with her soles dragging across the concrete.

Nayeon rotates her body. “What? W-why are you still here?” Again, with that look of surprise in her face.

“What do you mean?”

“Y-you should go, Jeongyeon. I told you I have things to do.” Nayeon walks to the entrance.

“What are you talking about? Go where?”

And Nayeon sighs as she turns to face her. “Go home.”

“Yeah… I mean, I am,” Jeongyeon says. “I am home.”

It crashes fast, like waves in the ocean containing nothing but peak embarrassment.

It takes her a second to realise what she had just said and immediately slaps the shit out of her mouth, shocked by the very words that came out of it.

Nayeon draws her forehead into a pucker, creating a furrow in between its flesh. The woman remains unmoving, mouth twitching, looking confused by the second. “What—"

“N-no, not like that. I mean like, I live, I live here.” Jeongyeon can feel her face heating up.

The world ceases in motion.

Jeongyeon swears she just heard Nayeon curse under her breath.

“Right." A pink flush overwhelms the woman’s cheeks, ducking her head as she moves to the side. "Okay. See you around.”

Jeongyeon slaps herself, cringing at her stupidity.

“H-hey, what about my leash?” Jeongyeon asks, going after Nayeon who’s headed towards the elevator. “You were planning to return it, weren’t you?”

They lock gazes.

And it doesn’t come as a surprise to Jeongyeon when she sees Nayeon frantically pushing the elevator buttons as soon as she got in. If Jeongyeon were to take any guesses, it appears as though Nayeon doesn’t want to share the same air she breathes.

But there’s two things people should know about Jeongyeon: she’s rational but can be irrational. And oftentimes, the latter prevails.

She picks up her pace, making it just in time to bar her hand in the middle of the closing doors. “You know,” she says, panting. “You’re still a very difficult person to talk to.”

Diffidence crosses the woman’s face. “What exactly do you want?”

“I want my leash and my old friend back.” Jeongyeon leans against the side, hindering in a way. “So, please come with me?”

“What does the leash have to do with me coming with you? To where?” Nayeon says impatiently.

“You can give me the leash later. There’s just something I want to visit with you again, for old times’ sake.”

“But why me?”

“Why not you?”

Nayeon stands still. “I-I mean, why do you want to be friends with me again?”

“Just ‘cause. Must there always be an answer to everything?”

Nayeon shifts her gaze. “No, but... okay... Where, where are you taking me?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“Then… I can’t go.”

“Oh, c’mon.” Jeongyeon grabs the woman by the wrist. “You can trust me, you know that,” she says, smiling, and leads the girl towards the exit—or more like drags, really.

\--

The night is calm, dark and full.

In all truthfulness, Jeongyeon loves it. Walking during this hour is far more enjoyable when she has company.

Every once in a while, they hear cars pass them by as they tread along the rough and smooth pavements.

There are a lot of things in Jeongyeon’s mind right now. Mostly questions though, such as: ‘How are you?’, ‘Has life been easy on you?’, ‘Are you okay?’, ‘Did you miss me?’, but she doesn’t say them aloud.

No words are spoken between them, but the mere sound of their feet shuffling and the wind blowing past their ears are enough to make her feel at ease.

The destination isn’t far. They both used to go there, though she isn’t sure if Nayeon still remembers.

It was actually Nayeon who brought her there, months after they became friends—the woman used to call it her ‘safe place’.

“Hey, you know you don’t have to be shy around me, right?” Jeongyeon says, bursting the prolonged silence.

Nayeon joins her hands together, rubbing them. “I’m not _shy_. I’m just, I’m just—I still can’t grasp the fact that you’re actually here, in front of me, talking, being nice as always,” she replies truthfully.

“I see,” Jeongyeon muses. “I know, I get that feeling too. How many years has it been? 7?”

Nayeon nods. “Yeah... I think so.”

“Way too long, don’t you think?” Jeongyeon says, the corners of her mouth lifting. “But I’m happy I got to see you now.”

The tension in Nayeon’s shoulders steadily disappears, and as usual, says nothing. But Jeongyeon sees the smile on the woman’s face, beneath the brilliancy of the moon—sweet and pleasant.

_Maybe Nayeon is happy too._

A dimly lit alleyway appears before them as they turn left. They see old looking buildings full of posters and banners plastered on its walls, some even tangled amongst the power lines.

Jeongyeon enters the place warily, simultaneously reading various graffiti and drawing of skulls on the brick walls. The area looks somewhat familiar but not quite.

There’s an unpleasant earthy reek from one of the sewers and it tells Jeongyeon that they might just be on the right track. _Might._

She carefully guides Nayeon by putting a hand on the woman’s back, already doubting whatever comes their way.

“You’re not kidnapping me, are you?” Nayeon scoots closer to Jeongyeon.

“Of course not,” Jeongyeon says, stunned by the sudden question.

“Are we even in the right place?”

“You don’t even know where we’re going yet. Does it look like I have a terrible sense of direction?”

“Yes.”

Jeongyeon chuckles.

They proceed to walk further, eyes and ears on alert.

“You know, something tells me that you have no idea where we’re going,” Nayeon says.

“This is the right way. I’m sure of it.” No, she isn’t.

Well, fingers crossed.

\--

Nayeon squats down and says, “Look, just admit that you messed up and that it’s your fault we got lost.”

20 minutes. That’s right, they have been walking aimlessly for approximately 20 minutes now. Mayhap Jeongyeon fucked everything up.

They are indeed lost, a hundred per cent, without a doubt, but admitting so would be like scarring Jeongyeon’s ego. So, no, she isn’t going to. She is very much aware that it’s her fault, but Nayeon doesn’t have to know that, does she?

They most likely took too many wrong turns, and now they’re here in the middle of nowhere.

“I swear we were going the right way. After we took our last turn… I just, I don’t… I have no clue what happened.” Jeongyeon scratches the back of her neck, scanning around the area as if there’s anything to use that could help them. “C’mon, get up from there. There could be snakes here for all we know.”

“But I’m tired,” Nayeon whines.

“I know, we’ll just have to visit there some other time.” Jeongyeon just really wanted to have a nice time yet here she is stressing out instead.

Nayeon carefully rises. “Do you even know the way back?”

“Kind of.” Jeongyeon presses her lips together.

“Oh God…”

Jeongyeon paces around the area and ponders on the most ideal thing to do in this situation.

One thing to remember is that they have nowhere to go now; it would be outrageous if she were to start making them walk again in this creepy and old place. Plus, the streets are now kind of dangerous at this hour. It’s best not to risk it.

And it may sound unlikely of her, but she has to admit—she is a bit scared.

Jeongyeon pauses. “I’m gonna call, Dahyun,” she says with every ounce of confidence left in her body. The thought of contacting her manager did pass through her mind first, but then she realises it would only stir up more issues. Worst case scenario: Park Jinyoung, her agency’s CEO, might reprimand her.

Just thinking about it already gives her goose bumps.

“Who’s Dahyun?” Nayeon asks. “Your girlfriend?”

A grimace. “Ew, no. God, no. You just made it gross. No, she’s a close friend of mine.” She reaches for her back pocket.

Nope, not in there. _Where’s my phone?_

Okay, what about in her jacket pocket?

_Fuck._

“Hey, do you have your phone with you?” Jeongyeon asks frantically. She receives a small nod, enough for her to thank the heavens above. “Great! May I borrow it?”

Nayeon squints her eyes suspiciously before placing it on Jeongyeon’s palm.

Jeongyeon supposes she can always count on Dahyun. It goes both ways. Whatever circumstance they get caught up in, they are always there for each other—to save the day and make each other feel better.

Now, all she must do is dial Dahyun’s number. Her thumb lingers on its screen. _What was Dahyun’s number?_

She nibbles on her bottom lip. _Double fuck._

“What’s wrong?” Nayeon says after a while.

What’s wrong? _What’s wrong?_ Everything is wrong. How stupid can she be? Of course, she doesn’t remember Dahyun’s number.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know your friend’s number.” Nayeon sighs, grabbing her phone from Jeongyeon’s grasp. “You’re honestly so dumb sometimes,” she says, a tad annoyed.

Jeongyeon watches the girl dial someone from her contacts. She couldn’t read the name properly, but it started with a ‘J’.

She observes the woman’s expressions; the way her face lights up at the sound of the voice coming from the other end. The way her lips curve into a small smile as she says the words ‘thank you, I owe you big time.’ And the way irritation dawns on her face, eyes glaring at Jeongyeon as soon as she drops the call—

_Oh._

“Who, who was that?” Jeongyeon shamefully asks, blinking quickly as she steers away from the woman.

Nayeon slides her phone back in her pocket. “Jihyo.”

Thrilled, Jeongyeon asks Nayeon if she’s referring to Park Jihyo from high school, and Nayeon just nods, taking light steps back to the road they previously passed by.

Jeongyeon reasons that Nayeon is just too tired to respond; she doesn’t press on further.

Jihyo. It’s been years since Jeongyeon last saw the said woman as well. After Jeongyeon had graduated, they eventually lost touch and parted ways—as some friendships result to. Jihyo has always been loyal to Nayeon. And Nayeon adores the younger woman just as much.

The friendship Jeongyeon had with Jihyo was memorable to say the least, but she knew the woman was much closer to Nayeon.

She didn’t envy them, nor did she resent them—she had always respected their friendship. Hence, when Nayeon and Jeongyeon grew apart, so did Jeongyeon and Jihyo.

It’s a long story.

They keep on walking, side by side, in silence. They stay that way for a few good minutes—Jeongyeon takes the opportunity to ruminate on various things and admire the night sky.

There aren’t that many stars above. As a matter of fact, there isn’t a single star at all. Only a huge pale moon, full and bright that hangs beneath a cap of laden clouds. It reminds her about the sappy story Nayeon told her that one night—when they were bored out of their wits after cram school.

Nayeon used to say that she pities the sun and the moon. Apparently, they have a love story, which of course Jeongyeon hadn’t heard of. It’s hardly ever a love story, but Nayeon had put it that way anyway.

She said they rarely ever meet. They always chase one another, but never truly meet in the end. Like a series of never-ending miseries—as if fate is having too much fun, teasing them with an amused expression. "It makes me sad," Nayeon said.

Whilst that is true, Jeongyeon didn’t think much of it then. She remembers making fun of Nayeon for mentioning such a silly thing.

But now that she’s older, she believes it isn’t so sad as the woman made it out to be. The reason being is that occasionally, the sun and the moon manage to find each other in the shape of an eclipse. A rare sight to say the least, but it remains beautiful.

A droplet of water lands on Jeongyeon’s forehead and trickles down her nose. She wipes it with her sleeve, assuming it’s about to rain.

They pass by several buildings and streetlights, and a faint yellow light glimmers on the other half of Nayeon’s face. A small and slightly hooked nose is what Jeongyeon first notices. It’s kind of adorable, if you ask her.

Outlining Jeongyeon’s lips is a tender yet subtle smile. Well, probably not too subtle, knowing too damn well that she’s bad at concealing whatever she’s feeling.

Cold gushes of wind kiss their cheeks and Jeongyeon snaps out of it as she again feels, not just one but beads of water adhering to her head.

“Is it raining?” Nayeon says as she looks up to the sky.

Jeongyeon naturally follows the woman’s gaze, observing the sky, lightly drizzling—a fine mist dives straight down their faces as though they were flowers in thirst for rain amid summer.

A shriek is laid out in the air—Nayeon quickly shelters her head with her huge hands. “I don’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon.”

And like a rationally thinking person, Jeongyeon begins to take off her jacket, rain pouring heavier minute by minute. She feels it on her fingers, hitting her like the water coming out of a big shower head—she lays the jacket over her, above her head and scoots closer to Nayeon. “Let’s go,” she says. “On three. One—Yah! Nayeon!”

Nayeon runs like crazy, bolting through the night.

“You took too long!” Nayeon says, leaving a struggling Jeongyeon behind.

“You’re fucking crazy! You’re going to get sick!”

But Nayeon just laughs.

On to her feet, she runs after the woman, slightly out of breath, remembering she should exercise more often; she used to be so good at sports but then adulthood happened. It’s a tragic, really.

Her soles hit the wet ground, puddles and mud all combined, but Jeongyeon couldn’t care less.

The punishing wind pushes against her. It’s frigid and damp—an unforgiving one as her jacket slips off her fingers, carrying it far behind, having Jeongyeon to stop on her tracks—now soaked and a little bit cold.

“Just leave it!” Nayeon says, extending her hand towards her, suspended in the air.

“It’s expensive!” Jeongyeon retorts, voicing over the loud sound of rain.

“You’re rich. Just buy a new one!”

And Nayeon’s fingers slip in between the spaces of hers, cold and soft yet has a firm hold. Two hands pressed tight, palms hugging each other as though it’s a sign that everything going to be alright.

Time ticks by and all Jeongyeon can hear is the sound of their laughter, alone with the wind and rain that’s almost numbing. But she feels it, the warmth and the happiness that resides in her, whenever Nayeon beams a smile or looks her in the eye.

Their friendship was formed in the weirdest way possible and it now feels as if they’re crossing that bridge once more—a bridge that she thought had long been burnt, long been forgotten.

And although Jeongyeon had lost contact with Nayeon for almost a decade, the connection is still there; it’s as if all the lost years have been sewn, all mended into one night and have restored what is meant to be restored.

They are right.

There are no ends to old friends.

~

** June 2012 **

Jeongyeon waits outside Nayeon’s class.

It has now become a habit between them—waiting for each other during breaks and at the very last period of the day.

Jeongyeon admits that they have now gotten much closer; the study sessions she’s shared with the girl played the biggest part in creating this strange bond between them—one of the sole reasons that helped them become aware of their strengths and consider each other’s weaknesses.

And it’s hard to believe so, but they sort of share quite a lot of similar traits, as well as likes and dislikes. Jeongyeon had recently found out that Nayeon loves Girls’ Generation too, and that’s just one out of many.

Not veering too far from the topic—yes, they really have been closer than before. Too close in fact, that Nayeon would barely leave her side now. It does get annoying sometimes, but nothing that she can’t tolerate.

Nayeon’s face peeks through the crack of the classroom door, and instantly smiles when she sees Jeongyeon waving metres away. Nayeon may not know it but Jeongyeon likes it whenever Nayeon smiles. Is that weird?

“What’s gotten into you today? What’s that silly smile on your face?” Jeongyeon teases as the girl approaches her with a huge bag draped over her shoulder. “Are you that happy to see me?”

“Maybe,” Nayeon teases back. It’s so easy to break into a chuckle when Nayeon’s face is inches away from her, resembling that of a fluffy white bunny.

It must be the teeth. It has to be. She calls Nayeon that sometimes—a bunny. The similarity is just arresting.

Nayeon backs away and intertwines her fingers with Jeongyeon. “Come with me.” It’s a simple gesture—friends do it to their friends, but it somehow makes Jeongyeon nervous sometimes.

And maybe that sometimes is now.

Nayeon proceeds to leap, dragging Jeongyeon across the hall.

When Nayeon gets this excited, Jeongyeon doesn’t even have to guess what it could mean; judging by the smile on the girl’s face, a different smile from what she throws Jeongyeon across the room, and the little skips she makes on their way to the bathroom—she already knows.

Even with her eyes closed, she knows.

Nayeon has cram school with Mina again.

“How do I look?” Nayeon asks after combing her hair in front of the huge bathroom mirror.

Jeongyeon places her index finger on her chin, pretending to think. “Ugly.”

Nayeon shoots daggers her way and goes on talking about Jeongyeon never showing any support when it comes to these things and all that crap.

Jeongyeon often thinks to herself why on earth Nayeon does all this—changing her appearance and bending over backwards for Mina.

One time, Jeongyeon even asked Nayeon if she has plans on asking Mina out, and the girl just kicked her and said, “Why? So, you can ask her out yourself? I don’t think so, new kid.”

Talking to Nayeon is equivalent to losing most of her brain cells and leaving one. It’s taxing.

“So, I’m guessing you and Mina have cram school again? Do you even talk to her?” Jeongyeon says, watching Nayeon apply her lip balm.

Nayeon pouts. “No. I’d probably faint before I get to do so. I don’t know if I’ve told you this already, but she sits behind me in class, and one time, she tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I have a spare pen, and oh my God, I’m telling you, her voice—”

“Her voice is so adorable that you almost screamed because it’s the first time she’s spoken to you. Yeah, yeah. You’ve told me that thousands of times already. You’re fucking whipped, dude. It’s legit disgusting.” Jeongyeon gags as she leans her back against the wall.

Nayeon merely rolls her eyes at her antics.

\--

They left school shortly after and met the rest of their friends at the main gate.

It may not be known to all, but Nayeon has acquired the habit of holding Jeongyeon’s hand whenever they walk, a very odd habit. Jeongyeon says odd, because the girl wasn’t like this weeks ago.

It’s not that Jeongyeon doesn’t like it, but it’s a bit uncomfortable knowing her own hands could be sweaty at any time of the day. Nayeon holds it regardless though. Whenever Jeongyeon brings up her concerns, Nayeon just shuts her off by saying, “Who cares?”.

Momo had even confronted Jeongyeon during one of their 10-minute breaks in class, asking if she likes Nayeon. The question is just as absurd as it sounds.

Naturally, she said no.

Of course, not. Jeongyeon doesn’t even see Nayeon that way. It’s too weird, like, _really weird._

She would rather not entertain that thought.

And besides, she would never like Nayeon. They both _‘hate’_ each other enough to not like each other that way.

“Jeongyeonie~, carry me,” Nayeon says, eyes glistening with plea.

“Stop. You’re being weird.”

“What do you mean? You always carry me around,” Nayeon says, loosening her hold on Jeongyeon’s clammy hands.

“Not in front of so many people,” she says cautiously as she scans their environment.

Nayeon pokes Jeongyeon’s side. “C’mon, who cares what people think?”

A dejected sigh leaves Jeongyeon’s mouth.

She scoots in front, knees bent as she gestures for Nayeon to get on her back.

She hears the girl giggle right against her ear, arms hugging her shoulders as she starts to take the smallest steps. A low grunt is expelled. “You’re fucking heavy.”

“Ooooo~ What is this behaviour we are seeing?” their friends goad, making foolish and quirky noises before they went on their separate ways.

Is it bad if Jeongyeon sometimes wishes they’d all be a bit less embarrassing in public?

\--

Nayeon has never had her first kiss yet.

It’s hilarious to Jeongyeon. She never would’ve thought so if the girl hadn’t told her.

Nayeon had mentioned it through text a while ago—in class—when they were both too distracted to pay attention in their respective classes.

Nayeon never had her first kiss yet because apparently, she wants it to be perfect. The girl has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend either, even though she’s sought after by many—none of them live up to her standards, she said.

It really isn’t a laughing matter, but it’s still funny to Jeongyeon.

“You’re 18 years old and you’re telling me you’ve never kissed anyone?” Jeongyeon presses on for minutes now as they walk to the cafeteria.

“Okay, okay! We get it. No need to rub it in. God.”

Jeongyeon claps. “Wow. That’s like, _so_ amazing.”

“Listen.” Nayeon glares. “I swear to God, I’ll punch you in the throat if you don’t keep your mouth shut.”

Jeongyeon raises her hands in the air, an act of surrender as she zips her lips tight.

She merely receives a scoff from the girl beside her.

“You talk as if you’re good at it,” Nayeon mumbles.

Jeongyeon laughs quite loudly, dangling her arms around the girl’s shoulder. “I can teach you French if you want—both the language and the kiss.” And winks—only to earn a deep elbow blow on her stomach, almost spitting out the food she ate at recess.

“Free of charge,” she croaks, crouching, and watches as the girl struts away.

\--

After spending most of her time with Nayeon these last few months, Jeongyeon knows this much: Nayeon was born in September 22, 1995, which makes her a Virgo. Nayeon loves herself, a little too much in Jeongyeon’s opinion. Nayeon is quite smart. Nayeon loves kids and wears a big smile on her face whenever she plays with them. Nayeon is fond of cooking but she’s kinda awful at it; she doesn’t have a knack for it—Jeongyeon recalls Nayeon cutting strawberries using a knife upside down. Nayeon’s father wants her to become a doctor, whereas Nayeon’s passion belongs to music; she loves singing and dancing, and it had reached to a point where she went out of her way to audition for a big agency and got scolded by her parents as soon as she got home. Nayeon wishes to become an idol in her next life if such thing is true. Nayeon has a crush on Mina but talks about the girl much less often now. Nayeon still enjoys pissing Jeongyeon off. Nayeon loves to hold Jeongyeon’s hand, but Jeongyeon doesn’t know why. Nayeon smiles widely whenever Jeongyeon calls her ‘no. 1’. Nayeon has a heart of gold.

Jeongyeon could go on for hours and she still wouldn’t be able to finish.

It’s surprising how much of an open book Nayeon is once you get to know her better. There is more to the girl than people think—Jeongyeon can vouch for that.

Underneath all that cold-hearted façade masks a kind heart and a personal woe.

It’s 9:04 PM now. Sometime around July.

Over a while ago, Nayeon had asked Jeongyeon to meet her here. Nayeon calls it her safe place. A place on a hill, covered with trees and bushes that overlooks the city—says it helps her keep her mind off things.

It has been awfully silent, Nayeon hasn’t said anything to her aside from, “My parents are fighting again.” It’s the first time Nayeon had mentioned it, and like an idiot Jeongyeon is, she barely said anything back, not really knowing what to say.

Jeongyeon sits just a metre or two beside Nayeon, giving the girl some space as she watches her sombre eyes flicker under the dark sky.

It pains Jeongyeon to see her friend like this—despite not knowing thoroughly what happens behind their closed doors, she sympathises.

“Dude,” Jeongyeon starts, and the girl turns to her with a sad smile on her face. “Do you wanna talk about it?” The girl kindly shakes her head—assuming she’s too exhausted say anything else.

Jeongyeon observes as the girl buries her chin on her knees that’s been pulled close to her chest.

Jeongyeon isn’t good with words to begin with and is rather nervous that she might say something stupid in a serious situation like this. But her friend needs her now more than ever.

Nayeon’s feeble sobs reach Jeongyeon's ears—her mind is hushed in an instant.

In all the days she has spent with Nayeon, never has Jeongyeon ever seen her friend this vulnerable, almost like a porcelain, tiny and frangible.

Jeongyeon moves closer beside Nayeon, placing her hand on the girl’s head, stroking her hair gently and caressing it deliberately. “Nayeon unnie… y-you must be sad,” she says and meets Nayeon’s wavering gaze. “It’s okay. You can cry. I too… cry sometimes when things get rough. You don’t have to act like you’re strong and tough all the time. You have me, you know that.”

The girl across her sniffles, tears clogged at the bottom of her lids, and soon after nods at Jeongyeon’s words.

Jeongyeon reluctantly opens her arms and Nayeon scoots in her warmth, face snuggling in the crevice of her neck. “That was kinda gay,” the girl mumbles, still sniffling.

“Oh, shut up.”

\--

It’s the last week of their summer vacation and Jeongyeon is starting to regret the decisions she had made today.

Of all places to go to, she is genuinely curious as to why her friends chose the zoo and aquarium. The worst part is, instead of looking at animals, she’s constantly looking at her friends instead. Each move they make causes a strain in her brain. They are all so perky and clumsy that sometimes Jeongyeon has to step in and calm them down.

Seconds ago, Momo nearly fell over the fence—too eager to call the panda to come closer.

Sana, the other cause of Jeongyeon’s headache, just can’t stand still as well. She truly doesn’t know how many times she told Sana not to touch this and that.

Every time they make a stop to stare at animals that seem cute enough, the Japanese girl would always squeal and ask a few questions that go along the lines of: “Can I pet it?”, “Woah, can I touch it?”, “It’s so adorable! Can I poke it?”. 

Her patience is wearing thin. She has no idea how much more she can take.

If she were told in advance that she’s going to be their babysitter for the day, she wouldn’t have come. Though it’s a little too late for that now.

The only one who appears composed enough is Jihyo—and Jeongyeon commends her for that.

“I think we should split. There are some things I wanna see before it closes,” Jihyo says, scanning through the map in her hands.

“I agree!” Sana butts in, linking arms with Momo who’s busy admiring the penguins behind them.

Jeongyeon has never felt so anxious in her life. “Jihyo, I don’t think that’s ok—"

“It’s fine, I’ll take care of them.” Jihyo smiles as she hauls Sana and Momo towards another direction whilst forming an ‘ok’ sign with her fingers.

Jeongyeon doesn’t even know that means, _but okay._

Nayeon ruffles Jeongyeon’s hair. “Looks like you’re stuck with me,” she says, pulling her bunny smile that Jeongyeon has always found charming and funny.

A sigh flies through the air as she trails behind the chirpy girl.

It maybe would’ve been better if Jihyo took Nayeon too.

\--

Walking leisurely amongst the heavy crowd, Nayeon guides their way, gradually slipping her pinky and interlocking it with hers.

Zoos and aquariums tend to bore Jeongyeon.

What’s there to see anyway aside from animals eating, swimming and sleeping? Not only that, but nothing has changed since her parents took her here five years ago. Still the same old mundane shit.

If there’s any person that seems overly satisfied by everything she sees, that would be Nayeon. It’s kind of— _cute._

Every animal they see, Nayeon would always call Jeongyeon’s name and point at the glass for her to witness it as well.

It’s not that difficult to smile when Nayeon looks at things with glee, as though she’s a child that’s seeing things for the first time.

“Jeongyeon! Jeongyeon, look,” Nayeon says, pointing to the clear observation tunnel above. “A cute dolphin!”

“That’s a beluga,” Jeongyeon deadpans. 

Nayeon squints. “Oh.”

Jeongyeon snorts.

At this point Jeongyeon doesn’t even know if Nayeon is actually blind or is just being funny. And it’s only just the beginning.

They continue to their path, meeting different species of different animals, both land and sea.

The experience is starting to become enjoyable to Jeongyeon, especially when Nayeon hypes things up all the time.

The girl had even requested to have her picture taken with the famous Burmese python, but instantly froze when the employee placed the said python around her shoulders.

Jeongyeon couldn’t even hold her laugh when Nayeon had hit the ground with a pitiful scream, trembling in fright.

Jeongyeon did manage to take a few snaps, but most of them were either blurry or shaky—it must have been due to all the laughing she did.

“That was fun, right?” Jeongyeon teases as they queue in line for food.

“You just love seeing me suffer, don’t you?” Nayeon glares as she tries to fix her hair. “I hate you.”

There’s this rosiness in Nayeon’s cheek, replacing its naturally pale colour.

Jeongyeon just giggles. “That’s not true,” she says. She tries to comb the girl’s hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “There. Pretty.”

And Nayeon just scoffs in response.

\--

**Regina George 2.0**

_[5:56 PM]_ New kid, did you arrive safely?

_[5:59 PM]_ yes, regina

**Regina George 2.0**

_[6:00 PM]_ Who the hell is regina?

 _[6:00 PM]_ Are you seeing someone right now??!

 _[6:01 PM]_ Yah yoo jeongyeon! You liar. What about the deal???

_[6:01 PM]_ regina george from mean girls u dumbass

 _[6:02 PM]_ anyway leave me alone. I still have a lot to do today.

**Regina George 2.0**

_[6:02 PM]_ Do who?!?

_[6:03 PM]_ text me again and ill delete u from my contacts

**Regina George 2.0**

_[6:05 PM]_ Oh it’s on bitch.

 _[6:06 PM]_ Do it.

 _[6:06 PM]_ I dare u.

Jeongyeon shuts her phone.

There are way more productive things to do than argue with Nayeon this evening.

It really shouldn’t be that hard to open her book and start revising, memorising facts and know all the concepts, but somehow it is. It even reached to a point where she just had to slam her head on her desk to get rid of the unwanted thoughts in there—she’s too distracted.

What’s even frustrating is that she doesn’t know what’s causing it.

She heaves a sigh, deciding she has had enough for the day.

[What’s happening?]

**im going crazy**

6:27 PM · Aug 18, 2012 · Twitter for iPhone

She shuts her eyes and instantly recalls the laughter and smiles they’ve shared today.

( “You’re such an asshole,” Nayeon says, striking Jeongyeon in the face after bringing up the python photo for the nth time.

Jeongyeon laughs it off yet again, zooming in even more. “Look at your face!”

Teasing Nayeon has always been Jeongyeon’s favourite thing to do. It’s not like she’s harming her friend in any way, in fact, Nayeon teases her all the time as well. And if it were a game, this certainly brings them to a 99:99 draw—well, sort of.

“Honestly, fuck you,” Nayeon says, muttering something under her breath that Jeongyeon didn’t quite catch.

With the girl’s knitted brows and her arms crossed, back angled slightly away from Jeongyeon, it has been brought to her attention that Nayeon is sulking.

Jeongyeon didn’t mean for it to escalate like this.

She taps Nayeon’s shoulder. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying, you asshole.” Nayeon sticks her tongue out and rolls her eyes after.

“Alright, if calling me asshole makes you feel better, feel free to do so,” Jeongyeon says with a big smile on her face.

Nayeon merely pauses and looks away—a fleeting glance that has been occurring incessantly even prior to this week.

Times like this makes Jeongyeon wish she could read people’s mind, and by people, she means Nayeon. After not getting any reaction from her previous statement, she’s eager to know what goes on in her friend’s mind.

Jeongyeon wants to know what’s up, but then again knowing Nayeon, the girl would probably just respond with ‘The sky, you asshole, that’s what’s up’.

“Jeongyeon, why am I still single?” Nayeon blurts out. “I mean, am I not a good person to date? ‘Cause I think I am.”

Jeongyeon isn’t so sure what made the girl raise such a random-ass topic, but it wouldn’t hurt to chime along. “That’s what I have been telling you. Lots of people are out there trying to ask you out, but you always reject them.”

It appears that Nayeon is in deep thought, gaze focused on the ground with her lips sealed tight.

The atmosphere isn’t anywhere near awkward, but it surely is something Jeongyeon isn’t very used to. It’s new to her. All she sees is Nayeon kicking at invisible pebbles and racking her brain about who-knows-what.

“If w-we’re both still single at the age of 30, let’s just date each other, alright?” Nayeon says, facing Jeongyeon.

“Sure.” Not an ounce of hesitation or surprise is projected in her voice.

“Wait, you’re not going to object?” Nayeon looks as though she’s more startled than she is.

Jeongyeon shrugs. “What’s the point of objecting if you’re gonna force it on me anyway.”

“True,” Nayeon says, smiling whilst biting her bottom lip. “Anyway, you’ll be my last resort so don’t get your hopes up,” she teases.

“Don’t worry, you’re not even on my list. I might just date you out of pity.”

Nayeon scoffs. “As if you’re on my list too.”

“You just said I’m your last resort.”

Nayeon moves forward. “When? When did I say that?”

“Just then.” Jeongyeon doesn’t back up. “What? Are you saying I’m hearing things?”

“Yes.”

And it didn’t just stop there. It went on until their friends had arrived before them and even on their way home.

You see, there are two things about Nayeon: she’s both predictable and unpredictable.

Which makes things far more confusing when Jeongyeon is trying to decipher whether the girl was joking or not.

\--

“You know, I want to go back there again,” Nayeon starts, eyes seemingly distant as they ride the bus. “With my girlfriend in the future.” Her lips lifting to a soft smile.

Jeongyeon nods. “I’m sure it’s possible. Lots of people are after you—pretty ones too. If you give them the chance to take you out, that is. Say, why don’t you ask Mina? She might say yes.”

Nayeon takes a deep breath and plays with the hem of her shirt. “Right… I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Mina… Mina is just too, too perfect.”

“Well, don’t take too long or someone else might ask her out first.” Jeongyeon bumps their shoulders together, garnering a low chuckle from Nayeon. )

\--

•• ( But the thing is, Nayeon doesn’t want perfect. ) ••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	3. Reason no. 1

** October 2012 **

Nayeon hates holding umbrellas.

It’s the weirdest confession the girl has ever made—even weirder than her not having her first kiss at the age of 18. And Jeongyeon, like the normal person that she is, of course doesn’t understand why. When asked, the girl didn’t even have a valid reason.

Nayeon plainly just doesn’t like holding it and had mentioned that she’d rather get wet and be soaked under the rain than hold one.

They have just finished cram school; it’s raining quite a bit, not too harsh, not too cold. It’s surprisingly calm, like the sound of her breathing. They’re at the bus stop now, and as you might imagine, Jeongyeon is in charge of holding the umbrella.

Usually, Nayeon gets picked up by her parents or sometimes purposely goes on the same bus Mina takes (which is a longer route, by the way)—this time, however, Nayeon decided to join her.

“The bus is here,” Nayeon says, clinging onto Jeongyeon’s arm.

With a casual nod, Jeongyeon lays her free arm out, guiding Nayeon to enter the vehicle first, not forgetting to cover the girl’s head as she does so. Jeongyeon soon enters and sees Nayeon sitting by the window, at the very back of the bus, waving enthusiastically with a soft smile etched on her face.

Jeongyeon smiles back.

For such an ordinary day, Nayeon somehow gives it her little touch of something extra.

“Please tell me you’ve made progress with Mina.” Jeongyeon sits right beside Nayeon.

“Is saying ‘hi’ to her before class starts considered a progress?”

Jeongyeon groans. “Dude, you literally have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Pick up your pace. Time is ticking. You’re graduating soon.”

“What’s the rush?”

“I’m just saying, you might miss your chance—"

“And why do you want me to date Mina so badly?”

“Because I think you two would look good together,” Jeongyeon states matter-of-factly. “What’s holding you back?”

“Nothing. I just need time, okay? I’ll do it on my own pace.” Nayeon turns her back on Jeongyeon. “If you want it that bad, why don’t you do it yourself?” she mumbles.

Jeongyeon’s mouth forms a tiny shape of an ‘o’ as she lets the idea sink in.

That makes a lot of sense.

 _Right._ Why didn’t she think of that before?

“Okay.” Jeongyeon steals Nayeon’s phone from her grasp, earning a pitched yelp in return.

“What are you doing?” Nayeon lands a punch on Jeongyeon’s arm as she reaches for it.

“Messaging Mina on Kakao for you.”

A gasp. “Jeongyeon!” Nayeon leans even closer, chest angling towards Jeongyeon’s arm. “Don’t you dare—No! Give that back. I swear to God.” She extends her hand further.

Jeongyeon draws farther. “If you won’t do anything about it, I’ll do it for you. You’ll—thank me—later,” she says in between the tussle.

With their faces almost rubbing against each other, Nayeon makes her final leap. “Aha!” she exclaims, against Jeongyeon’s ear.

“Yah! My ear—”

The sudden U-turn causes a minor uproar in the bus. It swerves hard, almost toppling over even.

Next thing they know, the phone falls on the ground, slipping from Nayeon’s fingers; the girl lunges forward—an action that’s beyond both of their control.

A loud screech leaves both their lips.

And before Jeongyeon knows it, Nayeon’s lips collide against hers; the time ceases along with all her senses—heat rises to her cheeks.

Nayeon instantly pulls back.

The girl’s pupils have become dilated beneath the dim lights of the bus.

It all happened in a flash—like an electric current passing through—fast but long enough for Jeongyeon to inhale Nayeon’s scent. Her perfume that’s tangy—both sweet and bitter in a pleasant way. Long enough for her to realise that Nayeon’s lips are soft, delicate like a fairy floss.

Jeongyeon remains motionless; there’s a strange overwhelming emotion that knots in her stomach and clogs right in her pipe.

She feels light-headed, a little hazy—until Nayeon smacks her a little too hard in the face.

“Are you crazy?” Nayeon’s hands tremble as she touches her own lips.

Jeongyeon’s brushes her hand over her tingling cheek. “W-what?”

“You stole my first kiss, you asshole!”

The other people in the bus throw glances their way.

“What—"

The bus makes a stop. Jeongyeon swiftly looks past the window, recognising that it’s Nayeon’s area.

“Move,” Nayeon mutters, still touching her lips—perhaps in disbelief, her cheeks as red as cherries.

The girl kicks Jeongyeon’s feet to make way, retrieving her phone from the ground and bolts out the vehicle without sparing Jeongyeon a single glance.

Somehow, the feeling still resides there, in Jeongyeon’s chest, growing and manifesting—a little slow, like a hammock by the beach, swaying with the wind.

The bus begins to move again; it goes around the city which leaves her no other choice but to watch the droplets of rain race down its window.

The girl is no longer in sight, but the taste of her lip balm still lingers on the corners of Jeongyeon’s lips.

Jeongyeon doesn’t know how long it has been or what time it is, but she does know one thing—she definitely missed her stop.

\--

•• Nayeon storms inside their house. It only takes her a few seconds to dash through their living room carpet, their kitchen tiles and to her bedroom, ignoring her mother’s questions regarding her day at school.

As soon as she shuts the door behind, a muffled scream echoes in her bedroom just as she throws herself to her mattress.

She is beyond upset.

 _‘Upset’_ about the fact that Yoo Jeongyeon stole her first kiss. “Why did it have to be like that?” Nayeon yells, smothering her face with a pillow.

But no matter how hard she tries to convince herself that the kiss was nowhere near the first kiss she had initially wanted.

It felt somewhat… perfect.

“Ugh. No!” she screams as she throws her blanket over her face. ••

~

_ August 2020 _

9:11 AM. Jeongyeon thought it would be a good idea to bake today.

And so, she’s here, at the kitchen counter, cracking eggs and adding all sorts of ingredients that the YouTube video in front of her tells her to.

After what happened last night, with Nayeon under the rain and the grim skies—Jeongyeon figures they got off to a good start. And no, she’s not referring to them getting wet and almost catching a cold, but the bond they have shared that night; there was an inevitable bond of understanding between them.

Jeongyeon recalls running for minutes on end to seek cover. There was a cosy sense of intimacy about it—she can’t really give an explanation for it, but she felt as though she still knew Nayeon.

And maybe Nayeon had felt it too—the reason being is that it didn’t take long for them to get comfortable around each other. It wasn’t odd; it felt like it was about time.

Nayeon had carefully let her guards down (at least in Jeongyeon’s perspective)—along with the faint whispers of the wind and the rain that had fallen elegantly with two-second interval before it hit the damp pavement, one after the other.

Jeongyeon remembers Nayeon’s voice being soft, like a hair of a bow being brushed lightly against the violin’s strings as she talked about her new interests, hobbies, and career.

Nayeon is a doctor now—a general practitioner. The news didn’t come as a surprise to Jeongyeon.

Just before Nayeon left high school, one of the last things Jeongyeon recollects is the woman rejoicing about getting accepted to Seoul National University, to study Medicine—just as her father wanted.

Of course, Jeongyeon hoped Nayeon would’ve changed her mind halfway through her first year and maybe pursue what she’s passionate about, but turns out she had stayed.

Nayeon said the entire experience made her feel like hell. And when Jeongyeon asked why she had kept on pursuing it, Nayeon just smiled, like she always does, and told her that she just wanted her parents to be happy. “It’s the least I could do,” she said.

 _But are you happy?_ Was the question she wanted to ask, but she assumed Nayeon wouldn’t want the conversation to get too serious—after all, they were just starting to warm up to each other. So, all Jeongyeon said was, “I really was rooting for you to become an idol.”

And Nayeon just laughed it off. “If I had become one, were you really going to support me?” 

“Of course! I would’ve been the President of your fandom. I also would’ve bought as much album as I could, just so I’d be able to attend fansigns and shake hands with you,” Jeongyeon said, exaggerating every word with excessive gestures. “I’d probably be there at every concert too, and I would’ve made a big sign with your face in it—all your pre-debut photos. Then I’d scream my lungs out just for you to notice me amongst thousands of people. ‘Yah! Im Nayeon!’” she continued, enacting what she had just said, holding an invisible sign, raised above her head.

She had earned a light slap on her arm as Nayeon laughed her heart out—the same laugh that Jeongyeon used to hear every day, loud and clear—pretty contagious too.

“You’re crazy,” was all she said.

It was nice seeing Nayeon laugh like that again. Jeongyeon had missed it—her voice, her laugh, or might as well say _everything._

Jeongyeon did meet Jihyo in the end—sat in a white Mercedes, waving at her eagerly as if all her feelings have been poured in that mere gesture.

The immediate thought that crashed inside Jeongyeon’s mind was how pretty Jihyo was—and the traits of Jihyo that Jeongyeon was very fond of were still there. Kind, thoughtful and dependable.

Her glow was a bit different though. It’s the same glow she sees whenever Sana gushes about Momo—the glow of someone who’s loved and in love. As much as Jeongyeon wanted to find out more, Jihyo announced that she had immediate plans with her family, so she needed to leave pronto.

They all had promised to catch up soon though, with Jihyo cornering Jeongyeon with the words ‘don’t be a stranger.’ And soon after, they shared their goodbyes and had expressed her gratitude for taking the time to take her and Nayeon back home safely.

But that was yesterday, and right now, Jeongyeon finds herself sprawled on the marbled floor as she scoops the flour that fell from its container. There’s a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.

She has been in this position for more than five minutes now, unfazed and determined to clean it up as fast as she can by sectioning it, rather than scooping it up all at once.

So, there she goes trying and creating a line of small lines across the floor.

Rising from the ground, she rubs the part above her upper lip where the itch lies and wipes her hands on her apron.

“Jeongyeon, I came to return this—”

“Jesus.” Jeongyeon just felt her soul leave her body. She rests her hand on her chest. “Did you knock—"

“Oh my God!”

“What?” Jeongyeon instantly pulls her fists out. “You’re scaring me,” she exclaims.

“Are you crazy?”

“Am I what? _Crazy?_ ”

Nayeon shoves her to the side and observes the floor. “You have got to have an explanation for this!” she says, voice raising by the second.

“An explanation for what—”

“H-how can you do this to yourself? Do you realise how big of an issue this is? Oh my God. Jeongyeon…”

“I’m not sure what you mean—”

Nayeon hits the top of Jeongyeon’s head with her fist. “This is horrible! I never would have expected you to do such thing! I didn’t even think you’re capable of doing so,” she says. “Have you gone mad?”

“Mad? You’re the one who barged into my apartment without knocking!”

“Oh, so if I didn’t barge in, were you really going to keep doing what you’re doing?” Nayeon paces around the kitchen area, biting her nails in the process. “Does your sister know about this? This is insane.”

“I’m still not following…”

“After last night, I actually thought that you were doing fine. That I’m doing fine. That we’re doing fine,” the woman mumbles to herself.

“We are.”

Nayeon stops in front of her. “No, we’re not. Look at you! I can’t believe I agreed to be friends with you again.”

Jeongyeon throws her hands in the air. “Can’t you just tell me what’s up?”

“What’s up? _What’s up?_ The goddamn sky, Jeongyeon, that’s what’s up.”

Jeongyeon really should’ve seen that one coming. “Stop. You’ve been saying that since high school—”

“I am honestly disappointed in you.”

“What—”

“What? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the fact that I’m extremely mad.”

Jeongyeon sighs. “Nayeon, just tell me what’s—”

“You. Doing drugs. That’s what’s up.”

“What? _Drugs?_ What dr—” And then it strikes her.

Jeongyeon loses it. She feels her knees buckling as they take her to the ground, throwing her head back as laughter bursts from within.

“What’s so funny?”

“Drug… Drugs? It’s… It’s—” Jeongyeon, still laughing, squats down and grabs a fistful of it. “It’s flour, you dumbass.” And blows it on Nayeon’s face.

The woman stares at her, displeased, clearly unimpressed as the particles create a fog-like view.

“Are you out of your mind?” Another smack lands right on Jeongyeon’s head. “I just took a shower!”

“Welcome back!”

“Welcome back?” Nayeon kicks Jeongyeon’s thighs. “What do you mean welcome back?”

“The devil is finally back,” Jeongyeon exclaims as she escapes Nayeon’s wrath.

“Devil?” Nayeon rests her hands on her waist. “You asshole! Come back here.”

\--

Time had gone by so quickly.

It’s the last week of October now; Jeongyeon’s birthday is approaching near.

To be honest, Jeongyeon didn’t really think much of it, until Momo and Sana decided to remind her each and every other day. She may have forgotten to mention it but, yes, she is still very much close to the duo—surprising, isn’t it?

After their high school graduation, they all have managed to maintain contact with each other despite attending different universities.

Plans were either made randomly or spontaneously; they would often go out on the weekends—partying, playing games, and drinking till dawn. It was fun, and it still stuns her to this day that she had lasted with them—considering that they’re both such pain in the asses.

And Jeongyeon was right, Momo and Sana have been secretly dating for years and had only told Jeongyeon months before they got engaged. It really wasn’t saying much—she already had known for as long as she can remember.

She had confirmed her suspicions herself from the moment Momo froze when Sana kissed her on the cheek on her 17th birthday. They were too obvious—they didn’t even try to hide it.

And as amazing as everything sounds, they’re both getting married at the end of this year—to each other, of course. The day before Sana’s birthday to be exact.

As far as Jeongyeon knows, Momo and Sana have already been sending out their wedding invitations; they told her they have not been in contact with Nayeon and Jihyo, but are planning to invite the said women—so, Jeongyeon is trying to set up a date so that all of them can meet and catch up for the first time in years. And then maybe the two can give their invitations in person.

Jeongyeon cracks an egg on the preheated pan.

By the counter, she picks up the salt container, wishing to add a bit of salt to taste. But when she dabs it lightly over the pan, nothing comes out.

“Empty?” she whispers to herself.

When was the last time she went grocery shopping?

_Maybe a month ago?_

She turns her stove off and wipes her hands on her apron.

 _Maybe Nayeon has salt._ There shouldn’t be no harm in asking.

As she steps out of her kitchen, she passes by a mirror and quickly fixes her fringe. A faint curve forms on her lips.

She soon closes the door behind her and enters Nayeon’s apartment with no further warning.

They have been like this for a while now—barging into each other’s places as if it were their own.

Nayeon had started it, based on what she’s able to recall, when the woman walked in on Jeongyeon tidying the flour on the floor— _drugs—_ as Nayeon pointed out.

 _Fun times._ She chuckles.

It didn’t really take long for them to start getting comfortable around each other again, all things considered—it’s safe to say that they are indeed friends again.

“Hey, can I borrow your salt?” she says, approaching the living room and stares at Nayeon who’s lying on couch with her double chin protruding; the woman flinches at her presence.

“Oh my—” A pillow is thrown at her feet. “Learn how to knock, you asshole!” Nayeon says, clutching her laptop close to her chest that was once on her lap.

“You don’t even knock at my door! What are you doing anyway?” Jeongyeon smirks as she grabs the pillow sitting beside her feet. “Why do you look so terrified?”

“What? What do you… I-I… I-uhm… Well… I was—” Nayeon starts shifting on the couch. “—looking at uhh… porn.”

_… Porn?_

_What the fuck?_

Taken aback by the sudden confession, Jeongyeon cackles hysterically.

Nayeon looks away. Her cheeks are as red as a watermelon.

Jeongyeon can only guess that the woman is downright embarrassed.

“I did _not_ have to know that. You’re fucking disgusting. It’s only 9 o’clock in the morning.” Jeongyeon laughs and lets her feet take her to Nayeon’s kitchen.

“W-well you asked… and besides I—”

“I really just came here for the salt,” Jeongyeon says with a smug smile. “Where is it?”

Nayeon gets up from the couch. “It’s literally right in front of you. Do me a favour and get your eyes checked, y-you blind-ass bitch.”

“Yeah, okay, Regina. Do me a favour and turn your VPN on.” And with that, Jeongyeon leaves the space, still giggling.

“Fuck off!”

That was pathetic. Truly pathetic yet funny as hell.

\--

•• Nayeon kinda lied. ••

\--

Jeongyeon enters her kitchen with a wide grin, suddenly remembering Nayeon’s panicked expression.

It gets even better the more she thinks about it.

“Porn,” she snickers as she adds the salt to her egg, stove now turned on again.

There is just no way Jeongyeon would be able to recover from that. She will most likely bring it up every time she gets the chance to, because why not? It’s the perfect ice breaker.

They used to tease each other before anyway, so what’s the harm of teasing each other again?

With her egg now ready, she takes a small plate and placed the egg along with the toasted bread she had prepared.

It’s kind of amusing how she took cooking and baking lessons and the first thing she cooks for herself is a scrambled egg toast. Even a 10-year-old can cook this. But she takes a mouthful anyway.

“What the fuck,” she mutters with her mouth full.

_Why is it sweet?_

She chews it hesitantly, eyeing Nayeon’s salt container. _It’s not sugar, is it?_

She grabs it and sprinkles some in her hand to taste.

Jeongyeon discards her plate to the side and gags. “Great.”

Her phone chimes.

**Regina new number**

_[9:23 AM]_ 1:1 :P

\--

“Happy birthday!” they scream as Jeongyeon sets her foot in her apartment.

It takes her a few seconds to adapt to the bright lights being switched on simultaneously. She cautiously drags her feet and walks into a hubbub of laughter.

Colourful balloons have been scattered throughout the vast space, some on the ground and a few by the ceiling. Simple yet beautiful is how she would put it.

“Are you just gonna stand there or what?” Jihyo calls out, garnering giggles from the girls around the room.

Everyone is here.

It doesn’t sink in quite well yet, but everyone is really here, in front of her, in the flesh.

A surprise party? Who would’ve thought?

There’s Jihyo, standing with a cake on her hands, wearing a bright smile that could possibly light up the entire city. Momo and Sana who are each holding the balloons shaped two and five, respectively. Nayeon, whose arm is linked around Dahyun’s—hands occupied with two bottles of champagne—seems like the two hit it off well already. And a woman, who displays a polite smile. Jeongyeon assumes that she’s Nayeon’s friend—the shortest amongst the group.

Jeongyeon should probably ask Nayeon about her later.

“I-I don’t know what to say. Oh my God,” she says, beaming from ear to ear.

“No one’s asking you to. Just get your ass here,” Dahyun says, and the girls agree teasingly.

And Jeongyeon does as she is told—her heart swelling at the sight of her friends all in one room.

It took them long enough.

\--

The party turned out to be everything Jeongyeon hoped it would be.

It turns out, Nayeon wasn’t really watching porn that day but was instead contacting their friends, asking them for ideas.

The one who had orchestrated everything sits right beside Jeongyeon—sipping her champagne and is attentively listening to their friends’ stories. Nayeon, who was secretly planning her birthday celebration, in hopes of making her happy. Nayeon, who still is as thoughtful as before. Nayeon, who Jeongyeon believes is one of the reasons why she’s on cloud nine tonight.

Oh, and the woman earlier, her name is Son Chaeyoung—an architect. She sports a hair length that rests just above her shoulders and has a charming pair of dimples. The woman is three years younger than her and lives right around the area too.

Apparently, Nayeon met her at a university party and later became good friends. Nayeon had also mentioned that Chaeyoung is Jeongyeon’s fan, which is why she decided to invite the woman; it really didn’t come as a surprise when Chaeyoung acted all shy as soon as Jeongyeon had approached her. It’s cute. She is also as nice as Jeongyeon had expected.

It seems like there are a couple of new additions to the _gang._

“Are we meant to bring back the birthday tradition?” says Sana, clapping enthusiastically.

“What birthday tradition?” Dahyun asks innocently.

Jeongyeon hides her face. “Oh God, please, no.”

They all start singing ‘happy birthday’ again, and one by one, Jeongyeon hears the soles of the chairs scrape against the floor—a literal sign of her doom.

Despite her protests (that were practically helpless), faces begin to approach her, lips puckered up, feeling an avalanche of kisses around the crown of her head down to her face.

Giggles arouse from the corner.

A few ‘oh my God’ and ‘what kind of tradition is this’ have been thrown across, and Jeongyeon guesses they’re from the two newbies.

The _OG_ ones, however, knew Jeongyeon hated kisses, but they did it anyway.

That has to be betrayal, right?

When it was time to cut the cake, most of them crowded over to take photos of the seamless rainbow layered cake. It really had stolen Jeongyeon's thunder, for sure; there’s nothing else that would honestly scream gay even from afar. It was very thoughtful of Momo and Sana—the ones responsible for buying it.

After the cake had been cut, all of them started to lather the icing all around Jeongyeon’s precious face—some even went to her hair.

Photos from different angles were taken—probably to make fun of her and to post it on their social media accounts.

Oh, and the alcohol, you ask? Dahyun bought it, because, really, what’s a party without alcohol?

Jihyo on the otherhand, like always, had to stay sober—the gang’s designated unpaid driver.

At the stroke of midnight, things became blurrier to Jeongyeon. All she recalls now is them dancing, chatting, playing, drinking every time someone refuses a dare or to answer the truth, and eating with gusto.

Plenty of fun things happened.

A few saucy topics and gossips were shared amongst everyone, but most of them came out from Jeongyeon’s mouth. It almost felt like everyone was _using_ her—using her in a sense to find out more, to figure out which celebrity is mean and nice in real life and all that stuff—Jeongyeon fears she had revealed too much, but really, there’s no point in worrying when she can’t even remember what she had spouted. 

When they were playing truth or dare, Jeongyeon remembers Jihyo picking ‘truth’ and later admitting that she is currently dating an idol—she did not disclose the name, of course. Jihyo isn’t _that_ dumb.

But Jeongyeon knows who the woman was referring to. Jihyo told her _way_ back when they went out for a cup of coffee.

It was Danny or Spaniel, or something—honestly, Jeongyeon can’t be bothered thinking anymore.

It may come off a tad maudlin but the amount of happiness that Jeongyeon is feeling in this very moment is something that she hasn’t felt in a very long time.

It’s almost as if all the years of being apart from them was a wake-up call—to tell her that it’s people like them who would be able to inspire her to become a better person, that it’s people like them who would be able to bring out the best in her, that it’s people like them who would make her happy.

Or maybe it’s just the alcohol kicking in.

_Quick question though: what is it with alcohol that makes people so sentimental out of the blue?_

\--

“Oh God, why are we like this,” Nayeon says, tidying the place later that night. “Look at this—look at this mess!” She points to the deflated balloons and bottles of drinks lying on the floor.

The others have left already, and Jihyo, who had remained sober the entire night offered to drive the rest of their friends home.

“Can you calm down for a second? I’m trying to have a nap here,” Jeongyeon complains and stretches her limbs over the couch, eyes drooping at every move Nayeon makes.

“Calm down? _Calm down?_ With all this garbage? You want me to calm down?” Nayeon huffs and proceeds to discard the plastic cups and saucers.

Jeongyeon tries her best to stay awake. “Nayeon.”

“What?” the woman snaps, slightly irritated.

“Thank you.”

It’s only two words, but she bets Nayeon already knows what she means—the woman knows Jeongyeon inside and out.

Nayeon easily breaks into a smile. “You’re welcome.”

They may be women of few words, but they both know it’s enough. Enough to make each other feel assured, and enough to soothe each other’s restless minds.

They don’t say anything else after that. It has become silent as though the night has been hushed abruptly. Not the awkward kind, but the kind that’s pleasant and comforting.

“How’s work lately?” Jeongyeon asks, still lying on the couch with her arm laid across her forehead.

Nayeon must have found the question a bit too random, seeing as she scrunches her face. “Same old, same old.”

“That’s good…” Jeongyeon trails. “You know, I honestly thought I’d never see you again—let alone be friends with you again. But look at us, who would’ve thought?”

Nayeon chuckles. “Not me.” And resumes to wiping the table. “So, Jeongyeon, tell me, are you dating anyone right now?”

“That’s really random,” Jeongyeon muses as she shifts on the couch.

“I’m just being _cautious._ I mean, you never know… someone might barge in here and attack me out of the blue. You wouldn’t want your apartment to turn into a crime scene, would you?” Nayeon says with a dismissive shrug.

“Crime scene?” Jeongyeon chuckles. “Don’t worry, no one’s going to get jealous and attack you. What about you? Are _you_ dating anyone?”

“Why? Are you planning to date me?” she sing-songs.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

And Nayeon just throws her a mocking face.

Minutes pass them by and Nayeon is still actively cleaning.

Jeongyeon doesn’t understand why Nayeon is doing all this now, more specifically why she’s so keen on doing it, but a wild guess pops into Jeongyeon’s mind as she lies on the couch with her lips sealed tight.

Perhaps, Nayeon still recollects how Jeongyeon doesn’t like messy stuff. It came to light when Jeongyeon had visited Nayeon’s place after their summer break back in 2012.

Nayeon was sick at the time and Jeongyeon decided to bring with her a bowl of beef short-rib soup. Her mother said it’s good for people with fever.

And when she had stepped inside Nayeon’s room, her immediate instinct was to clean the hell out of it. Long story short, the room was filthy and had an awful smell.

“Nayeon, this might sound weird, but can you just please stop cleaning?” Jeongyeon says, now sitting on her couch, her soles resting on the floor.

“What—"

“I know, I know.” Jeongyeon shakes her head, trying to sober up. Perhaps she should consider drinking a cup coffee in a bit. “But you’ve done enough, and I know you’re tired—so, why don’t you rest here for a while?” she continues, patting the empty space beside her.

Nayeon eyes her weirdly and sets aside the vacuum in her hand. “You’re being weird, I don’t like it.” But the woman sits anyway. “Are you still drunk?” Nayeon says, bending forwards.

It catches Jeongyeon by surprise.

“A little bit, maybe? I don’t know.” She rubs her eyes and draws back a few inches, away from Nayeon’s condemning stare. “Why are you so close? Move back.”

Nayeon heaves her head slightly, eyes half-open and her pair of lips moderately unzipped.

Just when Jeongyeon thought that Nayeon was about to move away—imagine her surprise when the woman sneezed on her bare face.

“What the fuck—”

There goes another sneeze—even splashier than before.

You know when a car drives you by, with the driver fully knowing that there’s a huge puddle on the road but still drives through it anyway and it makes a big swash?

That’s exactly how it feels right now.

“Gross!” Jeongyeon exclaims as she smacks Nayeon with a cushion. “You don’t know how to knock, _and_ you don’t know how to sneeze in your sleeves. Jesus. What do you know?”

Nayeon falls back on the opposite end of the couch, eyes crinkling as her face lights up. “That’s my birthday gift,” she jokes.

“Oh, how thoughtful,” Jeongyeon says, rubbing her face against her own clothing. “I really thought it was fucking raining.”

Nayeon grins. “It’s not like I could control it. It’s involuntary. An involuntary reflex. How was I supposed to know?” she says, peeping at the far end.

“There’s this thing called covering your mouth, you dumbass.” Jeongyeon knocks Nayeon’s foot off her thighs. “That really sobered me up.”

“See? You’re welcome.” Nayeon giggles, raising her foot that’s covered with socks close to Jeongyeon’s nose.

“You’re such a child.” Jeongyeon swats her foot away.

“Wrong. A baby.”

“Please stop.”

Nayeon shoots a bunch of finger hearts her way, flaunting that gummy smile of hers—a big bunny gummy smile.

_Cute._

\--

Nayeon uses Jeongyeon’s thighs as a pillow to lie on.

It’s close to 4:00 AM now, and they have just finished cleaning Jeongyeon’s entire apartment.

It was tiresome, to say the least, but Nayeon made it fun by blasting songs in Jeongyeon’s living room speakers, singing along as if she was holding a concert of her own.

Jeongyeon did feel sorry for their neighbours. It must have reached their walls, considering how thin they are—though it’s a good thing no one complained (at least not yet).

Both sprawled on the couch, Jeongyeon just sits there with Nayeon’s head on her lap, actively listening to her friend’s stories. Stories that go all the way back to their childhood—both the interesting and embarrassing anecdotes, causing them to erupt in laughter.

“Remember that time when you had an explosive diarrhea—”

“We don’t talk about that!” Nayeon yells, hiding behind her huge hands.

Jeongyeon stifles a laugh. “—and you called me whilst I was still in class, so I had to ask the teacher if I could leave the class and give you medicine—”

“Stop!”

“—but he wouldn’t let me out unless I tell him which friend it was, because he thought I was lying. So, I had to tell them—”

“I said stop!” Nayeon slaps her hand on Jeongyeon’s mouth, an attempt to shut her up.

“—‘ipth Im Nawyeon, siw…’” she manages to say.

Nayeon retreats her hand and strikes Jeongyeon’s chest with it.

It’s an anecdote that puts Jeongyeon in a good mood without fail. She certainly has it saved in one of her brain’s most treasured memories; no matter how forgetful she is, she can guarantee you that the said anecdote will still be remembered by her for years to come.

Nayeon hated her for a while, after knowing that Jeongyeon had announced it in front of her class. The woman went on ignoring her for a whole week—yes, because of the explosive diarrhea that had nothing to do with Jeongyeon whatsoever.

In fact, Nayeon should’ve been grateful—if it weren’t for Jeongyeon, strangers could’ve walked in on her.

But as you might know, she got the silent treatment instead.

Who can blame Jeongyeon for having done such thing though? It’s not like she had a choice.

“I hated you so much for that. Ugh! I bet everyone remembered me as the girl who shat in the toilet.” Nayeon hits Jeongyeon’s arm and wriggles in place, whining for minutes on end. “Fuck!”

“Hey, if I hadn’t said your name, then a stranger would’ve probably caught you. Isn’t that worse?”

“You could’ve lied and said it was Sana!”

“Sana was right behind me, you dumbass,” Jeongyeon says matter-of-factly. “Tell me, how could Sana be shitting herself when she was literally just there doodling her and Momo’s name?”

“Well, you could’ve done better.” Nayeon sulks, switching her attention to the ceiling.

“What’s done is done, dude.” Jeongyeon says, playfully pinching the sides of Nayeon’s nostrils—possibly blocking the woman’s airway.

Nayeon wheezes in an instant, and flicks Jeongyeon on the forehead.

“Oh, so now what? Are you trying to kill me as well?”

A tiny giggle floats in the air as Jeongyeon ruffles Nayeon’s hair.

It’s not unknown between them—how much they’ve missed this, all the smallest things there is, to laugh and argue about, things that make all other things irrelevant, and how much they’ve missed each other, like the sun misses the flowers in the depths of winter.

There are lots of things she missed about Nayeon. But somehow, she can’t bring herself to name one. As though all aspects have been weaved into a massive sphere of things, containing everything.

Perhaps she had missed the connection, the mere bond that binds them, forming a friendship that’s all too weird, but a good kind of weird.

Perhaps she misses the warmth—not just physically per se, but the warmth in her heart that glows every time she talks to Nayeon; the conversations she shares with her—conversations that contain ‘secrets’, but really are just full of nonsense.

She could say more but there really isn’t enough words to express the fondness she has for Nayeon.

“What are you thinking?” Nayeon says softly, combing her fingers through Jeongyeon’s fringe.

“Nothing.” Jeongyeon smiles.

Nayeon draws her hand. “That was an awfully long silence for a simple ‘nothing’.”

“Let’s not talk about me. What about you? Do you have any more interesting stories to tell? Boyfriends? Girlfriends? Ex-boyfriends? Ex-girlfriends?”

Nayeon pauses for a while. “Not really. I didn’t have a lot of time in my hands then—even now. I’ve had flings but no serious ones. Med-school was stressful enough for me,” the woman says, chuckling.

“Good job. What a model student,” Jeongyeon teases. “So, you’re 26 and you’re telling me you’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

Nayeon groans. “This sounds _very_ familiar,” she says dryly. “Yes, Jeongyeon. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. There, are you happy?”

“Yes,” Jeongyeon jabs, and receives a flippant glare in response.

“Speaking of boyfriend or girlfriend, remember the deal we had? The pact or whatever you call it… I don’t know… Maybe it’s just me, or maybe I was hallucinating but I think it was when we were at the zoo and I brought it up out of the blue. And surprisingly, you agreed.”

“About what? What deal?” Jeongyeon tilts her head. “I don’t remember agreeing to any deal you had proposed to me.”

“The deal. The one where I said that if we’re still single by the time we reach our 30s, we should just date each other—something like that. And you agreed, because you said, if you didn’t, I would force you to anyway,” Nayeon says with a beaming smile, shifting her head on Jeongyeon’s lap.

Ah. That deal. Of course, she remembers.

Jeongyeon’s face holds an amused expression. “What are you saying here exactly?”

“I think it’s time to implement it!” Nayeon exclaims.

“You’re joking.”

“Or am I?” The woman’s grin becomes even wider, blinding almost. “I’m single, you’re single—it’s the perfect plan!”

“You’re still four years away from being 30. And what makes you think I’d date you?”

“I’ll make you.”

“I’ll still say no.”

“But why? I’m like the best thing that’s ever happened you,” Nayeon says, now straddling Jeongyeon, arms surrounding her shoulders.

“W-what are you doing? Get off me.” She tries to push the woman away but to no avail, she doesn’t budge.

“Let’s see,” Nayeon says, her voice full of tease, brushing her fingers along Jeongyeon’s jaw. “Pretty jaw, pretty nose, pretty eyes… and an okay personality—I think you’ll pass as my girlfriend.”

A scoff escapes Jeongyeon’s lips. _What in the world is an ‘okay’ personality?_ “What do you mean? I’m like a 10 out of 10—looks and personality wise.”

“Sure, let’s say you are—”

“No, I definitely I am.”

“Right,” Nayeon says. “Let’s say you _definitely_ are, would you date me then?”

If anything, Jeongyeon is just so confused right now. She begins rubbing her temples.

It’s times like this that she often asks herself why on earth she’s still friends with Nayeon.

“No,” Jeongyeon sighs out loud. “And what does that have to do with dating you?”

“Because I’m a 10 too, and 10 multiplied by 10 is a hundred, which means we’re a hundred per cent perfect for each other.” Nayeon giggles at her own words.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“That makes you crazy too.”

“How?”

“Because you’re my friend, and that means your crazy matches my crazy.”

Jeongyeon grimaces. “Isn’t that a line from a movie?”

“Your mum is a line from a movie.”

Jeongyeon honestly can’t remember how many times she has wacked Nayeon with a pillow this morning.

\--

_ January 2021 _

2020 made Jeongyeon feel as if she was on a roller coaster that constantly went up and down and all the way around—mostly up though.

The most exciting part? If she were only to pick one, that would be meeting Nayeon again—like that isn’t the most obvious answer; if it weren’t for Nayeon, she wouldn’t have met Jihyo again, or even Chaeyoung. It felt like a ripple effect, who had started from Nayeon and then dispersed all throughout, like a chain of wonderful events.

Maybe she’s exaggerating it, but it’s how she would put it.

**Momo**

_[3:09 AM]_ Happy New Year, Jeongyeonie~

 _[3:09 AM]_ Well it’s technically still the 31st here but…

 _[3:09 AM]_ Sorry we couldn’t be there

 _[3:10 AM]_ But I’m sure you’re more than fine since Nayeon is there ; ) lol

_[3:13 AM]_ you’re right

 _[3:13 AM]_ i don’t miss your stinky-ass

 _[3:14 AM]_ how’s the honeymoon coming along?

**Momo**

_[3:15 AM]_ AWESOME!!!!

 _[3:15 AM]_ Hawaii is so pretty!!!!

 _[3:16 AM]_ But sana is prettier

 _[3:17 AM]_ I feel like im in heaven!!!!!!!!

 _[3:18 AM]_ It’s 8 am now and we’re leaving our hotel in a while and go sight seeing

 _[3:18 AM]_ Oh and sana danced to bad guy last night…. I almost fainted!! I’ll post it on my story later

 _[3:18 AM]_ I love her a lot

Jeongyeon can’t help but smile at the messages.

It’s almost been a week since her friends’ wedding, but it somehow feels like they’ve been married to each other way before that.

A day with SaMo can get really disgusting. How does Jeongyeon know that? Because she had been tagging along with them since forever, fully knowing that she’s the third wheel.

SaMo almost always laugh at things that no one really found funny and they tend to do things in sync every single damn time. It’s kinda weird, if she were being honest.

But they can be cute too.

Just thinking about their wedding stirs bubbles of emotion inside of Jeongyeon. It ended so quickly.

One moment, it’s Sana walking down the aisle with her father, ever so beautifully. She was gorgeous with her dress that fits her perfectly, and her hair and everything else combined that blends well with her features.

Jeongyeon had seen the way Sana smiled, and when she says she’s never seen her smile that bright—you better believe her.

Jeongyeon recalls Momo’s stare—a stare that would make any other stare pale in comparison. A very loving one, tender and so pure as though it holds all the diamonds in the sky. She had seen the way Momo sniffled as beads of tears came trickling down her cheeks—and soon after exclaimed that she shouldn’t cry because the makeup is expensive, causing a major wave of laughter amongst the guests.

The next thing she knew, Nayeon and Jihyo started bawling beside her as SaMo exchanged vows. And being the nice friend that she is, she lent them her handkerchief, which, by the way Nayeon still hadn’t returned.

Looking back at it now, maybe soulmates really are a thing. Maybe Sana and Momo are living proofs that soulmates do exist.

Years ago, Jeongyeon asked Momo what a soulmate is—they were at a train station, waiting for Sana to get off the train from Busan.

“A soulmate? Well… I don’t know… a soulmate is… uhh… Sana,” she said with the purest look on her face.

“Elaborate.”

“Jeez. Why do you always put me on the spot…” Momo trails, rubbing the back of her neck. “A soulmate is like you but a different person… a mirror of you… but loves you more than you do… more than you love yourself—someone who makes ordinary mundane things feel amazing… It’s someone who knows you inside and out, even the worst parts of you, and still wouldn’t trade you for the world. It’s someone who can hold your hand in the midst of everything and still wouldn’t let go. It’s the one that sees through you. A soulmate… is… uhh—someone who not only makes you feel happy, but makes you feel everything… And you wouldn’t really mind that, because you know you wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It does make sense.

Though she wonders if everyone will get to meet theirs.

_[3:25 AM]_ i know you do, bro.

 _[3:26 AM]_ have fun and take lots of photos

 _[3:26 AM]_ tell sana I said hi

**  
Momo**

_[3:28 AM]_ Will doooo

 _[3:29 AM_ ] Bye ttyl~

_But soulmates don’t have to be romantic, right?_

“Jeongyeon-ah, do you want action, animation or Nayeon?” Nayeon says, holding a remote in her hand.

Jeongyeon chuckles. _Right._

“Animation, please.”

“I heard Nayeon is really good. I think you’re missing out.”

“I’ve had enough of Nayeon today.”

“Take that back!”

\--

_ February 2021 _

Jeongyeon comes home confused.

She had taken an early flight home from New York and had done the usual stuff—photo shoots and all that, and now she’s here outside her front door, thoughts convoluted and a bit hazy.

It’s probably just jet lag—or, it’s because of the yellow sticky note placed on her front door that she has been reading for more than five minutes now.

**‘Reason no. 1: I’ll protect you at all costs’**

She tilts her head, brows furrowed as she walks inside her apartment.

“What?” she says to herself, eyes fixated on the note.

Nayeon wasn’t really serious, was she?

\--

“What’s this?” Jeongyeon points to the sticky note she had placed on her forehead a little later that day.

“Do you know what day it is today?” Nayeon sits on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her hands.

“Sunday?”

“No, I mean like… the date.”

“14th of February?”

“Uh-huh, keep going.”

Jeongyeon sits beside the woman. “It’s Valentine’s day.”

“Well done,” Nayeon exclaims as she shoves a handful in her mouth.

“What does that have to do with this?” She points to the note again.

Nayeon wrinkles her nose. “The pact… deal… or whatever you call it. Since you’re not planning to date me in the future, I figured I should give you _reasons_ to date me, just like you wanted. And besides, I don’t want you to be lonely on Valentine’s day.”

“Reasons to _what_?”

“Date me. So, when you’re 30 and still single, you’ll have me and then we can live happily ever after. Tada!” she says, grinning.

“What?”

“Have you been listening?”

“This is kinda gay.” Jeongyeon bites her cheek. “Also, why are you so persistent? Why… why me?”

“Why not you?”

“There are lots of people who are more than willing to date you. So, why me?”

Nayeon shrugs. “Just ‘cause. Must there always be an answer to everything?”

_Did she just use my words against me?_

Jeongyeon pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s say you keep this up. What happens if you find someone a year or two from now?”

“Then… sucks to be you,” Nayeon teases.

And Jeongyeon frowns.

“Okay, okay—“ the woman continues. “—I mean, I don’t know. I guess it stops? Like that isn’t the most obvious thing in the world.”

Jeongyeon hums in response.

“But when I do find someone, you can always steal me.” Nayeon winks.

Maybe befriending Nayeon was a bad idea.

Jeongyeon tosses a couple of popcorns at Nayeon’s face, irritated at the previously shown behaviour.

Nayeon lets out a yelp, a pitched one that remains ringing in their ears.

They fight over the bowl, tugging and pushing, trying to seek revenge each and every time. The woman yanks it from Jeongyeon’s hold, but instead of throwing it piece by piece, she shoves the whole bowl all over Jeongyeon’s face.

“What the—That’s not fair!” Jeongyeon says but laughs anyway.

It’s amusing to her how they keep tolerating each other’s behaviour—just her and Nayeon in their own bizarre little world.

Nayeon smirks. “Nothing in this life is fair, asshole.”

And Jeongyeon can’t say that she doesn’t agree.

\--

“So, you’re telling me that we’re staying inside for Valentine’s day?” Jeongyeon stares at the sticky note.

“Yes.” Nayeon raises two more bowls of popcorn.

Jeongyeon’s eyebrows furrow. “ _’Reason no. 1: I’ll protect you at all costs’?_ What does this even mean? Aren’t you supposed to convince me to date your lonely-ass?”

“And that’s what I’m doing.”

“By staying at home, in our pyjamas?”

“Yup.”

“And you think that’s going to impress me?”

“Yup,” Nayeon says with a smile on her face. “Well, originally, I was planning to take you to the cinemas, but they said I can’t bring _snacks_.” She winks.

Silence.

“Did you just—”

A pause.

Nayeon snorts.

“Uh-huh,” Nayeon says, giggling.

“That was awful,” Jeongyeon says, crinkling her nose. “10 points from Slytherin.”

“Hey! I researched a lot for that!”

“Well, too bad.” Jeongyeon gives up and sits close to Nayeon. “So, what are we doing today?”

“I thought you’d never ask. You’re going to love it.” Nayeon crosses her legs with a smug look on her face. “We’re watching a horror movie.”

Jeongyeon’s muscles become rigid. Her throat runs dry and her eyes go unblinking.

“Wait—”

“Be right back. I’ll just go and grab my bottle of soju in my apartment,” Nayeon announces.

“N-no. Hey, come back here. This is _not_ what we agreed on!” Jeongyeon trails behind her. “IM NAYEON.”

\--

**‘Reason no. 1: I’ll protect you at all costs.’**

_Protect my foot._

Before the movie had started, Nayeon had assured Jeongyeon that no matter what appears on the screen or how scary it gets, she could always hold the woman’s hand. “Just let me know if you’re scared. I’m here for you. This is a piece of cake anyway,” she said.

Jeongyeon feels Nayeon’s head on her shoulder shrinking as time passes by. The woman hides half of her face behind her cushion, hearing every shallow breath she takes.

Funny how the tables have turned. This is the exact opposite of what came out of Nayeon’s mouth.

The movie is close to its end—Jeongyeon prays it is because she had been meaning to go to the toilet for the past hour but Nayeon’s grip on her arm is just too tight for her to escape.

Fear has gotten the best of Nayeon and it’s hilarious as fuck.

Eyes shifting slowly, she wraps the blanket close to Nayeon’s chest. The woman hugs her knees as her orbs become too engrossed on the enormous bright screen before them. Speaking of her orbs, they appear a tad shiny.

_Is she crying?_

The corners of Jeongyeon’s lips threaten to curve upwards, attempting to suppress a laugh.

An ear-piercing scream wraps the entire place up as another jump scare appears, causing Jeongyeon to flinch in her seat.

This was obviously a bad idea.

The credits finally begin to roll down and all she can think of is Nayeon’s horrified face.

Jeongyeon couldn’t even pay attention to the movie—she was more concerned about the fact that Nayeon could pass out at any moment.

The ominous music plays as the screen features the names of the producers and whatnot, but Nayeon’s sniffle overpowers it.

“That wasn’t so scary, right?” Nayeon says, wiping her tears with her trembling hands.

“Yeah, it wasn’t.” Jeongyeon chuckles, placing her hands on both sides of her friend’s face. “For the record, this is the worst date I’ve ever been in,” she says, wiping away Nayeon’s tears with her thumbs.

“Shut up.” Nayeon shoos her hands.

\--

It has been 10 minutes since the movie ended and Jeongyeon busies herself by collecting their trash.

“You’re leaving already?”

Nayeon halts, hand wrapped around the doorknob. “Yeah. I-I mean, I’ve got work tomorrow and it’s already midnight.”

“Oh, yes. Of course,” Jeongyeon says and sets the bowls aside. “Will you be okay?”

She sees panic in Nayeon’s eyes, a cursory shadow of terror; the woman appears to be conflicting herself but tries to look brave anyway. “I’m fine. Don’t worry too much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… okay.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ll uhh—” Nayeon points to the door.

“Yeah, of course.” Jeongyeon holds the door out for her. “Hey, Nayeon,” Jeongyeon says as the woman sets her foot outside the door. “I had fun today,” she adds.

Nayeon’s eyes shine under the dull hallway lights. Her smile is faint, a bit weak but it’s still a smile. “Me too.”

Jeongyeon leaves the door ajar briefly. “Good night.”

“Good night, Jeong.”

\--

•• Nayeon takes two small steps forward, seemingly too distressed—and starts filling her mind with thoughts that are far from happy.

There really is no turning back now.

Running to her front door as if her life depended on it, her posture stiffens as she grabs a hold of her doorknob.

She probably looks like an actual idiot now—she prays that no one shows up along the hallway unexpected.

Her pulse drums against her ears—it’s driving her mad. There’s an obvious regret at the tip of her tongue. They really shouldn’t have watched that. If there’s anything she could wish for right now, that would be to turn back the time and pick a rom-com movie instead.

It wasn’t that long ago since she had watched a horror movie, yet she still somehow forgets how fainthearted she is.

Lesson learned.

As she punches in her code, her lids instantly fall shut as she swings her door open; it creaks in the loudest way possible. She clenches her jaw tightly, acquiring the courage of opening her eyes but sees nothing but darkness.

Silhouettes of objects that she can’t quite make out appear before her.

_Nope. Not today, Satan._

She shuts her door.

“Jeongyeon? Yoo Jeongyeon,” she says, pounding on her friend’s door.

It takes about 30 seconds for the door to open and reveals a bewildered Jeongyeon whose hair is tied in a messy bun with a toothbrush in her mouth—foams of toothpaste still sit at the far-left corner of her lips.

Jeongyeon cocks a brow.

Nayeon presses her lips in a thin line. “I was thinking… if maybe… like… I mean, if I can’t, it’s fine. I was just wonder, wondering if maybe, maybe like—”

Jeongyeon throws her hands in the air.

“Can I sleep here?” Nayeon squeaks. ••

\--

Jeongyeon has been staring at the ceiling for a while now.

She has done everything to make herself drift off to sleep. She drank milk, herbal tea and had even counted sheep. This rarely ever happens, but still bothers her regardless. There were many times in the past where it took her almost an hour to go to sleep—it was mostly due to stress or work-related stuff. This time however, it’s a different story.

Jeongyeon rolls over to her left and sees Nayeon fast asleep.

They both had come to a decision to share the same bed—Jeongyeon only has one bedroom. They really had no choice.

Burying herself deep in the blanket, she shuffles for the nth time, eyes finally closing.

There’s a faint snore that reaches Jeongyeon’s ears, most likely from Nayeon—though it doesn’t really bother her, not even one bit.

She feels the mattress move, sinking in a delicate way, and Jeongyeon freezes in place as she feels a faint brush of contact on her forehead.

Lids fluttering open, there she sees Nayeon’s lips, slightly parted, centimetres away from her own. It sparks a jolt in her body and retrieves her head almost immediately.

Millions of thoughts paddle through her mind, going in circles with no destination.

She is lost for words; however, she tries to stay calm.

“Too close,” she mumbles as she shuffles back.

But just before she’s able to distance herself, right in the midst of her daydreams and musings and all that crap, an arm reaches across her waist, draping over her abdomen, fingers clutching onto her shirt as if Nayeon is hanging on for dear life. It closes the gap between them—and maybe Jeongyeon isn’t too thrilled about it.

_There really isn’t an escape to this, is there?_

“Nayeon,” she whispers. “Nayeon, your arm.” She carefully tries to take the arm out, but it doesn’t budge—instead, Nayeon plants her face close and snuggles against Jeongyeon’s neck, breathing softly, attuned to the wind that passes by the window.

There’s a sudden warmth that hits at the core; Jeongyeon can’t really explain it—she doesn’t even recognise it, but it’s not like she wants to know anyway.

And so she brushes it off.

“Good night,” she mumbles.

\--

Jeongyeon couldn't sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	4. Reason no. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been awhile :) i hope you all are doing just fine.
> 
> here's 8.3k words lmao

** December 2012 **

“So, can anyone explain why methane has a lower boiling point than water?” the teacher says.

Jeongyeon has chemistry now—her second period of the day. And just like any other day, no one is really paying attention. Her classmates are either dozing off or passing notes to each other, giggling about the popular K-drama that aired days ago—the one with Lee Jong Suk and Kim Woo Bin in it. Jeongyeon isn’t very fond of them, so she doesn’t really care.

Although, the day is just about ordinary, there is something unusual about it. It’s difficult to pinpoint what exactly is wrong, but it definitely is unusual.

Propping her cheek on her hand, she allows herself to relax and lets her mind wander in places.

(Nayeon’s lips collide against hers; the time ceases along with all her senses—heat rises to her cheeks.

Nayeon instantly pulls back.

The girl’s pupils have become dilated beneath the dim lights of the bus.

It all happened in a flash—like an electric current passing through—fast but long enough for Jeongyeon to inhale Nayeon’s scent. Her perfume that’s tangy—both sweet and bitter in a pleasant way. Long enough for her to realise that Nayeon’s lips are soft, delicate like a fairy floss—)

Jeongyeon flinches in her seat, deeply blinking, shaking her head lightly to rid of the unwanted thought.

_Not again._

Taking a deep breath, she cracks her knuckles and wriggles in her seat. “Get a grip,” she mumbles to herself.

“Anyone?” the teacher says. “Why does methane have a low boiling point?” she repeats.

 _Because it has a very weak intermolecular forces of attraction,_ Jeongyeon thinks to herself. That’s right. It’s better to put her mind in good use, not waste it on thoughts that induce nothing but stress.

The teacher paces to and fro in front of the class. “I’m waiting…”

Just before Jeongyeon could raise her hand, Momo tugs on her blazer with a small piece of paper in her hand.

“Jeongyeon,” Momo whispers, shoving the piece of paper on Jeongyeon’s desk.

“Right, Momo,” the teacher exclaims, clasping her hands together. Momo freezes in place. “Looks like you have something really important to say to everyone.” The teacher eyes Momo’s piece of paper, a single brow cocked highly.

Momo hesitantly rises. “Oh. Uhm. I-I—”

“Would you like to read it out loud? We all would love to hear it.”

“But… The thing, the thing is…”

 _Oh God._ Jeongyeon shrinks in her seat and scratches her nape as she sees Momo’s hands tremble.

The only thing Jeongyeon can do right now is wince and pray. Whatever Momo wrote on there, it better not be something embarrassing—and it better not be about her.

She prays it’s just something nonsense.

“I-It’s not…” Momo starts, her voice cracks. “It’s not important…” she squeaks, lowering her head.

“Oh, it has to be—since you couldn’t wait to say it to Jeongyeon at the end of the class.” The teacher leans her weight on the wooden podium. “Well, c’mon. We don’t have all day.”

Momo throws Jeongyeon a quick glance, a pleading one—a glance that’s both asking for help and forgiveness.

_Forgiveness?_

The classroom dives into a deafening silence.

Everyone is intrigued, a little bit too intrigued that no one dares to make a squeak—or really, they’re all just in for the gossip.

“Uhm—” Momo clears her throat. “—It says, it says… uhh… ‘Na… Nayeon likes you.’”

A loud snap of a pencil breaking—it resonates around the classroom.

“What?” Sana exclaims behind, albeit softly.

A low whistle is let out by one of the boys across the room.

“What?” Jeongyeon whips her head to face Momo. The grip on her pencil loosens as she tries to rationalise what just came out of her friend’s mouth.

There aren’t enough letters in the alphabet to describe what she’s feeling right now. In fact, she doesn’t even know what to feel. It’s the first time she is hearing this and she isn’t so sure what to make of it.

It sounds nonsensical.

She breaks into a sweat, feeling her lips turn dry. The voices and murmurs around the room ease out as she feels herself slowly detaching.

Momo _has_ to be lying.

“Alright, that’s enough.” The teacher taps the ruler on the podium to silence the class. “Momo, you may sit now.”

“Jeongyeonie, fighting!” Sana screams against her ear as she shakes Jeongyeon’s chair.

“Fighting!” their class cheers.

“Enough!” the teacher yells. “Who would like to answer my question now. Jennie?”

“I’m so sorry.” Momo sinks in her seat, fumbling with her skirt’s fabric.

Jennie answers the question perfectly.

“It’s all good,” Jeongyeon replies, almost dryly, maintaining a monotonous tone with her gaze fixated on her broken pencil.

Everything appears to be jumbled and tossed around carelessly, one unfortunate circumstance after another. It’s not funny—it’s mind-boggling.

And it’s definitely not all good.

\--

 _[3:40 PM]_ hey

**Regina George 2.0**

_[3:43 PM]_ Don’t hey me

 _[3:43 PM]_ Haven’t seen you and momo at lunch earlier? Where were you?

_[3:44 PM]_ just did sum stuff

 _[3:44 PM]_ where are you?

 _[3:44 PM]_ can we talk?

 _[3:45 PM]_ i’ll be waiting outside ur class...

**Regina George 2.0**

_[3:47 PM]_ Why? Miss me already? :P

_[3:48 PM]_ no.

 _[3:48 PM]_ ill meet you outside, alright?

**Regina George 2.0**

_[3:49 PM]_ Okay. Gee

 _[3:50 PM]_ Why are you so serious

 _[3:50 PM]_ Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

_[3:51 PM]_ cause it’s something really important!!

**Regina George 2.0**

_[3:52 PM]_ If this is about the time you drooled on me. I forgive u

_[3:53 PM]_ SHUT UP

 _[3:54 PM]_ how is that important?!

 _[3:55 PM]_ im honestly gonna kiss you

Jeongyeon knits her brows and squints. “Shit!” Her thumb fumbles on the keyboard. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Jeongyeon, you better be doing work there when I come around,” her English teacher says, crossing her arms—a tad displeased.

She hides her phone in between the pages of her notebook. “Uhh. I-I am.”

“Do know that we don’t cover lessons about swearing.”

“Y-yes.” She lowers her head and bites her bottom lip.

**Regina George 2.0**

_[4:01 PM]_ Youre gonna…

 _[4:01 pm]_ What?

_[4:02 PM]_ KILL*

 _[4:02 PM]_ kill*****

 _[4:03 PM]_ I meant kill**!!!!!!22312432532edvkn

**Regina George 2.0**

_[4:03 PM]_ ok……………..

_[4:05 PM]_ …………………

 _[4:05 PM]_ JUST DO AS I SAY, WILL YOU

**Regina George 2.0**

_[4:07 PM]_ let you kiss me?

_[4:09 PM]_ NO

“Phone,” her English teacher says, palm outstretched, looming over her.

Jeongyeon shuts her phone. “But—"

“Phone.”

A sigh leaves Jeongyeon’s lips as she reluctantly hands it over. This day just keeps on getting worse.

Hopefully Nayeon doesn’t send any more messages.

The phone buzzes in her teacher’s hand. Followed by another buzz, and a couple more after that.

_Well shit—_

Jeongyeon just shoots her teacher a smile, a weak one—lips curving uncomfortably as she feels her cheeks burning.

\--

“So, what did you wanna talk about?” Nayeon says.

They just recently left school, about 15 minutes ago if she were being precise—and now they’re here, in the park, by the swing set, shivering in the cold as though winter lies deep within their bones.

Jeongyeon did manage to retrieve her phone back at the end of the lesson, but not without the teacher giving her a look of dismay and disappointment.

“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Jeongyeon buries her feet in the soil. She warms her hands, rubbing them together. “This is going to sound weird but bear with me. I just really want to know the truth.”

Nayeon nods, signalling Jeongyeon to keep going.

“Momo—Momo said, she uhh, she said,” Jeongyeon mumbles, quite unsure how to put two and two together. Frankly, it shouldn’t be hard to just _say it_ but somehow, it now is.

If what Momo said was indeed true, shouldn’t she wait for Nayeon to tell her herself?

_But it definitely isn’t though._

She presses her lips into a thin line. It’s impossible. Everyone knows Nayeon likes Mina, so why on earth would Nayeon like Jeongyeon?

What a complete and utter shambles. It’s messy, chaotic, cluttered. Jeongyeon doesn’t like it.

“She said?” Nayeon coaxes.

Don’t get Jeongyeon wrong—there’s nothing wrong with the possibility of Nayeon actually liking her. It’s just that—where do they go from there?

“She said,” Jeongyeon clasps her hands, looking Nayeon in the eye with utmost sincerity. “She said that y-you like me. Is that true?”

The whole neighbourhood is smothered by silence. And if that isn’t enough to make Jeongyeon feel anxious, Nayeon hasn’t opened her mouth for a minute now, letting the seconds run out as tension fills the frosty air.

Nayeon averts her gaze. “W-when?”

“Earlier. In class… There’s, there’s n-nothing wrong about it, but I mean we’re friends and I just—"

“O-of course not.”

Jeongyeon tears her eyes off Nayeon. “So… you don’t?”

“I mean, that’d be weird, right?” Nayeon says, a faint chuckle hangs at the tip of the last consonant.

“Y-yeah, I guess.” Jeongyeon chuckles too—a cloud of breath condenses in the air as she does so. “I was right, ‘cause let’s be honest, why would you like me? You’ve pretty much fallen head over heels for Mina. Everybody knows that. Well, except Mina, probably.”

“Yeah,” Nayeon replies, pursing her lips as she turns to Jeongyeon. “Right. Mina… I-I like Mina.”

“I know.” Jeongyeon smiles. “I honestly have no idea why Momo told me that all of a sudden. Like, doesn’t it sound absurd?”

Nayeon’s ears perk up. “Absurd?”

“Yeah. I mean n-not you, but the idea. To be honest, I was worried about the possibility of it being true, ‘cause then... I wouldn’t really know what to do.” A nervous chuckle is let out.

“Right.”

Jeongyeon clears her throat. “Yeah. Sorry for bringing it up. I-It’s stupid, I know. But I just had to make sure. You probably feel very uncomfortable now.”

“It’s fine,” Nayeon says, fidgeting. “Oh, would you look at that, my mother is calling me,” she announces, rising from the swing as she sticks her phone close to her ear.

“Wait—”

“Hello? Mum? Yes, I’m on my way home. Yeah, I’m walking now…” Nayeon begins to walk away, albeit speedily as she waves at Jeongyeon from afar.

“The phone didn’t even ring…” Jeongyeon mutters as she too, rises from the seat of the swing, hand suspended in the air, staring at Nayeon’s figure that’s scampering to the far end of the street.

And just like that, the day evanesces like a snowflake.

Maybe Nayeon was just really in a hurry. Whatever it is, it’s best not to overthink it.

At least they got that one out of the way, right?

Right?

\--

•• Nayeon sits in the bus, hand clutched tightly on her chest as she drowns in the ocean of lies that she herself had started.

Yes, Nayeon lied. ••

~

_ September 2021 _

“Are you done? You’ve been in there for half an hour already,” Nayeon says.

“N-no,” Jeongyeon says, shaken at the fact that she has been spacing out for the past minutes.

“Well, hurry up.”

Today is Nayeon’s birthday. The woman is already 27 years old—pretty old if you ask Jeongyeon. But then again, she’s one to talk.

The celebration is not until 10:30 PM, at a club in Gangnam that Jeongyeon had been to a few times. The owner is a close friend of hers, so it wasn’t hard to book a VIP table and whatnot.

Jeongyeon did tell Nayeon that she’s too old to go clubbing, but the woman insisted anyway—she was met with a light punch right in her gut. “Don’t be mistaken. I can dance way better than any other idol out there,” Nayeon said.

Jeongyeon merely laughed.

“We’ll see,” was all she replied.

When Jeongyeon’s schedule had been cleared for the day, Nayeon instantly pounded her fists on her door, and had mentioned something about shopping.

Despite telling Nayeon that she has enough clothes to wear in her closet, the woman insisted in buying a couple of new ones—"sexier ones,” she emphasised.

And now here she is, trying on a bunch of random dresses and tops that Nayeon tosses her.

Let’s just say, their sense of style, when compared, are _very_ drastic.

As for the present, well, Nayeon had been hinting about wanting a purple iPhone for as long as Jeongyeon can recall. The woman kept going on about it, day and night, even bringing it up at the most random times. And so, realising that she’s had enough, Jeongyeon bought one a week ago.

It should make Nayeon happy. It’s not like the woman is broke or anything, so Jeongyeon often wonders why she acts like she is.

But really, deep down, even if she bought Nayeon nothing, she reckons the woman would be more than happy for her to just give her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek—Jeongyeon decided that she’d rather save herself the stress than do all _those._

“Just a second,” Jeongyeon says, zipping the dress that awfully looks too tight on her. Very unflattering. “Okay, you can check now.”

Nayeon’s head instantly pops in the room through the slit of the curtains with a funny look on her face.

“How do I look?” Jeongyeon points to her outfit. It’s a weird-looking dress—brown in colour and has odd creases on its sides.

“Like an uncircumcised penis.”

“Get out.” Jeongyeon pushes Nayeon’s face out of the fitting room.

For the love of God, can someone please tell her why she’s still friends with Nayeon?

 _Uncircumcised penis?_ Jeongyeon scoffs.

“It’s not _that_ bad.” Jeongyeon stares at her reflection.

“It is. Quit lying. Next!”

\--

Jeongyeon fumbles with the zipper situated at the back of the dress. It’s a new one that she’s trying on—the seventh one in fact, silently hoping it’s the last one for the day.

“Not to rush you or anything but it’s 7:00 PM already,” Nayeon says.

“It’s not that easy, you know.” Jeongyeon gives a flimsy wiggle to the hips—it probably won’t do any help but at least she’s trying. “This zipper. Stupid thing,” she mutters under her breath.

“Do you need help?” Nayeon asks beyond the curtains.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

There’s shuffling on the other side. A head pokes through the parting of the curtains, fingers clasped on the edges of the fabric. “What do you need help with?”

“This stupid thing,” Jeongyeon says, turning around.

“The zipper?”

They both have done this countless times before—dressing up and changing clothes in front of each other. But why does Jeongyeon feel awkward all of a sudden?

“Yeah.”

The sheer thought of Nayeon having to see her exposed back, now makes her feel somewhat vulnerable.

“Okay, don’t move.”

Nayeon’s fingertips trail its way along Jeongyeon’s spine. It dances and lingers, a little bit painfully as she feels her heart in her throat.

They begin to cruise down to the bottom of her spine, feeling the warmth and flare that prickle at every touch.

An involuntary squeak escapes her mouth, albeit a little quiet. 

“Do I zip it now?” Nayeon asks, and Jeongyeon can only nod. “Hold on, your hair is in the way.” The woman strokes her hair that rests past her shoulders and brushes her nape in a languid manner—soft, delicate, but a tad scalding.

_This is weird. This is really weird._

Jeongyeon gathers her lips together. She seals it tight and secure, feeling the woman’s face inching closer to the back of her neck as she handles the zipper upwards.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable in this situation?

“Just a bit more,” Nayeon mumbles, placing her other hand on Jeongyeon’s waist.

There has to be something around here to entertain herself. To make herself seem busy. Something interesting to stare at. Anything to occupy her mind. Just— _something._

Moving her eyes around the small space, her gaze settles on the huge mirror in front of them—with a lighting so rich and bright, it enhances the rosy tint that’s searing through her cheeks. She veers her eyes to the side, unexpectedly meeting Nayeon’s eyes.

Jeongyeon looks away, now feeling a bit coy.

“Don’t move. I think it’s stuck.”

“I-I’ll do it myself.” Jeongyeon squirms and draws a few steps to the side.

A palm touches her forehead. “You look kinda red. Are you feeling sick?” But Jeongyeon swats it off.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Jeongyeon mutters, shoving Nayeon out the curtains.

“Wait—”

“I’m fine.” And closes the curtains against Nayeon’s bewildered expression.

“But… Okay, let me know if you’re ready.”

Jeongyeon breathes out, leaning her weight against the white wall.

This dress isn’t even that nice. It’s far from her preferred style. It’s plain awful. So really, why did she even bother trying it on?

She takes small steps forward, facing the mirror—she fixes her fringe and pats her face.

_Get it together._

She checks her outfit and twirls in place.

“I look good though,” she whispers to herself.

“I agree,” a voice from behind chimes in, and Jeongyeon flinches.

“Dude!” It’s Nayeon. Smiling broadly, peeking through the slightly opened section in the middle. “Privacy!” Jeongyeon whacks her face off.

Who cares if it’s her birthday?

\--

In the end, Jeongyeon retreats to her car empty-handed.

Nayeon did whine for several minutes, but Jeongyeon had managed to assure the woman that she has much better clothes at home. She really does—most of them are sponsored-clothing from well-known designer brands. There really was no reason for Nayeon to worry.

Come to think of it, maybe Nayeon just needed an excuse to hang out with her. That’s probably it.

Elation crosses Jeongyeon’s face.

It’s been minutes since they left the shopping centre. Sat in the driver’s seat, Jeongyeon calmly steps on the brakes as the traffic light ahead turns amber.

“I can’t believe it’s raining now,” Nayeon comments, cheeks plopped against the window.

Jeongyeon hums.

There are two types of people in this world: those who love the rain and those who don’t. Jeongyeon sees herself as the former.

Some may say that the rain symbolises rejection, melancholia, or even despair, but Jeongyeon sees it differently. To her, rain symbolises cleansing, new beginnings and happiness. She does recognise the gloominess it possesses—it’s merely natural—however, when you actually deduce it, sad or not, it’s still beautiful in its own way. 

A steady cold rain falling onset of autumn. It usually rains less during this season, but she guesses today is one of those exceptions. “It’s calming though,” Jeongyeon says and receives a nod in return.

The amber switches to green, and Jeongyeon steps on the gas pedal lightly, focusing on the wet asphalt road before her.

Tiny droplets of rain adhere to the vast windscreen, racing upwards, heaved by the breeze, as she drives at the speed of 80 through the freeway.

A soft melody plays around the enclosed space. She assumes Nayeon turned on the radio.

The song starts off slow—a heartrending tune that rises and builds to a crescendo. Her heartbeat syncs to it. They both bob their heads to the delicate strumming of the guitar.

Jeongyeon feels Nayeon’s gaze on her—the woman’s eyes linger on her profile, quite intently, as if she came from another planet and fell on earth unexpectedly.

“You know, if you don’t stop staring at me like that, I might melt,” Jeongyeon teases, eyes not leaving off the road.

Nayeon sits up straight. “W-why, why—” she says, “—why would I be staring at you? What if I was just counting how m-many cows we end up passing by?”

And Jeongyeon chuckles. “Right. Cows. On the freeway. Sure.”

“Shut up.”

The music fills the space—substituting the quietude between them.

She recognises the song. It’s an old one. Nayeon used to sing it unconsciously before—whether it be at school or just them hanging outside of school, she sings it, hums it, tenderly. The message is rather glum—it suits the atmosphere the weather is providing.

She extends her arm to turn the volume up, but she grazes Nayeon’s hand instead. A sheepish smile forms her lips as she encourages Nayeon to do it.

Jeongyeon clears her throat. “I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she starts. “What else do you want for your birthday?”

“Why? Are you going to give it to me?”

“I mean, why not? If I can afford it, that is.”

Nayeon pauses. “It’s not something you can buy though.”

“Oh?” Jeongyeon meets Nayeon’s eyes briefly. “What is it?”

“If I tell you, will you actually do it?”

“It depends.”

“Depends on what?” Nayeon moves closer.

“If… it’s possible. I mean, obviously if you say, ‘take me to Hogwarts’, you know I can’t do that. So, it has to be possible.”

“You can easily take me to London. Don’t they have the Hogwarts Express there? In one of their theme parks or something. I’ve always wanted to see and ride the Harry Potter attractions,” Nayeon muses excitedly.

“Then why didn’t you go there? You should go and immediately come back, so you can tell me about the entire experience.”

“No. You have to come with me.”

“Me? Why would I?”

“My goal includes you,” Nayeon says, pinching Jeongyeon’s cheek.

Jeongyeon winces. “Your goal? Is that what you want for your birthday?”

“No, that one can wait.”

“So, what do you want now?”

“Hmm. I want you to love me more,” Nayeon says, grinning.

Jeongyeon blinks. Once. Twice. Thrice. Maybe a couple of hundred times.

This behaviour. This particular behaviour of hers—it’s hard to miss, especially when she’s been acting like this for a long time now, all clingy and affectionate. The thing is, Nayeon has always been affectionate. It’s just that, lately, she’s acting very keen to up her game.

“What do you mean?” Jeongyeon chortles.

“I just want you to try and like me more~” The woman tugs on her arm.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightens. “You’re… scary.”

“I’m scary?” Nayeon giggles. “No, I’m not. It’s just that, we’ve known each other for so long but your expressions towards me are still very weak. And like, I express myself quite well to you, and you know I do it a lot. But there is no give and take. I just keep giving.”

Jeongyon purses her lips. She has always been aware of that.

She doesn’t know how many times she has said this but, she really is bad at expressing her thoughts and feelings—or just expressing herself in general. There is no excuse for that. Oftentimes, she believes it’s better to just stay still rather than say the wrong thing at the wrong time or possibly give out the wrong idea.

But she didn’t know Nayeon sees it that way.

“That’s, that’s uhh…” Jeongyeon bites her cheek. “It’s just… I’m just really _really_ bad at it, you know that.”

“I know, that’s why I said _try._ You don’t have to, of course. I wasn’t even planning to tell you that, but you asked.”

Try.

Fine. Anything to make Nayeon happy.

“Okay. I’ll try.”

\--

Chaotic. That’s one word to put it if you were to ask Jeongyeon how the party is going.

“Make a wish!” Dahyun yells across the table, readying the bottle of champagne in her hands.

Jeongyeon takes her camera out. “Blow the candles!”

“It’s a sparkler.” Jihyo rolls her eyes.

“Same thing,” Jeongyeon retorts.

“No, it’s not.”

“No, it’s not,” Jeongyeon mocks, nudging Jihyo’s face as she tries to take a photo of Nayeon and her cake.

It’s a rainbow one again. But this time, Momo baked it herself. She truly has no idea what it is with Momo and rainbows but Jeongyeon isn’t really complaining. It’s the thought that counts.

“Happy birthday!” Dahyun screams over the booming beat, popping the cork of the bottle in the air. Foams of liquid ooze out and everyone takes cover.

“You almost hit me!” Chaeyoung exclaims.

Dahyun grins. “But I didn’t.” And winks as she pours its liquid to the champagne flute.

“And now for the proper candles,” Momo says as she plops a bunch of tiny candles around the cake. Chaeyoung lights them up.

There are too many things going on—Jeongyeon doesn’t even know which direction to look at. There is always a ruckus on either side of the table. It’s perplexing.

Jeongyeon must say, Nayeon looks exceptionally gorgeous tonight. Not that she isn’t gorgeous to begin with. But she just glows quite differently, brightly and blindingly. Jeongyeon doesn’t say this much often but, the immaculate taste Nayeon has when it comes to fashion always leaves her astonished.

The woman wears an oversized navy green windbreaker that drapes over a mesh top, exposing her left shoulder with her hair just sitting past her clavicle. A black beanie sits atop her head. Large hoops dangle on either side of her ears. Oh, and not to forget the yellow Off-white belt lazily wrapped around her tiny waist. _Nayeon living the boujee life._

Jeongyeon chuckles at her thoughts.

Nayeon looks up and meets her eyes. They twinkle under the neon lights. Have they always been pretty like that? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just the contact lens. Nevertheless, still quite breathtaking.

Jeongyeon throws her a wide smile and Nayeon smiles just as fast—a full one that accentuates her round cheeks and showcases her gums. It’s stupefying.

“C’mon, grandma, make a wish already!” Sana says, holding a Polaroid camera.

“Okay, okay.” Nayeon resumes her attention to the cake and closes her eyes.

Whatever Nayeon is wishing for, Jeongyeon hopes it’s something nice. Something that brings a smile to her face. Something that will make her happy. Because Jeongyeon wants nothing for Nayeon but happiness.

Just like now—happiness is drawn all over Nayeon’s face—from the way her smile lingers as her lids stay shut, and from the way she blows her candles with her crescent-looking eyes.

“You’re so pretty!” Sana exclaims as she waves the Polaroid photo in the air.

“Happy birthday!” Dahyun claps.

Momo shoves her phone in Chaeyoung’s face. “Look at the boomerang I did when she blew the candles! Isn’t it cool?”

Jeongyeon stares at her phone, then back to Nayeon.

_Shit._

She forgot to take a photo.

“Can we light the candles again?”

\--

•• Nayeon has lost track of time. Her best guess is that it’s thirty past one in the morning already.

The dance floor appears to be turning and tilting—it could all just be in her head, but she swears it’s tilting, spinning even. She takes another shot of whatever drink she’s holding and slams it on the counter after gulping it in one go.

Bitter. It burns in her throat. A bit vile—but inebriating.

She’s starting to get a headache. It creeps and gnaws from the back of her head all the way to the front, but constantly still swigs the drinks, shot after shot, bottle after bottle.

Her friends aren’t even with her anymore. Who knows where they went. The last time Nayeon saw them, they were in the bathroom, reapplying their lipsticks and all that crap.

“Hey,” a voice whispers against her ear, a breathy one. Nayeon takes her time to adjust her vision, to study and learn the woman’s features right next to her.

It’s Jeongyeon, smiling at her, a lopsided one that always gets her—it’s a smile that’s impossible to forget no matter how many lifetimes they both get to live.

Jeongyeon tilts her head. She reeks of rum and something that’s sweet and easy—probably two sheets to the wind. “Dance with me,” Jeongyeon says, leaning in, before she yanks Nayeon by the wrist and lures her to the middle of the dance floor.

Garish lights blind Nayeon’s eyes, squeezing through the crowd. The beat is loud, fast and electric—she feels the ache in her head throbbing with the music’s bass line. There’s not much room to move or even breathe. But really, what did she expect in a place so popular in Seoul?

Smoke tease her nostrils, leaving her with no option but to inhale it to its very last scent. It’s confounding. Electrifying. And maybe a bit suffocating.

Nayeon stumbles to Jeongyeon’s arms with strangers pushing her around. It sort of hurts. But she doesn’t hate it. Not when she’s this close to Jeongyeon. Not when she’s this close to hearing Jeongyeon’s heartbeat.

“What are you doing?” Jeongyeon slurs, albeit loudly. “Dance!”

The beat drops and everyone jumps in place, completely in sync, not one out of place. Well, except for Nayeon. But she soon follows, pouring every ounce of energy left in her body, acting as though the world is already ending.

The colourful lights become untamed, flickering in every direction, and hits the side of Jeongyeon’s face—it puts Nayeon in a dreamlike trance.

A pair of hands grab her by the waist, pulling her closer. Jeongyeon is pulling her closer.

The woman’s hands begin to trace her curves, repeatedly, and lazily, not moving elsewhere. It stays there, still and tight, drawing her in, feeling as though the centre of gravity has shifted instantly.

Jeongyeon smiles. The kind of smile that Nayeon knows too well. That makes her bad days turn into good. That makes her nervous and excited at the same time. The kind of smile that makes her heart flutter.

And Nayeon’s breath hitches.

The woman moves closer, hips swaying to the music, arms locked around her waist.

Unknowingly, Nayeon mirrors Jeongyeon's actions, sheathing Jeongyeon’s neck with her arms.

Faces begin to shift closer, and closer, till it becomes too close—until Jeongyeon’s touch starts to ache, until the music numbs, succumbing into the small hours.

Nayeon drowns to the touch and lets their noses graze, foreheads pressed against each other as they exchange breaths.

It drives her mad. Being this close to Jeongyeon. To be held like this. To stare at the orbs that know her—all her fears and anxieties. The orbs that know everything about her, but her heart. The orbs that hold more than a million stars, shining brightly in the night sky.

It’s disorienting. But Nayeon loves it.

And as if on cue, everything around them ceases. It’s only a matter of seconds before Nayeon closes her eyes and feels a pair of warm lips pressed against hers. The very lips that stole her first kiss. It lingers, quite painfully—it stings as she hangs onto the memory and reality.

Her heart races—it’s rapid and completely out of rhythm.

But Nayeon loves it. She loves the way it swells and leaves her breathless.

Jeongyeon pulls back, eyes fluttering open as she loses her balance.

Nayeon catches her though.

A giggle escapes Jeongyeon’s lips. “Sorry,” she slurs.

The woman wobbles forward, squinting her eyes, and places both her palms on the sides of Nayeon’s face. “Nayeon… I—”

Nayeon sees the way Jeongyeon hesitates.

“Na—"

And a murky chyme thrusts out of Jeongyeon’s mouth. It cascades down Nayeon’s jacket. _Great._ She clenches her fists and holds her breath.

Jeongyeon passes out on her shoulder.

“Are you kidding me?” Nayeon mutters, wincing at the foul smell.

For what it’s worth, maybe Nayeon prefers Jeongyeon sober. ••

\--

“Ow, my back,” Jeongyeon says as she kicks the blanket off the bed.

Last night was crazy to say the least. And to think it wasn’t even Jeongyeon’s birthday, yet she still partied hard like there was no tomorrow—so hard, that she barely remembers a thing.

She starts to feel a sharp pain in her head as she tries to sit on the edge of her bed. She looks down and observes her pyjamas. She doesn’t even recall wearing them before going to bed. In fact, she doesn’t remember coming home at all.

Her ringtone goes off and her ears perk up.

Under her pillow? Under her blanket? In her drawers? _Nope._

A sigh floats in the air as she roams around her room.

“Where the fuck did it go?”

It rings for the second time.

_Ah. There it is._

She crawls under her bed, fishing out her dusty phone. “How did it get here?”

**[Incoming call: Jihyoyoyo]**

“Hello? Yeah? Yeah, I’m okay,” she starts, picking up the pieces of clothing scattered on the ground. “Did you take us home last night? Really? Thank you. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. Uh-huh. No, not really. I was too drunk to remember anything, like, I’m not even kidding. Why? Did something happen? Are you sure? Okay… Nayeon? No, she’s probably still asleep. What do you mean? Why would she sleep at my place? You’re crazy. No, seriously.”

Jeongyeon plops on her bed. “Me? I told you, I was too drunk to remember anything. What do you mean I was so clingy? No, I don’t… like her that way… Jesus… I puked on her? Shit, really? Are you sure it was me? Gee, okay. I’ll visit her later and maybe apologise… Uh-huh. You’re being weird. What? The deal? Did Nayeon tell you about it? Yeah, I don’t know... I mean, I don’t think it’s that serious, but she seems persistent. Well, I didn’t really ask for your opinion.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, lifting her feet as if they were about to touch the ceiling. “Sure… Whatever… You know what? Why are you even asking me this? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I gotta go now. Uh-huh. Bye. No, _you_ shush… Bye. Shh! Do you hear that? That’s the sound of me not giving a shit. I said bye!”

_Stupid Jihyo._

She lies on her stomach, chucking her phone next to her pillow.

It’s 11:25 AM. It’s probably a good idea to start organising herself now.

Stretching her limbs out wide—a note catches her attention, plastered on her lamp.

**‘take this before you go to work**

**\- bunny’**

A pain reliever tablet is placed neatly on a small saucer. There’s a glass of water beside it too.

Jeongyeon grins as she takes the tablet.

“Cute,” she mumbles, and immediately grabs her phone, still smiling.

_[11:38 AM]_ duuuuuude, last night was a mess!!!

**Regina new number**

_[11:41 AM]_ You mean, you were a mess lol

 _[11:42 AM]_ hey..

 _[11:42 AM]_ about last night…

_[11:43 AM]_ oh god. pls don’t. it’s embarrassing.

 _[11:44 AM]_ jihyo told me almost everything

 _[11:44 AM]_ it was crazy. too crazy.

**Regina new number**

_[11:45 AM]_ Crazy?

 _[11:46 AM]_ Like

 _[11:46 AM]_ A bad kind of crazy??

_[11:47 AM]_ yeahhhh

 _[11:48 AM]_ it was all on me. pls forget about it ☹

**Regina new number**

_[11:52 AM]_ oh

 _[11:52 AM]_ you mean

 _[11:52 AM]_ the entire thing?

_[11:52 AM]_ yes

 _[11:53 AM]_ sorry I puked on you ☹ forgive me

**Regina new number**

_[11:53 AM]_ right

 _[11:54 AM]_ okay

_[11:56 AM]_ anyway I gtg. See you later?

**Regina new number**

_[11:57 AM]_ yup

_[11:58 AM]_ thanks for the tablet 😊

\--

•• Nayeon sets her phone down and closes her eyes. “You’re a mess.” Nayeon chuckles dryly.

 _‘It never happened_ ,’ is all she chants to herself as she pushes through the day. ••

\--

Friday night.

Jeongyeon comes home from work, still in her heels, exhausted. She hasn’t seen Nayeon since her birthday. She wonders if everything’s okay.

A soft knock lands on her friend’s door. “Nayeon?”

She knocks again. “I bought you bubble tea.”

No answer.

Maybe no one’s home?

_[6:29 PM]_ Dinner tonight?

 _[6:30 PM]_ it’s on me 😊

**Regina new number**

_[6:37 PM]_ Next time?

 _[6:38 PM]_ Working overtime..

_[6:38 PM]_ ohh

 _[6:38 PM]_ okay. don’t forget to eat though

 _[6:39 PM]_ it’s been so long since I last saw you. im kinda sad.

**Regina new number**

_[6:40 PM]_ …

_[6:41 PM]_ im serious

 _[6:42 PM]_ come home soon

**Regina new number**

_[6:44 PM]_ Get a grip lmao

_[6:45 PM]_ ik

 _[6:45 PM]_ still. come home soon.

**Regina new number**

_[6:46 PM]_ 😊

\--

_ February 2022 _

“’ _Reason number two: I’ll be the uglier one’,”_ Jeongyeon reads the sticky note aloud, plastered neatly outside her door. Instead of yellow, the note is in pink this time around.

Looks like Nayeon has no plans on giving this up.

Jeongyeon sighs, taking the note in her hands. She doesn’t know what it entails but she hopes it’s something good this time.

\--

“Woah,” Jeongyeon says, mouth ajar. “Woah there. Who are you?”

Nayeon giggles. “What?”

“Your hair,” Jeongyeon breathes out, taking a couple of strands of Nayeon’s hair and gently feels it between her fingers. “You cut it even shorter.”

Nayeon rubs her nape. “Is it bad?”

“No.” Jeongyeon aggressively shakes her head—a soft smile crosses her face. “It looks very nice. It suits you a lot.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Nayeon fiddles with the hem of her shirt. “I just thought I had to look great in front of my date tonight.”

“Yeah, right.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes. “As if you did it for me.”

Nayeon just shrugs. “Who knows?”

Jeongyeon reaches for her back pocket and retrieves the sticky note she had found on her door hours ago. “So, about this.” She uncrumples the note. “You said you’ll be the uglier one. What does that mean? Are you finally going to admit that I’m the prettier one?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

A padlock and a marker appear before Jeongyeon.

“I still don’t get it,” she confesses.

“You don’t mind big crowds, do you?” Nayeon asks.

“Only if you don’t mind cameras flashing in front of our faces.”

Nayeon ponders for a while. “This wouldn’t stir up any issues, right?”

“Why? Can’t you just be ugly now?” Jeongyeon jokes. “Where are we going anyway? Are you worried people might mistake you as my girlfriend?”

“More like worried that your fans might send me death threats.”

“Death threats?” Jeongyeon chuckles. “Most of them are nice. You’ll be fine. I think they know you already anyway. Remember? When we’re both at the café? I mean, they didn’t make a big deal out of it. Although, I think they did a background check on you. If photos come up on the internet later, I’ll just say you’re my friend from high school.”

Nayeon nods slowly. “Right,” she says, eyeing Jeongyeon from head to toe. “So, are you going out like that?” She points to Jeongyeon’s pyjamas with prints of Kakao characters on it.

“Wait, we’re going now?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Shit. Okay, give me 10 minutes,” she says, and leaves Nayeon in the hallway.

10 minutes? More like an hour, really.

\--

Namsan tower.

With the padlock and the marker earlier, Jeongyeon finally understands.

It’s almost impossible for her to recall the last time she came here. Perhaps it has been way too long—long enough for her to not remember.

5:32 PM, her watch reads. The weather is still a bit cold, but it’s bearable.

Considering that today is Valentine’s day, the crowd is far denser than it usually is. A combination of both young and old couples fill the space with their phones held up high, taking photos of the view and of themselves.

Despite wearing a mask, a number of people were still able to recognise Jeongyeon—they were either asking for photos or autographs, sometimes even both. Nayeon understands though, she always does—she usually just to waits behind or a metre beside Jeongyeon whenever it occurs, always offering that kind and encouraging smile of hers.

Their sneakers thump against the wooden floor.

They roam around the vast area with their fingers intertwined, holding each other’s hand as if it’s a habit they both can’t break.

“There’s a vacant one right here,” Nayeon says, pointing to the array of colourful love locks that stretch all the way to the end.

Jeongyeon merely smiles. “What do you think we should put?”

Nayeon puckers her lips, knits her brows and puts on her thinking face. “Don’t people just put their names on it?”

“Well, yeah. It’s usually the couples that do it.” Jeongyeon eyes Nayeon weirdly. “You really had this planned out, huh. Like, what if locking it in means we’re going to be stuck with each other forever?” Jeongyeon jokes, snatching the padlock off Nayeon’s grasp.

“God, imagine marrying you.” Nayeon hands Jeongyeon the marker.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongyeon chuckles as she starts to scribble on the lock.

People say, the locks of love symbolise illimitable love between those who hang them; those that do hang them, usually couples, wish for the same thing—for their love to last forever.

 _Forever._ Funny word.

They aren’t even a couple and yet here they are.

**‘NY** **♥** **JY**

**14.02.22’**

“Hey, no fair!” Nayeon exclaims, peeking over her shoulder.

“Okay, but did I lie?”

Nayeon scoffs. “Give me that.” She takes the padlock and flips it around. The woman gestures for the pen, in which Jeongyeon gives willingly.

A hearty laugh escapes Jeongyeon’s lips, silently reading what the woman is writing.

**‘JY** **♥** **NY more tho’**

“Stop spreading lies,” Jeongyeon jabs. “I could sue you for slander.”

“Stop pretending, you know you love me more than I love you.” Nayeon sticks her tongue out and hooks the padlock on the vacant space. She fastens it, hearing a faint click as they both stare at it with bright smiles on their faces.

Just as Jeongyeon was about to say something, Nayeon yanks her arm and asks her to crouch down beside her.

She takes her phone out of her purse, the purple one that Jeongyeon bought her for her birthday.

It’s amazing how it still functions, despite having a big crack on its screen, trailing from end to end.

With Nayeon angling the phone slightly higher and their padlock in between of them, Jeongyeon poses for the camera, teeth showcasing brilliantly as she stares at the screen.

“One… two…” Nayeon’s thumb hover on the pale camera button. “Three.”

And Jeongyeon bursts out laughing, clapping her hands as she throws her head back.

Nayeon just pulled the ugliest face she could muster—dilated nostrils, eyebrows melded together tightly, eyes half-closed, and mouth parted widely with a quirky half-smile.

_So, that’s what it meant._

“I did _not_ expect that at all!” She falls to her knees, trying to catch her breath as she clings onto Nayeon’s coat.

“Things I do for you, really.” Nayeon shakes her head, zooming into the selfie and grimaces.

“Wow, you really did stand by your word. I’ve never seen you this ugly before.” Jeongyeon exclaims, hogging over the phone. “Post it!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I said no.”

“Please?”

“No. End of story.”

\--

Nayeon posted it.

It took the woman a number of tight hugs and coaxes before she finally gave in. Jeongyeon feels somewhat accomplished, scrolling through Instagram and pressing the heart button.

**‘You better date me after this.’**

The caption reads.

**‘Out of pity? I might.’**

She replies.

“You’re so mean,” Nayeon says, slapping Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

Jeongyeon just laughs, ruffling Nayeon’s hair—fully knowing that she kind of meant the latter part.

Kind of.

\--

Stairs after stairs after stairs.

Nayeon drags her to an area so vast, railed with transparent glasses, with trees that have no leaves surrounding them as the sun says goodbye and hides underneath the skyline.

More often than not, Nayeon tends to act as if she’s the younger one between them. Jeongyeon used to find her annoying—her behaviour, that’s a mix of both chaotic and childish—but later figured, it’s what makes Nayeon, Nayeon. Maybe Jeongyeon appreciates her for that.

And besides, Nayeon always does things that give her a good laugh anyway—perhaps, that’s enough.

The woman’s signature gummy smile appears, gaze locked on the outstanding cityscape before them.

Fingers interlocked—Nayeon’s thumb strokes the back of Jeongyeon’s hand lightly; it’s not much but it sends an electrifying jolt in her body.

“Take a photo of me,” Nayeon says, shoving her phone on Jeongyeon’s chest.

Nayeon wears a bright grin, readying herself, arms raised high as if she’s holding the entire world—but Jeongyeon just stares.

They say memories are best captured through the lenses of your own eyes. And this memory—this is _it._ This is the memory that she doesn’t want to sully. The memory that she wants to remember for years to come.

She memorises each and every detail, like how the wind is cold against her hands and how Nayeon’s face lights up in the twilight, flaunting nothing but happiness.

“Hello? Earth to Jeongyeon,” Nayeon calls out, snapping her fingers in front of Jeongyeon’s face.

“Sorry. I-I got distracted.”

Nayeon slaps Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “By my beauty? It’s okay. It’s not a crime. I forgive you,” she says with a sheepish grin.

“Shush. One… two… three.” And Jeongyeon takes a few snaps, each angled differently, capturing both the pretty background and the beautiful foreground. “Done.”

“Thanks!” Nayeon steals her phone from Jeongyeon’s hands.

Jeongyeon leans against the glass rail. “You said you’ll be the uglier one, but how come you look even prettier today?” Jeongyeon tilts her head.

Nayeon takes a small step back. A defensive stance—unable to meet Jeongyeon’s eyes. “What the hell. That w-was so random…”

“I’m just saying—”

“W-well, don’t say it again.” Nayeon buries her hands in her pocket and shifts her weight.

“I’ll say it whenever and wherever I want.” Jeongyeon crosses her arms, laughing. “Wait, are you blushing?”

Nayeon ducks, cheeks glowing red in the dusk. “What the fuck. No. F-fuck you.” And walks off without saying a single syllable more.

“And also with you!”

“Fuck you!”

“Not until you buy me dinner first!”

\--

@nayeon_im

**my date is kinda annoying. but she cute i guess…**

7:32 PM · 14/02/22 · Twitter for iPhone

@jyoo96

Replying to @nayeon_im

**you cute too i guess :/**

Jeongyeon chucks a smile across the table as she places her phone down.

They are inside a restaurant that Nayeon had apparently booked days prior. It’s a fancy looking one, and if you ask her, she’d say they are a little bit underdressed. It’s utterly uncomfortable—attracting unwanted attention amongst the other customers.

The restaurant has marvellous windows—big and clear enough to see the picturesque panorama of Seoul.

The entire evening consisted of them eating, talking and laughing at things that are either pure bullshit or just plain embarrassing.

Nayeon talked about work and how she had a patient, a man, Jeongyeon might add, who used to visit Nayeon every day, dropping off bouquets of flowers and bars of chocolates, asking Nayeon out on a date. Jeongyeon did ask why she never went with the guy, or why she never gave the guy a chance, but all Nayeon gave her was a dismissive shrug. “He’s not my type,” she said.

But really though, what is Nayeon’s type? The woman almost always acts like this whenever people ask her out. All her answers are fairly similar. They’re either not her type or they don’t live up to her standards—it’s like the bar is in heaven.

They also talked about Jeongyeon’s parents in passing. “I miss them,” Nayeon said.

Perhaps, sometime soon, she should bring Nayeon back home—her mother always asks her about her friends and how they’re doing, especially Nayeon, who used to sleep over at their place every other weekend. “Bring her here when you have the time,” her mother said over the phone about a month ago.

 _It does seem like a good idea._ The steak is so soft in her mouth that it sort of just melts. She places the knife down and wipes the corners of her lips.

“Didn’t you tell me that you’ve been practicing drawing?” Nayeon says, twirling her fork on the remaining pasta on her plate.

“Yeah. I was just really amazed at how good Chaeyoung is at drawing, so, I tried doing it.”

“Draw me then,” Nayeon says, tossing a pen on her side of the table. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” Nayeon winks seductively.

“You’re so embarrassing.” Jeongyeon chuckles as she looks away. “And why would I draw you?”

“A memento?” Nayeon shrugs. “I also want to see how good you are at it.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m bad at it,” Jeongyeon confesses, taking a serviette and starts scribbling on it. They don’t have any paper—where else would she draw?

Jeongyeon does it carefully. She sketches a big round head first, followed by thin strands of hair flowing on the sides of the face. Her strokes are gentle, wary enough to not rip the whole piece apart.

She then proceeds to draw the neck, just a single line, along with its torso and limbs—a stick figure. It’s bad but still looks at it with pride, not forgetting the most crucial detail. The bunny teeth.

Jeongyeon looks up, and there she sees Nayeon giggling uncontrollably, catching a glimpse of her drawing.

A funny sensation rests at the pit of Jeongyeon’s stomach—it’s bothersome, and rather hard to ignore. It builds up inside of her, twisting and twirling when Nayeon’s fingers brush against hers, playing with it as the woman grabs a hold of her drawing.

“Is this me?” Nayeon laughs, eyes fixated on the terrible drawing Jeongyeon had made—possibly teasing and mocking and loving it at the same time. “I’m keeping this,” she adds, hugging it close to her chest.

And on their way home, Jeongyeon takes Nayeon to her door, exchanging good nights as if it were the first time—a little bit awkward in Jeongyeon’s opinion.

There are a lot of things to take in today. She did wish that whatever happened in Namsan would stay in Namsan, but it seems like it didn’t work.

The events are still quite overwhelming and puzzling to her.

Jeongyeon shifts her gaze to their hands, fingers still laced through each other. She feels Nayeon’s warmth and the softness of the woman's palm as they stay still.

And on what seemed like a thousand lifetimes, Nayeon lets go, smiling.

“Good night,” she says, tiptoeing, and places a soft peck on Jeongyeon’s cheek.

Nayeon kissed her cheek.

_Nayeon kissed my cheek._

And Jeongyeon’s heart skips a beat. God knows what it means but she hopes Nayeon didn’t hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	5. Reason no. 3

** March 2013 **

Today marks the beginning of school year for all of them. Jeongyeon is now in her 11th year, and when she says she’s starting to feel a lot of pressure—she means _a whole_ lot of pressure.

‘What do you want to do after high school?’ A question so simple and so general has been thrown around the campus dozens of times already. It’s only natural for their friends, acquaintances and teachers to ask such a question. They’re close to graduating after all.

However, one can say that Jeongyeon is the odd one out—because whilst everyone has their life planned out already, certain of what university to attend, what course to take and their ambitions—Jeongyeon is just here, stressing, still torn between two places.

The thing is, she wants to do a lot of things. In fact, she wants to do everything. Be an engineer, a singer, a pilot, a model, a chef and more. Like the seasons, her wants change from time to time—and if you think about it, it doesn’t really help her in any way. Having so many preferences has done nothing but confuse her even more.

If there comes a time that people are curious again about what she wants to do or what her dream job is, the best answer she’s able to muster for now would probably be just a simple, ‘I don’t know.’

Because, honestly, who the fuck dreams of labour?

Over the school holidays, Jeongyeon had barely seen Nayeon. After that stilted conversation last December, she maybe has only seen the girl once or twice. They all did try to invite Nayeon whenever they hung out, but it’s always either she was out of town or busy with ‘stuff’.

Sure, Jeongyeon gets it, _kind of._ They all do have lives outside their small circle, but she somehow just finds it odd how Nayeon never came to at least one of their outings. It usually is Nayeon who plans everything.

The girl has been awfully quiet in the group chat too.

“Maybe she just needs time for herself,” Jihyo said, one fine day, when the weather called for an ice cream.

“Why? Did something happen?” Jeongyeon asked as she fixed her shoes.

“I don’t know…” Jihyo’s voice trailed, chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m just guessing.”

It felt like Jihyo knew something.

Jeongyeon could’ve just imagined it, or really, Jihyo indeed knew something that she doesn’t.

She was curious. There was an itch sitting inside of her that needed to be scratched—an urge to know something she doesn’t.

But as much as she wanted to know, she didn’t press on. She figured that it wasn’t a very nice way to approach things.

Later that day, Jeongyeon texted Nayeon, asking her how she’s doing and if everything’s okay. And like always, all Nayeon said was, “Everything is fine.”

It didn’t feel like it though. It still doesn’t.

_I’m probably just looking into it too much._

“Jeongyeonie, we’re going to grab a bite across the street before going to cram school, do you want to come?” Sana says as she stacks her textbooks and shoves them inside her backpack.

“You guys go ahead. I just need to see Nayeon first. Have you guys seen her?” Jeongyeon asks, but both Momo and Sana merely shake their heads. “That’s weird,” she mumbles.

Momo pats her shoulder. “We’ll see you both there then,” she says as she walks away with Sana’s fingers interlocked with hers.

Jeongyeon nods.

Swinging her backpack all the way behind, she rushes to Nayeon’s class, deliberately ignoring the squeals and greetings coming from the students by the main corridor.

_What did Nayeon have just then?_

“English?” She begins sprinting through the polished floor, almost slipping on the wet end that hasn’t got that necessary huge yellow sign.

Just as she sets her foot in front of Nayeon’s class, Mina comes out the door, visibly struggling. The girl’s sleek dark hair has flown past the frame. Her forehead creases and her jaws clench tightly as she tries to arrange several textbooks in her hand.

Jeongyeon hadn’t dreamt of seeing this well-liked girl up-close. But now here she is, standing in front of her.

She has always found the girl very prim and chic. Smart and soft-spoken as well. It’s almost as if she’s out of anyone’s league, really—that should explain why Nayeon refuses to ask her out.

“Mina!” Jeongyeon greets, smiling, somewhat panting. She realises that it’s the first time she’s ever spoken to her. “Hi. I don’t think we’ve spoken to each other before. I’m Jeongyeon. Yoo Jeongyeon. I moved here a year ago,” she says, extending her hand towards the girl whose eyes are flickering with curiosity.

“I know.” Mina meets Jeongyeon’s hand. And Jeongyeon shakes it enthusiastically.

Tiptoeing, she lifts her chin up to scan the class and check whether there are still students left inside.

“Have you seen Nayeon?”

Mina melds her brows and pauses briefly before pointing across the hallway towards her left. 

A fleeing figure swerves hard to the next corner as Jeongyeon follows the direction Mina is hinting to.

Long onyx hair, cascading down the shoulders. It was Nayeon.

“Thanks!” Jeongyeon says, too eager to leave the vicinity and run after her friend. “See ya!”

“W-wait!”

A sudden sound of a pair of shoes scrape against the tiled floor. She almost loses her balance, reminding her of the heavy load on her back. “Yeah?” Jeongyeon says, looking at the Japanese girl who seems to be contemplating on what she’s about to say.

“Are you…” Mina mumbles, not meeting Jeongyeon’s eyes—busily tugging and fumbling with her skirt. “Are you like… dating Nayeon… unnie?”

Jeongyeon crinkles her nose and snorts. “What? Me? Dating Nayeon?” A faint chuckle is let out. “No. Where’d you get that from?”

“Oh. Nothing. I just thought—”

Jeongyeon checks her watch. “Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt but I really need to go.” She gestures to the direction Nayeon went and pulls an apologetic smile.

“Oh. Yes. Of course.”

“I’ll see you around.” Jeongyeon walks away backwards and waves meekly before turning her back against the girl, dashing across the narrow hallway. “Good luck on your ballet performance next week!” she adds.

Smart, elegant, talented, and _funny_. No wonder Nayeon likes her. 

\--

**Momo**

_[5:01 PM]_ Dude. You still coming?

_[5:03 PM]_ hey

 _[5:03 PM]_ probs not. i cant find nayeon anywhere.

 _[5:04 PM]_ has she texted u guys?

**Momo**

_[5:04 PM]_ Yeahh

 _[5:04 PM]_ Sana said nayeon texted her saying she’s not feeling well

 _[5:05 PM]_ So she had to leave early

 _[5:05 PM]_ But.. idk tho ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ she looked pretty fine to me. Why don’t u like, visit her or sumthing

 _[5:06 PM]_ *Nudge nudge*

“Nudge, nudge?” Jeongyeon stares at her phone for a few good seconds before typing again.

_[5:08 PM]_ i dunno what that means but sure

**Momo**

_[5:08 PM]_ Oh c’mon! she TOTALLY likes you

 _[5:09 PM]_ How do you not see it?

_[5:10 PM]_ haha very funny

 _[5:11 PM]_ see what

**Momo**

_[5:12 PM]_ That she likes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 _[5:13 PM]_ God you’re so stupid sometimes.

 _[5:14 PM]_ everyone legit sees it except u (like I’m not surprised)

_[5:14 PM]_ she likes mina u dummy

 _[5:15 PM]_ this is why I never listen to you. you never think things through lol

 _[5:15 PM]_ and if she *does* like me. Why on earth is she ignoring me then

**Momo**

_[5:15 PM]_ Because ur gayass rejected her in a fine snowy afternoon n she like assumed that u don’t feel the same way?

 _[5:16 PM]_ So she prolly feels embarrassed about it??

 _[5:17 PM]_ Really disappointed at how u can read but not in between the lines… shame

_[5:17 PM]_ wym reject her? she never confessed??????????

 _[5:18 PM]_ stop making shit up

 _[5:18 PM]_ istg you’re the reason why we’re so awkward now

**Momo**

_[5:20 PM]_ *You’re* the reason why you’re both so awkward now

 _[5:21 PM]_ I was trying to help but u blew it

_[5:21 PM]_ HELP?

 _[5:21 PM]_ BY ASSUMING SHE LIKES ME AND ANNOUNCING IT IN FRONT OF EVERYONEKSJFBVIDFUBV?

 _[5:22 PM]_ which by the way you were WRONG

 _[5:22 PM]_ and I don’t like her… so???????????????oudfjblfbg049

**Momo**

_[5:25 PM]_ Riiiiiiight. And im straight. 🙄

_[5:26 PM]_ 837028YTH3OFB

 _[5:26 PM]_ youre making this weird

**Momo**

_[5:27 PM]_ YOURE making it weird

 _[5:27 PM]_ Just date her already. How hard is that..

_[5:28 PM]_ how hard—

 _[5:28 PM]_ HOW HARD IS THAT?

 _[5:29 PM]_ i told u I don’t like her >:(

 _[5:29 PM]_ how about u deal w ur sana thingy first before u say shit like that to me

**Momo**

_[5:30 PM]_ Talk to the hand. ✋

_[5:30 PM]_ FINE

 _[5:30 PM]_ hey hand. tell momo to stop being delusional thanks

**Momo**

_[5:31 PM]_ You’re a coward -hand

_[5:32 PM]_ your mum’s a coward.

**Momo**

_[5:32 PM]_ No but seriously.

 _[5:33 PM]_ What on earth is stopping you

_[5:33 PM]_ dude

 _[5:33 PM]_ ive said this thousands of times. I don’t like her that way ok?

 _[5:34 PM]_ even if I did I wouldn’t do anything about it. It’ll mess things up.

**Momo**

_[5:34 PM]_ Are u sure??

 _[5:34 PM]_ Cause everyone else thinks otherwise hMMmm

 _[5:35 PM]_ Aaaaaaaand you’ve kissed so..

_[5:34 PM]_ IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 _[5:35 PM]_ GOD

 _[5:35 PM]_ i am not having this conversation w u again.

**Momo**

_[5:35 PM]_ But what if it wasn’t

 _[5:36 PM]_ What if cupid got so pissed cause u both are so slow and basically pushed u

_[5:36 PM]_ you know what

 _[5:36 PM]_ bye

**Momo**

_[5:37 PM]_ Good.

 _[5:37 PM]_ Go do some reflecting or something.

“I don’t need to reflect on anything,” Jeongyeon mutters as she shuts her phone.

In a sunny yet chilly afternoon, Jeongyeon marches home with several things on her mind.

And perhaps Nayeon is one of those things.

Or really, she’s all of those things.

\--

[What’s happening?]

**kinda sucks that you’re ignoring me**

6:56 PM · Mar 4, 2013 · Twitter for iPhone

@momo_riiing

Replying to @jyoo96

**@nayeon_im pls talk to this fool already**

@jyoo96

Replying to @momo_riiing

**MOMO**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @jyoo96

**WHAT**

@jyoo96

Replying to @momo_riiing

**STFU**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @jyoo96 and @momo_riiing

 **This seems fun!!! What are we talking about (** **✿** **◠** **‿** **◠** **)**

@jyoo96

Replying to @Sanapomu and @momo_riiing

**NOTHING U SHUT UP TOO**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @jyoo96 and @momo_riiing

 **But I wanna join .·´** **¯** **`( >** **▂** **< )** **´** **¯** **`** **·** **.**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @Sanapomu and @jyoo96

**It’s the thing I told you about yesterday lolololol**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @momo_riiing and @jyoo96

**OHHHHHHHH hihi (n˘v˘•)¬ I seeeeee!!! I get it now**

@jyoo96

Replying to @Sanapomu and @momo_riiing

**wtf you guys talk shit about me??**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @jyoo96 and @Sanapomu

**Maybeeee.. why? U scared?**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @jyoo96 and @momo_riiing

 **What?** **（＊〇** **□** **〇）** **……** **！** **We would never!!!!** **゛** **(** **ﾉ** **~o~)** **ﾉ** **I think Momo was referring to the kiss. I wouldn’t talk shit about u, Jeongyeonie… u know that : <**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @Sanapomu and @jyoo96

**SANA?!?!?!?!**

@GEEhyo

Replying to @Sanapomu @momo_riiing and @jyoo96

**What kiss? WHAT DO YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I DON’T?**

@jyoo96

Replying to @GEEhyo @momo_riiing and @Sanapomu

**GOOD QUESTION HAHA DON’T LISTEN TO THEM**

@GEEhyo

Replying to @jyoo96 @Sanapomu and @momo_riiing

**SHARING IS CARING**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @GEEhyo @jyoo96 and @momo_riiing

 **∑(O_O** **；** **)**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @GEEhyo @Sanapomu and @jyoo96

 **(o** **゜ー゜** **o)??**

“This is a fucking nightmare.”

Jeongyeon makes a note to herself one more time: _For the love of God, don’t tell Momo shit._

\--

“Did you guys hear?” Jihyo lays her tray down the table, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she leans in close.

“Hear what?” Sana asks innocently, sipping the can of soda in Momo’s hold.

It’s the second day of school and Nayeon is still not talking to Jeongyeon. Well, she technically still does, but not like before.

Whether it was something she said or had done, Jeongyeon really doesn’t know. She would love to ask the girl for answers but it’s not like Nayeon would give her a direct one anyway.

Right now, there’s not much to say other than they’re inside the cafeteria, eating and talking like they always do during lunch break.

Jeongyeon however, prays that Jihyo doesn’t bring up the mess that had unfolded yesterday. She really wishes Jihyo has forgotten about it. God, she wishes it didn’t happen at all.

It was one of the worst things that’s ever happened to her.

“About Mina,” Jihyo whispers.

“Why are you whispering?” Momo says, inching closer.

“Apparently, she got into Juilliard,” Jihyo says, her pupils flaring.

Nayeon comes rushing in time with a tray in her hands and sits across Jeongyeon, not making any eye contact whatsoever.

“You mean _The_ Juilliard School?” Jeongyeon says. “No way.”

Jihyo retreats her head, eyebrows rising a notch. “Yes way.”

Sana shrugs. “I’m not really surprised. I thought everyone saw it coming.”

“What are we talking about?” Nayeon stares at Jihyo.

“Mina. She applied for Juilliard and got in.”

“Wait. Really?” Nayeon places a hand over her mouth. “How come she never told me?” The girl quickly pulls out her phone and starts fiddling with the screen.

“You guys…” Momo raises a brow. “Talk?”

“Yeah,” Nayeon says, nodding.

“Since when?” Jeongyeon chimes in, very much intrigued—okay, maybe _partly_ intrigued. She really just needed an excuse to talk to Nayeon.

“We—uhh… during the holidays? She messaged me on Kakao.”

“Huh. Interesting,” Momo comments, throwing a subtle glance at Jeongyeon’s way.

Jeongyeon grins. “Finally! That’s what I’m talking about! High five!” Nayeon hesitantly raises her hand, open-palmed, in which Jeongyeon gladly slaps. “So, did you ask her out?”

“N-no. We’ve only just started talking.” Nayeon unfastens the cap of her water bottle and takes a sip.

Sana tilts her head. Her index finger moves back and forth between Jeongyeon and Nayeon. “But aren’t you two dating?”

Nayeon’s fingers twitch against the bottle and begins coughing as she sets it down.

“Are you okay?” Jihyo soothes Nayeon’s back.

Momo scratches her head. “Right? I mean, you would think they are, considering they’ve kissed already—"

Water spits out of Nayeon’s mouth, aimed at Jeongyeon’s face.

No one saw it coming. Not even Jeongyeon.

Nayeon turns crimson, possibly choking, as Jeongyeon snaps her own mouth shut, feeling the muscles around her jaw twitching. _Do I look dehydrated?_

“They kissed? Who’s they?” Jihyo asks, harshly rubbing Nayeon’s back now.

Momo repeats what Sana just did with a dismissive look on her face.

“I-I’m so sorry.” Nayeon reaches across the table with napkins in her grasp and gently uses them to wipe Jeongyeon’s face.

“It’s fine,” Jeongyeon says, wincing.

“Nayeon unnie?” A voice from behind interrupts their chatter.

An audible gasp comes out of Sana’s lips as they all turn their heads to see who it is.

Mina. And if that isn’t shocking enough, Nayeon smiles at the girl warmly as though they have known each other their entire lives.

“You wanted to see me?” Mina says, timidly rubbing out the non-existent creases on her sleeve.

Nayeon puts the napkins down. “Y-yes! Great timing,” she says, grabbing her water bottle, and chucks an awkward wave to their table. “See you guys around.” She yanks Mina’s arm, guiding the Japanese girl out of the cafeteria.

“I’m lost,” Jihyo says, gaze not tearing away from the two figures by the exit, arms linked around each other.

“Me too,” Momo and Sana say simultaneously, awestruck and a little confused by the unexpected occurrence.

 _Me too._ Jeongyeon thinks to herself, but soon dismisses the thought and leaves her seat. “I’m going to the bathroom.” She points to her semi-wet face and soaked shirt.

Her friends give her a nod, eyes clouded with concern and curiosity as well as a bunch of other things that she wishes not to puzzle out further.

It is without a doubt that Jeongyeon is more than delighted to see Nayeon finally talking to Mina. After all, this is what she had always wanted, right? For Nayeon to talk to Mina and maybe have the guts to finally ask the girl out?

If that’s the case, then why does she feel upset? Upset in an inexplicable way. Upset by the fact that Nayeon is ignoring Jeongyeon and had been giving Mina all her attention.

_Have I missed something?_

Not wanting to say anything more, Jeongyeon presses her lips into a thin line and places her hands inside her pockets.

She heads towards the exit.

“But I thought Nayeon likes Jeongyeon?” is the last thing she hears before walking out the space.

\--

 _[9:19 AM]_ pst

 _[9:19 AM]_ how long are you going to pretend that I don’t exist

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:24 AM]_ I have no clue what youre talking about

_[9:24 AM]_ of course u do

 _[9:25 AM]_ how long are you going to ignore me

 _[9:25 AM]_ :c

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:27 AM]_ What?

 _[9:27 AM]_ Im not ignoring you

 _[9:27 AM]_ Im just

 _[9:28 AM]_ Busy. That’s all.

_[9:29 AM]_ you’ve been saying that for weeks now

 _[9:29 AM]_ i don’t believe u

 _[9:30 AM]_ can you at least tell me what’s wrong?

 _[9:31 AM]_ if it was something I did.. or said. im sorry.

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:32 AM]_ It’s not about u ok

 _[9:32 AM]_ Im sorry if u felt that way. It has something to do w me. Not you. Don’t overthink it.

_[9:32 AM]_ oh

 _[9:33 AM]_ how can I help?

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:36 AM]_ I don’t know.

 _[9:37 AM]_ Just need to sort things out on my own

_[9:36 AM]_ okay..

 _[9:37 AM]_ we’re still friends right?

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:37 AM]_ yes of course

_[9:37 AM]_ so mina is not ur new best friend or sumthing

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:38 AM]_ No silly

 _[9:38 AM]_ U still have me

_[9:39 AM]_ COOL

 _[9:39 AM]_ u still have me too :)))))

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:39 AM]_ I gotta go. Teacher’s here.

_[9:40 AM]_ alright. see u at recess??

**Regina George 2.0**

_[9:40 AM]_ I cant

 _[9:41 AM]_ I didn’t do my homework last night so I’m staying in to do it.

_[9:43 AM]_ okay then

 _[9:43 AM]_ good luckkkk

\--

2:33 PM. History.

Not her favourite subject to say the least.

Bored out of her wits, Jeongyeon decides to scribble on Momo’s notebook.

**‘Why do you think Nayeon is still ignoring me?’**

Momo glances at the writing in the disgust, crunching up her nose.

**‘Because you’re dumb.’**

Jeongyeon scoffs. She takes offence at that.

**‘That’s not nice >:(’**

Murmuring some incoherent words, Momo jots down what she has to say quite instantly.

**‘You’ve literally asked me that a million times already. I honestly don’t know anymore. I just think you blew ur chance…’**

_Blew my chance?_

“What are you guys up to?” Sana asks from behind, inclining her chair as she observes over Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

Momo sighs. “The usual stuff.”

“Nayeon?” Sana mouths, angling her head towards Jeongyeon’s direction—most likely seeking affirmation.

With no excuse to tell, Jeongyeon is left with no choice but to nod.

“Sana,” the teacher calls out. “What are you doing?”

“Asking Jeongyeon for a spare pencil,” Sana says calmly and waves the pencil she had just yanked from Jeongyeon’s hand.

The teacher’s expression turns dull. “Alright. I suggest you reposition your chair now,” he says, and resumes his attention to the textbook he is holding. “Everyone, turn to page 19 and answer the following exercises.”

Jeongyeon does as they’re told and tries to concentrate on the questions laid out before her.

“I don’t think she likes Mina.” Sana leans against her ear briefly. “I think it’s the other way around.”

 _Other way around?_ Jeongyeon looks over her shoulder and meets Sana’s eyes. Her whole face lights up, staring at Jeongyeon intently—it’s as though she’s trying to tell Jeongyeon something.

Unfortunately, she is no good in telepathy.

And besides, what difference does it make?

\--

As spring slowly sets in, the temperature remains crisp, resting around the single digits. Her best guess is that it’s nearly 8°C out here. It’s not so bad. It’s better than sweating under the scorching heat of summer.

She would honestly prefer this over summer any day.

Her sole reaches the uneven pavement beyond the gate as she wraps her plaid scarf around her neck. She buries her chin underneath, covering half of her face.

In what seems to be her lucky day, she spots Nayeon from afar, strutting her way out of the campus.

Elated, Jeongyeon tightens her grip on her shoulder strap and hastens her pace in hopes of walking beside the girl.

She trains her gaze on the girl’s hand, swinging against the sharp wind, and plasters a smile on her face as she scoops it with her own—holding Nayeon’s hand in hers, clemently.

Nayeon flinches and expresses her surprise through her prolonged stare.

“You know, you can try and avoid me for as long as you want, but you know it’s never going to work,” Jeongyeon says, eyes fixated on the road before them as they begin to walk.

“I—”

“I’m still going to bother the hell out of you.” The corners of her lips twitch, now staring at Nayeon whose gaze is locked on to hers.

“But I—”

“Tteokbokki?” Jeongyeon gestures across the street.

Nayeon stands still—possibly pondering. An obscure visage paints the girl’s face, looking relatively bedevilled and maybe astounded too. “Okay,” she says, glancing over their interlocked fingers.

Jeongyeon gives a lopsided grin. “C’mon then.”

Nothing is definite in this world. But in this world that they’re living in—a world full of dubiety and instability, Jeongyeon knows one thing, and one thing only.

Years from now she sees herself standing, next to Nayeon, holding the girl’s hand the same way, fingers entwined against the vast cosmos.

She holds no psychic abilities, but she just knows. She knows that she’ll still be here.

How? Well, let’s just say that in the deepest part of her heart, she is certain that in every situation that may seem unpromising—a situation that might tear them apart, they will eventually gravitate back to where they truly belong.

And she hopes that this—this is where they both belong.

~

_ June 2022 _

“Hello? Mum? Yes. Yes, we’re here. Jesus, calm down,” Jeongyeon says, phone sandwiched between her shoulder and her ear as she carries the bag of groceries from the boot of her car. “Thank you,” she mouths as soon as Nayeon rushes from the passenger seat to help her.

It’s a nice warm Saturday afternoon. The sky is dyed in a shade of blue—clear, and bright with no clouds hanging above, just the sun in the vast firmament.

As promised, here they are, in front of Jeongyeon’s parents’ house, with a few bags of groceries needed for dinner.

“Dad! They’re here,” Seungyeon, her sister, yells outside the huge front door, head peeking over the small opening. “Nayeon!” she says, sprinting to the gate.

The thin metal rails clink as her sister cranks the lock to the side and heaves it open.

“Oh, _wow_. Warm welcome,” Jeongyeon deadpans, staring in disbelief at the two hugging figures in front of her.

“Oh, shush you. You’re acting as if we don’t see each other every other weekend,” Seungyeon says. “Nayeon on the other hand…” she says scanning the woman from head to toe. “I haven’t seen you in so long! You’ve gotten so much prettier,” she squeals, squeezing Nayeon’s hand.

“Me? You mean _you_ ,” Nayeon says, lips stretched into a fairly huge smile. A very genuine one, and Seungyeon merely giggles.

“This is getting gross,” Jeongyeon says, squeezing her way inside the gate. “Where’s mum and dad, anyway?”

The front door swings open once more and sees her dad making his way out the house. There’s a small smile on his face, but his eyes, however, glimmer with excitement like no other.

“Dad!” Jeongyeon skips to his direction, raising the bags of groceries in her grasp.

Her dad hustles his way to her. “Nayeon!” he exclaims, lightly shoving Jeongyeon to his left, almost losing her own footing.

“Ow—Jesus.” Her grip tightens around the bags’ handles.

After giving Nayeon a tight hug, her dad ruffles Nayeon’s hair, just like he used to years ago. “How have you been?” he says, patting the woman’s shoulder.

“Unbelievable.” Jeongyeon scoffs, slightly butthurt at the unforeseen turn of events.

Laughter and excitement can be heard from behind as she proceeds to walk her way to the doorstep. Just in time, the front door gives way, watching her mum push her way through.

“Mum—”

“Where’s Nayeon?”

“What—”

“Nayeon! Let me have a look at you!” Her mother rushes to where the commotion is, brushing Jeongyeon aside. “Oh my, you’re so tall now! What took you so long to visit here again?”

Not even a mere acknowledgement of Jeongyeon’s presence—a quick glance would’ve done it, _but no_ , they all deliberately ignored her. Some loyalty they have.

Jeongyeon attempts to open the front door with her elbow. “Glad to know no one cares about me,” she mumbles, teetering.

“Let me help.” Nayeon pats her back and offers the softest smile. The woman opens the door with ease and tells Jeongyeon to hand her a couple of bags.

“Thank you.”

“Nayeon, Jeongyeon told me you’re a doctor now,” her dad says as if he takes pride in it.

“Yes, I am.” Nayeon sets her foot inside the house. “It’s taxing but very rewarding,” she says, eyes curving into a crescent arch.

“I’m very glad to hear that,” her dad replies, and sees her sister nodding in agreement as well.

The atmosphere is very cosy—hints of nostalgia cleave in every corner of the house.

It’s been a long time since Jeongyeon came home—more or less than a year already. She obviously still sees her parents every now and then, for a cup of coffee or dinner around the quiet parts of the city. Oftentimes, it would be very brief as her schedule would tend to get in the way, compelling her to go back to her usual routine. When she said she had her fair share of struggles towards achieving her dream, this is one of them—having very little time to see her family.

She does see Seungyeon more frequently though, considering that she works in the same industry as her.

“Honey, give me those and I’ll put them on the counter.” Her dad points to the bags she’s holding.

Jeongyeon nods and carefully hands them in. “Thanks, dad.”

Her mum squeezes her shoulders lightly as she walks past them. “Give Nayeon a quick tour while I organise those.”

Jeongyeon’s brows furrow. _Tour?_

Why would Nayeon need a tour when she’s been here numerous times already?

“Wow, you guys did a lot of remodelling,” Nayeon exclaims, mouth agape, scanning her eyes around the living room space.

Ah, that’s right. Their house had undergone quite the makeover roughly six years ago.

Now she knows what her mother meant by giving Nayeon a _quick tour._

The area looks a lot more vibrant now, cleaner, and brighter with the colour of nude, tan and white popping on the wooden ceiling, and walls.

They walk alongside the coffee table, decorated with a vase full of yellow forsythias. There’s magazines, and novels too, and a few TV remotes surrounding it.

The tip of Nayeon’s fingers trace the edges of the stack of books by the bookshelf made of fine oak, embedded on the wall as the rays of the late sun glare before it.

“Hey, it’s us!” Nayeon exclaims, squinting. It’s a nine-year-old framed photo of them—a funny one, taken during one of their sleep overs, with Nayeon crushing Jeongyeon’s body down the bedstead, trying so hard to place a peck on her cheek. “This was fun,” Nayeon adds, giggling like a small child.

“Fun? You almost killed me.”

“ _No._ You were playing hard to get. So, you technically left me with no choice.”

“I wasn’t playing hard to get!”

“Sure, sure.” Nayeon rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, this is so cute!” she says, pointing to the photo of them with Momo, Sana and Jihyo by the small shelves.

If Jeongyeon isn’t mistaken, this was taken on her birthday way back in 2012. It’s a comely picture, crowded with ingenuous smiles as they blissfully bask at the spacious park over Hangang.

“We look so happy there,” Jeongyeon says.

“I know.” Nayeon suppresses a wide grin. “It’s adorable.” The woman then takes a couple of strides to face the stationary picture windows that showcases the pleasant-looking landscape of their garden.

The phone inside Jeongyeon’s back pocket vibrates. She steals a swift glance at Nayeon’s profile before turning her attention to the screen.

Believe it or not, her lock screen wallpaper is another photo of the two of them, taken on Chaeyoung’s birthday almost two months ago. It’s cute, she won’t even deny that. They’re both smiling widely, forming hearts with one hand in a crescent-like shape attached to the opposite sides of their cheek.

Nayeon set the wallpaper herself. Quite brazenly, in fact.

Jeongyeon just couldn’t be bothered changing it.

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[5:55 PM]_ The girls were thinking of having a small get-together this evening

 _[5:56 PM]_ We know you’re way busier, but do you think you can come??

 _[5:56 PM]_ I also know it’s last minute but.. anyway

 _[5:56 PM]_ I tried contacting Nayeon. She hasn’t been responding

_[5:58 PM]_ nayeon is w me

 _[5:58 PM]_ we’re actually at my parents’ place so im afraid we cant join u guys :(

 _[5:59 PM]_ ill make sure to catch up w everyone very very soon

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[6:01 PM]_ Ohh okay okay

 _[6:02 PM]_ That’s alright. No stress

 _[6:02 PM]_ You guys have a nice time 😊

 _[6:03 PM]_ Tell your family I said hiii

_[6:03 PM]_ okk you guys have fun too

 _[6:04 PM]_ do send pics later

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[6:05 PM]_ You send pics too!

A pair of arms snake their way around Jeongyeon’s waist from behind, drawing her nearer as the hold becomes tighter. “Who are you texting?” Nayeon mumbles, cheek pressed against the blade on one of her shoulders.

It’s funny how a mere simple gesture is able to put her mind into frenzy.

Her body stiffens, fully feeling her muscles tensing, wedged in a back hug so warm and so protective.

“It’s Jihyo,” she says, gripping tightly on her phone.

Nayeon sways her body, moving gently. “Well, tell her to stop texting you. You’re mine for the day.”

“I’m not anyone’s. Calm down,” Jeongyeon says, unintentionally gazing her hand on Nayeon’s arm. “Sorry. Let me just—”

Seungyeon whistles from across the room. “Hey lovebirds, mum says we’re ready to cook.”

“We’re not—”

“Coming!” Nayeon sprints to the kitchen, dragging Jeongyeon along.

\--

Standing by the kitchen counter with their floral aprons hugging their warm bodies, hair tied back, and hands covered in plastic gloves, Jeongyeon lifts the bowl filled with pancake batter for the seafood scallion pancake they’re making.

Jeongyeon is not a good cook, but at least she’s not as bad as Nayeon. Sure, Jeongyeon took a couple of cooking and baking lessons, but all she truly remembers is how to hold a knife properly. They both do not have a knack for it—maybe they just need more practice.

“Dad, are we even doing this right?” Jeongyeon tilts the bowl lightly.

“Show me.” Her dad walks to their station, wiping his hands with a kitchen towel. He knits his brows, resting his chin on his clenched hand. “I think it’s too thick. It’s supposed to be runnier than that. You’ve added too much flour.”

“See, I told you!” Jeongyeon huffs.

“What do you mean? You’re the one who measured it.”

“But you said it’s too watery!”

“Yeah. It was quite watery then,” Nayeon said, carrying a pitcher of water and tips it over the bowl. “Why are you making this my fault?”

“Slowly!”

“How dare you raise your voice at me!” Nayeon sets the pitcher down and knocks her fist on Jeongyeon’s head.

Jeongyeon stirs the bowl with caution.

Her dad just watches them in amusement before turning his attention back to his station, tossing various ingredients in a large pot of stew.

On the other side of the kitchen, her sister is offering her assistance to their mum who's preparing a beef brisket for the noodle dish they’re trying to cook.

The smiles on everybody’s faces sort of puts her heart at ease, making the long hour drive from her place in the centre of the city worth it.

This is what she needed all along. A calm and snug atmosphere. Perhaps, a break from her overwrought lifestyle—unceasingly fast-track and vigorous, that sometimes she would even forget what time of the day it was and what day of the week she was currently in. It sounds implausible, but it’s true.

After letting the batter sit for a few good minutes, they proceed to fry them in a fairly large pan drizzled in vegetable oil.

They each hold a spatula in their hand, taking turns into flipping the pancakes once the bottom appears golden. They bicker their way into emptying the bowl of batter. Their shoulders brush lightly as Nayeon cranks up the heat, reminding Jeongyeon of the time when they both tried to make fluffy pancakes at midnight when Jeongyeon’s parents were asleep. Their nonstop banters had filled the area, pushing and pulling each other, and burning each and every one of the pancakes down to the very last piece. But they still ate them, of course. It would’ve been such a waste to throw 10 pieces in the bin.

It's nice to have Nayeon back home again, and she’s more than certain that her family thinks so too.

“Done,” Jeongyeon announces as she transfers the seafood scallion pancakes in a big plate.

“Wait.” Nayeon grabs Jeongyeon’s arm and extends her hand close to her nose, grazing it lightly. “There was flour on your nose,” she says.

“Aw, look at you two!” her mum exclaims, squinting as she takes her phone out. She snaps a photo of them, unannounced. Though she’s not really being sneaky with it either. “You look so cute together.”

Seungyeon gives Jeongyeon a look. It’s a look that she hasn’t seen in a very long time—a stare that’s all too sharp and knowing. And until today, she still doesn’t know what it might denote.

Her sister gives a similar look to their dad, and you would not believe the amount of surprise that ran through Jeongyeon’s veins when she sees him laughing.

_What?_

Jeongyeon puts the plate down frantically. “Mum, we’re not—”

“I think Nayeon would make a really good wife.”

 _That was random._ Jeongyeon goggles at her mum’s delighted face.

A faint giggle leaves Nayeon’s lips, nudging Jeongyeon’s belly with her elbow nonstop. “Really?”

“Yeah,” her dad chimes in, bringing his dish over the dining table. “Plus, your cooking skills seemed to have improved a lot.”

Jeongyeon walks to the front. “Dad—"

“You think so?” Nayeon excitedly claps her hands.

“I know so.”

Seungyeon carries a couple of side dishes to the table. “So, like, are you two…” she says, constantly shifting her gaze from Nayeon to Jeongyeon.

“Pardon?” Nayeon sets the cutlery down.

“You’re dating, right?”

The knife hits the table quite harshly as Nayeon looks at Jeongyeon, suppressing a toothed grin.

“No—”

“Well, for the longest time, I have been telling her to consider dating me, but I don’t think she’s swayed yet,” Nayeon quips. “It’s sort of like a part of the deal we’ve made.”

“Huh. That’s funny. We assumed you already are, considering Jeongyeon talks about you all the time.”

Jeongyeon gasps. “Seungyeon!”

“Oh, please. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” her mum says, motioning Jeongyeon to sit down and organise herself. “We are all aware of how fond you both are of each other.”

“It would be nice to have Nayeon around here for a _very_ long time though.” Her dad wiggles his eyebrows as he sits on his seat.

Jeongyeon has no idea what that means, but something tells her he’s hinting about marriage. Ever since the beginning of this year, her parents have been nagging her to get married. It’s even weirder that they _actually_ want Nayeon as their daughter-in-law.

_Over my dead body._

Nayeon merely chuckles.

“You guys are making this so weird,” Jeongyeon mumbles, crossing her arms, refusing to look at the gazes fixated on her. Heat rushes into her chest and face as she plays with the lint that’s dangling on her shirt.

\--

Dinner was really something else. It was by far the most bizarre but also fun dinner she’s ever sat on.

It was rather nostalgic than anything else. With Nayeon and her family sat in one big table, it almost felt like she was 17 again. And she did miss it. More than anything else—the liveliness of the atmosphere and the laughter that filled the light air.

Embarrassment was also there too, lurking everywhere, haunting her as minutes went by. And it was all because of the constant teasing and roasting made by her family in front of Nayeon, who by the way, was actively riding along too.

The food was particularly flavoursome. It felt very homey, like it was everything Jeongyeon hoped it would be. A combination of something rich, sweet, savoury with a little bit spice at the end of every bite. Give it a subtle whiff and you’d immediately know it was made with love.

Great food and great company. What more could she possibly ever ask for?

Hugs and kisses on the cheek were shared as they began to bid their goodbyes. She didn’t really want to leave. But knowing that she has an early flight to catch—a plane to Milan to be exact—she didn’t have much choice.

As much as she wanted to stay there, even just for the night, reality comes snapping at her face, reminding her that it’s time to ease back into her routine.

“Give me a call when you arrive, okay?” her mum said, caressing her back as they led them out the front door.

Soon enough, happy smiles turned to sad and longing ones—the kind that hit her right in the gut and deep within her chest.

“Don’t forget to call, okay?” her dad called out once they had reached the gate, and once more, Jeongyeon threw an ‘okay’ sign in the air, smiling, before they vanished from their sight, stepping beyond the tall gate.

Now sitting in the car for about a minute, Nayeon finally sits in the passenger seat, somewhat exhausted.

“Sorry, I almost left my phone in there,” the woman says, trying to catch her breath.

“All good.” Jeongyeon smiles as she fastens her seatbelt. “Did you have a great time?”

“Is that even a question?” Nayeon chuckles. “Of course, I did. I love them so much.”

“That’s nice to know,” Jeongyeon says. She turns the engine on and shifts on her seat.

“We should visit here more often. Maybe we could bring the others next time. I remember your mum asking where Jihyo and SaMo are.”

Jeongyeon hums. “I think they’d love that.”

She drives away, along the asphalt ground, leaving her parents’ home with quite a heavy heart.

The night is currently thriving. It’s dark but still full of lights in every corner—streetlights, artificial lights towering over the assiduous cars and motorbikes heading towards the centre of Seoul.

Buildings and bridges loom over them—huge and tall ones, as though they’re able to touch the sky that’s presently starless.

Easing her foot off the pedal, the car slows down metres before the traffic light.

Nayeon turns to face her. “Hey, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it already but I met Mina the other day.”

She hits the brakes, a little too harshly as the light turns red. “Mina? Myoui? The one you had a crush on in high school?”

“Yeah, obviously.” Jeongyeon can feel Nayeon’s eyes rolling back. “Do you know any person other than Myoui who’s named Mina?”

“No, but—”

“Anyway, she said she’s taking a break from ballet and all that stuff for a while. She apparently lives in New York now, but decided to visit Seoul for a week or two.” Nayeon swipes through her phone and moves it close to Jeongyeon’s face. “See? Isn’t she like, _so_ pretty still?” A selfie of them. Faces closely sticked to one another with gentle smiles, and a couple of V-signs.

Red changes to green and Jeongyeon trains her gaze back on the road again. “So, are you like, friends again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, she did ask me to go out with her next weekend before she flies to Japan.”

Her forehead furrows. “Like a _date_?”

“ _No.”_ Nayeon chuckles. “Why? Are you jealous?”

A scoff. “Why would I be jealous?” She takes a hard turn to the right.

“It’s cute when you’re jealous. I don’t mind. You can say it,” Nayeon says, egging her on.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Okay.”

“I said I’m not.”

“Okay.”

Jeongyeon scowls as she steals a brief glance at the woman beside her.

“You can come if you want,” Nayeon continues.

“Why would I even want to?”

“You won’t be the third wheel, I promise.”

“Can you stop? I told you I don’t care.”

“Whatever you say,” Nayeon singsongs. “Mina said hi, by the way.”

Myoui Mina.

_Small world._

\--

11:18 PM. There’s 42 minutes left before Nayeon’s birthday ends.

Vancouver, Canada. That’s where Jeongyeon is right now. Specifically, in her hotel room, lounging by the sofa after a long day of work.

**Regina new number**

_[11:23 PM]_ I still hate you for not coming to my birthday

 _[11:24 PM]_ What kind of friend are you

 _[11:24 PM]_ How dare you do this to me after all the things I’ve done for you.

 _[11:25 PM]_ This is what I get???? Nothing???

_[11:25 PM]_ happy birthdayyyy 💗

 _[11:26 PM]_ how was your day?

**Regina new number**

_[11:26 PM]_ Hiiiii :’)

 _[11:26 PM]_ I miss you 😔

_[11:27 PM]_ ill be home soon though

 _[11:27 PM]_ I asked how your day wasss

**Regina new number**

_[11:27 PM]_ Soon????????

 _[11:27 PM]_ 5 days is soon?

 _[11:28 PM]_ My day was great!!! I had a nice lunch with my family today. Talked about the usual things, marriage and all. I’m honestly getting sick of it

 _[11:29 PM]_ But anywayyy, during dinner, the girls and I just gathered at my place and had dinner here.

 _[11:29 PM]_ We watched this old movie called lights out and now I’m scared to go to the toilet.

 _[11:29 PM]_ WE ALSO PLAYED MAFIA!!! I was the mafiaaaaaa and I won

 _[11:30 PM]_ 😈😈😈😈😈

 _[11:31 PM]_ But like the whole time I was cornering dahyun and she got so pissed that she kept saying

 _[11:31 PM]_ “Fight me.” AT LEAST 20 TIMES. 20 TIMES!!!

 _[11:32 PM]_ And like, I would’ve… But I didn’t want child services to come for me

_[11:32 PM]_ LOL U BULLIED DAHYUN??

 _[11:32 PM]_ UGH that sounds so fuuuuuuun

 _[11:32 PM]_ I wish I was there

**Regina new number**

_[11:33 PM]_ Me too

 _[11:33 PM]_ But your stanky ass chose to travel SO far just to film a drama

 _[11:33 PM]_ Like who’s it gonna be?? Me or the drama???????????

 _[11:34 PM]_ AND WHY DO YOU WANNA DO EVERYTHING??????

 _[11:34 PM]_ First modelling and now acting???

 _[11:34 PM]_ LIKE

 _[11:34 PM]_ WHAT ABOUT ME

_[11:35 PM]_ you want me to do

 _[11:35 PM]_ you?

 _[11:36 PM]_ ??????????????????????????

**Regina new number**

_[11:37 PM]_ IDK

 _[11:37 PM]_ MAYBE

 _[11:37 PM]_ IF U WANT TO

 _[11:38 PM]_ IM KIDDING

_[11:39 PM]_ hmmmmmm

**Regina new number**

_[11:40 PM]_ OH AND

 _[11:41 PM]_ MINA WAS HERE TOO

Jeongyeon lifts herself up from the sofa.

_[11:42 PM]_ i thought she went back to nyc?

**Regina new number**

_[11:43 PM]_ Yeah like 2 months ago

 _[11:44 PM]_ But she came back again???

 _[11:44 PM]_ Cause she can?

 _[11:44 PM]_ Duhh

_[11:45 PM]_ but what for??

**Regina new number**

_[11:45 PM]_ What do u mean what for.

 _[11:45 PM]_ I don’t know. She didn’t say

_[11:46 PM]_ interesting

 _[11:46 PM]_ so you guys keep in touch now?

**Regina new number**

_[11:46 PM]_ Yes I guess??

 _[11:47 PM]_ Why wouldn’t we?

 _[11:47 PM]_ SHE IS HONESTLY SO FUN

 _[11:47 PM]_ We played video games earlier and

 _[11:48 PM]_ We played this game called animal crossing and my character was so cute!!!

 _[11:48 PM]_ Ill send it to you later

_[11:49 PM]_ animal crossing?

 _[11:49 PM]_ on Nintendo switch??

 _[11:49 PM]_ since when did u have a switch?

**Regina new number**

_[11:50 PM]_ Since 3 hrs ago

 _[11:50 PM]_ She bought it for meeee

 _[11:51 PM]_ A birthday gift hehe

 _[11:51 PM]_ OMG

 _[11:51 PM]_ DON’T YOU HAVE ONE??????? sdlskfjslkdjlwd

 _[11:51 PM]_ WE SHOULD PLAY SOMETIME

_[11:52 PM]_ ohh nice.

 _[11:52 PM]_ yeahhh

 _[11:52 PM]_ when I come home.. maybe

 _[11:53 PM]_ anyway I should go to bed. still have to wake up early tomorrow :/

 _[11:54 PM]_ happy birthday againnn ill see you soon

 _[11:55 PM]_ gn :)

She places her phone on the coffee table and heaves a sigh.

Slightly dejected, her gaze lands on the medium-sized box laid on her bedside table—Nayeon’s birthday present that she recently just bought. It sits right under the lamp, emphasising its bright red colour and showcases its name above that says, ‘Nintendo Switch’.

Things aren’t really working out for her today. “Bummer.”

Her phone dings.

**Regina new number**

_[11:57 PM]_ Waittt

“Wait?”

**_[Incoming call: Regina new number]_ **

“What the,” Jeongyeon says, but picks up the call anyway. “Hello?”

Silence.

“Hello? Nayeon?”

There’s a sound of breathing on the other end.

“Dummy, you do know international calls cost a lot, right?”

A shuffle. “Yep. Night night.”

And a monotonous beep follows.

Nayeon hung up.

Jeongyeon breaks into a wide grin as she shakes her head. “Cute,” she says.

\--

_ February 2023 _

Icy sheets and freezing blankets. Jeongyeon wakes up to the smell of ground coffee, somewhat nutty and a tad tarry.

It dances around her bedroom, overwhelming every nook and cranny with its very strong aroma. She doesn’t remember brewing anything though.

Her eyes shot open and she immediately rises.

“What the fuck is happening,” Jeongyeon mutters, putting on a loose shirt and shorts over her underwear, albeit speedily. She’s probably wearing it inside out but that’s not the priority at the moment.

The knob feels cold in her fingers as she bursts out of her bedroom, scampering towards her kitchen. “Who the fuck—”

Nayeon’s figure pans into view as she halts by the kitchen counter.

“Nayeon?”

“Oh. Hi. Good morning!” Nayeon waves the spatula in her hand, briefly meeting Jeongyeon’s eyes before resuming whatever she’s doing.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” Jeongyeon shifts her eyes to the wall clock. 6:20 AM. “At six in the morning? You’re insane! This is trespassing!”

“Didn’t you read the note?”

Jeongyeon watches Nayeon’s back intently, studying every single move she’s making. “What note?”

“The one I stuck to your phone.”

“You went into my room?” Jeongyeon refuses to believe what she’s hearing.

“For like a second, yeah.”

“What?” Jeongyeon paces around the space. “Are you out of your mind? I was naked!”

“ _No._ You were in your underwear.”

“That’s still technically naked!”

“It’s the same thing as wearing a bikini. Why are you so sensitive about it? It’s not like it was _the first time_.”

“What—A _bikini_ … Did it look like I was in the fucking beach? God, privacy!” Jeongyeon scowls. “I’ll be right back. Don’t do anything stupid!” She quickly heads back to her room, stomping across the tiled floor.

_What note is she going on about?_

Wantonly, she picks her phone up from her mattress, lying near her pillow and sees a bright yellow sticky note.

Honestly, what’s with all the sticky notes?

**‘Reason no. 3: I’d make a good wife (your parents said so)’**

14th of February. Valentine’s day. Of course.

“I thought it was _reasons to date you,_ not _marry you,_ ” she says, walking calmly back to the kitchen.

Nayeon chuckles. “Yeah, well, one of the reasons to date me is that I’d make a good wife.”

“That makes no sense at all. A good wife?” She sits on the chair, leaning her torso against the dining table. “How?”

Tight-lipped, Nayeon marches beside Jeongyeon and places a bowl of cereal on the table. A jug of milk is placed near it seconds later.

Jeongyeon stares at the bowl, undoubtedly puzzled, racking her brains out as to what it could possibly mean.

A cereal and a jug of milk. What do these have to do with anything?

She’s more than delighted to know that Nayeon pours the cereal first in the bowl though. Imagine the horror if she were served with a bowl of milk in a cold Tuesday morning. God, she refuses to even entertain the idea.

“Am I missing something?” Jeongyeon asks, blatantly staring at the cereal in front of her. “I don’t get it.”

The apron comes off Nayeon’s torso. Jeongyeon didn’t even notice that the woman had worn it until now. “Well, I was going to prove my point by making you a nice breakfast. Like, _you know_ , some French toast and all that crap, but obviously, as you might have noticed, I burnt them all off.” She points to the plate near the stove, piled with stacks of burnt toast—and by burnt, she means, _extra_ burnt. Jeongyeon guesses Nayeon took them from her pantry. “So, tada, a bowl of cereal for breakfast instead,” she says, dryly, and sits across Jeongyeon.

A loud snort escapes before Jeongyeon could even suppress it. She closes her eyes briefly, an attempt to calm herself down as she digests what had just unfolded.

“So, what you’re saying is that you wanted to show me that you’d make a good wife by cooking me a nice breakfast, but you failed, so now you’re serving me cereal?” Jeongyeon’s lips tremble as she holds the laugh in. “Please say sike,” she squeaks.

Nayeon shrugs her shoulders, quite nonchalantly.

Sure, it’s a nice gesture. After all, it’s not every day that she sees someone other than her family fix her breakfast so early in the morning.

Although it’s kind of funny how everything had turned out, she remains appreciative of the fact that Nayeon tried.

“It’s okay. Thank you for trying, really,” Jeongyeon says, pouring over the jug of milk. “A plus for effort.”

“Shut up.” Nayeon rolls her eyes, biting her bottom lip as she breaks into a chuckle.

Light atmosphere surrounds the place as Jeongyeon takes a spoonful. 

Breakfast was fun, to say the least. They talked for minutes on end—just a bunch of random things—whatever came to their heads first. Things like what their new hobbies are and what movies they’ve recently watched.

Lots of things were said. Nayeon rambled on about the new doctor who kept flirting with her on such unpredictable basis. “He’s so weird,” she said. “Like he’s kind of cute, I guess, but like, he’s not _my_ type. I don’t know. He looks weird.” Then continued raving on about the new video game console she just bought for her living room. She’s apparently so hooked in this game called ‘The Sims’ that she wants Jeongyeon to drop by her apartment later in the evening to play.

“So, you’re into video games now?” Jeongyeon said.

“What do you mean? I’ve always been into video games.”

Jeongyeon merely shook her head. “Lies.”

After having received a hard flick on her forehead, Jeongyeon sat back and listened to Nayeon’s endless stories and unfathomable thoughts. She likes it. Listening to Nayeon’s stories. Despite knowing that 90 per cent of the time, they’re purely nonsensical—Jeongyeon listens. She always does. Even when the conversation gets too gross, embarrassing, awful and bizarre—she never tunes out.

Maybe it has got something to do with the interesting nature of the woman’s thoughts. Or maybe it’s the way Nayeon’s lips move and how her expressions shift, how her eyes and her brows contort and adjust with varying degrees. Or maybe it’s the way Nayeon’s voice sounds in her ears—smooth and warm—like a hot knife slicing through a stick of butter.

Jeongyeon hadn’t really paid attention to such details before, so why does she suddenly notice them now?

And then Nayeon went on about conspiracy theories that spooked the shit out of Jeongyeon—elaborating this notion of the _Mandela effect_. To put it simply, it’s basically a situation where a number of people have this certain recollection of a false memory in relation to pop culture, common events and all that shit. The woman literally stood up from her seat, passionately giving examples of the aforementioned conspiracy theory. “You’re familiar with that movie ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’, right?” Nayeon said.

“Yes?” Jeongyeon tilted her head.

“Okay, what was the most famous line from that movie?”

 _Where is she going with this?_ Jeongyeon put on her thinking face. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”

Nayeon leaned in and had shaken the table. “Yeah? You would think so, right? But obviously, we’re all wrong. It’s ‘ _Magic_ Mirror on the wall’.” The woman does the old ‘woah’ dance move. “Boom. Mic drop. Mind blown. You’re welcome, dumdum. 123. ABC.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. Look it up on YouTube. I dare you. And then kiss me if I’m right.”

Jeongyeon cringed. “What the fuck? On the lips?”

“Cheeks. But on the lips is fine too.”

“Ew. Fuck off. I’ll kiss the strand of your hair instead.”

“Deal.”

And so, they looked it up.

Needless to say, Nayeon’s hair must’ve felt so happy that morning.

\--

The conversation went on for hours, and not one of them complained. It’s ridiculous how they acted so calm and sure about things, lying on the couch, legs entangled—talking about their future, together, as if they had a clue. Or as if they had one, really.

“How many kids do you want?” Jeongyeon says, poking Nayeon’s waist with her feet.

“I don’t know. It depends on my partner. I’m honestly fine with whatever.”

“Cool. I think I’d want two,” Jeongyeon says.

Nayeon bites her bottom lip, suppressing a grin. “Okay. We’ll have two then,” she mumbles.

“What?”

“What?”

“Did you say something?”

“I don’t know, did I?”

A pregnant pause.

Jeongyeon definitely heard it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	6. Reason no. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have fun :P

**November 2013 **

•• “Where are you taking me?” Jeongyeon asks as Nayeon drags her around the back of their schoolyard.

“Just. Come, okay?” Nayeon says.

What she is about to do next is something that she had given a lot of thought these past few weeks. It’s not out of pressure nor impulse—she’s doing it because she thinks it’s time. And she would be lying if she were to say she isn’t nervous.

Her palms start to sweat as they keep walking.

There is absolutely no reason for her to overthink it. “It’s literally just three words.” As what Jihyo said over the phone yesterday.

 _Just three words and you’re done. Easy._ Nayeon frowns.

To her, it’s not _just_ some other words. Those three words bear a whole lot more. It’s more than _just_ three words. Saying it in front of Jeongyeon would be like falling off a cliff with no guarantee of her reaching the floor safely. It’s risky. It’s terrifying. Crazy? She knows.

But she has to take this chance. She must. No matter what the outcome might be. No matter how good or bad it gets. No matter how scared she is. She has to say it.

And then she’ll go from there.

_I can do this._

Autumn. Crisp air greets their faces as they stand by the huge tree—its leaves tainted with the shades of red and yellow. The breathtaking foliage being blown by the wind serves as a cue for Nayeon to perhaps start speaking.

She squeezes Jeongyeon’s hand a tad tighter.

“Is everything okay?” Jeongyeon asks, standing across her with a look so soft and mellow.

Nayeon swears she had rehearsed everything yesterday—from what she has to say and to how she’s going to say it—she even asked Jihyo to help her.

How hard is it to just _say it?_ How hard is it to be vulnerable and open about one’s self and one’s feelings?

To someone so dear and so close to you? Someone who you know understands and accepts you, warts and all?

Hard. It’s very _very_ hard, if you ask Nayeon.

Because there’s no way in telling whether Jeongyeon feels the same way. Not unless Nayeon says it now, that is.

The moment she lets those words go. The moment she surrenders. What happens then?

 _If Jeongyeon doesn’t feel the same. What then?_ Nayeon chews on her bottom lip.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m fine. I just…” She clears her throat, quite excessively.

Jeongyeon glances at her wristwatch—a couple of times now actually, and restlessly taps her foot on the ground.

“Okay. I’ve been meaning to tell you this… for a really long time now. And I have been thinking about this for the past months, debating on whether I should tell you or not. God, I’m repeating myself,” Nayeon says, albeit quietly. “Just. Promise me you won’t freak out, please? If you do it’s fine, I understand, totally. But like, if it gets too weird or don’t turn out the way I hope it would, I hope we’d still be friends…”

“Yeah… Sure. Yeah, of course,” Jeongyeon mumbles, rapidly typing something on her phone screen. “Go ahead.” Her gaze remains fixated on the phone.

Nayeon takes a deep breath, fist clenched tight. “Jeongyeon, I… God. I-I like—”

“Uh-huh.”

“I really really like—"

“Yeah?”

Nayeon’s shoulders drop. “Are you even listening?”

“What?” Jeongyeon’s raises her head. There’s a look of guilt beneath the softness in her eyes. “O-of course, I am. You were saying?”

A tight knot resides in Nayeon’s chest as she inhales sharply. Her heart races, or perhaps aches at the utter willingness to lie. Unable to form a sensible sentence, Nayeon merely stares at her feet, suddenly feeling the need to scamper away. “Forget it. This was obviously so stupid,” she says, her voice thin and unsteady.

“What’s stupid? C’mon, just say it.”

“No, it’s fine. You can go.”

“Nayeon, c’mon. I’m sorry, I’m just—”

“It’s fine. Really.” Nayeon meets the girl’s eyes and pulls a smile—an uncertain one, probably somewhat deceptive.

Jeongyeon rubs the back of her neck. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Her voice breaks. “Go.”

In no less than a second, Jeongyeon’s ringtone goes off.

“Will you text it to me later then? I really have to go.” Jeongyeon gives her a quick hug before running towards the main gate. “I’m sorry! Text me!”

“Yeah…” Nayeon’s eyes linger at the girl’s figure—gone too soon, almost like a lightning.

Desolation hovers through her thoughts.

She stands there, alone, in the middle of an empty wide space. With her heart, still falling, fully knowing that the ground has already given beneath her feet, Nayeon holds herself.

**_[MESSAGES:_** **Ballerina** **🐧** – _3 Text Messages **]**_

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[4:28 PM]_ Nayeon

 _[4:28 PM]_ Unnie..

 _[4:29 PM]_ Hi

Nayeon reads the messages aloud and lets out a faint chuckle. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she composes herself.

_[4:29 PM]_ Heyyy

 _[4:29 PM]_ What’s up??

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[4:29 PM]_ Are you okay?

 _[4:30 PM]_ You seem

 _[4:30 PM]_ Sad

_[4:31 PM]_ Sad??

Nayeon lifts her gaze up, scanning the area. “But I’m—”

And her eyes land on the slender figure, metres away from her, standing awkwardly and waves her hands, in a swift but tiny kind of way. “… Fine.”

 _Mina._ Nayeon feels a sudden flush of relief.

The Japanese girl looks adorable as usual. Too adorable in fact, with her well-fitted uniform and a pile of textbooks in her hand.

Nayeon throws a small smile and waves back.

The phone in her grasp vibrates.

**_[Incoming call: Ballerina_ ** **_🐧_ ** **_]_ **

****

“Hello?” Nayeon says as soon as she accepts the call, albeit befogged.

“Hi,” Mina says on the other line—though Nayeon does hear her voice too across.

“I’m literally right in front of you.” Nayeon treads with light steps, moving closer to the Japanese girl.

Mina doesn’t drop the call. “Ice cream?”

“Don’t you have a rehearsal later?”

Mina shrugs. “I can ditch it.”

Nayeon gasps. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not,” Mina giggles.

“Miss goody two shoes is ditching her rehearsal for me?”

“Why not?” Mina says smugly.

“Have I told you you’re the best yet?” Nayeon ruffles Mina’s hair as she ends the call, smiling brightly as though she has won the lottery.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“I’m fine. Nothing I can’t handle.” Nayeon links her arms around the girl’s shoulders. “Let’s go.”

It’s not the first time Mina had unconsciously saved the day.

She always saves Nayeon without even knowing.

And Nayeon is more than grateful.

\--

**Park J**

_[8:03 PM]_ So. How did it go?

_[8:04 PM]_ How did what go?

**Park J**

_[8:04 PM]_ With you and jeong?

_[8:05 PM]_ Idk

**Park J**

_[8:05 PM]_ Idk as in?

 _[8:05 PM]_ “Idk she’s my gf now I guess”

 _[8:05 PM]_ Or

_[8:06 PM]_ I didn’t tell her

**Park J**

_[8:07 PM]_ Ah..

 _[8:07 PM]_ So it’s that kind..

 _[8:08 PM]_ You chickened out or

_[8:08 PM]_ I really don’t wanna talk about it

**Park J**

_[8:09 PM]_ Okay. We don’t have to.

 _[8:09 PM]_ I’ll be here if you need me

 _[8:09PM]_ Do you want me to beat jeong up or

_[8:09 PM]_ No lmao

 _[8:10 PM]_ I’ll be okay

**Park J**

_[8:10 PM]_ Is this you telling me that you’re never going to tell her? ever?

_[8:10 PM]_ ..

 _[8:11 PM]_ Maybe

**Park J**

_[8:13 PM]_ And you’re *not* going to regret it?

 _[8:13 PM]_ You’re graduating soon you know. And who knows, what if she likes you back too?

_[8:13 PM]_ I don’t think she does.

**Park J**

_[8:14 PM]_ *THINK*

 _[8:14 PM]_ Emphasis on *think*

 _[8:14 PM]_ You never know you know. Heck you’re not even sure.

_[8:14 PM]_ Didn’t I just say that we’re NOT talking about this???

**Park J**

_[8:15 PM]_ Ugh

 _[8:15 PM]_ You guys are so frustrating honestly

 _[8:15 PM]_ It’s killing me

_[8:16 PM]_ YOU are killing me

**Park J**

_[8:16 PM]_ You know what. Fine.

 _[8:16 PM]_ Do whatever you want. Like I said, I’ll be here if you need me.

 _[8:17 PM]_ If you feel like crying any second now, just give me a call.

_[8:17 PM]_ I’m not gonna cry you weirdo

 _[8:18 PM]_ I’m going to bed. Bye thanks

**Park J**

_[8:19 PM]_ You’re crying

_[8:19 PM]_ Im not

**Park J**

_[8:20 PM]_ I’m definitely gonna beat her ass tomorrow

_[8:21 PM]_ STOP

**Park J**

_[8:21 PM]_ Not unless you paint yourself red.

Nayeon rolls her eyes at the recent message she received.

[What’s happening?]

**Nobody said it was easy**

8:23 PM · November 6, 2013 · Twitter for iPhone

@momo_riiing

Replying to @nayeon_im

**It’s such a shame for us to paaaaaaaart**

@Sanapomu

Replying to @momo_riiing and @nayeon_im

 **Nobody said it was easy..** **🎵** **(** **っ** **◞** **‸** **◟** **c)**

@momo_riiing

Replying to @Sanapomu and @nayeon_im

**No one ever said it would be this hard…..**

@nayeon_im

Replying to @momo_riiing and @Sanapomu

**Oh take me back to the start**

@GEEhyo

Replying to @nayeon_im @momo_riiing and @Sanapomu

**Definitely going to kill her.**

••

~

_ December 2023 _

Christmas is only a few nights away. With the cold winter weather and the tiny snowflakes falling and dancing by the large bay window, Jeongyeon can barely conceal her delight and excitement.

They are all gathered at Momo and Sana’s house this evening—and by ‘they’, she means Nayeon, Jihyo, Dahyun and Chaeyoung, and of course, Jeongyeon herself.

The place is beautiful. Very rustic yet modern at the same time. Warm, cosy, and bright, with the Christmas lights and balls perfectly arranged around the moderately-sized Christmas tree.

Presents lie underneath the said tree—boxes and bags of them, some of different shapes and sizes. A few are wrapped in red with Santa’s face on it, and some are wrapped in green and red plaid pattern with a cute bow or a small card atop.

By the furnace, a gentle flame spreads its warmth throughout the living room. The room’s adorned with nothing but colourful string lights, Christmas wreaths, and reindeer ornaments.

They had started the secret Santa gift exchange over a while ago, and had opened the gifts with their names on it, whilst having to guess which one of them gave it.

The gift exchange began with Dahyun.

There wasn’t an order to it, really. They just went with whatever felt right. Supposedly, they were going to do it according to their age, but most of them just couldn’t be bothered and collectively said, “Fuck it.” And went ahead.

Dahyun had received two boxes of choco pie—which is the woman’s favourite snack of all time—and a fancy-looking trophy with a text at the bottom that said, ‘Presented to Kim Dahyun, for taking the longest time to shower.’

A wave of laughter filled the space as Dahyun faked a tear, ‘grateful’ for receiving such an award.

When it was time to guess who the gift was from, Dahyun’s first guess was Jeongyeon.

It was quite a bad guess considering that her _real_ secret Santa was Momo. The Japanese woman was awful at maintaining her composure. She tried so hard to hold in her laughter which made it too obvious for all of them—well, all of them except for Dahyun that is.

Funnily enough, Dahyun was Momo’s secret Santa. Everyone knew that the chance of them choosing each other was fairly big. However, the mere fact that they ended up being each other’s secret Santa is somehow still entertaining.

Momo’s present contained a limited-edition Ken and Barbie doll. It was apparently released around the 90s, so it really is pretty cool if you ask Jeongyeon.

And seeing Momo leap in joy as she hugged the dolls close to her chest was more than enough for Jeongyeon to break into a smile. It was too adorable, and not once did Momo even let it go or put it down.

Sana began opening the gift with her name on it as soon as Momo had calmed down. The way she tilted her head to the side whilst stripping the wrapper off, revealing a portable vacuum cleaner was way too funny for Jeongyeon to not take a photo. “A vacuum cleaner?” Sana laughed. “Jeongyeon!” she said without even blinking.

“It’s way too obvious,” Nayeon commented, grinning.

“Out of all the things to give her, you really had to choose a vacuum cleaner?” Jihyo chuckled.

Jeongyeon raised both her hands in the air. “Okay, you got me.”

Sana giggled, elated at the fact that she guessed it on her first try. She proceeded to run to Jeongyeon’s arms.

Jeongyeon used to hate _skinships._ But the more she spent time with her friends, the more she got used to it. Unlike before, she now didn’t pull a disgusted face nor throw a fit when Sana landed a quick kiss on her bare cheek. “Thank you. We needed this. Momo makes way too much mess.”

“Hey!” Momo crossed her arms.

“It’s true!” Sana replied and had stuck her tongue out.

“You didn’t have to tell them!”

Dahyun shushed them. “Momo, everyone knows.”

“Okay. Pay attention to me now.” Jihyo walked to the centre and grabbed an averagely sized box.

Jihyo wasn’t even being careful when she opened her present. The woman straight up ripped the wrapping paper, showcasing a box full of bath bombs and body lotions.

“ _Wow,_ I wonder who gave me these,” Jihyo said monotonously, though a smile had lingered at the corner of her lips. “Sana, honestly, is this you telling me that I smell bad?”

“What? No!” Sana frantically stood up from the couch. “I just really love the smell of those, and I thought you would like them too,” she said, pouting.

“I know. I’m just kidding.” Jihyo offered a toothy grin. “Thank you, I love it,” she said and sat quietly after giving the woman a warm hug.

It didn’t go on for very long. After Jihyo had opened her present, Momo proposed a quick little food break before they continue. They maybe had a drink or two—maybe even ate a slice of pizza here and there. It wasn’t enough for them to be drunk or feel full, but enough to keep the momentum going.

Now here they are, lounging on the couch, watching Chaeyoung as she stands near the Christmas tree, grabbing a neatly wrapped present with a card on top. Everyone stares intently as they wait excitedly.

Chaeyoung tears the wrapping paper apart and draws a cute white blouse and a height increasing insoles. “What the fuck.” Chaeyoung goggles at it—most likely in disbelief, and whines whilst laughing at the same time. She stomps in place and proceeds to pout as she pretends to throw the insoles across the wall.

Nayeon’s laugh echoes around, with the incessant noise of her clapping.

“That’s so mean,” Dahyun says in between laughter.

Sana rolls down the couch, clutching onto her stomach. “Have…. a guess… Who, Who’s it from?”

“Jihyo!” Chaeyoung stomps even harder, pointing at Jihyo’s unfazed expression. “You always tease me for my height as if you’re any taller.”

“Hey, I bought you a blouse too!”

“Don’t talk to me!” Chaeyoung glares playfully and turns her back on Jihyo.

“This is too funny.” Nayeon fans her eyes and takes a sip of her white wine.

Jihyo runs to give Chaeyoung a hug. “Stop sulking. I tease you because I’m fond of you,” Jihyo says whilst giggling.

“Excuses,” Chaeyoung mutters but returns the hug anyway.

“Can I just say, _ew?_ ” Jeongyeon grimaces. “Next!”

“I’ll go next.” Nayeon walks towards the Christmas tree and picks up a medium-sized box with a tiny green ribbon on top. “What do we have here?”

Leisurely, she opens the well-sealed corners, and in it contains a white shirt that seems to fit Nayeon, and a mini white shirt—both doodled with cute snowmen and snowflakes, perfectly giving off that Christmas spirit. “Oh my God! This is definitely from Chaeyoung!” she says, snuggling the two shirts close to her chest. “Is meant to be Kookeu’s?” She waves the little shirt around.

“Yes,” Chaeyoung says as she smiles—her dimples showing. “I just thought it’d be cute for both of you to have matching Christmas shirts.”

Nayeon stares at the shirts with awe. “And you drew these yourself?”

“Yup.”

“That’s so cute!” Momo says, now cuddling Boo in her arms. Boo, Momo’s adorable dog that she has been raising for over three years now. Momo has always been so fond of this cute little character from the movie ‘Monsters, Inc.’ named ‘Boo’, and Jeongyeon guesses that’s where she got the name from. And besides, it has a nice ring to it, so why not?

“Thank you. I love it!” Nayeon gestures for Chaeyoung to kiss her cheek, and Chaeyoung ‘gladly’ obeys.

Jeongyeon gets up from the couch. “Well, I guess everyone knows now that Nayeon is my secret Santa,” she says, and grunts as she picks up her present. “What on earth is this? It’s so heavy. What’s inside? Bricks?”

“Yes. How’d you know?” Nayeon rolls her eyes.

“Hurry up and open it,” Momo squeals whilst lifting Boo in her arms.

“Let’s see,” Jeongyeon mumbles as she places her bum on the seat where she normally sits, beside Nayeon, who by the way is way too fidgety. “Relax, I’m pretty sure I’ll like it,” she whispers to the woman.

“You better.”

Jeongyeon tears the wrapping paper rather harshly—her heart almost bursting with joy. She puts her hand on her lips as she feels her eyes widening by the second.

_Oh my God._

Chaeyoung gasps. “Woah, what is that?”

Jeongyeon stares at the box, then shifts her gaze to Nayeon, and then back to the box. And that goes on for perhaps quite a few seconds.

“Oh my God. No way.” Jeongyeon doesn’t take her eyes off the box.

“What is it? I can’t see!” Sana says, inching closer.

Her grip tightens around the sharp edges and pulls it near her chest—completely blown away yet astounded by the sudden expensive gift. “What the fuck. Literally, what the fuck? I’ve been looking everywhere for this! Shit. I can’t believe this. This is so expensive. And rare. And wow. I just…” She turns to face Nayeon whose face is half a metre away—their gazes lock. “I love you,” she breathes out.

Boo barks.

Jeongyeon freezes. 

The room is silenced, almost immediately.

_What the fuck did I just say?_

A sudden tingling sensation lies in her fingers—confused as to how and why she said it, or if she meant it, in a _different_ way.

Jeongyeon parts her lips open, hoping to divert the overwhelming attention she’s receiving.

But Nayeon beats her to it.

“I love you too,” Nayeon says, albeit softly. Her round eyes speak gently, almost too fondly as the four words linger in the air and in Jeongyeon’s ears.

And there it is again, the unfamiliar yet familiar spark deep inside her chest.

Her heart skips a beat. God knows what it means but she hopes no one heard it.

“Aww,” everyone exhales simultaneously—then followed by Jihyo dry-heaving on the side.

“Stop being cute!” Dahyun says.

“At least tell us what the gift is.” Chaeyoung stares at the box.

“I-It’s the Lego Hogwarts Castle, third edition. It’s kind of a rare Lego set.” Jeongyeon trains her gaze on her lap.

“Cool!” Momo exclaims.

“Thank you,” Jeongyeon mumbles, briefly stealing a glance at the woman beside her.

“You’re welcome,” Nayeon sing-songs.

Sana scoots closer. “Group hug!”

“Wait, why?” Jeongyeon says, a little too late. “Hold on. Ow—"

Arms snake their way around Jeongyeon’s waist and shoulders. It’s tight and comforting, like the ones you get when you’re sad or you’re missing someone so bad.

“I love this,” Momo says, melting into the hug.

“Me too.”

“Me too.”

“Me too.”

“Me too.”

“Ow, my hair,” Nayeon yelps.

“Merry Christmas, guys,” Jihyo says.

\--

•• After what seemed to be an exhilarating and fun night, Nayeon decides to embrace the cold weather, alone, outside her friends’ veranda. She can still hear each of their laughter out here, and it instantly puts her at ease as she watches the snowflakes fall calmly down the ground.

“What are you doing out here?” Jihyo says, now standing beside her. “Is everything okay?”

Nayeon turns to her friend with a smile. “Yeah. Just needed to calm down.”

Jihyo stares at her—a bit longer than what Nayeon would’ve hoped.

A flicker of worry flashes across the woman’s eyes as she pats Nayeon’s back gently. “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t even know anymore,” Nayeon chuckles. “But it’ll be fine.”

“You’ve been waiting forever, you know.” Jihyo sighs. “Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” Nayeon admits. She buries her chin in her scarf. “I honestly… don’t know. I just always have this feeling that… you know… that it will be worth it?”

Jihyo ponders for a while and says, “Even though there’s always the possibility that she might not return it?”

“Yeah. But I know she will. Maybe she already has. I saw it in her eyes.” Nayeon chuckles. “Or at least I think I did.”

Jihyo sighs. “You’re crazy, you know that, right?”

“Isn’t everyone?” ••

\--

_ February 2024 _

Jeongyeon is scheduled to attend an official opening event today. An opening event of an established luxury brand in fact, as she wears its own comfy wool black cardigan, letting it drape along her shoulder, as well as its cotton midi dress, and its pair of neat brown sneakers.

She still does live her life as she normally does—always traveling and packed with schedules, so much so that she had failed to realise how quickly the years have gone by. Before she knew it, she’s already 29.

Sitting inside her van whilst waiting for the staff’s cue, Jeongyeon surrenders her head against the head rest, hoping to sneak some shuteye—as if it’s possible, really.

Everything’s doing great between her and her friends. They’re still as close as ever.

Despite not being able to attend every single outing they’ve planned, Jeongyeon still keeps in touch with them. She sometimes even FaceTimes them at random times.

Her phone dings inside her white body bag. She opens her eyes and pulls the phone out with no hesitation.

The van’s door slides open. “Jeongyeon, you’re going in five minutes,” her manager says.

“Okay, thanks.”

**Regina new number**

_[1:28 PM]_ Reason no. 4

 _[1:28 PM]_ You’ll have all my attention

Jeongyeon lets out a chuckle. “Crazy.”

_[1:29 PM]_ you know. im starting to think you’re never gonna give this up

**Regina new number**

_[1:29 PM]_ Yoo jeongyeon

 _[1:30 PM]_ I’m already 30

 _[1:30 PM]_ I’m starting to think you’re considering it already

_[1:30 PM]_ maybe

“Jeongyeon, let’s go.” Her manager opens the door, gesturing for her to leave the van.

Swiftly, she shoves her phone inside her bag, ignoring the series of message notifications from Nayeon.

She will give it a read later.

Taking a long and deep breath, Jeongyeon walks coolly towards the centre, feeling her hair bouncing by the second, along with the biting wind as she’s welcomed by the flashing cameras before her—it’s blinding but she at least have to pretend that she’s used to it.

She raises her hand and waves it gently, a little friendlier than what she normally does and gives a soft smile—not too big and not too small.

“Pretty!” yells a voice that’s all too distinct—it’s hard to get it wrong.

_Nayeon._

The woman’s ‘stunt’ is met with peals of laughter. The reporters, her fans—their eyes crinkle at the corners just as Jeongyeon’s do, now grinning from ear to ear.

It’s crazy how the unexpected visit is giving her a sense of excitement that she has never quite felt before.

It’s so random yet touching at the same time.

And maybe it just made her day.

\--

 _[3:53 PM]_ ok that was so random

**Regina new number**

_[3:56 PM]_ Ooooo you’re done already?

 _[3:57 PM]_ I gave you butterflies didn’t i

_[3:57 PM]_ shut up ksddfjgxnp

 _[3:58 PM]_ you know you’ll be trending right

 _[3:59 PM]_ people are gonna see you and find out who u are

**Regina new number**

_[4:00 PM]_ So?????

 _[4:00 PM]_ Let them see me idc im pretty

 _[4:01 PM]_ And *you* were also very pretty earlier omg

 _[4:01 PM]_ VERY

_[4:01 PM]_ why does it feel so awkward when u compliment me skjdskjdbvdjk

**Regina new number**

_[4:02 PM]_ Bitch I always compliment you wdym

 _[4:02 PM]_ For the record I didn’t really plan on

 _[4:02 PM]_ Screaming..

 _[4:03 PM]_ But it felt like I had to

 _[4:03 PM]_ It was a moment of weakness

_[4:04 PM]_ moment of weakness…

 _[4:04 PM]_ ldsklsndvsocmv

**Regina new number**

_[4:05 PM]_ Uh-huh

 _[4:05 PM]_ You’re my kryptonite

_[4:05 PM]_ ughHGhg what’s with you today

 _[4:06 PM]_ that’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said

**Regina new number**

_[4:06]_ :’>

 _[4:06 PM]_ but thank you anyway

 _[4:07 PM]_ u made my day

_[New Tweet notifications for **nayeon** ]_

[What’s happening?]

@nayeon_im

**I AM MALFUNCTIONING?,.,?!!!%!?’’/.,**

4:08 PM · 14/02/24 · Twitter for iPhone

Jeongyeon tilts her head slightly.

_[4:09 PM]_ anyway wanna hang out at my place later?

**Regina new number**

_[4:09 PM]_ YES

 _[4:09 PM]_ Ok that was meant to be in lowercase but whatever

_[4:09 PM]_ uh-huh sure

 _[4:10 PM]_ ill see you later then?

**Regina new number**

_[4:11 PM]_ 😚

 _[4:11 PM]_ 👍*******************

_[4:12 PM]_ damn. u wanna kiss me that much??

**Regina new number**

_[4:13 PM]_ My finger did a thing!!!!

 _[4:13 PM]_ IT TRIPPED

 _[4:13 PM]_ LIKE BOOP BOOP

 _[4:14 PM]_ And then accidentally chose that and hit send

_[4:15 PM]_ ure such a bad liar

**Regina new number**

[4:15 PM] SHUT.

[4:16 PM] UP.

\--

•• Nayeon plops herself on the mattress, lying on her stomach.

**Lion cub**

_[5:02 PM]_ ??????

 _[5:02 PM]_ What did you do?

_[5:04 PM]_ Hello to you too.

 _[5:04 PM]_ What’s up little one

**Lion cub**

_[5:05 PM]_ LITTLE ONE MY ASS

 _[5:05 PM]_ Have you seen the news articles?!

 _[5:06 PM]_ How are you so calm about this

 _[5:07 PM]_ Everyone’s literally freaking out for you

_[5:08 PM]_ And by everyone you mean??

**Lion cub**

_[5:08 PM]_ EVERYONE

 _[5:09 PM]_ Jihyo dahyun momo sana

 _[5:10 PM]_ Jeong maybe? Idk

 _[5:11 PM]_ She looked like she was enjoying it so I can’t say for sure

**_[MESSAGES: PARK J_** – _5 Text Messages **]**_

“Speak of the devil,” Nayeon mumbles as she squints.

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _🍑_** ** _sister_** – _4 Text Messages **]**_

 ** _[MESSAGES:_** ** _🐹_** – _2 Text Messages **]**_

****

****

“Jesus, what’s going on…”

**_[MESSAGES: tofutofutofu_** – _6 Text Messages **]**_

****

****

_[5:20 PM]_ CHAEYOUNG WHY TF IS EVERYONE TEXTING ME

**Lion cub**

_[5:20 PM]_ Check.

 _[5:20 PM]_ The.

 _[5:20 PM]_ News.

_[5:21 PM]_ Like… on my phone??

 _[5:21 PM]_ Or the tv

**Lion cub**

_[5:22 PM]_ JUST CHECK ITTTTTT

 _[5:23 PM]_ GAWD

 _[5:24 PM]_ *Kermit gun meme*

**_[MESSAGES: Yoo Jeong_** ** _💗_** – _3 Text Messages **]**_

****

**Yoo Jeong** **💗**

 _[5:26 PM]_ hi

 _[5:27 PM]_ u alive??

 _[5:27 PM]_ what did I tell u..

_[5:28 PM]_ Waittt

 _[5:28 PM]_ You guys are scaring me

 _[5:28 PM]_ I haven’t seen shit

**Yoo Jeong** **💗**

 _[5:29 PM]_ im on my way home

 _[5:29 PM]_ don’t freak out when you see it

 _[5:30 PM]_ u saw it coming anyway.

 _[5:31 PM]_ the company and I will handle it.

“Saw _what?_ ” Nayeon opens her web browser. “Wait, what do I search?” She decides to type Jeongyeon’s name in the search engine, anxiously waiting as it loads for the longest time.

She squints.

“Oh my God,” Nayeon says.

**| Model and Actress Yoo Jeongyeon Attends the Jimmy Choo Opening Event, Long-time “Fan” Spotted Amongst the Crowd |**

**| Jeongyeon Looked Glowing in the Jimmy Choo Opening Event, Netizens Say the Actress is *In love* |**

**| Yoo Jeongyeon’s “Best friend” Stealthily Attends the Jimmy Choo Opening Event to Cheer on Her |**

**| People Are Freaking Out—Fans say Model and Actress Yoo Jeongyeon And Her “Best friend” Are *Too Close* To Be “Just Friends” |**

“Oh God.” Nayeon doesn’t move. She becomes aware of her own heartbeat, painstakingly digesting the information that have been laid out in the internet for thousands of people to see. All the articles that are _trending_ shows not only Jeongyeon’s photos from the event, but also Nayeon’s own photos, in her casual clothes, visibly trying to hide herself with her black cap and hoodie.

It was obviously futile. Despite wearing such clothes, attempting to blend in with the crowd, the press still caught her disguise. Some of them even managed to snap a photo of her entire face.

She’s not mad. She’s merely stunned. Of course, whenever Jeongyeon and her hung out in the past, or post photos of them together, or even just the two of them bickering online, it never really made the news. It had always been just Jeongyeon’s fans talking about them and their friendship.

Never in her life has she ever dreamt of having the people around the country talk about them. She didn’t think they would all make such a big deal out of it.

She doesn’t hate it. She’s just scared how this may affect Jeongyeon’s career, considering that a number of news sites have already sparked rumours of them dating.

She scrolls down to read a few comments.

[+4,191, -362] I don’t know why I thought she’s dating tzuyu lolololol im gonna go cry now….

[+3,982, -17] I wouldn’t know how to act too if jeongyeon was my best friend.. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[+2,097, -149] who is she?????? How come I’ve never heard of her before? And why is she yelling like a proud gf ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[+2,002, -412] tzuyu needs to up her game ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[+1,922, -141] Not gonna lie, when her “friend” yelled… and the way Jeongyeon smiled. It’s just the purest thing ive ever seen. So maybe there is something going on?

[+1,171, -301] Guys. Chill ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ maybe they’re just really good friends.

[+1,050, -0] Jeongyeon looks amazing as always. Her visuals stun me all the time.

[+1,035, -1] Jeongyeon is so prettyyyyyyy. I would die for her

[+866, -9] Does anyone want to help my sister out?? She’s crying her eyes out..

[+756, -45] Jeongyeon and Nayeon drama. When?

[+602, -33] 2yeon stans we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[+600, -3] I used to be Nayeon’s classmate… the two have always been so close. I would always catch Jeongyeon waiting for Nayeon after every period. Nice to see that their friendship is still as tight as ever. They’re adorable.

[+598, -8] in conclusion: leave them alone. so what if they’re dating. Isn’t that good?

[+513, -30] What about jeongtzuuuuuu (◞‸◟；)

[+497, -32] Jeongyeon has an interesting taste…….

[+488, -13] Ok but they’re kinda cute???.. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[+303, -4] The way she’s covering her face as if she’s being slick.... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ she’s so funny

[+239, -12] so you’re telling me Nayeon took a day off from work to support jeongyeon? If that isn’t love then idk anymore

[+222, -2] When she yelled “Pretty!” my heart stopped. Their friendship is so adorable I would literally cry aaaaaaaaaaaaa

[+102, -57] I don’t think they look good together...

[+68, -4] just confirm it already

[+44, -2] “PRETTY!” – literally all of us

[+41, -26] I hope she’s not using jeongyeon.. for fame or anything

[+38 -0] Nayeon what are you doing ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Nayeon closes her phone and heaves a sigh. The reactions were not as bad as she thought. She had known Jeongyeon’s fans for quite some time now and most of them are very sweet—and she’s glad majority of them had nice things to say.

She just hopes she didn’t cause too much trouble.

**_[Incoming call: Yoo Jeong_ ** **_💗_ ** **_]_ **

****

“Hello?” Nayeon says as she picks up the call. “No. I’m in my room. What? Why are you in my living room? I did _not_ hear you open the front door at all.” She walks towards the bedroom door, barefoot and a little cold. “I thought we’re hanging out at your apartment…”

“You should really stop acting like this is your place.” Her hand finds the knob and turns it. “ _No,_ I refuse to have you as my roommate—"

“Hi.” Jeongyeon grins, her face inches away from hers. “Chicken and beer?” The woman raises the bags in her hands filled with boxes of chicken and cans of beer.

Nayeon lets her phone down. “Fine.” ••

\--

“You look pretty here though, considering you weren’t wearing any makeup,” Jeongyeon says as she looks at the articles one more time. “Everyone keeps saying you’re whipped.” She chuckles quite loudly, taking a bite of the chicken leg in her hand.

It’s nearing 9:00 PM now and they’ve done nothing but eat and talk for hours, like they always do.

Sitting comfortably on the cold floor, backs resting against the couch as they lay their food on the coffee table, Jeongyeon shoves the phone filled with people’s comments and reactions in front of Nayeon’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Nayeon rolls her eyes as she suppresses a grin. “How was the event though? Was it fun?”

Jeongyeon shrugs. “It was alright. I wouldn’t say it was _fun_ , but it wasn’t too bad. I was sort of tired because just this morning, I woke up really early to film specific scenes for my upcoming drama, and the call time was 4:00 AM.” Jeongyeon relaxes her arms against the cushion on her lap. “Good thing you were there. You somehow made it fun. Even the reporters and my fans were laughing,” she says it with utmost sincerity.

Nayeon frowns. “4:00 AM? Jesus, if you’re so tired, then why are you here? Shouldn’t you be resting then? I mean, we can always hang out tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I just don’t understand how you…”

To be quite honest, Jeongyeon is really trying her best to pay attention to everything Nayeon is saying. She really is. But somehow, the words and sounds that leave the woman’s mouth just melt away, slipping past Jeongyeon's ears and hears nothing but the sound of her own breathing.

Day by day, Jeongyeon discovers something new. And that _something_ latches onto another thing, both of which used seem puzzling to her—but when fused and carefully aligned, it forms an overwhelming feeling that tends to keep her up every single night.

She has come to realise how much she _loves_ it when Nayeon smiles, talks, or even when she just runs her hand over her hair to fix her part.

She has come to realise how much she _loves_ it when Nayeon holds her tight, texts her every waking day or even when she just sits there, with her eyes shining bright—so bright that Jeongyeon can see the woman’s own heart through them, pure and kind.

And it hits her.

Nayeon shifts in place. “—And you should know that you deserve the best. You deserve so much more, probably more than the world has ever offered you—”

Jeongyeon lays her lips on Nayeon’s lips, softly, one hand cupping the woman’s cheek. Helplessness and an act of surrender course through her veins, and suddenly everything is starting to make sense.

Nayeon pushes Jeongyeon quite harshly and quickly places a hand over her mouth. “W-what are you doing?”

_Or not._

“I…” A sickening feeling lies at the pit of her stomach. “I-I’m sorry. I thought… God. This is obviously stupid.” She speedily grabs her coat from the couch and rushes to the front door.

“N-no, wait. Jeongyeon, I didn’t mean it like that,” Nayeon says, clinging onto Jeongyeon’s arm. “Jeongyeon, wait.”

“I feel so stupid.” And with that, Jeongyeon leaves the apartment with her heart in her throat.

\--

// Sana lays her phone on the bedside table as she hears the front door pounding. “Babe, are we expecting any visitors at this hour?”

“What? I can’t hear you,” Momo yells over the sound of the water coming out of the shower head.

Sana leaves their bed. “Never mind. I’ll go see who it is.”

“What? I love you too!”

A giggle escapes her lips as she eases herself past their bedroom door. Boo, their dog, follows her quietly, making tiny steps as they walk towards the living room. “Who is it?”

The pounding stops. “Sana?”

_Jeongyeonie?_

A pair of downcast eyes, and a red and blotchy face greets Sana upon opening the front door. “Jeongyeonie… Is everything—”

The woman immediately runs to her arms, and buries her face in between her shoulder and neck, wrapping her arms tightly.

Her breath stutters.

“I messed up… I-I messed up really bad,” Jeongyeon mumbles.

Sana returns the hug, soothing her friend’s back. “Whatever it may be, we can fix it. It’s going to be okay.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t say anything.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeongyeon sighs, still hanging on to her. “No, not really.”

“Okay. It’s okay.” She hugs her friend a tad tighter.

“It doesn’t feel like it…”

Sana mends her brows together. “Is this about Nayeon?”

Jeongyeon pauses. “Yeah…”

Sana pulls away, cupping Jeongyeon’s face, and stares at the eyes of the woman who looks as though they just lost everything. “Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

Jeongyeon nods.

“Come here,” Sana says softly, pulling the woman closer once more. “It will be okay. Trust me.”

“Is it okay if I stay here for a while?”

Sana squeezes the woman in her arms lightly. “Of course.” //

\--

12:13 AM. Jeongyeon adjusts the volume inside her car’s stereo. Snowflakes fall gently against her windscreen as she lets her thoughts wander.

She’s been sitting here for minutes now, unable to make herself leave and go back home. It terrifies her. The thought of going home and facing Nayeon terrifies her.

**Momo**

_[12:17 AM]_ Are you home yet?

_[12:18 AM]_ no.

 _[12:18 AM]_ im still right at the end of your street.

**Momo**

_[12:18 AM]_ Jeong..

 _[12:19 AM]_ You can stay here you know.

 _[12:19 AM]_ Ill let nayeon know youll be staying here for the night

 _[12:19 AM]_ She’s been texting me and sana nonstop.

 _[12:20 AM]_ Im really really worried. Idk what’s going on.

_[12:20 AM]_ no you don’t have to.. im going home now

 _[12:21 AM]_ things are fine

 _[12:22 AM]_ or at least they will be.. i think

**Momo**

_[12:22 AM]_ Jeong we’re here for u, you know that right??

 _[12:23 AM]_ Whatever it is that’s bothering you, I’ll be here to help and listen.

_[12:24 AM]_ I know.

 _[12:24 AM]_ thanks momo

 _[12:24 AM]_ don’t worry about me too much. I just needed a bit of a break.. thank u for tonight.

**Momo**

_[12:25 AM]_ Drive safely ok

 _[12:25 AM]_ Text me when you arrive or else I wont be able to sleep

_[12:26 AM]_ yeah

 _[12:26 AM]_ pls don’t tell nayeon anything

**Momo**

_[12:27 AM]_ Okay I wont

 _[12:28 AM]_ I promise

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _Regina new number_** – _14 Text Messages **]**_

****

Jeongyeon rests her head on the steering wheel, clenching her jaw, harder and harder as seconds turn to minutes, until the music from her stereo fades—until her thoughts become more silent.

_It was a mistake._

“A mistake. That’s all that ever was,” Jeongyeon chants to herself repeatedly.

And she guesses that’s on her.

\--

The ride inside the elevator is just unbearable. All the anxiety, the disappointment, the pain remain inside of her, roaring into a lacerating throb.

Jeongyeon doesn’t know what to do as soon as the doors slide open—what to think, what to say, or how to act around her anymore.

It stops. And the doors slowly part. Lifting her eyes from the ground, her gaze travels far, metres beyond the first apartment of the floor.

The hallway lights are dim, and there she sees Nayeon, sitting on the floor, outside her front door.

But Jeongyeon refuses to look at her as if nothing happened.

Not when she messed up. Not when they’re not okay. Not when she knows that everything’s not going to be the same again. Especially not when Nayeon’s eyes look sad as she hugs her knees in this cold weather.

“Jeongyeon?” Nayeon says softly.

“Go to sleep, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon presses in her code, not sparing the woman a single glance.

“Can we please talk? I-I just want to know what happened earlier. I’ve been waiting for you for hours and—”

“No one asked you to.”

“Jeongyeon—”

“I told you, I’m sorry. I made a mistake, okay? I know I messed up really bad, and I should’ve…” Jeongyeon faces the woman. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“But there’s nothing—”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m tired.” Jeongyeon sighs. She grabs the doorknob.

“Will you please just listen to me?” Nayeon yanks her arm, and Jeongyeon hears the obvious tremble in her voice.

“Let’s not make it weird. Please,” Jeongyeon begs and pushes her front door aside. “Just forget about it.”

The world goes mute for a while.

The gap between them remains as it is—Jeongyeon hesitates to close it—her back facing the woman.

“Fine.”

The front door across her slams shut, and all Jeongyeon does is convince herself that she did the right thing.

“It’s for the best,” she whispers.

For the longest time, Jeongyeon starts to lose control again. Of her life and in every little thing that she does.

And she hates it.

\--

•• Nayeon’s soles drag across her tiled floor. She lowers her head and holds herself as she stares at her feet. She feels tears, tears that are warm, prickling against her cheek.

Her eyes burn and feels her chest tightening. “So fucking stupid.”

She feels helpless—as if she were solving a goddamned puzzle that doesn’t want to be solved.

And she’s exhausted.

A loud ding.

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _Ballerina_** ** _🐧_** – _2 Text Messages **]**_

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[1:02 AM]_ Unnie, how are you? I’m having my lunch right now.

 _[1:02 AM]_ And I saw this cute bunny plushie on my way to work and it reminded me of you hehe

A quiet solace spreads through her as her lips dare to curve upwards.

She rubs her cheek against her sleeve before replying.

_[1:04 AM]_ hey, can I call you? ••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	7. Running in Circles

** March 2014 **

“Good morning, unnie,” the girls in the hallway greet Jeongyeon with ardour. A small smile etches on her lips—her way of greeting them back as she then watches them scurry away, squealing and giggling.

“Look at you go, playgirl,” Sana chimes from behind, matching her speed with Jeongyeon’s measured and gradual pace.

“Shut up.” Jeongyeon lightly shoves her friend to the side as they head to their classroom.

It now doesn’t come as a surprise to Jeongyeon how quickly time flies them by. Whether she is having fun or not, it runs and ticks the way it wishes to, which is always a little too quick—solely basing on her own opinion.

They are in their senior year now. A very important year, not just for her, but for all of them.

Sana had previously mentioned that she would love to study psychology. She’s currently thinking of majoring in psychology at Korea University. And Jeongyeon has no doubt that Sana will make it. This likeable friend of hers, who tends to appear quite ditsy and clumsy to some, really is smarter than people think.

A brilliant mind and a very kind heart—it’s a dangerous yet beautiful combination; Sana is that exact combination. And it’s just amazing how Jeongyeon has now come to know that Sana takes a huge interest in courses as such.

Momo and Jeongyeon on the other hand, may or may still not have an idea on what to pursue.

A few days ago, Momo said that she might major in food technology and nutrition—but is still isn’t too sure about it. Jeongyeon wanted to say, “No pressure, dude.” But realistically speaking, it’s only right for them to feel a lot of pressure—especially now that they are in their final year.

Like Momo, Jeongyeon has a couple of ideas in mind too—though she remains undecided as she thinks about whether she truly is passionate about them.

She hasn’t mentioned this to her friends yet, but over a week ago, whilst she was browsing clothes and shoes inside a shopping mall, a casting director approached her and offered a piece of paper—a business card—‘JYP Entertainment’ had been bolded and highlighted extensively.

She got scouted by JYP Entertainment. 

Sceptical, Jeongyeon accepted the card with heed, saying she will give it a thought when asked to participate and audition for the company.

The card is still in her wallet, and she has been busy trying to weigh certain things—but like she always says, she still isn’t sure. Perhaps she’ll give the university life a shot first, and if it doesn’t work out then maybe she’ll audition sometime—who knows?

Speaking of university life, Nayeon had recently been graduated from high school and is now on her way to study medicine at Seoul National University.

The very last time Jeongyeon saw the girl was on the day of her graduation—the ceremony had been held three weeks ago. They had brought a Polaroid camera, along with bouquets of flowers as they ran and expressed their congratulations through hugs and kisses.

Jeongyeon remembers hugging the girl, a bear-like one but more affectionate. Jeongyeon also remembers Nayeon’s unreadable eyes as the sun’s beams hit them from above—a mixture of joy, pain and sadness were reflected, and had left Jeongyeon wondering why.

It was awkward. Things between the two of them had been awkward for months. The atmosphere and the way they interacted with each other had changed drastically. She’s at her wits end.

She has no idea why and how it happened—it just did.

Sometime around November of last year—not long after the day Nayeon dragged her at the back of the school yard, everything instantly started to feel strained.

The 4th of November. Autumn. It was during that day where Jeongyeon had to interrupt and leave her friend, all by herself, in a wide empty space. She swears it wasn’t on purpose. It just so happened that her sister, Seungyeon, had bombarded her with text messages saying, “We need you to be home ASAP. Family from Daejeon is visiting.”

And so, she did.

Just as Jeongyeon was about to enter their home, a black SUV honked at her presence beyond their tall gate—it was her father’s brother and his family.

When Jeongyeon asked Nayeon that night, just a little after dinner, about what she wanted to tell her, the girl merely replied, “Nothing. I was going to tell you how much I liked the weather.”

Jeongyeon didn’t believe her at all, but she chose not to press on. Nayeon probably had her reasons.

Then morning light came, and when they met again, everything changed.

Nayeon changed. Jeongyeon wouldn’t really say she’s changed for the worst—she’s merely rattled at the strange sudden shift of attitude.

Whenever Jeongyeon would want to hold Nayeon’s hand, the girl would either refuse or just wouldn’t hold on at all. Whenever Jeongyeon would want to put her arms around Nayeon, the girl would either swerve or duck before she could even do so. Whenever Jeongyeon would tease Nayeon, the girl would straight away shut her off, and would even get cranky in her presence.

It sucked—it still does.

Minutes turned to hours, days turned to nights, and their conversation became simpler and shorter. Did they get lazier? Or did she do something that made her friend so upset? Honestly, who knows?

Their first period starts in 10 minutes—plenty of time for her to sit and think. That’s all she ever does now—aside from studying and eating—think. Heck, she barely gets any sleep anymore.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Momo says, grabbing her books from her locker.

Jeongyeon smiles. “I thought you were going to be late today. Congrats on finally showing up on time,” Jeongyeon jokes as she opens her locker.

The first thing she sees is a wilted flower, sitting on top of her textbooks.

“Thank you. Waking up so early was such a struggle.”

“What’s this?” Jeongyeon takes the flower out—its stem appears intact but the flower itself, its petals, look as though they’re about to give up.

Momo shuffles closer. “A flower?”

“I know it’s a flower,” Jeongyeon says, rolling her eyes. “But I mean what kind? And why is it in there?”

“Does it look like I know?” Momo scratches her head.

“Isn’t that a chrysanthemum?” Sana says from behind, laying her chin on the dip of Momo’s neck. “A red one, I suppose. And, well, clearly, it’s been in there for days, maybe weeks even. It looks so… sad.”

 _A red chrysanthemum?_ Jeongyeon keeps her eyes on the flower, giving it her full attention. “What does it even mean? And why would someone put a flower in my locker?”

Momo shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not Google.”

“I’m pretty sure it means confession,” Sana says, putting on her thinking face. “Like, when someone gives it to you, it means that they’re confessing their love to you. Or I don’t know. I mean… I could be wrong.”

“Lots of people are crushing on you. Like, why is that even a surprise?” Momo says, returning to her seat now.

“But how would they know the combination? I didn’t think anyone would know my locker combination.”

Sana chuckles. “I bet the combination is your birthdate…”

Jeongyeon gasps.

“It is, isn’t it? You act like you’re not the most predictable person ever.” Sana laughs it off. “C’mon now. The teacher will be here any second.” She beckons Jeongyeon to take a seat and start organising herself.

Jeongyeon nods.

The flower stays in her locker. And she intends to keep it there awhile. She refuses to throw it in the bin—her mind convinces her not to throw it—not until she knows who gave it.

Impossible? _Maybe._

Might as well keep it forever.

\--

“Is it just me or has Jihyo been a bit distant lately,” Jeongyeon says, tossing and turning her dumplings with her chopsticks.

Lunch break. A rather ordinary one that pales in comparison to all the other lunches they’ve shared together.

A week has passed since the first day they came back, and nothing’s getting any better.

“Jihyo?” Momo says, sipping her water. “Kind of. She still talks to me… just your normal ‘hi’ and ‘hello’. So yeah, you’re right. She has been a bit distant.”

“That’s odd… Are you sure nothing happened between you and Nayeon? You’ve never had beef or anything?” Sana asks.

Jeongyeon frowns as she tries her hardest to remember—and she has been doing so for as long as she can remember. The only worst thing she recalls doing is asking Nayeon if she could borrow her scientific calculator, which she _still_ hasn’t returned to this day. But that couldn’t be it, right? As far as she is concerned, Nayeon isn’t that shallow.

She tugs on her bottom lip. _It must be something else._ “No. I swear I don’t remember fighting or arguing with her. The last time we’ve ever spoken properly was days before the annual end of the year exams.”

Sana gasps. “CSAT? You fought right before she took her CSAT?”

“No. I-I don’t know.”

“That was in November, right?” Momo takes a spoonful of rice in her mouth. “Well, thank God she still got great results.”

Jeongyeon tends to her tray and chews on the plain bread lazily.

“Wait, so, you haven’t spoken to her since? ‘Cause that’s very unlikely of you. You both seemed fine on her graduation,” Sana says.

“No, I have. I have spoken to her. We still talked after that, but like, it’s just, just way different, you know?” Jeongyeon plops herself on the table, sets her chopsticks down, and pushes the tray aside. “I don’t know anymore. Everything’s kinda messy at the moment. Like, I don’t want to overthink it, but my mind just… I don’t know. We haven’t texted each other for weeks. I don’t know. It’s really awkward now, and I don’t get it.”

Sana nods slowly. “Whatever it is. We’ll sort it out.”

“Or we can ask Jihyo about it.” Momo waves her spoon around. “I bet she knows something.”

Jeongyeon sighs. “I’ll try and ask.”

\--

**Text Message**

**Wed, 19 Feb** , 8:23 PM

 _[8:23 PM]_ hey. we’re cool right?

**Thu, 20 Feb** , 1:19 PM

**Regina George 2.0**

_[1:19 PM]_ Yeah :)

_[1:29 PM]_ oh ok

 _[1:30 PM]_ cool

Jeongyeon lays her phone down the desk, its screen facing the wooden surface as she attempts to sort her thoughts out.

That had been their last conversation. 15 days. It had exactly been 15 days since she last talked to Nayeon—15 and counting.

It may not sound that big of a deal, but to Jeongyeon, it is. Of course, friends don’t have to converse with each other every single day to know that they’re still friends—she knows that.

But you see, the friendship she has with Nayeon is different. They’re not your typical ‘hey, we’re friends ‘cause we see each other at school every day’—no, they’re more than that, better than that even.

The longest time Nayeon tried to ignore her was probably a week at most. And that was when Nayeon had encountered that explosive diarrhea situation inside the girls’ bathroom—a whole other story that Jeongyeon would love to tell at another time.

She is almost certain she’s done nothing wrong. But then again, how would she know if Nayeon hardly ever talks to her anymore? Even if Nayeon does, and Jeongyeon would then ask her what the problem is, there’s no way she would tell the absolute truth. The girl somehow always got some excuse or an elaborate story—she would go through great lengths, probably would even sweep it under the rug, all to avoid answering her questions.

Jeongyeon may not have known Nayeon for a very long time, but she feels like she has known her since forever—like she truly knows who the girl is, what she’s like, what she likes and doesn’t like. And mayhap she has always kept those tabs open at the back of her restless mind.

Now she’s going to give an example; Okay, maybe not just one, but two or three more, or really, just whatever comes to mind first.

Nayeon’s usually the type to bug her as soon as the sun rises—sweet and thoughtful, but borderline annoying. She liked texting Jeongyeon, especially those good morning and good night messages, acting as if they were a couple that had just started dating. She liked calling Jeongyeon around midnight, and would whine about her day, how it sucked and how they wouldn’t be seeing each other as often anymore. She also liked telling Jeongyeon how nice the weather they were having and how perfect of a day it was to go out and drink watermelon juice.

 _Liked._ Jeongyeon scrunches up her face.

Does she miss her, you ask?

_Is that even a question?_

Right on cue, as if God had been listening to her fervent orisons, Jihyo passes by their window, posture tall and upright.

“Where are you going?” Momo says as Jeongyeon leaves her seat. “The teacher is on her way.”

“I need to talk to Jihyo. Tell Ms. Kwon I went to the toilet or something.”

Jeongyeon sprints out of the classroom, ignoring Sana’s warnings and Momo’s loud yelling.

“Jihyo,” she calls out in the empty hallway, dashing through the frictionless floor. Her voice echoes off the white walls, and Jihyo turns around.

“H-hey!” Jihyo stands stiffly as she waves her hand. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“No, I—yeah, but I need to talk to you.” She catches her breath in front of the girl—her soles screech against the floor.

“Now?”

“Yeah.” Jeongyeon shoves her hand in her blazer’s pockets. “If that’s alright with you?”

Jihyo checks on her shoulder. “Yeah… Sure. Make it quick though.”

A sudden rush of energy traverses her body from end to end.

Where does she even start? She has so many things she wants to talk about but where does she start?

“Has Nayeon told you anything?” Jeongyeon finally says.

“Told—told me what? What do you mean?”

“Just… anything, something.”

Jihyo knits her brows. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I just… she, she hasn’t been talking to me lately. And I also haven’t seen much of you around. I-I need to know what it is that I did, or if I actually did do something that maybe upset her, so then I can fix it, y’know. And make things right,” she says. She’s just pleading at this point, really. “Will you please tell me what’s up?”

Jihyo starts to fumble with her skirt. “Jeongyeon. I… I really don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Jihyo, c’mon—"

“Girls, go to class!” A teacher says, sticking his head out of the door frame. “Now.”

Jeongyeon bows in respect and recognition.

She whips her head to face Jihyo once more, but the girl has already reached the end of the hallway, walking briskly as she passes the large custom windows.

“Jihyo—”

Her stomach drops.

_Too late._

A long and bitter sigh runs from her lips. She had hoped to speak to her friend longer, but she seems to have missed the chance already.

She doesn’t know what it is about her, but she’s always a step too late.

\--

Text Message

 **Mon, 31 Mar** , 7:04 AM

 _[7:04 AM]_ good morning

 _[7:04 AM]_ how are you?

\--

Text Message

 **Sun, 13 Apr** , 10:59 PM

 _[10:59 PM]_ good night nayeon.

 _[10:59 PM]_ u didn’t forget about me did u

 _[11:00 PM]_ 😂

\--

Text Message

 **Tue, 22 Apr** , 1:42 AM

 _[1:42 AM]_ nayeon i cant sleep

\--

Text Message

 **Fri, 2 May** , 3:05 AM

 _[3:05 AM]_ hi

 _[3:06 AM]_ call me

 _[3:17 AM]_ i miss you…

\--

•• Nayeon changed her phone number. ••

~

_ March 2024 _

•• It’s a calm Sunday evening. Nayeon had just gone out with Jihyo for a cup of coffee—just two completely sane yet jaded adults trying to cope with everything that’s happening around them. And a lot of things were shared.

One of the things they mainly talked about was of course, Jeongyeon—she’s literally all Nayeon thinks about lately. She told Jihyo everything that happened on that godforsaken night. The night where everything fell into place, where everything made perfect sense, but had instantly fallen into the dark abyss all at once, as if the floor had given in with no plans of holding it all together. It was beyond unimaginable. The sadness, the longing, the confusion—it was all too much, she could barely breathe.

Dramatic? Maybe.

And if it hadn’t been for Mina, it definitely would’ve ended worse.

“Well, shit,” Jihyo said, sipping her iced cappuccino. “So, what happened after that?”

“After I stormed off?” Nayeon sighed, swirling her cold brew latte with the green paper straw—its tip smudged with her apricot lipstick. “Nothing. We haven’t been talking.”

Jihyo slammed her drink on the table. “For like what? Almost three weeks?”

“Yeah.”

“But you literally live across each other? How is that even possible?”

“I’m busy, she’s busy, I don’t fucking know. I see her like, I don’t know, once a week maybe? She doesn’t even look at me—maybe she does, but how would I know? I try not to look at her every single time we cross paths. Seeing her stupid face just makes me even more mad. It’s annoying. She’s annoying. I hate it.” Nayeon crossed her arms. “And besides, it’s not like I’m dying to talk to her.”

Jihyo scoffed. “Oh, but you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re whipped like that. Always have been. It’s really only a matter of time before I hit you on the head and tell you to wake up.”

“Okay, you know what? Shut up.”

“But seriously though,” Jihyo started. “How long are you going to keep that deal up? You’re already 30 for God’s sake. How do you know she’s not seeing anybody else? How do you know she’s not stringing you along?”

“Because…” Nayeon crinkled her nose. “Damn it. I mean, I don’t know—”

“No, tell me.” Jihyo crossed her arms. “Why her? Why do you always choose her? Why can’t you just move on and find another one?”

Nayeon rubbed her hand on her face, tracing it from her forehead down to her cheeks and then mouth. “Because… I don’t know, Jihyo. I—”

“No. I want an answer. Tell me.”

“I said I don’t know. Maybe I just—”

“No. I don’t want an ‘I don’t know’—"

“Jihyo—”

“No. You have to tell me. I have to understand why. Why her—"

“Because I’m in love with her,” Nayeon exhaled, albeit hastily and quietly. “What? Is that… is that what you want me to say? Must I really have to say it aloud for you to understand?”

Jihyo stayed silent, lips zipped tight, but her eyes flickered with worry.

Nayeon knew exactly what was on her friend’s mind—a mind filled with questions, such easy and tough ones that she collectively won’t be able to answer.

“I keep choosing her… because I love her. You don’t think I know that it’s crazy?” Nayeon surrendered in her seat as she set her coffee aside. She stared outside the glass window, watching people move in haste. “If I give up… If I decide to just leave it as it is… what happens when the morning comes, and she starts feeling the same way? You don’t think I’ve tried to get over her? You don’t think I’ve tried to listen to my head? You don’t think I’ve tried at all? Why do you think I stopped speaking to her for years? Why do you think I changed my number?”

The music from the speakers faded in the background.

“Nayeon…”

“Why her?” Nayeon continued. “Because she’s… _her_. What else is there to say?” she says, now meeting Jihyo’s gaze.

“It’s not easy to wait for something so uncertain, you know.”

“No. It’s not. Not at all.” Nayeon chuckled bitterly. “It gets harder. Each day is harder than yesterday, but I still do it, unconsciously maybe, or deliberately, simply because I want her.”

They didn’t really touch on the subject after that. One more push, one more syllable out her mouth and she probably would’ve shed a tear.

Jihyo had always been _mean_ to her when it comes to those stuff. Sure, Nayeon takes it to heart sometimes, but she knows Jihyo only does it for her own good, to help her in the long run. It’s sort of what you call tough love—sort of. 

Nayeon knows Jihyo just wants her to be okay and be happy—the woman tends to get upset for her when things don’t go her way, especially when she ends up crying over the same person for the nth time. The woman scolds her on the regular—all because she consistently turns a deaf ear.

The jazzy tune from the elevator’s stereo brings her back to her senses. 

She’d much rather make her dinner and watch some rom-coms for the rest of the evening than dwell on the thought of missing Jeongyeon and whatnot.

As much as she’d love to speak to the woman again, for things to go back to normal, she somehow refuses to swallow her pride and act like they’re cool now for such things to happen

It’s not her _‘mistake’_ after all.

The doors slide open and reveals an unblinking Jeongyeon.

Panic surges inside of her.

_Life is just so funny, isn’t it?_

She tries to maintain a nonchalant expression. And it has to look convincing.

They haven’t seen each other for days and now all of the sudden, there she is, the one Nayeon wishes to see the least, sporting a pair of grey cargo pants and a cream shirt with a white hoodie draping along her arm that seems to have been smeared with—

_Blood?_

Nayeon goggles but doesn’t say anything. She stands there, unmoving, rather stiffly, not knowing what to think or how she should act.

“I-It’s not what you think it is,” Jeongyeon says, panicking. “I was just doing some—”

“I didn’t ask,” Nayeon says dryly.

“Oh.”

_Stupid face._

Nayeon immediately averts her gaze as she grips on her phone tightly. She takes a step to the left and ducks her head in hopes of exiting this uncomfortable hellhole. However, Jeongyeon mirrors her movements.

Jeongyeon rubs her nape. “Sorry, I’ll just—"

They both move to the right. Then a little further to the left, and then back to the right. A frequent side to side motion that almost seems never-ending.

Nayeon attempts to step towards the left side but bumps onto Jeongyeon’s chin instead.

_For fuck’s sake._

Jeongyeon clears her throat. “Here, let me just—”

“Will you please just move?” Nayeon snaps, and Jeongyeon slowly shuffles back and to the right. “God…”

Their elbows graze against each other as Nayeon rushes out of the elevator.

“Stupid Jeongyeon,” she mumbles, swinging her front door open.

\--

Nayeon falls asleep wondering and worrying about the blood on Jeongyeon’s hoodie.

\--

7 o’clock in the morning. Nayeon combs her hair as she prepares for work.

Work doesn’t start until 8:30 AM but Nayeon remains persistent about clocking in early. She doesn’t know why she’s acting this way. She just felt like it.

Or it could be the fact that she’s having a hard time going to sleep.

Sleep has been out of her vocabulary for a while now. She could probably be asleep at 1:00 AM but still wake up at 4:00 AM, not able to lull herself to back sleep.

Perhaps she should lessen her caffeine intake.

With one last glance at the mirror, she straightens the creases on her shirt and lets her bag drape along her shoulder.

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _🐹_** – _3 Text Messages **]**_

**_🐹_ **

_[7:07 AM]_ Heyyyy

 _[7:07 AM]_ This is kinda random but

 _[7:08 AM]_ I think I wanna have kids 😳

_Kids?_

Nayeon chuckles, leaning against her wall.

_[7:09 AM]_ With me??!?!?!

**_🐹_ **

_[7:09 AM]_ ?!?!?!?

 _[7:09 AM]_ 😱

 _[7:09 AM]_ Why would I want kids with you??.,.,

 _[7:10 AM]_ 🤮🤮 Youre so weird!!!! im telling momo

_[7:10 AM]_ Ok u do that.

 _[7:11 AM]_ But back to the topic!!!

 _[7:11 AM]_ THAT’S GREAT NEWS

 _[7:11 AM]_ I think you’re old enough to have kids

 _[7:12 AM]_ So why not?

 _[7:12 AM]_ You have my blessing

**_🐹_ **

_[7:12 AM]_ What do you mean~

 _[7:13 AM]_ We don’t need your blessing 😆

_[7:13 AM]_ Of course u do.

 _[7:14 AM]_ I’m giving you my blessing

 _[7:14 AM]_ Or you can have me as your kid instead

 _[7:15 AM]_ I’m nice.

 _[7:15 AM]_ Adopt me

**_🐹_ **

_[7:16 AM]_ …

 _[7:16 AM]_ Byeeee~ have a nice day at work

_[7:16 AM]_ I’ll do the dishes???

**_🐹_ **

_[7:17 AM]_ Let me think about it……..🤔🤔🤔

 _[7:17 AM]_ No

_[7:18 AM]_ You’re so mean!!!

**_🐹_ **

_[7:18 AM]_ 😝😝😝💜💜

Kids? That sure is a huge step to take. But she’s known Sana for years—with her loving and sweet personality as well as her beautiful heart, there’s no doubt that the woman will be a great mother, and so will Momo.

The doorknob feels icy in her hand as she twists it clockwise.

A basket filled with various fruits hits the tip of her shoe as soon as she steps out of her apartment. An array of vibrant colours, fruits neatly arranged, looking as though it is specially hand-picked.

A tiny card sits prettily in the middle, just beside the banana and grapes. Nayeon squats.

**‘Jeongyeon unnie, we miss you.**

**I hope you feel better soon :)’**

“Unnie?” Nayeon melds her brows. “Feel better soon? What… Is she sick or something?” She wraps her fingers around the handle, sturdy and firm, taking light steps towards Jeongyeon’s front door.

“There,” she grunts as she lets the basket rest on the floor.

Before she’s able to take her leave, hoping to do so quietly as though she wasn’t even there, the door gives way.

 _Great._ She winces.

“Nayeon?” Jeongyeon says, dressed in a very short pair of shorts and a spaghetti top.

_Okay, first of all, you’re insane for wearing that in front of me. Second—_

“What are you doing here?” the woman adds, albeit softly.

Now _that_ is good question. What exactly is Nayeon doing here?

Ah, the basket. Right.

“Basket,” Nayeon says, a little too monotonous. “Someone put that basket outside my door. I had to move it.”

“Ah.” Jeongyeon nods as she takes the card from it. “Is it for me?” She moves her shoulders slowly, reaching all the way to her back, massaging it gently whilst wincing.

_Insane._

Nayeon tightens her grip on the leather handle of her bag. “You’re sick?”

“Sick? Yeah. Well, no. I don’t know. N-not really.” Jeongyeon scratches her head. “I just needed a rest.”

“Are you still…” Nayeon clears her throat, constantly changing her stance. “Bleeding?”

“Bleeding?” Jeongyeon lifts an eyebrow. “Oh! You mean yesterday? N-no, I was just painting with Chaeyoung and the red paint toppled over and had spread on my hoodie…”

Nayeon lets out a huge breath. _That’s a relief._

She had already thought of the worst. Noticing that the woman’s limbs are still intact, she instantly feels so much better—all that tension and suspense had melted into nothing.

“Alright. Well. Bye,” she says, deliberately avoiding the awkward atmosphere, and makes her way to the elevator, not sparing the woman another glance.

“Bye...” She hears Jeongyeon say.

\--

Nayeon thinks about the card the whole day.

\--

Friday. Another week passes them by and Nayeon, as usual, hasn’t seen Jeongyeon since. It’s always been like that. Not that she minds or anything.

No, actually—if she were being honest, seeing Jeongyeon right now would most likely just ruin her day. It’s annoying. Jeongyeon is annoying. Her face is annoying.

It’s almost been a month since that night, and she would be lying if she were to say that it doesn’t bother her anymore. It still does. Each day, half-way point of the dawn and dusk, and especially when she sleeps.

Jeongyeon visits her in her dreams. And no, it’s not the scary kind, more like the sad kind—the longing kind.

She dreams of Jeongyeon—perhaps every other night. It’s maddening and a little bit heartbreaking. Heartbreaking in the sense that when the night bleeds into daylight, just as Jeongyeon tells her ‘I’ll always be right here’, a slap on her face greets her as she opens her eyes, embracing the actuality that Jeongyeon is not there with her—beside her. In fact, she wasn’t even actually there to begin with.

It has always been just Nayeon, clinging onto something unsteady—something that appears almost unrealistic for a hopeless romantic like her.

“ _Forget about it,”_ Nayeon says, mocking Jeongyeon’s words as she rests her foot on her coffee table. “Easy for you to say, asshole. How the fuck am I supposed to forget about it when I—”

**_[Incoming call: PARK J]_ **

****

Nayeon’s brows draw closer.

Her eyes shift to her gold-plated wristwatch. _11:36 PM._ “Why is she calling me at this hour?” She places her foot down the floor and sits up straight. She answers the call.

“Yah. Park Jihyo, it’s almost midnight. Do you know how precious my time is—What? A club? Right now? What the fuck are you doing in a club all alone? What? Your boyfriend? I don’t—Shit. Are you drunk? Are you actual—God…”

She runs to her coat rack by her front door, grabbing the car keys on the way. “No! No. Jihyo, you stay right there. Don’t even think about drinking another bottle or I’ll—No! You are _not_ driving back home. You can barely speak—What? Ice cream? Why the fuck would I buy you ice cream now? Look… just—” Nayeon massages the bridge of her nose as she swings her door open. “—I’m on my way… Hello? Jihyo? Jihyo!”

A curse of some sort leaves her lips as she dips her phone inside her pocket. “Jesus Chr—"

A tall figure meets her face, a bit too close as they both stand stiffly in front of each other. Her gaze moves steadily, from the bottom of the stranger’s shoe to the very top of her head.

A woman. Most likely in her 20s—very young and modest-looking. She wears a plaid blazer with a white shirt underneath—a deceivingly simple outfit but contrasts her yellow shoulder bag and flat ankle boots, both of which are plastered with the logo of an estimable French luxury retail company.

The woman takes a single step back. She clears her throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I was about to knock and I—”

“Can I help you?”

A long black hair, a tiny and attractive face.

_She looks familiar._

“Jeongyeon… Jeongyeon unnie. Is this her place? Are you her friend?” the woman trails, playing with her fingers.

_Jeongyeon? Unnie?_

“Jeongyeon? No. That right there is her place,” Nayeon says, pointing to the door across.

The woman follows the direction of her finger. “O-oh. I’m so sorry.” She bows kindly.

“Are you a friend of hers?” Nayeon asks.

“Yes,” the woman replies, rubbing her arm. “I… Well—sort of.”

“I suggest you call her then,” Nayeon says. “If you’re thinking of waiting for her out here, it’s best if you just come back another time. Jeongyeon rarely comes home.” She swears she has seen this woman before.

“I see.”

Nayeon squints her eyes. “Have we met before?”

“I don’t think so…” The woman says, somewhat astounded.

“I feel like I’ve seen you before…” Nayeon mumbles, carefully memorising the woman’s face. “Huh. Weird. Sorry. Anyway, I need to pick a friend up, will you be okay?” she says, taking light steps away from her door.

The woman smiles for the first time tonight. “Yes. Thank you.”

Their eyes meet again briefly just as the elevator doors slide close.

 _Jeongyeon unnie?_ Nayeon gasps.

“Is she the one who left the basket over a week ago?” Nayeon whispers to herself.

_Maybe she’s one of the staff members in Jeongyeon’s company._

“Interesting.”

\--

Radiant lights from the street’s buildings momentarily blinds her, power walking along the retractable red stanchion that’s keeping the loud crowd in line.

It never occurred to her how difficult it would be to find Jihyo at this hour; she had overlooked the mere fact that people all around the city, from different backgrounds tend flock over these nightclubs every weekend.

She’s tried to call Jihyo a number of times. At least seven times, but none of them were returned. All of her calls had been sent straight to voicemail.

Jihyo hardly misses any of her texts and calls, so this very situation they’re in makes her more anxious than ever.

Once more, she dials Jihyo’s number, walking and searching for the said woman as she does so.

It repeats the exact same dull tone, ring after ring—until she sees Jeongyeon’s back, talking to someone who awfully looks a lot like Jihyo—a ghastly-looking one.

“Park Jihyo!” Nayeon jogs, visibly concerned and annoyed, perhaps confused as well as to why Jeongyeon is here. “What’s going on with you?” She inspects her friend from top to bottom, ensuring that she isn’t hurt, or a limb hasn’t gone missing.

 _Damn._ The woman appears absolutely dreadful tonight.

Jihyo seldom drinks, and when she does, she usually doesn’t turn into _this_ —whatever this is.

“Nayeon!” Jihyo yells, a drunken one, frequently losing her balance and helplessly leaning towards Jeongyeon for support. “You’re here. Jeong, Jeongyeon’s here… Good! This is good. Life is great. Fuck yeah!”

Nayeon catches Jihyo by the arm just as the woman stumbles forward, now giggling with her chin resting on Nayeon’s shoulder. “I called… I called Jeongyeon too,” Jihyo giggles. Nayeon can smell the beer on her breath—quite strong and bitter. “I bet you… you didn’t… expect this huh. I’m doing you a favour here.” Jihyo squishes Nayeon’s face with her palms. The woman just chuckles afterwards, seemingly close to dozing off.

“Jihyo, what’s going on?” Nayeon asks, cupping her friend’s face with her hands as she brushes the messy strands of hair away.

Jeongyeon tries to assist from behind. “She had too much alcohol—"

“Yeah, no shit, genius,” Nayeon snaps, struggling to carry her friend by one arm around her shoulders. “Why are you here?”

“I just finished filming in Gyeonggi-do,” Jeongyeon grunts as she carries Jihyo by the other arm. “Jihyo called me, crying, so I came to pick her up and check if she’s okay.”

People begin to swarm around them as they walk away, mobile phones outstretched, inches away from their faces. Murmurs and clamour overwhelm the area as they scream for Jeongyeon’s name.

“And it didn’t ever occur to you that we might end up in a situation like this?” Nayeon barks as she begins to quicken her pace.

“N-no.”

“I can’t—Ugh! Hurry and help me take her to my car.”

Pushing past the crowd, they manage to lay Jihyo in the backseat with Jeongyeon by her side, carefully seated, trying to make sure their friend doesn’t sleep in a bad angle.

“Didn’t you bring your own car?” Nayeon says, a tone of judgment in her voice as she shuts her door.

“I did, but I parked way further down the road.”

Nayeon yanks her seat belt across her body. “You’re so—” She fastens her seat belt, hearing the soft click, then turns the car on. “—Alright. Cool. Forget it. I guess you’re coming with me then,” Nayeon bleats, obviously displeased.

“You can just drop me o—”

“You guys are so loud!” Jihyo groans, slapping her palm on Jeongyeon’s mouth. “Stop acting like you don’t know each other… and just talk already… You guys are so stupid and dumb and stupid and,” she mumbles but soon drifts off to sleep again.

Nayeon briefly meets Jeongyeon’s eyes through the rear-view mirror before shifting them back to Jihyo.

It’s quiet.

Her fingers drum gently on the steering wheel as she waits for the lights to turn green. Her left foot taps against the floorboard in quite an upbeat pace, taking deep breaths as she rids of the tension in her body.

A lively phone ringtone interrupts the muffled ambience.

“Hello?” Jeongyeon says, sticking her phone on her ear. “Hey. How are you? Really? You should’ve told me. You know you didn’t have to go all the way there just for that. Busy? No, not really. I just finished filming for a variety show… Have you eaten already?”

Nayeon scoffs lightly, hitting the gas pedal a little too harshly as the light turns green.

 _Have you eaten already?_ Nayeon mocks inside her head. Her fingers find the tuning knob of her stereo, gradually increasing the music’s volume—a not so subtle attempt to drown Jeongyeon’s voice in the background.

Nayeon nibbles on her bottom lip. The song even makes it worse. It’s unbearably sad.

She turns it off.

“Nayeon,” Jeongyeon says, tossing her phone back and forth between her hands. “I have to go and take care of some business. Will you be okay? Dropping Jihyo by yourself, I mean.”

“Now?” Nayeon steals a glance at the dashboard. 12:37 AM. “At this hour?”

“Yes. It’s uhh… urgent. You can just drop me off on the side of the road when you can. A friend is picking me up.”

Nayeon already has her brows creased. “Sure.” She indicates to the right and hardly turns the steering wheel to the soft shoulder of the road.

“That was… quick,” Jeongyeon points out, tilting her head. “I’m sorry about this. The company apparently wants to talk to me ASAP and I didn’t want to trouble you—”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“Oh. Okay. Right,” Jeongyeon says. She opens the car door and wastes no time in stepping out. “Nayeon, I…”

Nayeon stares at her lap. “Please make sure the door’s closed properly.”

A sigh. “Drive safely.” The door is swung shut.

And she drives away.

\--

Nayeon’s watch tells her it’s almost 2:00 AM. They had arrived safely at Jihyo’s place over an hour ago, and she had spent the entire hour helping her friend get her shit together.

It was exhausting, but there really isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for this friend of hers—she loves Jihyo too much.

“I broke up with him,” Jihyo says as she lies on the couch, feet somewhat suspended on the edge.

“What?” Nayeon leans forward. “But you’ve been dating for five years… I thought you guys were doing more than just fine.”

Jihyo smiles, a sad one. “He got bored, I guess. Had been for the longest time. It didn’t take long for me notice it,” she says, peering at her with dismay. “So, I tried spending more time with him and all that crap. I figured that it’s maybe because we’re not spending enough time with each other, but in order to do that, I always had to adjust according to his schedule, being an idol and stuff. It wasn’t great. It was tiring for me too. And then, when I came to see him one day, he just told me he’s catching feelings for somebody else, and I remember… I-I remember feeling so sad, and angry, and betrayed all at the same time.”

“Jihyo…”

Jihyo turns away slightly. “And I tried fixing it. Fixing us for a good amount of time. And he did too. He told me he’d do better. But as days went by, I got more wary and insecure. Constantly asking myself if I was enough for him to not catch feelings for somebody else again. Everything just felt so overwhelming and depressing, and it felt as though nothing was going my way,” she says, her voice trembling. “I could hardly get any sleep. And I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I left.”

“What a fucking asshole.” Nayeon scoots closer and gives Jihyo the warmest embrace. “Do you want me to kill him? Just say the word.”

Jihyo sniffles. “No, you idiot.”

“I will literally do anything for you. Just say the word. I mean, I might not be given bail but—”

Jihyo giggles. “Enough.”

Nayeon embraces her tighter. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s okay. I knew you had your own struggles too.”

Nayeon caresses her friend’s hair. “Still…” Her lip quivers. “You deserve the best, you know that, right?”

“I know… That’s why I left,” Jihyo chuckles, albeit bitterly. She pats Nayeon’s back gently before breaking the embrace. The woman’s eyes find her own, glassy yet still full of warmth. “I know that your situation is nothing like mine, but I really hope you know that you deserve the best too.”

A brief pause.

“I know.”

\--

Water trickles down the sinkhole. Nayeon lathers her hands with soap she got from the dispenser, right around the side of the averagely sized mirror, and rubs her hands together till it bubbles and covers her entire hands.

Today is Tuesday. She had just seen a patient a couple of minutes ago before she went on a bathroom break.

The day is just about the same as the previous ones—nothing special to talk about, or anything that could take her mind off things.

She had invested quite a bit of thought about what Jihyo told her. Sure, Nayeon knows it—she knows she deserves the best.

But what does Jihyo entirely mean by that?

And how would Nayeon know what truly is the best for her? What or who is the best for her?

A light vibration in her white coat pocket.

**_[MESSAGES:_** **Ballerina** **🐧** – _2 Text Messages **]**_

****

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:07 AM]_ Unnie!

 _[11:07 AM]_ Guess what

The corners of her mouth immediately quirk up.

_[11:08 AM]_ What

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:08 AM]_ Guess!!

_[11:08 AM]_ You’re not straight

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:09 AM]_ ????????????

 _[11:09 AM]_ So are you

 _[11:09 AM]_ 😭

_[11:09 AM]_ LMAOOO

 _[11:09 AM]_ Damn right we’re not

 _[11:10 AM]_ What is it?!

 _[11:10 AM]_ Tell me!

 _[11:10 AM]_ WOMAN

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:10 AM]_ Don’t faint ok

_[11:11 AM]_ *Faints*

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:11 AM]_ I’m flying to Seoul next week!!!!

 _[11:11 AM]_ YOURE FREE RIGHT?

_[11:12 AM]_ *Faints* 2x

**Ballerina** **🐧**

[11:12 AM] Make time for me

_[11:12 AM]_ Only if YOU will make time for me too

 _[11:12 AM]_ It’s been so long since I last saw you!!

 _[11:13 AM]_ I’m exciteddd

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:13 AM]_ 😁

 _[11:14 AM]_ REALLY?

_[11:14 AM]_ Ngl that emoji actually looks like you

 _[11:14 AM]_ Yes really

 _[11:14 AM]_ Pls bring me sour patch..

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:15 AM]_ A 30 year old who loves sweets and candies…

 _[11:15 AM]_ God you’re worse than my niece

_[11:15 AM]_ I bet my knees are worse

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:15 AM]_ .

 _[11:15 AM]_ This is probably a great cue for me to go to sleep now

 _[11:16 AM]_ Good night unnie

_[11:17 AM]_ That was a great pun!!

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:17 AM]_ You’re not funny

 _[11:17 AM]_ Go to work

_[11:17 AM]_ You mean..

 _[11:17 AM]_ punny

 _[11:18 AM]_ 💀

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[11:18 AM]_ No

 _[11:18 AM]_ rip

Nayeon didn’t even notice how fast the time flew by.

_[11:18 AM]_ TTYL

 _[11:18 AM]_ Good night!!

Promptly, she drops her phone in her pocket and exists the bathroom in a brisk pace. Her black pumps clack against the ceramics.

She chucks a warm smile across the reception desk and approaches it with haste. “Send in the next patient, please.”

The female receptionist nods before Nayeon begins walking back to her office. A mechanical beep. “Miss Yoo Jeongyeon?”

Nayeon momentarily freezes. Her stomach shifts and tumbles roughly.

“Please proceed to room number three,” the receptionist announces.

Looking over her shoulder as her feet remains glued onto the floor, she sees Jeongyeon fixing her cap—they lock gazes, and Jeongyeon’s lips stretch into an easy yet reserved smile.

“Hey,” Jeongyeon greets as she approaches closer. “My manager kept nagging me to see a doctor… So…”

Nayeon nods, perhaps a little too robotic, head buzzing with countless irrelative abstractions. “Let’s go in.”

\--

Nayeon sits in her office swivel chair. She clasps her hands in front, placing it on her desk as she waits for Jeongyeon to settle in. “What seems to be the problem?”

“My back hurts quite often nowadays. It has been like this for a few months, but I noticed that the pain seems to be getting worse,” Jeongyeon says, rubbing her palms on her own thighs.

Nayeon’s face rests passively as she gives a small nod. “Where exactly does it hurt?” She starts typing on her computer.

“Here, in between my spine and shoulder blade.” Jeongyeon points at the area. “And sometimes I can feel the incessant pain going up to my neck and to my head. I’d then get a throbbing headache.”

“When do you usually feel the pain?”

“Just… I don’t know. At random times, I guess. Maybe three times a week.”

“Any low back pain?”

Jeongyeon shakes her head. “No, not really.”

Nayeon rises from her chair and draws the sleeves of her white coat, letting it rest just above her elbows. “Will you please stand up for me? I just need to check the alignment of your spine.”

“Sure.”

Nayeon watches as Jeongyeon stands, albeit meekly as her back faces her.

She clears her throat. “Is it okay if I lift your shirt up?”

“W-what?”

“I’m going to have to lift your shirt up… to check the alignment…”

Jeongyeon shuffles her feet in place. “Okay.”

A big part of Nayeon wants to avoid being this near to Jeongyeon—to just turn around, walk out the door and maybe scream in frustration—but she has a job to do and a patient to tend to.

It really shouldn’t be that hard.

_It’s fine. Act cool._

She slowly lifts the back of Jeongyeon shirt, sneaking a fleeting glance of the woman’s pale back to place her hands correctly before darting her attention to the woman’s hair instead.

Her fingers traverse every vertebra in all regions, pressing lightly as she feels and examines it thoroughly.

As soon as she is finished, she quickly lowers the shirt and shoves her hands in her coat pockets. “Your spine is perfect the way it is, so that’s good news,” she says, sitting down as she begins typing again. “Is the pain only present between your shoulder blades?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I believe it’s more of a strain in your muscles than anything else. This right here, is your thoracic spine.” Nayeon repositions her computer in an angle that Jeongyeon is able to see. An image of the thoracic region. “And these are your trapezius muscles. People who feel pain in that area commonly practice poor posture when sitting down, sleeping in uncomfortable positions, maybe even lifting heavy things constantly.”

“I see.”

Nayeon starts scribbling on the prescription note. “Now, you feel pain because you’ve strained the ligaments that bind your vertebrae together. It’s not that serious, so there’s no need to stress about it. However, I do suggest you take this.” Nayeon hands the sheet over. “Three times a day with meals, only if the pain somehow becomes intolerable.”

Jeongyeon takes the sheet. “Thanks.”

“Let me also just print out some exercises for you to do at home.” She scans her eyes on the computer and drags the mouse cursor to the printer icon. “You need to do at least two exercises from this—ones that would suit you and do them two or three times a day.” She grabs the sheet from the printer and hands it over to Jeongyeon’s hand.

“Okay. Thank you.”

Nayeon clasps her hands for the nth time and rises. “Alright. All good then.”

“We’re done?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh. Well, that was quick.”

“I don’t procrastinate,” Nayeon replies, guiding Jeongyeon towards the door. “Make sure to do those exercises and maintain good posture when sitting or standing from now on. Also, avoid lifting any heavy things for the mean time.”

“Okay.” Jeongyeon pauses by the frame of the door. Her lips begin to part as though she plans on saying something big. “We’re still… you, uhh—we’re like, still friends, right?”

The words cut Nayeon to the quick.

_Friends? Is that all you really want to be?_

“Yeah,” she says anyway.

“Y-yeah. Okay. Thanks again.” Jeongyeon lowers her head as her feet start to take her towards the exit.

The woman pauses halfway through, a little over 10 seconds, as if she forgot something or has something more to say—and Nayeon wishes for her to look back, to search for Nayeon's eyes, to throw her another lopsided smile—but she doesn’t.

The door creaks loudly as Nayeon closes it.

Is this what she deserves?

\--

Saturday. Mina had arrived in Seoul on Friday.

And so, Nayeon dropped everything she had planned for the entire day to spend time with none other than the friend she misses most—Mina.

To start with, they hadn’t really planned anything beforehand. It had been a spontaneous and somewhat last-minute decision to go out and visit an art exhibition opening.

Nayeon instantly regretted it. Not only was it boring, but she’s almost certain that 90% of the people who were present and had attended were downright pretentious.

So, yes, it was very boring. Yawns were let out at least thirty times.

Mina made it bearable though. It was Mina who kept her from going mental in there.

Sure, you can say that she’s merely being ignorant. And no, she’s not even going to bother defending herself. All she knows is that there definitely is much more to those white canvases with white paint than meets the eye.

Nayeon couldn’t really bitch about that place out loud. She saw how Mina’s eyes lit up beneath the toned lights—she was having fun. And that was Nayeon’s only goal for today—for Mina to enjoy and have a tremendous amount of fun.

As long as Mina is satisfied, Nayeon is satisfied.

Stepping out of that place nearly felt like a cathartic release though. It was awesome.

Arms linked around each other, they then proceeded to gallivant around the centre of the city, phones held out in the air as they took photos and film short videos together.

Street food. In the evening they roamed around the markets, chowing down on various street food, such as fish cakes, blood sausages, deep-fried squids and so much more. Nayeon loves eating, especially in company—it’s almost therapeutic.

Oh, and silkworms? Mina squalled in disgust and fear as Nayeon poked it with a wooden stick, waving it in front of the Japanese woman for laughs. There was absolutely no doubt that Mina was about to throw hands, running away from Nayeon at the same time as she’s being chased with the not-so-appealing snack.

“No! Unnie. No,” she warned, covering her face as soon as she found herself in a dead end. “I said no!”

Nayeon swore she saw tears in her friend’s eyes—so, she stopped, and put the snack aside.

She had managed to wrap her arms around the woman’s shoulders, caressing her hair messily. “I was just joking,” she said.

Most people, especially tourists find silkworms terrifying. However, they are incredibly popular amongst the locals, not only for its taste but medicinal benefits too.

Nayeon kind of understands why Mina loathes it. And it was fun to tease her with it.

Not long after that, they got chased by a stray dog as they basked under the blanket of stars. True story.

And believe Nayeon when she says she saw her life flash before her eyes right at that exact moment. They both love dogs, that’s for sure. They both have dogs as pets. However, facing and getting chased by a vicious one is another story.

Here’s the thing, Nayeon often gets startled easily—so when the dog yanked her bag, her immediate response was to yell with her eyes shut tight, accidentally hitting Mina on the face.

Shit had gone haywire soon enough. She almost lost a shoe.

It was fun whilst it lasted. And yes, she did apologise to Mina.

Perhaps, it’s safe to say that it had been the first time in a long while where Jeongyeon didn't cross her mind at all.

“Are you alright?” Mina says, tapping her arm.

“What?” Nayeon tears her eyes off the wine glass. “O-oh. Yeah. Yes, I’m good. Great even.” She gives out a shaky laugh. “Just thinking about certain stuff.”

They are now seated in a lovely Japanese restaurant, trying to satisfy both of their cravings. The reviews of the place were great—it’s very pricey but people claim that it’s worth the money. So, they thought, why not?

A grand piano stands right at the front—the pianist, dressed in semi-formal clothes plays every note with ease, creating a stirring tune.

“Well? What are you eating?” Mina says, throwing a quick inquisitive glance as she scans the menu.

“Have you decided?”

Mina nods.

“Okay. Okay, give me a minute.” Nayeon stares at the menu with half-lidded eyes.

_Chicken Karaage. Pork Cutlet Sando. Smoked Duck Soba._

All of them sound nice.

“Unnie.”

Nayeon looks up.

Mina has her eyes locked on her phone, scrolling through something that Nayeon can’t quite see. “I didn’t know they were dating,” Mina says, her tone quite amused.

“Who’s dating?”

“She probably told you already, right? You guys have been friends for so long. I genuinely thought that it was strictly just business between them. But wow.” She blinks repeatedly. “Everyone seems so thrilled.”

Nayeon places the menu down. “I’m lost.”

“I’m sure you already know.” Mina slides her phone across the wooden table. “Here.”

She gives it a peek. 

A second passes, then five, then ten. She reads it again.

_No._

A very firm press with her lips, and another bruise, another slit, another tear on her already weak heart.

_It’s her. That woman…_

And like an aeroplane spiralling out of control, she just crashes—hard and fast.

“I-I gotta go,” she says, rising from her seat, feeling as though she's staining the fabrics with her core that's weeping defeat.

Mina grabs her phone back. “Unnie—”

Nothing in this world could’ve prepared her for that.

It feels impossible to quantify the pain and anguish that cries and nags deep within her. It’s downright punishing.

“Unnie, wait!”

A fool. That’s what she is.

A fool who, after all these years, had only been chasing and running after nothing. ••

\--

**[BREAKING: From Co-workers to Couple—JYP Entertainment Confirms Chou Tzuyu and Yoo Jeongyeon Are Dating]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	8. Piece by Piece

_ August 2024 _

There’s just something about the openness and vastitude of the ocean that gives Jeongyeon clarity. She claims it soothes her worries and concerns in an instant.

The mere sound and rhythm of the waves climbing up to the shore, and the whistling of the ocean air puts her mind into a hushed pensive state. She feels life—that’s one way to put it—especially when her soles dig into the fine and white sand, or when she stares in complete awe at the horizon where the sun slowly dips, tinted boldly with orange and yellow.

Okinawa. That is where she is at the moment.

The area is empty. A private beach that they had rented out for a couple of days.

Tripods have been placed all around her—perhaps two or three—and a light reflector is raised on her right as she fixates her gaze yonder with a smile.

A giggle echoes throughout the spot—a hearty and audibly pitched one.

Tzuyu. Chestnut brown hair in pigtails, dancing with the vagrant breeze. “Are you just going to stand there?” she says, welcoming the big waves with her feet by the shore.

Jeongyeon chuckles. “Coming.” She runs steadily through the sand, eyes not leaving the woman as she slowly reaches out for her arm. “Careful or else you’ll—”

Wet hands and poor reflexes. It slips. Failing to hold Tzuyu’s arm, a forceful wave comes crashing at them—Jeongyeon remains rooted in her spot and sees Tzuyu stumbling down the warm shallow water.

A tiny yelp escapes the woman’s lips, and Jeongyeon laughs—a very loud and excessive one, laced with a tone of tease. She feels her cheeks burning. “Are you alright?” she asks, trying to help the woman up.

Amused and possibly pumped, a smile crosses Tzuyu’s face. “Oh, so you think this is funny?”

In no less than a second, she yanks Jeongyeon’s arm, strong enough to pull her down with her.

Now it’s Tzuyu’s turn to laugh. “Are you alright?” she teases.

The waves make a noise once more, joined by the wind as Jeongyeon stares at the woman’s face—it’s glowing—her cheeks flare cupid-pink, eyes sparkling beneath the skies as the sun falls asleep behind, and her smile, she smiles like it’s the first time she’s seen the sun set in this hot summer month in a long while.

It again dawns upon Jeongyeon that Tzuyu has a dimple—and just like that, it’s all over.

\--

•• Nayeon sits on the bar stool, resting her arms on the firm benchtop as she holds her phone securely in her hand.

These past few months have all been a blur to Nayeon. Numerous things have happened, some quite unexpectedly. Though it may appear like time had ticked too fast, Nayeon remembers everything vividly.

She’s always been praised by her peers for her sharp memory. She’s able to easily recall the tiniest details in circumstances that others may find insignificant. She wouldn’t call it a talent—maybe it is—whatever, it’s not like it matters.

One of the cons of having such ‘ability’ though is being able to recall the unwanted memories—memories that she often wishes to forget.

Nayeon still remembers that night. Quite graphically in fact. The night where she ran outside the restaurant, not knowing where to go or where her feet would take her—she ran with only one thing in mind. _Jeongyeon._

She had bolted out so fast and had felt as if the world had been spinning against her—brilliant lights shone in both directions, hearing incoherent voices in all places.

She remembers Mina. Mina had yelled her name out loud—maybe a little angry, maybe a little worried.

She remembers not listening. She didn’t stop, didn’t look behind, she just kept running.

Back then, she thought it was the best thing to do. To run away and to hide—to not let people know what’s truly going on inside.

After all, no one could ever handle the mess that she was in, no one could help her get out of the sticky situation she was in. Only she could fix it.

She had to fix herself. To accept the fact that it’s over, that Jeongyeon was never going to look at her the way she looked at Jeongyeon, that Jeongyeon would never love her half as much as she loved her.

She remembers thinking about it—all at once—and crossed the street with absolute haste.

She remembers hearing a horn blaring, a car to left, driving at 60. She remembers the fear. Of death. Of fading into oblivion.

And just as she braced herself for the impact, an arm snatched her off the road, so fast, the grip so rough.

She remembers Mina’s face. The woman was angry, confused, scared, and perhaps saw a glint of pain too. Nayeon isn’t too sure.

“What are you doing?” Mina raised her voice, speaking through her teeth, visibly suppressing as her hold drew tight around Nayeon’s wrist. “Have you lost your mind?”

She remembers not saying anything, and instead threw her arms around Mina’s shoulders, drawing her close.

And she just sank—into the woman’s embrace—with a gut-wrenching sob tearing through her chest.

Mina’s hand pressed on the back of her head, and Nayeon felt her knees grew weak. “I’m sorry,” Mina said.

Nayeon didn’t know what Mina was apologising for, still doesn’t, but she remembers clinging on tighter and a little longer, until the tears have dried, until the thoughts in her mind piped down.

And she remembers it being the last time she cried.

The weeks that followed had been extremely hard, but Mina was always there.

Mina did everything she could to make things easier for Nayeon, to make her smile and laugh, to make her happy. She did all that without Nayeon even asking.

Mina never asked, never forced her to say anything she wasn’t ready to share—Mina understood. And that was all Nayeon needed in that moment. To be cared for and understood.

Whenever they went out, for food or simply for fun—squeezing through big crowds and busy streets, Mina’s hand would always find its way to hers, almost like a reflex, like a habit.

“You want us… to build… a blanket fort?” was what Mina said one night when Nayeon finally decided to let go of the anger.

“Yeah! I’ve always wanted to build one,” Nayeon replied, carrying a bunch of blankets she had yanked from her closet.

Mina refrained herself from laughing.

Nayeon lowered the blankets. “Is it too lame?”

“No.” A smile. “How should we do it?”

With Nayeon’s spacious living room, they made use of the space quite well, placing two chairs on each side, backs facing each other. They collected cushions, pillows, and extra blankets, and laid it out at the centre.

It was an unforgettable experience—making the fort—and had felt as if she were a little kid again.

Mina never made fun of her. Sure, she laughed and giggled every now and then, but it was never the condescending kind, or the sarcastic kind—it was always the sweet and hearty kind. And Nayeon liked that.

When they threw the blanket over the chairs, they proceeded to add colourful lights inside the fort, to sort of give it life, or perhaps make it look a tad more decent.

“Thank you for doing this…” Nayeon said with a smile on her face. “For helping me keep my mind off things… and for this childish fort… Really, I-I should thank you for a lot of things…” she added, playing with the strings of her hoodie under the dim lights.

Mina shifted. “It’s not _childish._ I kind of like it. We can just run away from everything and stay here till the end of time, really, if that’s what you want,” she joked, setting the flashlight aside.

A laugh left Nayeon’s lips as she faced the woman. “Have I told you that you’re the best?” She extended her hand and stroked Mina’s fringe gently.

“Hmm…” Mina puffed her cheeks. “Like, all the time?” She giggled.

“Good.” Nayeon didn’t say anything after that—she just puckered up and blew the woman a kiss, repeatedly. And Mina, of course, had to laugh it off.

Things with Mina were always easy. Nayeon never had the time to worry or think about things that merely drain her energy.

The night before Mina left for New York, Nayeon remembers lying on her bed, with Mina on her side as they shared the most random conversation they ever had—from singing to rapping to talking about their goals and plans for years ahead.

And somehow, Mina talking passionately about wanting to settle down in Seoul in the future sparked something inside of Nayeon.

It made her happy.

Listening to Mina’s voice made her happy.

“Sing me a song,” Nayeon said, eyes half-closed, arms encircling the Japanese woman’s waist.

“I think you’re old enough to sleep without a lullaby.” Mina chuckled.

“I think you’re _wrong_.”

“I think _you’re_ wrong.”

Nayeon yawned. “C’mon. Just one song. Who knows when we’ll see each other again?”

“That’s the thing…” Mina raised the blankets and tucked it behind Nayeon’s chin. “If I sing, you might miss my voice too much.”

“Doesn’t make a difference. I already miss you.”

A blank silence. Nayeon didn’t know what Mina was thinking, her eyes seemed indecipherable.

A sigh. “Promise you’ll sleep right after?”

Nayeon nodded.

She doesn’t remember what song it was. And it wasn’t really _singing_ —she remembers Mina humming.

Nayeon’s thoughts were hushed, her consciousness gradually ebbing away as Mina’s voice filled the room, so calm and pleasant to the ears.

Some parts were hummed, some parts were sung. The pace was slow and mellow as the woman pats her shoulder, in sync with the song, to the tune that’s gentle and far from rushed.

And the only words Nayeon could make out were, “ _I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet._ ”

Then everything went sombre after that.

When she woke up the next morning, Mina had already left.

She did leave a note though.

It went somewhere along the lines of, **‘Didn’t wanna wake you up, don’t be mad. Just found out that you sleep talk lol (very cute btw). I’ll see you soon, unnie :)’**.

A chuckle leaves Nayeon’s lips as she shifts in her chair.

She didn’t even know she sleep talks until Mina had pointed it out, and that had been months ago.

Now she’s here, in her kitchen, scrolling through the messages she’s shared with Jihyo all the way back in March.

**Text Message**

**Sun, 31 Mar** , 12:13 AM

 _[12:13 AM]_ I think I’m losing my mind.

**PARK J**

_[12:14 AM]_ What

 _[12:14 AM]_ Oh

 _[12:14 AM]_ So you’ve seen it huh..

_[12:14 AM]_ If you’re gonna say ‘I told u so’

 _[12:15 AM]_ I

**PARK J**

_[12:15 AM]_ I told you so

_[12:15 AM]_ Ok fuck you

**PARK J**

_[12:16 AM]_ Alright I’m sorry

 _[12:16 AM]_ I just…

 _[12:16 AM]_ How are you feeling.

 _[12:16 AM]_ Should I come over?

 _[12:17 AM]_ Somaek?

_[12:18 AM]_ Mina’s here.

 _[12:18 AM]_ I’ll be fine..

 _[12:18 AM]_ U have work tomorrow

**PARK J**

_[12:19 AM]_ We all do, dumbass

_[12:20 AM]_ I just don’t understand

 _[12:20 AM]_ I really don’t

 _[12:21 AM]_ It’s so sudden. She didn’t even tell me

 _[12:21 AM]_ I mean, I did everything

**PARK J**

_[12:22 AM]_ You’ve been hanging on for way too long.

 _[12:22 AM]_ I think it’s time to let go already.

 _[12:23 AM]_ It’ll be alright.

Nayeon couldn’t quite understand then. She couldn’t understand why it was happening to her or why Jeongyeon did what she did.

She felt as though it was unfair.

There were many times where she almost sent Jeongyeon a text—she went even as far as almost knocking on Jeongyeon’s door one midnight, when everything was muted, when her room held this deafening silence, when things felt too sad and lonely—she almost did, but she didn’t.

Because Nayeon understood right there and then.

She knew she couldn’t wait forever.

She had high hopes for Jeongyeon, for herself, for them. But she couldn’t just stand there and wait with her heart already broken—not when Jeongyeon already made her choice, not when she knew Jeongyeon wouldn’t just wake up one morning and magically return her feelings like they were in a goddamned fairy tale.

Nayeon had to wake up.

She could’ve been angrier, could’ve acted all cold and bitter, but she had no right to.

The thing is, Jeongyeon never promised anything. Never once said she’d return anything. She said she’d try, but that’s as far as she could do.

Jeongyeon was all Nayeon wanted—the only thing she wanted that she couldn’t have.

Jeongyeon doesn’t feel the same, she doesn’t want her, and Nayeon guesses that’s okay.

“You seem to be in deep thought,” Mina says as she stirs something in the saucepan.

Nayeon shuts her phone and shoves it inside her pocket. “Has anyone ever told you that you look attractive with an apron on?” she says, propping her chin on her hand.

After being apart from Mina for months, here she is again, in front of her, still lovely as ever.

It’s bizarre how she finds staring at Mina’s side profile so entertaining.

“Just with an apron on?” Mina cocks a brow.

“Maybe.”

Mina chuckles. “You know what? Why don’t you come here and help me?” She motions for Nayeon to come closer with the wooden spoon in her hand.

“Uhh… Are you comfortable with the idea that I might burn the apartment down?” Nayeon takes small steps. “I’m a terrible cook.”

“I know. Come here—”

Nayeon gasps. “Excuse me? Did you just agree—"

“Yes, now come here.” Mina grabs Nayeon’s wrist and hands her the wooden spoon. “Please stir this whilst I go to the toilet.”

“What?”

“What.”

“Can’t you just hold it in?” Nayeon begs.

A blink. “No, I don’t think I can.”

Nayeon stares at the pan with worry. “Is it number one or number two?”

“Number _what?_ Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, I very… I’m very… Y-yes.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Mina shakes her head. “Just keep it at low heat and don’t burn it. It’s that easy. I’ll be right back.”

“You’ve jinxed it. Now I’m going to burn it!” Nayeon captures Mina’s hand before she could head to the bathroom. “I’ll scream if you leave.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Mina grunts as she attempts to break free. “Unnie!”

A quick twist and a little wriggle, and Mina manages to take Nayeon’s hand off her, now waddling her way to the bathroom.

And Nayeon screams.

 _Peace was never an option._ ••

\--

// “How do I look?” Momo asks, facing Sana after knocking on Nayeon’s front door with an easy smile.

“Amazing.” Sana smiles as she links their arms together.

Nayeon had sent them a text and invited them over for dinner just about a week ago when Mina announced she would be visiting Seoul sooner than expected.

 _Nayeon and Mina. An interesting pair,_ Sana thinks.

Ever since Nayeon and Mina got closer together, it had been impossible for them to not bond with Mina too.

Perhaps, they’re a little bit closer to Mina than their other friends are—aside from being Japanese and all, Sana believes they share a lot of similarities, amongst themselves, and as foreigners living in Korea.

Not only that, but Mina is also fun to be around with. The woman just exudes positivity and humour.

“Do you think Jeongyeon’s home?” Momo says, stealing a glance at the door across.

“I don’t think so. I talked to her last night and she mentioned that they’re still filming. She didn’t really say where, but I’m sure it’s far from here.”

Momo merely nods.

“What’s taking them so long?” Sana tilts her head, knocking at the front door once more.

“I have no idea. Are you sure it’s today—”

A piercing scream reaches their ears and they wince in response.

They both share a look, unsure what that was all about or what to do next. Sana is certain it came from Nayeon’s apartment.

“That doesn’t sound good.” Momo scoots closer to her.

“It doesn’t…”

Sana pounds on the door. “Nayeon? We’re here. Sana and Momo. Is everything okay?”

“Mina is doing number two!” Nayeon yells. Sana hears a faint ‘ _Unnie!’_ right after.

A light shuffling can be heard from the other side of the door—a sign that Nayeon is possibly making her way to the doorway.

Momo tugs on the hem of her shirt. “What’s a number two?” she whispers.

“It’s what you say when you want to—”

“Hey guys,” Nayeon greets as Sana feels the front door give way. A small smile plasters on their friend’s face as she gestures for them to enter.

“Hi. I missed you!” Momo runs to Nayeon’s arms and gives her a very tight hug.

“You literally just saw me last week.” Nayeon giggles, kindly patting Momo’s back. “C’mon. Let’s go inside.”

Sana, smiling, follows them inside the spacious apartment. “Something smells nice,” she says.

“It’s Mina’s cooking,” Nayeon says, somewhat proudly.

“Finally! Someone who knows how to cook.” Sana drops her purse on the couch as she allows her eyes to wander around the place’s modern design. “Wait, so, where’s Mina?” She stops in front of the kitchen, watching her wife rummage through Nayeon’s fridge as if she owns the apartment.

“Number two,” Nayeon mouths, and does a fart noise with her puffed cheeks.

Sana grins. “Ahh…”

“Lying truly is a disease.” Mina pans into view, gaze boring holes into Nayeon’s head.

“Mina!” Sana feels a burst of joy in her heart as she approaches the woman, arms coiled around the neck. “How have you been?”

“Same as always,” Mina says, chuckling.

“Wow, and _I_ didn’t even get a hug. I see how it is,” Nayeon mutters under her breath, though audible enough to not rest unheard.

Momo crosses her arms. “You got a hug from me!”

“I wanted Sana’s hug too!”

“Isn’t _my_ hug enough?”

“Why don’t we just do a group hug?” Mina suggests, inching closer and closer to the kitchen with Sana still clinging on her side.

“I think I’d love that,” Sana says.

They all gather with big smiles on their faces, arms stretched out as they wrap them around each other, comfortably relaxing in each other’s warmth.

Sana may be the only child in her family, but someway, somehow, she has been blessed with sisters, sisters who care for her and whom she will cherish for many years to come.

It would’ve been nice if their other friends were here too.

“Okay, who touched my butt?” Mina says.

And Sana releases a childlike giggle.

\--

Dinner was delightful if Sana were asked to put it in a word.

Many erratic and meaningful things were said, shared and talked about. They even went all the way back years ago—their high school life—chatting about the memorable happenings and how they used to be.

There are just some things they couldn’t help but reminisce. Perhaps, they missed it—the way they were before—but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not happy with the way they are now, the way they’ve turned out.

They’ve talked about how much they’ve changed, matured and how most of them have already achieved their deepest goals and dreams.

Lots of things have changed, Sana noticed so.

Nayeon changed.

All throughout the night, Nayeon seemed livelier, far more relaxed, comfortable, and even happier. It wasn’t an odd sight. She’s seen that type of Nayeon before—though she’s only seen it whenever Jeongyeon is around.

But Jeongyeon wasn’t there. So now, Sana wonders if Nayeon finally had the courage to let go.

Everyone knew. Everyone knew that Nayeon loved Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon was Nayeon’s first love.

Nayeon may never have brought it up with her, but Sana knew—everyone did—just by looking at them, you would know. The longing gazes, the shy and oftentimes bold glances, and the gummy smiles.

But somehow, Jeongyeon never looked, never once noticed—everyone knew except Jeongyeon.

Sana always believed that one shouldn’t really yearn for one’s first love for too long—especially if the said first love already chose someone else, if the said first love refused to see, if it’s unrequited.

And maybe Nayeon realised that. She hopes Nayeon did.

Sana just wants Jeongyeon and Nayeon to be happy. And for the first time in a long while, Nayeon did, with Mina—and mayhap that’s what she deserves.

\--

Cold and rumpled duvet, rayless walls and ceiling, Sana wriggles to her left, closer to the middle of the bed.

A tiny hand wraps around her stomach, a little icy but she doesn’t budge—a warm breath greets her neck. “I can’t sleep.”

Sana groans, blindly reaching for her phone placed on her bedside table. Her lucent screen gives light to their dark bedroom.

“It’s four in the morning,” Sana mumbles, shutting her phone instantly.

“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Her wife retrieves her hand from her stomach and lies on her back. “I just have a lot of things in mind.”

Sana yawns, eyes now trained on Momo’s profile, a silhouette, provided by the orb in the twilit summer sky. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Momo turns to face her, moving stealthily as she locks her eyes on her. “Were you serious about wanting to have kids?”

Sana feels her muscles become rigid. Was there any reason for her to not be serious about it?

“Of course, I was. I still am… Have you given it a thought?” Sana says, deliberately brushing Momo’s messy fringe.

There’s a brief pause—not an awkward one, but something that rather makes Sana feel nervous.

“Yeah,” Momo answers, her voice warm like honey, gentler than it usually is. “Should I carry or do you want to carry… the child, I mean.”

Sana’s heart sings.

Bliss takes hold of her, smiling like a fool, not knowing how to express it properly as she maintains the eye contact. She could cry, really.

But she doesn’t—instead, she kisses her wife as if her life depends on it. Their foreheads bump. Her heart pounds against her chest, it flutters, and hears it in her ears. She pulls her closer by the neck, firmly gripping it.

Sana smiles against her wife’s lips. “I love you…” she breathes out.

“I know,” Momo teases, placing a soft kiss on her nose. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“If it’s with you, what difference would it make?”

\--

5:00 AM. Sana finds herself stuck in a ‘competitive’ game of rock paper scissors.

Frankly, Sana can’t tell who’s winning or not. She’s too busy laughing her ass off that she hasn’t been paying much attention to the game.

Neither of them has competitiveness coursing through their veins—that’s more like Nayeon and Jihyo—Momo and her just simply enjoy themselves than anything else.

They now both throw scissors, followed by a rock—a draw, but not for long—Sana lays a paper and Momo lays a rock.

Excitement buzzes inside of her.

She wriggles her index finger at eye level and motions it swiftly to her left. Momo’s head turns to the same direction.

 _She lost._ Sana’s boisterous laughter mixed with tease and amusement echoes around their room.

They both have a go at it again. Motioning their hands upwards and downwards rapidly as they mumble the words ‘rock paper scissors’.

This time, Sana throws a paper, Momo throws scissors.

Her wife’s eyes crinkle at the corners, already chuckling as she looks forward to Sana losing.

Momo wriggles her finger and jerks it to her right, and Sana whips her head the same way.

Sana’s head bops to her pillow, splitting her sides, laugh muffled and wild, but is overpowered by her wife’s guffaws, face lighting up like an early morning light.

Banding her arms over her stomach, Sana heaves a long sigh and tries to catch her breath.

People always tell her that marriage is difficult, more so now that she had married the person she had always admired.

Every day wasn’t perfect, some days were good, some days were bad, but it wasn’t something they couldn’t handle. They always talk—about their shortcomings, the imperfections, how to do better and what to do to fix the problem.

Sure, there are misunderstandings, some differences, but it isn’t _difficult_. Marriage doesn’t have to be difficult. It may take a lot of courage and hard work, but it can be great—with the right person—with Momo.

It isn’t perfect but Sana wouldn’t really have it any other way.

“Babe, this is kinda random, but have you noticed something different about Nayeon? Like, she seemed—”

“Happier?” Sana says.

“Yeah. It’s not weird or anything, it’s just… is she really okay now? After the news broke out… with Jeongyeon and that lady, her co-star. What’s her name again?”

“Tzuyu?” Sana lies on her back. “I mean, I don’t know. Jeongyeon doesn’t really talk much about her relationship either or how she is doing. I think they hardly ever talk now.”

Momo shuffles close. “Who?”

“Nayeon and Jeongyeon. It’s also been a long time since we have all gathered together. No one has really suggested to go out as far as I’m aware. I think everyone knew it’d be awkward if we were to put Nayeon and Jeongyeon in the same room. But maybe we’re wrong? Maybe Nayeon is okay now. After the dinner we shared with Mina, Nayeon looked perfectly fine,” Sana muses. “Like, have you seen the way they quietly gave each other different foods from their own plate?”

“I was going to point that one out!” Momo says excitedly, mattress moving gently as she climbs on top of Sana. “And the shy and unreadable glances? Oh my God.”

“Right?” Sana giggles.

Momo plops her face on Sana’s chest, lips pressing to her skin. “Do you think they’re like… a _thing_ now?” she mumbles.

“I don’t know, but they’d be cute together, I think. Didn’t Nayeon use to have a crush on Mina?”

“Yeah, for like a brief moment, till she was stunned by the _oh-so-charming_ Yoo Jeongyeon,” she says. “You know, I actually thought they’d end up together. They seem to complement each other. The annoying one and the one who tolerates. Boom. Perfect combination.”

“I actually thought so too. Nayeon loved Jeongyeon a lot…”

“She did…” Momo releases a dejected sigh. “And maybe that’s where it went wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

Momo raises her head and stares at her, deep in the eyes. “Jeongyeon was too naïve—we all knew she liked Nayeon, again, _we knew,_ except her. We were just waiting for her to figure it out, but she somehow didn’t. Or we could’ve been wrong too. My point is, Jeongyeon just couldn’t love Nayeon the way Nayeon loved her.”

Sana tilts her head the slightest. “So, where did it go wrong?”

“Nayeon kept choosing Jeongyeon when she probably wasn’t even included in Jeongyeon’s choices… And I think that’s sad. Jeongyeon is…” A sigh. “I guess I couldn’t blame her. She’s old enough to make her own decisions. It’s not even my business to begin with. I’m just… It’s just frustrating knowing that at some point they actually liked each other. There had been so many chances, but neither of them had the courage to take a leap for some reason. I don’t know. They’re both weird.”

“Let’s not talk about them then.” Sana chuckles, caressing Momo’s hair.

Though Sana couldn’t help but agree. //

\--

•• “Thank you for last night, for the dinner, for everything.” Nayeon’s arms snake their way around Mina’s waist from behind, hands searching for Mina’s fingers. “Literally, how can I ever thank you? You’ve done so much for me…”

She feels Mina’s fingers unfurl, welcoming her own as she lets it slip in between the spaces until Nayeon can feel the warmth of the woman’s palm. “A trip to the video game store would be nice,” Mina easily replies.

“Video game store?” Nayeon detaches herself.

“Yes.”

“Okay, let’s go.” She hurriedly grabs a hold of Mina’s wrist. “I’ll buy you everything.”

\--

Mina knocks her character out for the umpteenth time.

“For fuck’s sake!” Nayeon gets up from the ground and lets out a low sigh. She had been trying, really. She swears she’s pressing the right buttons, doing the perfect combos, but Mina always, _always_ blocks them.

At her wits end, that’s where she’s at right now. Not once has she ever won a single game, a single round, _not once_.

Is she mad? Quite possibly. Does she regret buying the game? Undoubtedly. “Okay, one more. One more and we’re done.”

Mina chucks her a look, looking as though her heart is in her mouth. “Are you sure, unnie? You already said that half an hour ago…”

“Yes. I’m fine. Let’s do this. Let me pick another character. I feel like this character doesn’t suit me very well. I think it’s why I keep losing,” she says, pacing from corner to corner.

“You always change characters,” Mina says, calmly lying across the couch. “I don’t think it makes a huge difference.”

“Shush. Don’t go easy on me now.”

“Alright.”

Nayeon selects the scariest looking character she could find, ‘ _Devil Jin’_ , it says on the screen. Mina, on the other hand, has remain loyal with the character of her choosing. Some bulky human wrestler or some shit with a tiger mask that goes by the name of ‘ _King’._

_What a lousy name._

**‘GET READY FOR THE NEXT BATTLE’**

“I’m going to win this time,” Nayeon announces, as she stands firmly behind the couch.

“Okay.”

The first two rounds went by so swiftly. Loads of combos were used, left and right punches, knee kicks, and Nayeon had even managed to use her ‘ _Rage Art’_ —as what Mina calls it—Nayeon has no idea how she had done it, or which buttons she previously had pressed, but hey, it made her win the second round. “That’s what I’m talking about!” she yells, fist pumping up in the air.

A faint chuckle escapes Mina’s lips.

**‘FINAL ROUND’**

Move forward, backward. Block. Block. A spinning kick. Some difficult move that she has no clue what it’s called. A high pounce. Left punch. An uppercut, she thinks. Backward. Forward. Front kick. A head kick. And another head kick. Forward. Forward.

And her character leaps and flies with his huge black wings, shooting lasers with his eyes at Mina’s character.

**‘PERFECT’**

“Let’s go!” Nayeon yells.

**‘YOU WIN’**

“I won. I actually won!” she says, letting the controller fly out of her hands, landing it on the couch. “Did you see that? I went like bam, and then bam bam bam, and then woosh, I flew!”

Mina gives her an appreciative nod, all the while smiling, soon breaking into a toothed grin. “Well done, unnie.”

“…”

“…”

“You let me win, didn’t you?”

\--

“You know, you didn’t have to buy me all this stuff,” Mina says as she raises various shopping bags.

Nayeon enters the elevator with ease, offering to carry some of them. “What do you mean? I wanted to. And besides, it’s not like you don’t buy me stuff too. And you knit things for me as well… I don’t know how to top that.”

“This isn’t a competition.” Mina chuckles and shakes her head. “I buy things for you, but that doesn’t mean you should purchase things that are ten times more expensive than the things I buy you.”

“I did it because I wanted to. Period. End of story. Can we not argue about this please?” Nayeon whines followed by a pout.

Mina parts her lips. “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just—"

“Just what?” Nayeon leans closer, her pout getting bigger.

The elevator grinds to a halt—the doors open.

Mina’s gaze lands frontwards and Nayeon whips her head to the same direction.

_Jeongyeon._

Hair dyed in a darker shade of mint with patches of bold purple bits, the woman whom she hasn’t seen in a while stares at them with the utmost surprise.

“Oh. Hey,” Nayeon says.

She feels Mina’s eyes on the side of her face.

Seeing Jeongyeon this close again sends Nayeon some kind of clarity.

“Hi…” Jeongyeon says, or more like breathes out.

Months without seeing each other sounds a little too impossible considering they live less than five metres apart. No calls, no texts, nothing.

A light tug at her sleeve, Mina interjects. “I’m going in first.”

Nayeon merely nods and steps out of the carriage, keeping her eyes on Mina as she makes her way to Nayeon’s front door. The vacant stare and the half-hearted smile on the woman’s face didn’t go unnoticed by Nayeon.

“So, how’s things?” Jeongyeon tugs at her bottom lip with a touch of a slightly stiff smile.

Nayeon stares at her sneakers before locking gazes. “Never been better,” she chuckles.

“Nice.”

“… Yeah.”

“So, like, are you two…” Jeongyeon starts, and makes gestures that Nayeon cannot quite grasp. “Like, dating?”

Nayeon squints. “Who? Mina? Oh. We’re… uhh… friends.”

Jeongyeon glances away whilst giving a low hum. “Cool.”

A tight-lipped smile. “Cool… So, I should… probably—” Nayeon points to her front door. “—go.”

“Yeah… Yes, of course.” A humourless titter. “And I should probably go… too.” Jeongyeon takes a small step forward.

“It suits you by the way… the hair… you look good.”

Creases begin to form beside the woman’s eyes. “Thanks, thank you. You’re not too bad yourself.”

With a gentle smile, Nayeon turns her back on Jeongyeon, walking leisurely back to her apartment.

“H-hey listen,” Jeongyeon says—her voice loud and clear—just before Nayeon could press her code in. “Do you maybe want to go out sometime? I figured it’s been a long time since we went out.”

Nayeon cracks a smile.

“Why not? You know where to find me.”

“Alright.” Jeongyeon rubs the back of her neck. “Cool.”

\--

 _$2,500_. _That’s not too bad,_ Nayeon thinks.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Nayeon had contemplated this particular _plan_ for several weeks before reaching a decision—her friends don’t know, and Mina certainly doesn’t know. Perhaps, it’s about time she tells her—ask the woman what she thinks or how she feels about it—it’s quite a last-minute decision but who cares?

At first, she did laugh the idea off, but as time went by, things started to shift and now she feels totally different about it.

She shuts her phone, sprinting to the kitchen wearing a broad grin.

Her gaze train on Mina, who’s climbing the three-step ladder, trying to reach for something way up in the cupboard.

Nayeon approaches calmly. “How do you feel about me coming to New York with you?”

Ceramic plates clink and tinkle above, and Mina misses a step. Her left knee gives out, and she yelps.

Putting two and two together, Nayeon dashes behind the woman, encircling her arm around her waist and holds her tightly.

Silence.

Nayeon takes Mina’s weight like a champ against her body. “Did you just…” She snickers. Her heart swells at the sight of Mina’s curious stare. “… Fall for me?”

“Let me go.”

\--

**KIM DH**

_[10:29 PM]_ Yooooo

 _[10:29 PM]_ How’s NYC?

 _[10:29 PM]_ I SAW UR PHOTOS W MINA ON IG

 _[10:30 PM]_ Now I’m jelly :<

_[10:33 PM]_ It’s soooo pretty

 _[10:34 PM]_ And VERY busy. I feel like im in a marathon every day lol

 _[10:34 PM]_ We should all visit here next time. I think it’d be really fun with everybody here teehee

**KIM DH**

_[10:35 PM]_ Isn’t it expensive there?

 _[10:35 PM]_ Not that u care or anything

 _[10:36 PM]_ Ure rich..

 _[10:36 PM]_ EAT THE RICH >:(

_[10:36 PM]_ Oh yea it’s so fucking expensive

 _[10:36 PM]_ I think I just I spent a year worth of my salary here

 _[10:37 PM]_ LMAO SHUT UP

 _[10:37 PM]_ Im not rich

**KIM DH**

_[10:37 PM]_ Where r u staying

 _[10:37 PM]_ the mark hotel??

_[10:38 PM]_ DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY

 _[10:38 PM]_ Have been staying at Mina’s condo

**KIM DH**

_[10:38 PM]_ For a second there I thought u said condom

 _[10:39 PM]_ Help???

_[10:39 PM]_ GIRL

 _[10:39 PM]_ No

 _[10:40 PM]_ I think u need to go to sleep

**KIM DH**

_[10:40 PM]_ It’s almost lunch time here what do u mean

_[10:41 PM]_ Well it’s bedtime here so byebye

 _[10:41 PM]_ See ya soon

**KIM DH**

_[10:42 PM]_ Who sleeps this early

 _[10:42 PM]_ Isnt it like

 _[10:43 PM]_ 10 at night there or somth

 _[10:43 PM]_ Damn u old

 _[10:43 PM]_ Kk good night

_[10:43 PM]_ The fucking..

 _[10:44 PM]_ DISRESPECT

 _[10:44 PM]_ Wait till u reach 30

_[10:45 PM]_ I still have like what

 _[10:45 PM]_ 3 yrs??

 _[10:45 PM]_ So far so good lol

_[10:46 PM]_ Stop gloating.

 _[10:46 PM]_ I hope u trip today.

_[10:47 PM]_ <3

 _[10:47 PM]_ Likewise <3

[What’s happening?]

**Dahyun is so**

10:49 PM · 08/09/24 · Twitter for iPhone

@dahyunkdh

Replying to @nayeon_im

**Cute and funny :D**

@MSharon

Replying to @nayeon_im and @dahyunkdh

 **I agree** **😊**

@dahyunkdh

Replying to @MSharon and @nayeon_im

 **Thanks queen** **😌** **this is why I like u better than nayeon. Come back to sk soon.**

“Why are you siding with her?” Nayeon says, practically yelling beyond the walls of the guest room.

“I’m not siding with anyone,” Mina replies, albeit softly.

Nayeon instantly leaves the queen-sized bed, walking her way to the living room where Mina meets her gaze with her sleepy eyes.

“Yes, you are. You clearly said, ‘I agree’,” Nayeon says. “With a smiley face. A smiley face!” She points to her phone with the twitter app open.

“I don’t even know what you both were talking about beforehand. Why are you so agitated?”

“‘Cause… ‘Cause y-you should be siding with me!"

Mina blinks, nose slightly wrinkled. “I told you I’m not siding with anyone.”

“Well… I—okay. Good.” Nayeon sits at the corner of the couch. “But you should side with me.”

A shift on the couch—Mina massages the bridge of her nose. “What are you? Five?”

“Yes.”

Giggles roll out of the woman’s mouth—it’s gentle, soft, quite contagious, filling the room like sunshine bringing light into every nook and cranny. Nayeon soon joins in as well.

It’s her last night here in New York, and Nayeon sure will miss it—or rather, will miss someone.

The days spent with Mina these previous days had been no less than magical.

Just before they left Seoul, Nayeon had promised to allow herself, give herself permission to do things she doesn’t normally do, to have a taste of diverse and likely risky exultations—and she had done so, she had broadened her compass.

Nayeon had allowed herself to live to a higher extent, to live in the moment where she had let go all of her worries and responsibilities for a short period of time.

They went everywhere. Walked the Brooklyn Bridge, hand in hand as they took photos together under the sunny skies. Went to the top of the Empire State Building, never failing to appreciate the magnificent view of the densely populated city. Wandered around the city’s historic train station, the Grand Central Terminal, where all she did was look up and stare in awe at its ‘stars’ right at the ceiling. Roamed along the streets of Times Square at night, buying each other matching and coordinating outfits, and feeding each other various foods.

Nayeon could go on for hours just talking about how much fun she had.

Even after going out, merely staying inside Mina’s condo was fun. Although the woman had to go to rehearsals every now and then, she’d always make sure to make time for Nayeon.

They bonded over music, video games, art, and a bunch of other things that Nayeon didn’t know she’d soon learn to love, like cooking.

A smile begins to spread across Nayeon’s face. “Hey, do you mind dancing with me?”

Mina pinches her lips to a thin line. “That’s so random of you.”

“I know.” Nayeon averts her eyes, abandoning the couch as she extends her left hand in front of Mina.

Cheeks turning scarlet, pupils somewhat dilated under the glowing chandelier, Mina takes the hand she had offered.

“There’s no dance floor,” Mina says, as they slowly walk past the tiny table across the couch.

Nayeon pulls her by the waist gently, placing both her hands on either side. “We don’t need no dance floor.” She keeps the woman relatively close to her. “Since you’ve mentioned that your childhood dream was to be a princess, I’ll be your prince for the night.”

There’s a shimmer in Mina’s eyes, her smile cherubic. “Okay, _my prince_. Where’s the music?” She encloses her arms around Nayeon’s shoulders.

Pulling Mina closer, their bodies inches apart, Nayeon holds onto her tighter and gently sways. She leans in and whispers into her ear. “Don’t you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“The beat.”

“What beat?”

“My heartbeat.”

She earns a low chuckle. “What’s gotten into you today?”

“Shush… Listen close. Do you hear it?”

“… I… Yes.”

“Good.” Nayeon rests her cheek on the woman’s shoulder. The room starts to spin, swaying effortlessly as if they’ve practised it thousands of times before.

 _Mina’s hair smells like flowers_. Nayeon tucks the thought at the back of her mind.

“So, mind telling me what’s going on?”

Nayeon knows.

The stares. The sympathy. The empathy. The way Mina remembers all the little things—like her favourite meal, her favourite song, her favourite time of the year, her favourite word, whether she likes butter in her popcorn or not, or whether she sleeps with the lights on or not. The ‘good morning/night’ and ‘saw this and thought of you’ texts.

It all makes sense to her.

“You like me, don’t you?” Nayeon mumbles.

Mina becomes rooted to the floor, stiff and tense. “W-what?”

“You like me, right?”

“I-I… Yes…”

Stomach twisting, butterflies flying to her chest. “Is it weird that I’m starting to like you too?” ••

\--

_ February 2025 _

_[6:06 PM]_ nayeon?

 _[6:07 PM]_ dinner? :)

 _[6:07 PM]_ heard there’s a new Asian fusion restaurant around the block

 _[6:07 PM]_ my treat!

 _[6:08 PM]_ anywayyyy let me know asap

_[New Tweet notifications for **nayeon** ]_

[What’s happening?]

@nayeon_im

**After years of suffering, guess who finally has a gf :” >**

6:10 PM · 14/02/25 · Twitter for iPhone

And just like that, no more yellow and pink sticky notes, no more reasons.

Valentine’s Day.

The ‘tradition’ stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	9. And, scene

_April 2025 _

•• Sun’s rays pour through Nayeon’s sliding windows. A rosy hue fills the morning sky as she slowly stretches out her limbs, releasing the softest groan she’s able to muster.

Rolling over to her left, a tiny hum leaves her throat, feeling the corners of her lips rise.

Pretty eyes. Pretty nose. Pretty lips. Pretty face.

_Perfect._

Everything feels perfect.

Months have passed and waking up next to _her_ has now become Nayeon’s favourite part of the day—waking up next to Mina—and she loves everything about it.

Nayeon scoots close, brushing the strands of hair that’s covering Mina’s precious face.

An easy smile reaches her own lips.

She doesn’t mean to seem creepy or anything, but probably one of the reasons why she loves waking up next to Mina is the fact that she’s able to watch the woman sleep.

It may not be known to many but Mina has a lot of moles on her face—merely staring at her feels as though Nayeon is seeing the starry sky, admiring, trying to work out a group of stars, a constellation, if you will, that are able to form various patterns—Mina has a lot of moles on her face, but only Nayeon knows how many. And yes, she intends to keep it that way. A little secret to herself, not intending to share it with anybody else.

She has always found the woman beautiful.

It’s undeniable that Mina just somehow stands out, in the middle of a dense crowd, even in the darkest places in town, Mina stands out. Or maybe Nayeon just knows her too well to know where to find her.

Mina shifts, scrunching up her nose.

 _She’s awake_.

Nayeon snaps her eyes shut before Mina’s eyes could flutter open.

A soft groan reaches Nayeon’s ears, followed by a touch, a cold palm caressing her cheek.

The mattress dips as she feels Mina shuffling close—her smell is just beyond hypnotic. Pleasant and hypnotic.

The woman remains quiet, still, for about a couple of seconds now. Her hand lingers on Nayeon’s cheek, exchanging warmth, or perhaps coolness in their not-so-warm bed.

Nayeon wants to know what the woman is thinking right now. Despite her eyes being closed, Nayeon knows that the woman is in deep thought; she can feel it, right in her gut.

But Nayeon’s worries are cut short when Mina’s lips meet her own.

Disoriented and highly enthused, Nayeon feels her skin tingling, her heart singing, and her lips curving.

She kisses her back, lost against her girlfriend’s lips.

There’s this rush, a rush of adrenaline inside of her that can’t be stopped, nearly forgetting to breathe as if she were drowning as emotions come whirling.

Mina smiles into the kiss—a low growl resounds from the back of her throat, and Nayeon merely shudders as she fastens the small space between them.

The kiss is gentle, tender—lips irresistible. All her thoughts just sort of melt away.

Nayeon thought it was only going to be morning kisses, like what they always do.

But kisses soon turn to tugs, and tugs soon turn to bites, and all of a sudden, her cold hands begin to tuck beneath Mina’s shirt, fingers exploring the smooth skin with a mind of their own.

Mina gasps. “No… no…” she murmurs against her lips, brushing her hands away. “We can’t do this now… y-you have to go to work.”

Legs tangled, fingers skimming over each other’s skin. “I think work can wait,” Nayeon whispers, smirking.

“Later.” Mina giggles, landing a peck on Nayeon’s nose. “Go on. You’re going to be late.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I didn’t ask you to _think_.”

“I kinda want it now.” Nayeon’s lips make a run to her girlfriend’s neck, surrendering into the contact. “I want you now.”

“Well, you can’t always get what you want, Ms. Im,” she teases, her breath hitching.

“I always get what I want, _Ms. Myoui_.”

Mina shifts. “Is that so?” Her voice low.

“Uh-huh.”

A soft chuckle.

“Yeah, I don’t think so, Ms. Im.” And Mina smothers her lightly with a pillow, giggling, before rolling over the mattress, trying to break free.

But Nayeon grabs her in time, and the woman squeals. Her smile huge and playful. “Wait!” Mina bounces back on the mattress with Nayeon pushing her backwards, now hovering on top. “What are you going to tell them when you arrive late?” She bites on her bottom lip as she plays with Nayeon’s hair.

“The dog ate my homework.”

“That excuse doesn’t work here.” Mina encircles her arms around her neck, drawing her near, face inches apart. “But alright.”

_See? I always get what I want._

Nayeon buries her face in the crevice of Mina’s neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent, feeling all of her, and her alone.

And Mina squirms.

“That tickles!” ••

\--

Saturday. The 17th of May.

Jeongyeon had just finished work and is now on her way to attend a baby shower—Sana’s baby shower to be exact.

**the little architect**

_[2:09 PM]_ Bro literally where are you

 _[2:09 PM]_ The invitation clearly said *lunch* time

 _[2:09 PM]_ Which was TWO hours ago

_[2:11 PM]_ hey chaeng

 _[2:11 PM]_ pls tell sana and momo im really sorry

 _[2:11 PM]_ had to retake couple of scenes, and it took so long. just haven’t been in my very best *state* recently

 _[2:11 PM]_ got really distracted.

 _[2:12 PM]_ but im on my way.

**the little architect**

_[2:12 PM]_ Alright ill let them know

 _[2:12 PM]_ We’ve played games and had eaten already. We’re opening presents next.. U HAVE TO BE HERE

_[2:12 PM]_ i will

 _[2:13 PM]_ be there in 10 mins

**the little architect**

_[2:15 PM]_ HURRY

 _[2:15 PM]_ they’re talking about love and marriage and having a gf and shit and I cant relate!!

 _[2:16 PM]_ I WILL LOSE IT

 _[2:17 PM]_ Oh wait,,,

 _[2:17 PM]_ You’re dating the prettiest girl alive NVM

 _[2:17 PM]_ I still hate u for that but anyway

_[2:17 PM]_ but I thought *I* was your crush ksjkjf

**the little architect**

_[2:17 PM]_ I did NOT have a crush on u

 _[2:17 PM]_ I was ur fan and just thought u were very pretty

 _[2:18 PM]_ Even my mother agreed.

_[2:19 PM]_ isn’t that the exact same thing LOL

**the little architect**

_[2:19 PM]_ No❤️

 _[2:19 PM]_ ANYWAY. U said 10 mins

 _[2:20 PM]_ You have 2. Where tf r u

_[2:20 PM]_ parking lot.

 _[2:20 PM]_ stop texting me now

 _[2:20 PM]_ tell them im here

**the little architect**

_[2:20 PM]_ Im not ur secretary

 _[2:20 PM]_ But

 _[2:21 PM]_ Fine.

Satisfied, Jeongyeon thanks her manager for the ride and heads out to the elevator.

Uneasy stance, sweaty palms, and swaying lightly to where she stands.

She really shouldn’t be nervous, but somehow, she is.

\--

“There she is!” Dahyun clasps her hands together as Jeongyeon enters the place.

“About time you showed up,” Chaeyoung says, setting down her drink—a mocktail—down the benchtop.

Everyone is dressed quite elegantly this sunny afternoon. All of them are wearing dresses, somewhat formal ones in various styles and colours.

“Jeongyeonie! I’m so glad you made it.” Sana leaves the sofa carefully, with the help from her wife. “It’s been so long since I last saw you.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t hesitate.

She makes her way to the centre and gives Sana the warmest hug—quick but protective. “Congratulations, Sana. I’m so happy for you,” Jeongyeon says as she breaks the hug, squeezing the woman’s shoulders before she takes a brief glance at the baby bump. “I think you might just be the prettiest pregnant woman I’ve seen.”

Sana giggles.

Dressed in a light white dress, Sana sure does make pregnancy look so easy as she twirls ever so gracefully. “Thank you,” she says.

“Where have you been? We barely see you these days,” Momo says, standing beside Sana, lightly punching Jeongyeon’s belly. “It’s so great to see you.”

Jeongyeon returns the punch in no less than a second, and later chuckles. “Work. You know me.”

“Do you even rest?” Jihyo pans into view, emerging from the kitchen.

“What is rest?” Jeongyeon jokes, as she ruffles Jihyo’s now blonde hair, before turning her attention back to Momo. “But really,” she continues, grabbing Momo’s hand, squeezing it tight. “I’m sure both of you are going to be the coolest mums in the world.”

Momo says nothing and gives Jeongyeon the sweetest smile instead.

“Don’t I get a greeting too?” a voice asks from behind, dulcet, a voice that melts like honey.

Jeongyeon rotates her body, legs currently rooted to the spot.

A sharp intake of breath.

_Nayeon._

Barely aware of her surroundings, Jeongyeon just stares.

In silent panic, she parts her lips, unsure what to retort, or how to even play it off.

It’s been months since she last saw the woman, and there really is no point in denying the obvious—she missed her a lot. God knows how much she longed for the day to be able to see Nayeon like this again, in front of her, without wanting to run away, without feeling overwhelmed.

“Hi,” she says, voice cracking half-way.

“You weren’t avoiding me, were you?” Nayeon glares, playfully, as she sips her wine.

“W-why would I avoid you?” Jeongyeon chuckles, albeit half-heartedly.

A shrug. “Just checking,” Nayeon says, smiling.

“Well, I mean, it’s great seeing you a—”

“Baby, your phone just rang. I think it was your dad calling.”

_Mina._

Words rot in Jeongyeon’s mouth, leaving a harsh taste at the tip of her tongue.

They meet gazes.

“Oh.” Mina’s face lights up. “Hi. I don’t think we’ve officially met before.”

Jeongyeon narrows her eyes.

“We have… back in high school. At the end of your English class.”

Mina chuckles, extending her hand. “Mina. Myoui Mina.”

“I know,” Jeongyeon says, reluctantly meeting the Japanese woman’s hand.

Her eyes flash with glee as they shake hands. “You’re funny.”

\--

“You’re flying to Japan tomorrow? Is it safe?” Dahyun says, leaning forward.

They’re all seated in Nayeon’s living room, engrossed in the conversation as they munch on whatever food their hands are able to reach.

Apparently, it’s Mina who had orchestrated this whole thing, this small party.

Jeongyeon doesn’t know why she had assumed it was Nayeon who did everything. Perhaps she thinks about her too much lately.

But then again, she failed to remember that baby showers aren’t really a thing in Korea—it isn’t a widespread ‘tradition’ nor is it a phenomenon—so, of course, it was Mina’s idea, considering she had spent half her life in America and all.

As far as Jeongyeon knows, Nayeon did help too—at least that’s what the woman claimed minutes ago—with the decorations and the choice of food, as well as letting her place be the venue.

“Yeah. Her doctor said it’s generally safe to do so before the 36th week—so, she approved it, since Sana had barely any complications.” Momo’s hand glides down Sana’s arm, encapsulating her hand. “And besides, Sana wants to be with her family, so, why not?”

“You better take care of your wife and the little one,” Nayeon says, pointing her fork at eye level. “Or else…”

Momo smiles tenderly. “Of course, what do you take me for?”

Jeongyeon merely smiles along the conversation.

Her eyes dart across the wall, instantly awestruck at the fanciful decorations.

Sure, it indeed had grabbed her attention as soon as she walked in the place, but she never got to fully appreciate it.

Flowers in pink, white, and yellow pastel colours have been plastered on its adjacent corners—vine-like plants have been added to its sides as well, giving the colours the opportunity to stand out even more.

In the middle, just above the table full of sweets and all sorts of food, there sits a name, in cursive—like the beauty that it is— _Kazumi._

Jeongyeon smiles softly.

“So, is it going to be Hirai Kazumi or Minatozaki Kazumi?” Jihyo coincidentally brings up.

“I think Minatozaki Kazumi has a nice ring to it,” Dahyun muses.

“Bro, your opinion is not valid here,” Chaeyoung jokes.

“Hirai Kazumi sounds nice.” Jeongyeon joins in.

Nayeon nods. “I agree.”

“And neither is _both_ of your opinions.” Jihyo glares.

“We still haven’t decided,” Sana says, amused at the sudden debate. “And anyone’s opinion is valid.” She giggles.

“I personally think that it should be Minatozaki Kazumi. Sana’s the one carrying the baby after all—which is so amazing of her.” Momo sips her drink as she steals a brief glance at her wife. “But she keeps insisting that we should use my surname, all because it sounds way better, according to her. We literally talk about this every day.” She laughs.

“I’m sure both of you will agree on one thing at some point,” Mina says, smiling. “And I personally think both your surnames sound nice.”

“I think so too,” Jihyo says.

“You’re not here to think,” Nayeon replies.

Jihyo merely responds by making silly faces and rolling her eyes afterwards.

“You guys need to stop.” Sana chuckles and shakes her head, rising from her seat. “I’m going to go to the toilet—so, you guys need to behave whilst I’m gone.”

Momo puts her drink down the table. “Do you need help?” She proceeds to assist Sana by the arm.

“No, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” Momo follows closely behind as Sana heads to the bathroom.

“I’m only pregnant, babe. I think I can manage myself.” Sana giggles as she blows a kiss across.

“Scream if you need anything, alright?” Momo stands still for a while, watching Sana enter the bathroom, before retreating to her seat.

“You’re both so lucky to have each other,” Dahyun says, linking her arm around Momo’s neck.

“I know.”

\--

It’s been minutes since the sun had set.

Jeongyeon sips on her second glass of wine for the hour.

She tunes out of the conversation her friends are having every now and then. Deliberately? _Maybe._

It’s difficult for her to really focus on whatever they’re talking about—she just can’t explain it—there’s this strange feeling that lingers around her chest and stomach, almost like an inexplicable void that’s been eating her for hours.

She finally gains the courage to lift her gaze, and the first thing she sees is Nayeon caressing Mina’s hair as the latter rests her head on the dip of her shoulders.

Jeongyeon looks away.

“Jeongyeonie, why didn’t you bring Tzuyu over?” Sana says, looking at her expectantly. “I was hoping to finally meet her today. You never once brought her over even though we kept telling you that you should.”

“I was going to ask that too,” Dahyun says, also wearing the same look on her face.

Jeongyeon chuckles, albeit nervously. She bites her cheek. “She’s currently in Taiwan, visiting her mother,” she says. “I’ll bring her with me next time. It’s just that… our schedules… you know what I mean.”

“I see.” Sana nods along. “Next time then.”

Lowering her gaze once more, Jeongyeon tends to her drink, raising the glass to a sip, down to its very last drop.

Chatter continues around her, though a tad muffled in her ears.

She feels herself dissociating as she stares at the floor, unsure what to think or what she’s even feeling—all she knows is she feels uncomfortable.

Laughter reaches her ears and it snaps her back to reality.

Regret instantly crowds her mind.

A mistake. A stupid mistake.

For when she searches for the owner of the voice, she sees Nayeon, holding Mina by the waist—over the balcony, where the wind blows softly past the sliding door beneath the sky full of stars—and starts kissing her on the lips with a smile on her face.

And mayhap there’s something heavy that abruptly grips Jeongyeon by the chest.

Her thoughts become fractured, suddenly haunted by something not so foreign to her anymore.

Heart beating slowly, she lowers her glass on the table, plainly tired and bored of the taste of the wine on her tongue.

She leaves her seat, lightly shoving the coffee table with her leg as she loses her footing.

The chatter stops.

“Jeong, where are you going?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Air.”

And Jeongyeon exits the place, leaving the door slightly ajar.

\--

At the far end of the street, Jeongyeon spots a lone streetlight, engulfed by the tree’s branches that’s standing closely behind.

The atmosphere is hushed, slow-paced, just as Jeongyeon hoped for.

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[7:53 PM]_ Have you eaten yet?

A sigh.

Jeongyeon shoves her phone back inside her pocket.

“How many more metres are you exactly going to take till you finally stop?” Chaeyoung says from behind.

“Stop following me,” Jeongyeon says, kicking inexistent pebbles on her way.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been acting very strange ever since you stepped inside that place.”

“I’m fine. I’m always strange.”

“True.”

Halting for the first time, Jeongyeon looks back and sees Chaeyoung stopping on her tracks as well, approximately five metres away from her.

“Will you please just… go back?”

Chaeyoung’s face twists. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Chaeyoung.”

“Not until I know you’re okay.”

“Chaeyoung, I’m serious.”

The tiny one draws her brows. “Hey, I’m serious too.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“I know. And I know that’s a lie, so, just keep walking. I swear you won’t even know I’m here.”

Not wanting to argue further, Jeongyeon faces ahead, and runs her hand through her hair.

She continues to walk, ignoring Chaeyoung’s rackety steps and movements.

“Is this about Nayeon?”

Jeongyeon’s soles hit the asphalt roughly. “Why would it be about Nayeon?”

“I don’t know. Just a wild guess. I mean, you told me you haven’t been speaking the way you used to, and now all of a sudden she’s acting like everything’s normal, like nothing happened, and maybe that made you feel uncomfortable?” Chaeyoung’s body hits her back. “Sorry. Didn’t realise you had stopped walking.”

“Not everything’s about her.”

“Yes. Of course. Y-you’re right. Like I said—just a wild guess.”

Her phone buzzes.

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[8:07 PM]_ Have you told them yet?

_[8:07 PM]_ no

 _[8:07 PM]_ next time tzu..

Jeongyeon takes a shaky breath as she grips on her phone tightly. “We should start heading back now.”

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Not really.”

Chaeyoung gives her a soft pat on her back. “I’m here if you need me, alright? You don’t have to act like everything’s okay all the time.”

“I know. But I’m fine. Really.”

The woman eyes her carefully, orbs reflecting worry. “I still don’t believe you, but I won’t press on the subject if you’re not comfortable.”

_Thank you._

Jeongyeon ruffles her friend’s hair before linking each other’s arms.

“Wait. I think I know what’s wrong now.”

“What?”

“You and Tzuyu fought.”

A chuckle. “How about we just walk silently?”

“Fine.”

\--

The yellow-gold tint overwhelms the early summer skies.

Jeongyeon sits on the couch, just right at her balcony, feet extended forward, almost touching the frameless glass balustrade.

She munches on some cracker that she had found at the back of her pantry—it’s possible that it’s already way past its expiry date, but she couldn’t care less—she’s too lazy to cook or fire something up in the oven.

She has been keeping an eye on her phone for several minutes now, pondering on something that she hasn’t done in a while—something that’s not that big of a deal but still makes her feel little on edge anyway.

Her thumb hovers over her screen.

“No, no, no… that’s not right.” She sets it down the cushion beside her.

Just as she’s about to leave the couch to get a glass of water, her phone beeps, not just once, but perhaps a couple more times.

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _Regina new number_** – _3 Text Messages **]**_

****

****

A soft gasp escapes her lips.

**Regina new number**

_[9:03 AM]_ So

 _[9:03 AM]_ Last year u literally said u want to go out and hang some time

 _[9:03 AM]_ Haven’t forgotten about that.. I’m waiting 💅

Nayeon. Jeongyeon has quite a lot of things to say about Nayeon.

They have now been talking more often than they used to—a little chattier, more casual, and comfortable—it’s a huge step, to say the least.

Though oftentimes, Jeongyeon wouldn’t even really know what to say. She rarely ever starts the conversation. It’s as though there’s an unknown force that’s stopping her from totally engaging with Nayeon.

They’re friends, she knows that. But somehow, saying so kind of leaves a needlelike thorn at the back of her throat.

Jeongyeon barely understands herself these days.

_[9:07 AM]_ im surprised u still remember that lol

 _[9:07 AM]_ where do you wanna go?

**Regina new number**

_[9:08 AM]_ Somewhere nice

 _[9:08 AM]_ Just anywhere really

 _[9:08 AM]_ 😁

_[9:09 AM]_ and is mina cool w it?

**Regina new number**

_[9:09 AM]_ With what

_[9:09 AM]_ us hanging out

**Regina new number**

_[9:10 AM]_ Yeah ofc

 _[9:10 AM]_ Why shouldn’t she be

_[9:10 AM]_ nothing

 _[9:10 AM]_ lol

 _[9:11 AM]_ just asking

**Regina new number**

_[9:11 AM]_ Right

 _[9:11 AM]_ Soooo

 _[9:11 AM]_ When are we going out???

_[9:12 AM]_ well I mean.

 _[9:12 AM]_ it’s sort of my day off today so

**Regina new number**

_[9:12 AM]_ TODAY?

_[9:12 AM]_ why??

 _[9:12 AM]_ it’s not like u have anything better to do ://

**Regina new number**

_[9:12 AM]_ UHH

 _[9:13 AM]_ Ok??

 _[9:13 AM]_ THe fuck??

 _[9:13 AM]_ sTop acting like u have anything better to do too

 _[9:13 AM]_ I know for a fact that you haven’t washed your hair in days

_[9:14 AM]_?.,!!;$/.???@?.

 _[9:14 AM]_ what’s that got to do w anythingdfn

 _[9:14 AM]_ you’re pissing me off

 _[9:14 AM]_ quit texting me

**Regina new number**

_[9:15 AM]_ 😌

 _[9:15 AM]_ I win.

 _[9:15 AM]_ Like alwayssss

 _[9:15 AM]_ 😌

_[9:16 AM]_ 💋

Jeongyeon sits up straight. “What the f—”

**Regina new number**

_[9:17 AM]_ ?????;.,

_[9:17 AM]_ *****🖕

 _[9:18 AM]_ TYPO

**Regina new number**

_[9:18 AM]_ I have a girlfriend

_[9:18 AM]_ I TOLD U IT’S A TYPO

 _[9:18 AM]_ HGNGNGDKVJB??

 _[9:18 AM]_ so do i????????????

**Regina new number**

_[9:19 AM]_ okay????

 _[9:19 AM]_ no one asked…

_[9:19 AM]_ !?!?!??!?!

 _[9:19 AM]_ i

 _[9:19 AM]_ youre so confusing

 _[9:20 AM]_ i think ive lost all my brain cells in this short amount of time

**Regina new number**

_[9:20 AM]_ i… what???

 _[9:21 AM]_ Finish your goddamn sentence

 _[9:21 AM]_ 😱

 _[9:21 AM]_ U have brain cells?,. that’s news..

_[9:21 AM]_ 🖕

**Regina new number**

_[9:22 AM]_ 🖕 too

 _[9:23 AM]_ wait so are you going to pick me up?

_[9:23 AM]_ today??

 _[9:23 AM]_ yeh sure

 _[9:23 AM]_ what time

**Regina new number**

_[9:24 AM]_ Idk

 _[9:24 AM]_ Time for you to get a watch

 _[9:24 AM]_ HA

_[9:24 AM]_ nayeon

 _[9:24 AM]_ no

**Regina new number**

_[9:25 AM]_ Gee.

 _[9:25 AM]_ Why you always so serious

 _[9:26 AM]_ You must be fun at parties 🙄

_[9:27 AM]_ UHHHHHHHH

 _[9:27 AM]_ I AM THO?????

 _[9:27 AM]_ tf

**Regina new number**

_[9:28 AM]_ Ohhh yes of course!!

 _[9:28 AM]_ Especially during the baby shower where u just stayed in one spot the entire day and left out of the blue???

 _[9:28 AM]_ OFC

 _[9:28 AM]_ YOU’RE SO FUN 😭

Jeongyeon’s thumbs halt.

_The baby shower…_

She feels her smile slowly fading.

_[9:32 AM]_ something came up.

 _[9:32 AM]_ that doesn’t count

**Regina new number**

_[9:32 AM]_ Whateverr u saaaaaaaaaaaay

 _[9:32 AM]_ ALSO

 _[9:32 AM]_ Come pick me up after lunch

 _[9:33 AM]_ Just have to do something first.

 _[9:33 AM]_ Yeah??

 _[9:34 AM]_ OKK

 _[9:34 AM]_ See u later

 _[9:34 AM]_ :>

_[9:36 AM]_ alright

 _[9:36 AM]_ see ya

\--

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s still here…” Nayeon breathes out, looking yonder with a glimmer of nostalgia in her orbs.

“Of course,” Jeongyeon says, awkwardly placing her hands behind her back. “Where else would it go?”

Nayeon’s safe place—or used to be. The place was relatively difficult to find. It’s still very much covered with trees and bushes, still on top of a hill, and still overlooks the city.

Jeongyeon tears her gaze away from the buildings below them, having it land on Nayeon’s face over to her left.

Three metres apart, hearts ever so distant and rather out-of-sync, Jeongyeon merely cracks a smile.

She remembers the first time Nayeon brought her here. The silence, the sadness, the not-knowing-what-to-say and the not-barely-saying-anything-back.

She remembers Nayeon’s eyes—the way they shone as tears filled her lids beneath the golden moon—they were beautiful, nonetheless. Nayeon is beautiful.

She remembers trying to bring Nayeon back here, for old time’s sake, a little over five years ago, when things started to get better before they got even worse. Maybe Jeongyeon remembers more than she intends to—the rain, the laughter, the warmth Nayeon’s hands had when her palm met hers, fingers entwined, and the happiness she felt when Nayeon beamed her a smile or every time she met her eyes.

It’s strange. It’s very strange, but she doesn’t hate it.

It’s strange, but she wants it.

All of it.

Nayeon turns to her, eyebrows rising gradually. “What? Is… there something on my face?”

Jeongyeon shakes her head lightly, lips pursed. “Just… things…” She chuckles, a humourless one. “Memories.”

Nayeon remains still. Perhaps, thinking about something that Jeongyeon would never figure out.

The wind brushes over her ears. And then there’s silence.

It’s deafening.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeongyeon continues, rather too late, as she glances away.

She wants it.

All of it. More than ever.

Truth be told, she doesn’t even know why she agreed to go out. Like always, the atmosphere is sterile, not that comfortable—more like a vacuum—at least in her perspective.

They’re trying, really. But somewhere, some time long ago, or not too long ago, something bent, fractured, something gave in, and Jeongyeon isn’t so sure if they can still fix it.

“I’m hungry,” Nayeon announces.

“Me too.”

“So, do we—”

“There’s food in my car,” Jeongyeon says, taking her keys out of her pocket. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

\--

Nayeon takes a small bite of the sandwich she’s holding, slowly munching, cheeks puffed up. “Since when did you have the time to make a sandwich?”

“I didn’t make them. I bought them.”

The ends of Nayeon’s mouth quirk up. “Of course, you did.”

Exchanging smiles, glances, and laughter, they continue to eat and tell each other stories.

Jeongyeon has probably said this a million times before, but she just loves listening to Nayeon—her voice, her expressions, the gestures she makes—she’s very interesting. And there’s just this obscure gravity that surrounds the woman that always, _always_ reels Jeongyeon in.

No matter what Nayeon talks about, it’s somehow always entertaining to Jeongyeon. It’s crazy.

“Remember that time when I used to hate you—”

“Oh, so you don’t anymore?” Jeongyeon says with a hint of tease in her voice.

“Shut up. Let me finish. This is why I hate you.”

Jeongyeon’s mouth twitches. “There we go. That’s the spirit.”

“Shut up.” Nayeon slaps Jeongyeon’s arm, rather lightly. “As I was saying… remember when I used to hate you and called you ‘new kid’? I don’t know why that’s still so funny to me.” A hearty giggle follows right after as she wipes the corners of her mouth.

“That was very unoriginal though. Like, of course you’re gonna call me ‘new kid’—I just literally arrived.”

“Your face is unoriginal.” Nayeon rolls her eyes heavenwards. “Wait, didn’t you like… hate me too?”

Jeongyeon wrinkles her nose. “Hate is such a strong word. I wouldn’t say _hate…_ ” She takes the can of soda in front of her and pops the tab open, creating that distinctive fizz with the foam floating to the lip of the surface. “I’d say loathe.”

A few napkins are thrown in Jeongyeon’s way, landing on her face and lap, all the while laughing as she avoids them. “You’re so annoying,” Nayeon exclaims.

“ _You’re_ annoying.”

A scoff. “No, you’re annoying.”

“No, _you’re_ annoying.”

“Well, you’re annoying… er.” Nayeon says, inching her face closer, taunting Jeongyeon.

“You’re annoyingest.” Jeongyeon doesn’t back down.

“That’s not even a word.”

“Neither is annoyinger.” Jeongyeon sticks her tongue out.

“Well, we’re both dumb then.”

“I think it’s just you.”

“Fucking fight me.”

\--

They sit side by side now, arms an inch apart, hearts possibly attuned to the birds chirping amongst the trees and the wind whistling past their ears. Jeongyeon’s eyes are focused beyond the buildings, just appreciating the view.

The woman beside her begins to shuffle, seemingly busy. Jeongyeon turns to her shoulder and sees Nayeon stripping her blazer off, hair brushed to the side, exposing her fair neck and shoulders.

“Please don’t do that,” Jeongyeon says, still staring. “It’s too much for me, way too hot,” she jokes—partly.

Nayeon laughs.

“Well, _I’m sorry,_ ” she says, tossing the blazer aside. “But I’m actually really hot—as in _hot_ hot, so, deal with it.” The woman stretches her limbs, mouth parting open as she begins to yawn.

True. It’s summer after all.

“Well, you better put it back on, who knows what I might do?”

“What _will_ you do? Send me home?” Nayeon says, her tone sarcastic. “This isn’t high school dumbass, and besides, you _wouldn’t_. Tzuyu wouldn’t appreciate that.” Nayeon starts to gesture for Jeongyeon to lean back, repositioning herself, as she rests her head on Jeongyeon’s lap.

Slightly taken aback, Jeongyeon stiffens, glancing around the space, desperate to avoid Nayeon’s gaze.

She picks at the grass beneath her palms and starts playing with it, staring at it as if it were something new, undiscovered, something entertaining.

“Jeong…”

Jeongyeon hums, still not meeting her friend’s eyes.

“You alright?”

A loose cough. “Yeah.”

Nayeon’s body shifts, and so does her head, still on Jeongyeon’s lap, eyes now shut; stands of hair linger around her forehead and cheek, brows fairly relaxed as her rosy lips part slowly. “You’re a bad liar,” she mumbles.

Looking away, Jeongyeon begins to chew on her bottom lip.

What else is she meant to say?

Things aren’t the way they used to be. Things have changed, _they_ have changed. They live differently now.

It’s not like she can just open her mouth and say that she wants it. That she craves it. That she longs for it. For everything.

Should she be feeling this way? Is she allowed to feel this way? Jeongyeon isn’t really certain. There’s a lot of things she isn’t certain about.

But maybe she has already come to terms with at least one. There’s one thing she’s certain about.

And she’s hoping she’s not too late. An impossible hope, she knows. Everyone knows—everyone knows she’s late.

_Always a step too late._

Slender fingers brush against her own, and Jeongyeon is suddenly reminded of the past—just Nayeon and herself, basking under the winter skies, fingers laced with hers.

She recalls Nayeon talking, about life, about the smallest things, and the craziest little things.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Nayeon said, breath condensing into the air.

Jeongyeon merely shrugged. “Sure. What’s not to believe?”

“What do you think that feels like? Meeting your soulmate and all? Like, how do you know you’ve found that person?”

“I don’t think I’m the person you should be asking.” Jeongyeon chuckled, squeezing Nayeon’s hand. “You should probably ask Momo, ‘cause I have no idea. But, what about you? What do you think?”

A brief pause, and a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I feel like, you’d just _know_ , you know? Like, maybe you’d be able to tell yourself, ‘This is it. This is the one.’ Deep down you’d know. I mean, I don’t know if soulmates are real, but if they are, I hope I’d get to marry mine.”

“Marriage?” Jeongyeon gasped dramatically. “Already?”

“I’m just saying! God. I really can’t stand you.”

She began to laugh her heart out as she fixed Nayeon’s beanie. “Sorry. Go on. Continue.”

“A soulmate is probably someone who just… gets you, you know?” Nayeon laid her cheek on Jeongyeon’s shoulder, walking leisurely through the ground covered with snow. “I think it’s someone who just matches your crazy, who matches your sarcasm with an even better one. Maybe it’s someone who you can banter and argue with, and still make it worthwhile. I don’t know. Maybe it’s someone who wants to work at it, every day, when things get difficult, simply because they want you—because they’re crazy, just like you.” A light giggle sealed the air.

Jeongyeon had forgotten what she had responded, but she remembers holding Nayeon’s hand, just a little tighter, as if she’s saying she agrees, without a doubt.

“Hey,” Jeongyeon says, now brushing the thoughts away, attention poured all on the woman on her lap. “Turns out we didn’t have to date each other at all, huh.”

Eyes fluttering open, Nayeon pulls herself up. “Yeah. Crazy, right?” she jokes, though her voice sustains a distant tone.

Faces in close proximity, Jeongyeon looks down. “Do you wish things were different?”

It’s the question she had been meaning to ask the woman for the past few months—the question that’s been running around her head for who knows how long—and it just somehow escaped, unable to contain it, suppress it, and lock it away.

But it remains suspended, in the air.

It hangs. It’s as though time has ceased against her will, feeling her stomach drop to her feet.

“No... I don’t know,” Nayeon says, parting her lips open after a long while. “Sometimes, maybe. I just… think about things. Whether it was what I think it was, whether it was real or just a figment of my imagination. You. Me.” She shakes her head, giving half a smile before meeting Jeongyeon’s eyes once more.

If only Jeongyeon had the power to manipulate time, she would freeze it, right here, in this moment, and save it at the back of her mind.

There’s something in the way Nayeon looks at her. Maybe it’s just Jeongyeon’s mind playing tricks, or perhaps something else.

But it’s as if those eyes, those goddamned eyes, are saying everything without explicitly saying it out loud.

Jeongyeon may not have seen her then, but she sees her now.

Holding each other’s gazes, Jeongyeon moves a tad closer, feeling Nayeon’s breath dance with her own.

And Jeongyeon’s heart skips a beat. God knows what it means but she hopes Nayeon heard it.

Foreheads pressed against one another, Jeongyeon finds herself leaning in, albeit slowly.

She feels it in her heart, the feeling she had always felt that just never seems to go away—like a fire, burning, spreading warmth inside—and maybe it hurts, a little more than yesterday. It hurts knowing that she cannot have it, no matter how much she wants it.

And just as Jeongyeon lips are about to brush against hers, Nayeon’s phone begins to ring.

Nayeon pulls herself away abruptly, seemingly in shock, as she stares at Jeongyeon with a flicker of disbelief in her eyes. Scurrying for the phone that’s resting just under her blazer, she absentmindedly answers the call.

“Hi baby,” Nayeon breathes out, hand on her waist, somewhat out of breath. “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s good. Yeah? That’s great. Yup. Perfect. Really? Okay. Y-yeah I know. I’ll be there. Alright, I’ll see you soon… love you too.”

The call ends.

Silence.

“Nayeon—”

“Jeongyeon, let’s… not,” Nayeon says, hurriedly packing the things on the ground.

Grabbing a hold of her friend’s wrist, Jeongyeon maintains the gaze. “Nayeon, I—”

“No. Just don’t. Please.” Nayeon wriggles her arm away, her skin pale as her expression hardens. “I can’t do this again, alright? I just, I can’t. Just fucking… just take me home.”

\--

**Dahyun**

_[5:57 PM]_ Heyy

 _[5:57 PM]_ Was gonna invite you to go out earlier, but apparently u n nayeon went out

 _[5:57 PM]_ Hearing that made me happy!

 _[5:57 PM]_ How was it

_[5:58 PM]_ idk

 _[5:58 PM]_ bad I guess

**Dahyun**

_[5:58 PM]_ ?????

 _[5:58 PM]_ Wat happened..

_[5:59 PM]_ life

 _[5:59 PM]_ dw about it

 _[5:59 PM]_ you wouldn’t understand..

**Dahyun**

_[5:59 PM]_ try me

 _[5:59 PM]_ how would u know

 _[6:00 PM]_ U didn’t like… do something impulsive

 _[6:00 PM]_ Did u

 _[6:02 PM]_ Jeongyeon??

_[6:02 PM]_ no.

 _[6:02 PM]_ it’s nothing.

 _[6:02 PM]_ i need to figure this out on my own

**Dahyun**

_[6:03 PM]_ Alright….

 _[6:03 PM]_ Should I be worried

_[6:03 PM]_ no ill be fine

 _[6:04 PM]_ it’s just really confusing rn

**Dahyun**

_[6:04 PM]_ What is

_[6:04 PM]_ things

 _[6:04 PM]_ feelings

 _[6:04 PM]_ you wouldn’t get it

 _[6:04 PM]_ idk

 _[6:05 PM]_ I gtg talk to u later.

**Dahyun**

_[6:05 PM]_ Okk :/

 _[6:05 PM]_ Youll be fine

 _[6:05 PM]_ Ill be here

Jeongyeon tosses her phone aside.

And perhaps she had stayed up all night mulling over the unnamed throe in her chest, with a certain person in her mind she knows would now never be hers.

\--

The rain begins to pour fast, hard, very abundant.

Jeongyeon runs against its droplets, laughing and screaming, with Tzuyu holding onto her hand as though she has no plans on letting go.

They paint the streets with their smiles, soles hitting the puddles, feeling the splash in their cold feet, but they couldn’t care less.

Cameras from different angles begin to follow them, in every move they make, every stroke their hands make, every shift and twist their faces make—blended lights shine atop, as they stop in the corner of the street, just as they were instructed to—and Jeongyeon smiles, panting, mind buzzing with thoughts she just cannot explain.

Tzuyu cups her cheeks, caressing them as if she were a delicate little thing. With glazed eyes, Tzuyu giggles. “You’re soaked.”

“We both are,” Jeongyeon replies, grazing her fingers over Tzuyu’s damp hair. “And that’s because you forgot to bring the umbrella I gave you. If you had brought it with you then we wouldn’t have this problem—”

Jeongyeon is suddenly pulled in, with Tzuyu’s grip on the sides of her face, unable to finish her sentence as she kisses her fully on the lips.

The cameras come close.

Jeongyeon blinks, and Tzuyu pulls away.

“Hey, that’s not—”

Tzuyu closes the gap once more, pulling her even closer.

Lips sweet like strawberries, as the taste of lip gloss lingers in Jeongyeon’s mouth.

And Jeongyeon holds her, by the waist, encircling her arms as she draws her close, kissing her back as though it were something she actually wants.

“That’s not fair,” Jeongyeon murmurs against her lips, eyes half-closed.

And Tzuyu just smiles. Like she always does.

Jeongyeon reckons they did a good job.

“Cut!”

The ‘artificial’ rain from the rain curtain ceases.

They both turn to the director.

“That was good, right?” Tzuyu says, as few of the staff come rushing to them with towels in their hands.

“Yes. That was perfect.” He throws a thumbs up in the air.

“Nice,” Jeongyeon says to herself, before turning to Tzuyu, giving her a subtle pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you for your hard work, everyone,” they say simultaneously, bowing their head to each and every staff.

Everyone appears to be satisfied as they exchange smiles and gratitude.

“You’re going home now?” Tzuyu says, now wrapped in a huge towel like a burrito.

“Are we done for the day?”

“Yes. I think so. We still have a couple more scenes to film for the finale but I’m not sure when that is. I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s tomorrow morning.”

“Alright. Good job. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Her manager rushes to her side, seemingly in a good mood. “That was great. You really had me convinced there. I’m sure your fans will like it.”

Jeongyeon smiles. “You think so?”

“Yeah, your chemistry with Tzuyu on cam is unmatched. Your fans will go crazy,” she says, guiding Jeongyeon back to the van. “Listen, the company contacted me this morning and had said that once _things_ have died down, they’re going to release a statement about you and Tzuyu’s relationship,” her manager says, voice quite low.

Jeongyeon scoffs, finding the situation and news rather whimsical. “Really? And when’s that? They kept saying that for months already.”

“Soon.” Her manager offers her a sad smile, quite sympathetic. “You’ll be alright. You just have to… go along with it. You know how it is. It was the only option they had at the time.”

“Yeah, to save their asses.”

“You act as though faking it with Tzuyu is really bad. She seems like a nice lady.”

 _Faking it._ Jeongyeon chuckles bitterly.

That’s all they ever were—fakes—an orchestrated couple by JYP Entertainment, all to cover up the scandals and rumours that surrounded the company. A diversion, if you will.

And it worked, surprisingly enough.

“It’s not _bad._ It’s just… I don’t know. It’s nothing.” Jeongyeon purses her lips.

She claims it’s nothing but really, who is she kidding? It cost her everything.

\--

_ February 2026 _

**[BREAKING: Actresses Yoo Jeongyeon And Chou Tzuyu Call It Quits After Almost Two Years of Publicly Dating]**

**_[MESSAGES:_** ** _Dahyun_** – _3 Text Messages **]**_

 ** _[MESSAGES:_** ** _Jihyoyoyo_** – _6 Text Messages **]**_

 ** _[MESSAGES:_** ** _the little architect_** – _2 Text Messages **]**_

For the first time in a long while, Jeongyeon spends Valentine’s day alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	10. Of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. hi. it's me. i know, i know.
> 
> let's just get to it, shall we?

_ April 2028  _

Jeongyeon paces around the room, head hanging low as she stares at the piece of paper, blotched by wet bits with its corners lightly crumpled in her hand.

She reads the same words, lines, over and over, till her mind drowns them, till she no longer understands them—as if she understood it in the first place, really—till it becomes a habit.

Facing the mirror in front of her, she smiles.

_From the top._

_1… 2… 3…_

~

** August 2026 **

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:08 PM]_ Hey

 _[4:08 PM]_ You going later right

_[4:09 PM]_ what’s happening

 _[4:09 PM]_ oh

 _[4:09 PM]_ the night out

 _[4:09 PM]_ ill see

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:09 PM]_ It’ll be funnnn

 _[4:09 PM]_ Everyone’s going to be there

 _[4:09 PM]_ c’MON :(

 _[4:10 PM]_ We miss you

 _[4:10 PM]_ It’s about time u go out.. last time I saw u was at dahyun’s bday :(((

_[4:10 PM]_ well I mean. i saw momo and sana last week… ill think abt it

 _[4:10 PM]_ im just yknow

 _[4:10 PM]_ been really busy and I don’t have the energy to go out

 _[4:11 PM]_ not that I don’t wanna hang out w u guys..

 _[4:11 PM]_ idk. I feel like staying at home today

 _[4:11 PM]_ sorry

 _[4:11 PM]_ next time???

 _[4:11 PM]_ u guys hve fun tho. i miss u too

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:11 PM]_ :( Jeong if this is still about..

 _[4:11 PM]_ You know

 _[4:12 PM]_ Ur ex.

 _[4:12 PM]_ You know I’m here right??

 _[4:12 PM]_ I know most of the time u prefer keeping things to yourself but

 _[4:13 PM]_ It’s good to let it out too.

 _[4:13 PM]_ Im always here to listen

Jeongyeon gathers her brows together as her thumb remains unmoving behind the screen.

_Ex?_

_Oh._

_[4:14 PM]_ i know. thank u

 _[4:14 PM]_ but no

 _[4:14 PM]_ it’s not about that

 _[4:15 PM]_ id rather keep it to myself for now.

 _[4:15 PM]_ it’s a bit complicated

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:16 PM]_ :(

 _[4:16 PM]_ Okay

 _[4:16 PM]_ Now go out with usss

 _[4:16 PM]_ PLeaaaaaaaaase

 _[4:17 PM]_ You wont regret it!!!!

_[4:17 PM]_ ure not gonna stop till i say yeh huh

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:17 PM]_ I wont stop till u actually come

_[4:18 PM]_ lololol

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:18 PM]_ I can do this all night sweetie

 _[4:18 PM]_ SO

 _[4:18 PM]_ What’s it going to be?,

_[4:18 PM]_ hmmmm

 _[4:19 PM]_ who’s gonna be there?

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:19 PM]_ EVERYONE

 _[4:19 PM]_ God I told u already >:(

 _[4:19 PM]_ Have you not been paying attention?

 _[4:19 PM]_ U knooooo

 _[4:20 PM]_ The usual people

 _[4:20 PM]_ me, dahyun, chaeyoung

 _[4:20 PM]_ sana & momo (they found a babysitter for the night)

 _[4:21 PM]_ nayeon

Just hearing or even seeing the name alone makes her body ache in ways that she cannot expound. It lightly stings, breaks, and perhaps twinges, almost like she is trapped in this weird bubble of emotions that doesn’t stop expanding.

 _Nayeon_.

Jeongyeon wonders how she’s doing.

After that perplexing moment they’ve shared under the shade of the huge tree one summer afternoon, they’ve started talking less and less again, like a cycle, a constant push and pull. And Jeongyeon just refuses to get used to it.

It’s obvious that they’re avoiding each other, maybe for unknown reasons, but Jeongyeon knows what exactly hers is. 

_But will it get easier?_

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:27 PM]_ Jeongyeonn

 _[4:27 PM]_ ????

_[4:28 PM]_ im here

 _[4:28 PM]_ and yehh sure

 _[4:28 PM]_ ill go

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:28 PM]_ PERFECT!!

 _[4:28 PM]_ I think I might just cry

_[4:29 PM]_ lmaoo

 _[4:29 PM]_ pls don’t

 _[4:29 PM]_ ure kinda ugly when u do

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:29 PM]_ 🙂

 _[4:29 PM]_ Sometimes I just really want to punch u right in the face you know

_[4:30 PM]_ do it

 _[4:30 PM]_ expect that ill retaliate tho 🙂

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:31 PM]_ 🙂

_[4:31 PM]_ 🙂

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:31 PM]_ 🙂

_[4:31 PM]_ 🙂

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:31 PM]_ The way u and nayeon are just so

 _[4:32 PM]_ You know what

 _[4:32 PM]_ Im calm

 _[4:32 PM]_ Im very calm now

 _[4:32 PM]_ Ill see you later

_[4:32 PM]_ the way that ‘ill see you later’ feels so cold lol

 _[4:33 PM]_ is it winter already??

 _[4:33 PM]_ see you

 _[4:33 PM]_ 😘

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[4:33 PM]_ 🤢🤢

She feels her lips curving upwards as she sets her phone down the mattress.

It shouldn’t be that bad, right?

_How hard could it be?_

\--

It has exactly been 10 minutes since Jeongyeon parked her car just a couple of metres from where they are supposed to meet.

And no, it’s not because she’s nervous or anything—well, actually, maybe she is, kind of.

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[8:38 PM]_ Jeongyeon

 _[8:38 PM]_ YOURE LATE

 _[8:39 PM]_ IT’S BEEN AN HOUR

 _[8:39 PM]_ Everybody’s out here all tipsy and you’re still not here??.?!?!

_[8:39 PM]_ jeez

 _[8:40 PM]_ calm down

 _[8:40 PM]_ didn’t know there was a set time 🙄🙄

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[8:40 PM]_ ??????

 _[8:40 PM]_ Okay true

 _[8:40 PM]_ I prolly forgot to tell you

 _[8:40 PM]_ Oops…..

 _[8:41 PM]_ Anyway where are you. Pls tell me youre already here

_[8:41 PM]_ ive been here for like… more than 10 minutes lmao

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[8:42 PM]_ Wat

 _[8:43 PM]_ What the hell have u been doing??

_[8:44 PM]_ lol

 _[8:44 PM]_ got lost

 _[8:44 PM]_ i forgot which way to go

A lie.

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[8:44 PM]_ Jeongyeon…

 _[8:44 PM]_ You literally could’ve said so….

 _[8:44 PM]_ Should I come down and meet you outside??

 _[8:45 PM]_ Oh God theyre so loud I cant focus on what im typing!!

 _[8:45 PM]_ Ill meet u outside alright?

_[8:46 PM]_ Ok :))

“Here we go,” Jeongyeon whispers to herself as she takes the deepest breath she could, and unfastens her seatbelt, ready to face whatever she’s running away from.

_It’ll be fine._

_It’s just Nayeon. It’s not like she’s the President’s daughter, right?_ Jeongyeon chuckles half-heartedly, feeling the sudden ripple of nostalgia from years before—a young 17-year-old Jeongyeon, ill at ease at the thought of meeting the woman whom she used to call ‘the devil’.

“It’s just Nayeon.”

_Hakuna Matata._

_Yes, there’s absolutely no need to worry._

\--

Jeongyeon bops her head to the booming bass as she watches her friends go wild and crazy.

Noraebang. After living in Korea for most of their lives, they always somehow find themselves in these private singing rooms.

Chips and cans of beer are currently messily placed all over the glass table. Flashing lights fill the congenial atmosphere as Dahyun and Chaeyoung rap their way throughout the familiar song.

Jihyo and Momo on the other hand find themselves climbing on the modular lounge as they bounce with the music, lazily performing its original choreography.

Jeongyeon missed this. She missed her friends a lot. After several months of shying away, she didn’t even realise how much she needed this—the fun and laughter, that warmth of merely seeing her friends—until today.

Sana raises her phone with a smile on her face as she films the chaos around the room.

“Are you really just going to sit there and watch?” Momo yells over the deafening bass, all the while bouncing her way to her heart’s content.

Jeongyeon chuckles. “I’d prefer to just sit and watch for now.” Lowering her head, she isn’t quite sure whether her friend actually heard her. Not like it matters anyway, most of them are either drunk or too immersed in this group activity.

They’ve been here for a while now, and Jeongyeon wouldn’t say she’s bored—or sick of it. Recently, her mind has just been preoccupied—somewhat confused, lost, in frenzy—if you’d like.

Her eyes make their way across the room, finding an achingly familiar face that tugs at her heartstrings. A smile should have reached her lips now—it’s been quite some time after all—but instead, she finds herself locked, frozen in place till the woman’s eyes find her own.

They glisten under the darting disco lights.

No words, no audible sounds being traded—just two people sharing equal silence and inexplicable glances.

Jeongyeon looks away.

“You alright?” Dahyun says, sitting next to Jeongyeon with a drink in her hand. “You’ve been awfully quiet, man.”

She offers a close-lipped smile, her breath growing thin. “Do you know where the toilet is?”

Dahyun places her drink on the table. “Yeah… outside, far left corner, near the stairs,” she says, “are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to come with?”

“No, that’s okay. I can manage.” She gives a pat behind her friend’s back. “Thanks. I’ll be right back.” She starts heading to the door, careful not to obscure their view of the monitor.

“Yah! Jeongyeon! COME BACK HERE,” Jihyo yells against the microphone, and a feedback soon follows. It’s the last thing Jeongyeon hears before closing the door shut.

\--

_[11:08 PM]_ hey

 _[11:08 PM]_ I know its been awhile.. and

 _[11:08 PM]_ i know this is so weird but im just kind of in a weird situation

 _[11:08 PM]_ n i kinda just needed to distract myself

 _[11:09 PM]_ so…. here I am texting you. : D

 _[11:11 PM]_ omg that came out weird. I don’t mean it like that!!

 _[11:11 PM]_ im not saying im only texting u for distraction. Im not using u or anything i

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:11 PM]_ 🤣🤣

 _[11:12 PM]_ It’s alright unnie

 _[11:12 PM]_ I get what you mean hahaha

 _[11:12 PM]_ How have u been?

 _[11:12 PM]_ Don’t tell me you actually miss me :o

_[11:12 PM]_ lololol

 _[11:13 PM]_ ofc I miss u silly.

 _[11:13 PM]_ sorry I haven’t been in touch

 _[11:13 PM]_ just.

 _[11:13 PM]_ stuff

 _[11:13 PM]_ congrats on the new movie btw!!

 _[11:14 PM]_ i heard it topped the box office

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:14 PM]_ I see

 _[11:14 PM]_ So you’re still on about that huh

 _[11:14 PM]_ Yes yes!

 _[11:14 PM]_ Thank you 😊

 _[11:15 PM]_ My co-star was a bit 😕 but im glad it came out great

 _[11:15 PM]_ Enough about me. What about you? What’s this weird situation you’re talking about?

_[11:15 PM]_ uh

 _[11:15 PM]_ saw her again today. for the first time in forever actually

 _[11:15 PM]_ haven’t spoken to her yet lol

 _[11:15 PM]_ I got a bit suffocated in there so im out here in the rooftop

 _[11:16 PM]_ vibing

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:16 PM]_ Vibing huh 😔

 _[11:16 PM]_ How was it?

 _[11:16 PM]_ Seeing her again?

 _[11:17 PM]_ Did u finally clarify things to her..

 _[11:17 PM]_ About us I mean

_[11:17 PM]_ seeing her again..

 _[11:17 PM]_ idk

 _[11:17 PM]_ weird?

 _[11:18 PM]_ and no I haven’t clarified anything.

 _[11:18 PM]_ whats the point honestly lmao

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:18 PM]_ Unnie 😑😑

 _[11:19 PM]_ When are you honestly going to admit to yourself that you actually like this girl

 _[11:19 PM]_ “weird”

 _[11:19 PM]_ you mean you’re just scared that you’re having feelings for her 😑

_[11:20 PM]_ hey I didn’t text u just for u to scold me

 _[11:20 PM]_ >:(

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:20 PM]_ Im just saying…

 _[11:20 PM]_ I just feel bad for you that’s all

 _[11:20 PM]_ Seems like youre suppressing something that doesn’t want to be suppressed. Just go for it if u ask me

 _[11:21 PM]_ Shoot your shot.

_[11:21 PM]_ ..

 _[11:21 PM]_ ye well.

 _[11:21 PM]_ she’s in a relationship

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:22 PM]_ Oh

 _[11:22 PM]_ Well in that case

 _[11:22 PM]_ Yikes 🤕🤕

 _[11:22 PM]_ 🤕

 _[11:22 PM]_ Idk what to say then.

 _[11:23 PM]_ Gee…

_[11:23 PM]_ yeah ik

 _[11:23 PM]_ u don’t have to say anything. And don’t pity me pls I hate it

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:23 PM]_ Do you want a hug?

_[11:24 PM]_ 🤗

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:24 PM]_ 🤗

_[11:24 PM]_ fuck I gotta go

 _[11:24 PM]_ someone’s here

 _[11:24 PM]_ might get in trouble lollll

**Tzu** **😊**

 _[11:25 PM]_ Huh?????

 _[11:25 PM]_ What trouble can “vibing” in a rooftop bring?

Jeongyeon tears her eyes away from the bright screen.

Footsteps can be heard coming from behind. It seems to approach her closer, and closer.

She twists her head sideways, chin somewhat aligned with her left shoulder.

_Nayeon._

Facing the woman, rather timidly, Jeongyeon holds her breath.

“There you are,” Nayeon says, brows raised slightly as she stands two metres away. “Figured you’d be here.” Hands buried in her hoodie, the girl parts her lips open, only to close it again. Her face appears restless.

“H-hey.” Is all Jeongyeon can say after moments of utter complete silence.

“It’s been a while…”

“It has.” Jeongyeon clears her throat. “H-how have you been?” she squeaks. The brisk breeze blows against her cheek as though it is telling her to ‘get it together’.

“Good,” the girl exhales. “Never been better.” A dry chuckle makes its way at the end of the last syllable. Something tells Jeongyeon that Nayeon is lying.

“That’s nice to hear.”

“Yeah…”

“… So—”

“What, what about you? How’s things?” Nayeon takes a small step forward, eyes falling straight to the ground.

“Not bad, I guess.”

A nod. “I see.”

Already running out of things to say, Jeongyeon does nothing but consciously nods along too. Was she perhaps too obvious? Does Nayeon know she’s nervous? That her palms are sweating? That her stomach is flipping? That her heart is screaming beyond its cage asking to be heard?

Does Nayeon have any idea at all?

“Listen—” They both say in unison.

Nayeon chuckles. “Sorry, you go first.”

“No, you go first.” Jeongyeon smiles and looks away.

“Okay.” Nayeon combs through her messy fringe. “I’m so sorry about last time. I-I didn’t mean to snap at you, I swear. It’s just that—I was just really stressed out, and I, I took it out on you. I hope we’re still friends. Or that you don’t hate me… or something.” Her shoulders begin to sink.

“I don’t have the heart to hate anybody,” Jeongyeon admits, “and I should be the one apologising. Y-you don’t know how much I regret, r-regret doing it. I, I must’ve lost my mind. I know I shouldn’t have done that. I know it was wrong of me, and it won’t happen again, I promise. I’m really sorry,” she continues whilst hanging her head low—too embarrassed to meet her friend’s quiet gaze.

It was hard for her to spit all of it out in the open. Having to carry such guilt and burden for months, Jeongyeon feels relieved. To her, it almost feels as though a heavy baggage has been lifted of her shoulders.

“I’ll forgive you, only if you’ll forgive me too.”

Inhaling a deep breath, Jeongyeon lifts her gaze.

She sees Nayeon smiling. Gentle eyes, lips sealed shut as joy tugs its very corners—she breaks into a wide grin.

Jeongyeon cannot help but smile too. “Okay.” She fiddles with her phone case, unable to reciprocate the eye contact for no more than five seconds.

A brief yell in the air from the woman across her.

Jeongyeon flinches.

“God, why is this so awkward,” Nayeon says, chuckling, as she too, looks away and stares up above instead. “Can we stop being awkward, please? I’m not used to this. It itches my scalp.” They meet gazes for the nth time.

Of course, Jeongyeon now knows why she’s acting like this. Why she’s being weird and awkward around her. Why she’s unable to now make a funny remark or say something to break the ice.

After years of not knowing. She now knows why.

But if Nayeon wants things back to normal again, Jeongyeon has to try.

For the sake of their friendship.

“Remember that time you watched porn?” she jokes.

“W-what? When did I—Yah! I told you I was planning things for your birthday!”

A smack on the head.

\--

“Truth or dare.”

“What?”

“Truth or dare?”

It’s a quarter past midnight and Jeongyeon is sitting on a chair across Nayeon, both divided by a red plastic table.

“What do you mean?”

Nayeon groans. “The game, you dumbass.”

“God, we’re too old for this.”

“I said truth or dare!”

Jeongyeon releases an exasperated sigh. “Truth.”

“Are you into someone lately?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to tell me the truth.” Nayeon cocks a brow.

“The truth.” Jeongyeon yawns.

“What?”

“You said to tell you the truth.”

“… THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.”

Amused, Jeongyeon rests her chin on her palm, all the while smirking. “Well, how does it work then?”

“You’re so annoying. I know that you know how this works. You’re just avoiding the question.”

“Okay, and?”

“Whatever. You ask me first then.”

 _Bingo._ “Okay.” She keeps the eye contact as she arches a sly brow. For a while, Jeongyeon ponders on what to ask. There are so many things she wants to know but she isn’t so sure how to word them.

“Are you happy?” she finally says.

And Nayeon appears to be taken aback. Her body stiffens at the question.

It’s a simple question, yet so hard to answer, Jeongyeon knows that. Everybody knows that.

What is it about that question that makes it so hard to answer though? Or rather, what even is happiness?

“You want to know if I’m happy?”

Jeongyeon nods. _With how things turned out…_

You see, for the longest time, Jeongyeon felt stuck. For the longest time, she kept it all in and finally embraced them—and mayhap it scared her. Overwhelmed by the sudden realisation, Jeongyeon didn’t really know what to do—still doesn’t. And for months on end, she couldn’t really bring herself to talk to anyone about it, not even her family, or friends, and she has no clue why. Perhaps she was terrified that they might just give her the key answers that would eventually solve the never-ending enigma—her feelings and how true they are.

And for a split second, Jeongyeon notices the way Nayeon’s eyes quiver, glazed with uncertainty, only then for the girl to pull a tight-lipped smile just as fast. “Sure. I mean, what’s not to be happy about?”

“I see,” Jeongyeon says, crossing her legs. “That’s good then.”

“Okay, my turn.” Nayeon grins. The pitch in her voice increases by the second. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to do an aegyo.”

“Truth.”

Nayeon crosses her arms. “Tell me something you don’t want me to know.”

“Simon says—”

“You’re so annoying!”

\--

**satang <3**

_[1:11 AM]_ R u ok? 🥺

 _[1:11 AM]_ You two seem fine now..

 _[1:12 AM]_ I just got home. Momo’s blacked out, completely.

 _[1:12 AM]_ Almost woke kazumi up by breaking a vase 😒😒

 _[1:12 AM]_ I managed to drop jihyo and dahyun off too, so no need to worry now 💜

_[1:13 AM]_ yeah we’re fine now :) dw im not going to do anything stupid if that’s

 _[1:13 AM]_ what ure worried abt

 _[1:14 AM]_ lol im guessing momo’s getting an earful tomr shsjdhhhg

 _[1:14 AM]_ that’s good! Im glad u all arrived safely. we just dropped chaeng off n

 _[1:14 AM]_ we’re now on our way home

 _[1:14 AM]_ gn sana. Take care 😊

**satang <3**

_[1:15 AM]_ Please please PLEASE think things through before you do anything okay?

 _[1:15 AM]_ Good night~~~~

 _[1:15 AM]_ And drive safe!!

“Who’s that?”

Jeongyeon sets her phone aside. “Sana. They’re home now. Momo broke a vase apparently.” She chuckles, setting the gear in reverse as she glances at her rear-view mirror.

Nayeon chuckles along as well. “What do you expect? She could barely walk earlier.”

That’s true. Momo almost fell off the stairs as they were exiting the building. They could not even understand the fact that out of all the times the elevator had to be under maintenance, just why today—when everyone is hammered and has nearly forgotten how to walk?

“I hope she didn’t actually wake Kazumi up. It’ll be so hard to make her go to sleep again,” Jeongyeon says.

“I haven’t seen that kid in a long time. Maybe I should go visit sometime.”

“She knows how to say my name now. You should definitely see her. She’s gotten so big.” She feels the crinkle in her eyes. “She even knows how to argue now—It’s so cute, you could barely understand a thing. All she does is babble some words and call it a day.”

“It kinda makes you wanna have kids, huh?”

Searching for her friend’s eyes in these small hours as she steps on the brakes before the lights, a sweet smile reaches both their lips with enough understanding. “Yeah,” Jeongyeon replies, her voice soft.

The rest of the drive is calming. It somewhat feels as if they are in a movie, heading somewhere, some place, with no actual destination.

Being this close to Nayeon once more triggers some strange memories of all the things they have done together in the past. Things Nayeon did that often confused her then, slowly made more sense to Jeongyeon now that she has become more open to the idea—to her feelings.

In all honesty, the thought of meeting or seeing Nayeon again, or even just bumping into her makes her weak to her knees. The feeling swells inside of her, refusing to be tamed. There is not a day that she does not wish for it to stop. There is not a day that she does not feel helpless.

And maybe she does deserve it. She does not know why, but it just feels like she does—as if it were a punishment given to her from above.

“What is it?”

“Huh?”

Jeongyeon’s eyes leave the road for a good second. “You’ve been staring for a while now. What is it?”

“Nothing.” She knows Nayeon is smiling. “I just… missed you, that’s all. We stopped speaking for a few months, so, I don’t know… It’s just now starting to sink in.”

Her grip on the steering wheel tightens. “So cheesy.”

“Shut up. I know you missed me too.”

A wary smile surfaces on her lips. _You’re not wrong._

“But really though. Every time I see you on my feed, or just simply run into you around the area, I kept thinking I might cry.” Nayeon continues, “It hurt pretending like it didn’t. I really thought that was the end of it. So many times, I wanted to say ‘hi’, but I couldn’t. I think I was just terrified—I was at fault after all.”

A pause.

“It’s kinda unfair, isn’t it?” Jeongyeon says, pulling the handbrake after parking the car. Unfastening her seatbelt, she then faces her friend.

“I’m not following.”

She gives a mirthless chuckle. “People like you shouldn’t be associated with people like me. It feels like fate was being harsh on you for some reason.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, I’m only—”

“You’re being too harsh on _yourself_ , don’t you think? Yes, you were at fault but I, myself, was at fault too.”

Jeongyeon turns away. “No, it’s not about that.” A sigh. “Look, I’m just saying… I’m, I’m sorry—for being trash.”

Giggles enclose the tight space. “Great word choice.”

“You’re annoying.”

“You are too. Because I already told you, I forgive you.” Nayeon’s delicate fingers brush against Jeongyeon’s skin as the woman tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

And the feeling lingers. It pricks—like lying on a bed of roses.

“Sorry. I’m just, I just feel like shit, that’s all.”

“Well, don’t. That’s enough. It’s already been done. It’s time to move on. There’s no need to beat yourself up for it because it won’t change anything.”

Jeongyeon lifts her gaze and nods. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Nayeon unfastens her seatbelt. “Now, c’mon. I’m sleepy.”

\--

After walking for about a minute or two, in steady pace, they finally reach building to which the automatic glass doors welcome them upon entrance.

Jeongyeon keeps a fair distance between them as they walk side by side, sharing talks and a few conundrums.

It has been fun, she admits that. A bit daunting at first, but she got used to it—something that just happened quite naturally in fact, in a short span of time.

“Let’s play a game before we head in and call it a night,” Jeongyeon says, stopping five metres before the elevator. “Or day, I suppose.”

Nayeon briefly checks the time that sits on her wrist. “It’s kinda late, but I guess it depends on what game.” She raises a sly brow.

“Truth or dare.”

A quick smile forms the woman’s lips. “Why not?” She stands tall. “But only if you actually play it right this time.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, you first then.”

If Jeongyeon were being honest, she doesn’t know what came over her—asking her friend to play such a game in this very late hour—perhaps she wants to spend more time with her, make more memories, to have something to look back on when lonely nights do come visit.

A smirk finds Jeongyeon’s lips. “Truth or dare”

“Dare…”

“Hmm.”

“No—wait. No, truth. I choose truth.”

“Fine.” She rubs a finger against her chin. “Tell me about your first kiss.”

Nayeon narrows her eyes, her posture now aloof. “Very funny.”

“What?” Jeongyeon laughs.

“Are you really going to waste your question like that?”

“Waste? Who said anything about wasting it? I mean, I’m curious.” She tries to feign innocence. “C’mon. Do tell.”

“It was horrible. Long story short, some idiot ‘accidentally’ lunged forward and placed her lips against mine. In a dirty bus. I mean, I don’t know about you, but that’s got to be the least romantic first kiss, don’t you agree?” Nayeon says in one breath.

“Horrible? Please. At least it was someone you _actually_ know, and not just some stranger down the street.”

“See. That’s what made it worse.”

“You’re lying. I know you wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Jeongyeon cannot believe she has said that with so much confidence, when in reality, her heart trembles yet gallops at once.

“You…” Nayeon purses her lips as she curses through her eyes, determined to cover every curse in every language there is.

“Tell me I’m wrong.” _Where exactly is this confidence coming from?_

Could she maybe just be missing their banters?

“Whatever. I told you my truth, and it’s now up to you whether you believe it or not.” She crosses her arms. “My turn. Truth or dare.”

It has come to Jeongyeon’s attention that after this round, it’s likely that she won’t see Nayeon again, like this, for a long while.

Busy schedules. Different timelines. Varying priorities. Such factors have already been calculated in Jeongyeon’s mind.

“Truth.”

Nayeon’s eyes glimmer with intrigue. Maybe she should’ve picked dare.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

 _Okay._ She holds her breath, accompanied by a racing pulse.

“I love you.”

And like a movie being paused, their gazes interlock—unwavering—words stuck at the back of the throat with no words being exchanged between them. Speechless.

However, Nayeon looks at her in distrust concentrated with confusion, as though she’s waiting for the punchline.

But you see, there is no punchline.

Nayeon forces a laugh, breaking what seemed to her an impenetrable silence. “You mean like…”

“Like, like, a friend, obviously. A friend.”

“R-right. Duh.”

“I totally got you there, didn’t I?” Jeongyeon shifts her eyes, offering an unwarranted smile. “I told you I’m a good actress.”

“Yeah…” Nayeon breathes out. “No doubt.”

One more minute with Nayeon and Jeongyeon might not be able to stop herself.

“So,” Jeongyeon says, clasping her hands together behind her back. “I guess that concludes our childish game.”

“Y-yeah. And I should… probably go to sleep now.”

Nayeon dawdles her way to the elevator, eyes not leaving Jeongyeon as she follows suit.

As soon as Nayeon enters, Jeongyeon bars her hands on either side of the closing doors. “I guess… this is the part where I say… good night.”

“Well, yeah, but aren’t… aren’t you heading in too?”

Drawing her breath, Jeongyeon nods, and finally releases it. “I just wanna drive around for a bit, y’know. Nice breeze outside.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Jeongyeon scratches the back of her neck. “Good night.” She sets one foot inside, planning to end the day with a hug, but quickly settles for a pat on the shoulder instead.

Nayeon chuckles. “Good night. I had, uhh, great fun.”

“Me too.” Jeongyeon steps away. “Good night.”

The doors start to close.

A faint smile.

“Good night.”

And before her eyes, the doors shut, leaving her the feeling of emptiness—like walking to the edge of the earth, only to find that there’s nobody else around but you. It’s quite lonely.

She begins to walk, away from the elevator, playing with her keys as would a child do.

One would assume that Nayeon has already escaped Jeongyeon’s mind. Out of sight, out of mind—as they say. But that’s not entirely true, is it? Because how can it be, when all Jeongyeon thinks about is Nayeon? From the dusk she blossoms, to the dawn she stands silent—the woman is always there, growing and settling as if it were her home. And perhaps she doesn’t mind it.

With long-legged strides, she has managed to arrive before her car. Her hand firmly grips onto the handle, though she doesn’t pull it. It merely diddles.

She harkens back to what had unfolded before her.

Her immediate confession.

Jeongyeon meant it—with every fibre of her being, she meant it—because she longs. Always have, and perhaps will always be longing for her, deeply.

“She can’t sleep yet.” She runs back to the building.

With all the odds against them, she wishes not to defy it, but merely to tell the woman the truth.

Because it’s what she has always deserved. And Jeongyeon promises not to expect more.

She stops before the carriage and leans her hand against the wall to catch her breath.

A second passes and it makes a sound. It opens.

Imagine her surprise when she meets Nayeon’s eyes, holding an unrelenting stare. Weakened. Troubled. Stupefied, or whatever you call it.

“Hi,” Nayeon says, stepping out the elevator.

“Hi.”

They both maintain the gaze.

“So… What you said earlier…”

Jeongyeon parts her lips open. “Right, what I said. I—what I said, w-what I said earlier was—”

“Baby!”

Simultaneously whipping both their heads to the direction of which the voice came from, Jeongyeon becomes disconcerted. The words die in her mouth at the sight.

Mina.

“H-hey!” Nayeon says, approaching her lover, and willingly gives a light peck.

Jeongyeon turns her face away.

“Hey. Why do you look so surprised? I told you I was coming today. Haven’t you seen my texts?”

“Your texts?” Jeongyeon can tell that Nayeon is nervous. “Oh. My phone. It died whilst I was out with my friends. I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you got here safe and sound.”

“That’s okay.” Mina caresses Nayeon’s cheek. “You must’ve partied hard, huh. You look exhausted.”

“Y-yeah. Jeongyeon and I were just about to head in.”

Mina spares her a glance, to which they both exchange their greetings. “It’s nice to finally see you again. I haven’t seen you around lately.”

“Oh, well, you know. Work. It’s kinda busy.”

Mina nods. “I can imagine.” The woman’s left hand snakes its way to Nayeon’s arm, holding her close.

Despite seeing them this close hundreds of times now, Jeongyeon just never gets used to it.

Something steals Jeongyeon’s attention though. It sparkles, as though it were ready to light up the entire building.

She tilts her head. 

Left hand. Fourth finger.

“Jeongyeon?”

Would it be so immature of her if she were to wish she were wrong?

“Jeongyeon,” Nayeon calls out.

She lifts her gaze. “Yeah?”

“Mina asked if you’ve been filming lately…” Nayeon knits her brows. “Are you okay?”

Rapidly blinking, she attempts to stand tall. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I was just, just really captivated by your ring for a second there.” She chuckles—yet her heart threatens to cry. “Beautiful ring.” She briefly points to Mina’s hand.

“Thank you.” Mina smiles, rather kindly. “Nayeon gave it.”

Jeongyeon’s eyes turn to Nayeon. But Nayeon’s eyes refuse to meet hers, darting in an unfamiliar way.

_Nayeon gave it._

“We’re engaged,” Mina adds.

“Oh.”

Her chest sinks to her stomach.

Jeongyeon wants to say something. Something more than just an _‘oh’_ —something that sounds less helpless and pathetic, because if there is one thing to describe her now, that would be ‘helpless’.

But only if it were that easy.

She would’ve said something else by now if only her heart didn’t weep twice as much as it used to.

She has had a hunch, but she didn’t expect it to hurt this way upon hearing it first-hand.

And now all Jeongyeon thinks about is how much it would hurt if she were to look at Nayeon.

They stand in silence for what feels like a century.

“That’s… wow.” Jeongyeon chokes back on her tears. “I—Congratulations. I-I didn’t know. But congrats anyway.” She manages to crack a smile.

“Thank you. But didn’t… Nayeon tell you? She said she was—”

“Baby, I-I haven’t told them yet. I was going to tell them soon. Work has been so busy; it must’ve slipped my mind…” Nayeon rests her fingers between the spaces of Mina’s where they fit just right. Jeongyeon sees the way Nayeon squeezes them tight.

Clearing her throat, Jeongyeon brings her chin up. “I should go.” She pretends to scroll through her phone, trying to quell her emotions. “Jihyo apparently needs me.”

“At this hour?” Mina asks.

“Yeah. She said it’s important, so I’ll leave you guys be. Congrats again.” Her voice trembles at the last two words.

Studying Nayeon’s face once more, Jeongyeon waits for her to meet her eyes. She searches for her smile, begs for a fleeting glance.

And Nayeon gives it to her before she makes haste to exit the building, not realising then that it’d be the last time Nayeon would look at her for more than a second at the very least.

Her heart skips a beat, but not the usual kind. It’s the kind that cowers in every throb, bleeds in every step. It’s vulnerable.

Heartbreak.

It feels like death.

( Sunday. The 26th of July.

Jeongyeon visits Momo and Sana’s place.

After spending so much time deliberating and dissecting her thoughts to their very root for hours and days on end, she figures she cannot do it all herself. She needs their help—almost always does.

Frankly, she does not know what she would do without her friends. Given the fact that she is a terrible communicator when it comes to her feelings, adding to that her poor and slow understanding to certain things, unable to quickly pick cues and hints up, it is no wonder that ‘dumb,’ ‘dense,’ and ‘naïve’ were often thrown around their friend group then.

But she knows better now, though everyone may agree that she is rather a bit late.

Telling Sana about her thoughts is one thing but accepting them is another thing. For many years, she has been struggling with the latter—often denying or suppressing them, she paid no attention whatsoever, thinking it was just a phase, a transient feeling that can easily be replaced by somebody else.

Funny, truly. Because Jeongyeon, more often than not, catches herself finding bits and pieces of Nayeon in everyone else.

“So, what you’re saying is, you _think_ you’re in love with someone,” Sana says, sipping her coffee.

“Yeah.”

“And… Do I know this someone?”

Jeongyeon sighs.

Sana really doesn’t have to play dumb. Jeongyeon knows that the woman already knows—she probably realised way before she did.

“You don’t have to do this. I know that you know who I’m talking about.”

Setting her coffee aside, Sana inhales a deep breath and blows it out gently. “Took you ages to realise though…”

“I know. You don’t need to remind me.”

“When?” Sana’s eyes glisten with worry.

“When what?”

“When did you realise?”

“I don’t know. Two—no, three years ago, maybe?” She draws in a long breath. “That random night… when I showed up at your door. Crying. Remember?”

Sana nods, gesturing for Jeongyeon to continue.

She squirms in her seat. “Maybe I’ve known. Maybe I’ve known for years how I felt about her, but I chose not to entertain it. I-I chose to suppress it, if you’d like. I don’t know. For years, I’ve denied it, and now it’s here, constantly knocking, and reminding, and bothering, and I’m—I’m so overwhelmed with everything…” She gives a bitter laugh. “It feels like I’m drowning. And you might as well say I deserve it because I know I hurt her too… accidentally or deliberately, I don’t know anymore.”

“Jeong…”

“And I do wish it is something I can easily switch off… something that you can stop at a click of a remote, but it doesn’t really work that way. It never will. No matter how hard I try to move on, to forget, it’s still her. At the end of the day, it’s still _her_. And I know it’s wrong. I know it’s wrong to feel this way now.” She feels her shoulders slumping. “But she has got a grip on my heart that I or anyone cannot bust even if we all wanted to. Cheesy. I know. I’m starting to hate it.”

“Look at me,” Sana says as she holds Jeongyeon’s hand, squeezing it gently. “If you told me this years ago, you know what I would’ve said? I would’ve proudly said, ‘Go for it. Tell her. If your feelings are indeed true, you go ahead and tell her. I know you’re scared that it may ruin things, or that it might turn out to be a big mistake—you just say it, clearly and wholeheartedly—only then can you truly move on and start from there.’” She brushes Jeongyeon’s hair quite softly. She wears a sad smile on her face—something that Jeongyeon does not often see. “But now it’s a different story, Jeongyeonie… Nayeon has Mina. You guys are my dearest friends, and I am torn too. I cannot give an advice that would satisfy all of you. I am really sorry that you’re experiencing this. You don’t deserve it at all.”

The hug they share is warm and comforting. Such hug gives Jeongyeon a passing salvation from the bittersweet reality that is her life.

It doesn’t take long for Jeongyeon to make out what Sana has been suggesting this whole time. She knows that much.

It is rather selfish to want to lift the burden of one’s shoulders to the detriment of somebody else’s happiness. Do you agree?

The least thing Jeongyeon wants to do is hurt Nayeon again, placing the burden upon her by telling her how she truly feels.

She’s aware that she’s already late for that, and it’s nobody’s fault but hers.

“I get what you’re trying to say. I know.” Jeongyeon rubs Sana’s back. “It’s the only right thing to do. We all want her to be happy.”

Her shoulders drop in resignation.

_Even if it kills me._

“But I want you to be happy too.”

They both let each other go.

Sana’s glassy eyes extend sympathy.

“I know. And I will be,” she assures, all the while trying her best to pull a believable smile.

A tiny tug on her sweatpants interrupts Jeongyeon’s train of thought. Looking down, she instantly finds herself smiling as she greets the little person—Kazumi, Momo and Sana’s daughter.

“Up. Up,” Kazumi mumbles, her short arms stretch out whilst opening and closing her small hands.

“Why are you so adorable?” Jeongyeon lifts her up and lets her sit on her lap. She lands a soft kiss on her chubby cheeks.

Kazumi merely giggles, showcasing her two incisors on her lower teeth, and plays with Jeongyeon’s hair.

“She seems to like you a lot,” Sana comments, partly amused. “She usually cries when other people interact with her.”

Jeongyeon hums. “I feel like she likes me better than you two.”

“Now you’re reaching.”

“Kazumi. Who do you like more, auntie Jeongyeon or your mum? Say auntie Jeongyeon,” Jeongyeon coaxes. “Jeong… yeon.”

Her small hands rest on Jeongyeon’s cheeks, pinching and slapping them.

“C’mon, say Jeongyeon.”

“Stop brainwashing the kid.” Sana laughs as she exits the living room with the empty coffee cup in her hand. She heads to the kitchen.

“Say Jeongyeon.” She lightly bops Kazumi’s nose.

“Jeo.. Jeong…”

Jeongyeon pumps a fist in the air. “She said my name! Ha!”

“LIES,” Sana yells from the kitchen.

She gives Kazumi a high-five.

And for a very brief period of time, she forgets about her problems. )

_[2:49 AM]_ pls tell me youre still awake.

 _[2:49 AM]_ jihyo

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[2:53 AM]_ Wat

_[2:53 AM]_ THANK GOD

 _[2:53 AM]_ lets drink

 _[2:53 AM]_ im omw

**Jihyoyoyo**

_[2:54 AM]_ WHAT?

 _[2:54 AM]_ WHERE

 _[2:55 AM]_ Jeongyeon!!

 _[2:55 AM]_ My liver is crying

\--

// It has been an hour since Jeongyeon arrived at her place, and to be honest, Jihyo has no idea as to what is happening. All she knows is Jeongyeon is in pain. That is the only thing she recollects from all the things her friend said to her—she is in pain.

She does not elaborate.

Sure, she drinks. She slurs on her words. Often stammers and curses too. But she does not fail to point out that she is in pain.

She cries too, and Jihyo does not know what to do.

It’s the first time she has seen the woman cry—this devastated—and it breaks her own heart too, unable to come up with solutions that might ease her friend’s suffering.

Jeongyeon has her knees collected close to her chest, arms encircling as she sniffles quietly, her nose beet red as well as her eyes, swollen, almost unrecognisable.

Tears trickle down her friend’s cheeks, and Jihyo kindly wipes them. “You need to tell me what’s wrong.”

Jeongyeon slams her eyes shut.

They sit in silence.

**_[MESSAGES: Grandma Im –_ ** _2 Text Messages **]**_

****

**Grandma Im**

_[4:03 AM]_ Jihyo. Is Jeongyeon still there?

 _[4:03 AM]_ Im just worried. She said you called her coz somth important came up

_And she lies too. Why am I not surprised?_ Jihyo glances at her friend, who still has her eyes shut.

She sighs.

_[4:04 AM]_ Hey :)

 _[4:04 AM]_ Yes she’s still here.

 _[4:04 AM]_ She’s probably going to sleep here so don’t worry too much and go to bed

**Grandma Im**

_[4:05 AM]_ Okay..

 _[4:05 AM]_ Is she okay though??

“Did something happen between you two?” Jihyo whispers to herself, attempting to connect the dots.

_[4:05 AM]_ Yup

 _[4:05 AM]_ I think she’s fallen asleep now lol

A lie.

**Grandma Im**

_[4:06 AM]_ Okay that’s good. Thanks for letting me know

“Jihyo.”

She whips her head and places her phone on the side. “Yeah?”

A short intake of breath. “It hurts…” Jeongyeon’s chin quivers as she hugs her knees tight.

“What does? What do you mean?” Jihyo whispers, her tone gentle.

Her eyes, once more, mist over with tears. They glint under Jihyo’s fairy lights. “It really hurts, in here.” She points to her chest.

And Jihyo finally understands, assuming she’s connected the dots right—tears well up in her eyes, but she dares to not cry. Instead, she scoots over, and wraps her arms around her friend.

A hand grips on her shirt fairly tight, it clenches, and it seems to her that she too, can feel Jeongyeon’s heart weeping as she clings on for dear life.

“I-I wanna tell her… tell her everything. It’s selfish I know. But it…”

“Jeong…”

“Where’s my phone?”

“Jeongyeon, you’ll regret it by sunrise.”

“I said,” she says, wiping her cheek every few seconds. “I said where’s my phone.”

Jihyo sighs for the nth time. “Here.”

Her hands type fast, seemingly writing a long paragraph that Jihyo cannot quite read despite having to squint her eyes.

The sobs do not stop. She chokes on them whilst her thumbs tremble, hovering above the illuminating screen.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Jeongyeon hesitates.

She looks at Jihyo, then back at the phone screen.

A pause.

She then erases everything, and types something short instead before hitting the send button.

She shoves the phone towards Jihyo’s chest. “Don’t let me see it. I’m going to bed now.”

_[4:37 AM]_ was i at least a good friend?

_Jeongyeon…_

Her heart aches for her friend.

The very words before her send jolts of pain in her body.

And she feels so bad because it sounds so desperate, scared, and lonely. And it is indeed painful to read, yes—yet it’s the most human thing there is.

**_[MESSAGES: Regina new number –_ ** _1 Text Message **]**_

****

**Regina new number**

_[4:40 AM]_ of course jeong.

//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @minatosanaaa | do use the hashtag [#r2dm] when reacting
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	11. Let's Go Back to the Start

October 2033

Jeongyeon stares at the flower in her grasp, feeling its frail stem between her fingers. It’s red—quite bold, distinctive to one’s eye—and unmistakably dainty.

The smell isn’t sweet. Unlike others, this one smells earthy, like the smell you inhale from the ground during the rainy days of June.

She smiles.

The weather is good. The weather is clear and bright. Yellow, orange, and red palettes paint the autumn leaves of the picturesque scenery. Birds fly above her head freely—the sun’s rays blind her vision momentarily, but she doesn’t complain.

21 years. It has been 21 years since she last visited this place. It may sound implausible, bizarre, and just downright suspicious, but there really is no reason for her to lie.

She catches an extra whiff of the autumn breeze, scanning her eyes around the vast area. It brings back memories—warm and childish ones—and it feels as though she is channelling her youth once more. If only she knew then how quickly time would pass them by, she would’ve perhaps stayed longer and played more with them, with her friends.

She wants to say she has no regrets so far in her years of living in this damned yet beautiful world, but that would be a lie. In fact, she has many—but she is who she is now because of them, hence she would not dare to change a thing.

However, now that she’s older and a tad wiser, she learns to not waste any more time. That each waking day must be worth something, no matter how big or small. That she needs to take more risks, be a bit braver, to say the words she wants to say at points in life if need be.

Back then, she thought that she must plan her life ahead to achieve satisfaction—happiness—that she must be in control at all times to truly feel things. However, many circumstances proved her wrong.

Often making plans and decisions, only to have those plans fall through made her realise that it’s just what life is.

She knows she isn’t as brisk, active, and young as she used to before, yet still young enough to turn her life around.

And she’s doing that—little by little. Taking baby steps in this massive playground called life.

“Mum!”

She turns her head. Joy instantly bubbles up inside of her.

The corners of her mouth curve into a smile, squatting down the solid ground with her arms outstretched.

~

** April 2028 **

Eyes fixated on the grappa glass that’s half empty—rim smeared with her blush nude lipstick—Jeongyeon gathers her hands on her lap, and fiddles with the papers that are already a week old.

Hearing nothing but the hubbub going on around her and the beat of her heart, she feels her nerves tingling like being strung with a tiny pick.

Her mind acts as though its on vibrate, buzzing with thoughts that she just cannot hush—it’s like opening hundreds of tabs at once that when you try to close the entire window, it just crashes, freezes, and you find that nothing appears to be working anymore.

_Relax. You’ve practiced this thousands of times already._

It’s as if she’s underwater with a racing heart, realising she’s unable to swim.

_Just say it out loud with a smile on your face, just as you practiced._

Her breath quickens as she feels the dread in the pit of her stomach.

The chatter gets louder, but she cannot make out a single sentence, not even a word—nothing but murmurs.

And then silence.

Even the silence is loud.

Jeongyeon paced around the room, head hung low as she stared at the piece of paper, blotched by wet bits with its corners lightly crumpled in her hand.

She read the same words, lines, over and over, till her mind drowned them, till she no longer understood them—as if she understood it in the first place, really—till it became a habit.

Facing the mirror in front of her, she smiled.

From the top.

1… 2… 3…

“Nayeon and I…” Jeongyeon pressed her lips together all the while tearing her gaze away from the paper. She saw her reflection. The colour began to drain from her face—pale, almost lifeless. “Nayeon and I have known each other for 16 years.”

It seemed as if her lungs could burst, trying to contain the unwarranted emotions within. She hid her trembling hand inside her jacket pocket as she cleared her throat. “I wouldn’t really say we _clicked_ right away…” She bit her lower lip. “In fact, we actually—"

A loud thud behind her. She turned her head.

A medium-sized picture frame—its front facing the ground.

Saved by the unusual occurrence, Jeongyeon walked near and picked it up.

She stared at the photo behind the cracked glass, and there went another stab on her already wounded heart. Jeongyeon had almost even forgotten this photo existed.

The hand in her jacket formed a fist, blinking back the warm liquid that sat on her lids. Her throat tightened, it felt as though something was pressing on her chest, something heavy, perhaps weighing more than anyone could ever imagine.

It was a photo of Nayeon, a selfie, perhaps taken all the way in 2023. She remembered Nayeon just casually placing the photo on her shelf when the woman came over one night, and said, “I’m putting this here just in case we both get busy and you end up missing me.”

She let out a chuckle, a bittersweet one.

She sniffled, wiping her eyes against her sleeve before putting the frame back to its place.

Dragging her feet on the ground towards the table, she looked over the paper scribbled with her writing.

“This is just cruel,” Jeongyeon said as she read over the words, then darted her eyes to the ceiling. She puffed her cheeks, soon releasing a loud and quite a heavy blow of breath in the dense air.

Her phone chimed in her pocket.

**_[MESSAGES: satang <3_ ** _– 3 Text Messages **]**_

**satang <3**

_[9:09 PM]_ Hi jeonggg!!

 _[9:09 PM]_ How are you? 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

 _[9:10 PM]_ Dahyun said she came by at your place about an hour ago and no one was there. Where are you?? is everything okay???

_[9:10 PM]_ i don’t think I can do this sana

**satang <3**

_[9:10 PM]_ What do you mean?

_[9:10 PM]_ This is too much

**satang <3**

_[9:10 PM]_ What are we talking about here exactly?

 _[9:11 PM]_ Jeong?

 _[9:12 PM]_ Jeongyeonie talk to me

She stared at the messages—a little longer than she intended. But she didn’t reply. She didn’t even understand how she felt or what exactly was going on inside her head. Having known that—how was she supposed to explain things to her friend? It would simply be impossible.

Grabbing her car keys from the drawer, she sped her way to the front door and left her apartment just like that—but had perhaps stole a subtle glance at the door across.

\--

9:44 PM. 

Wearing a mask and a cap, like she always did, Jeongyeon walked the path filled with cherry blossom petals—a path that would lead her to Namsan tower.

Such a throwback it was—visiting the famed tower again after so many years.

It’s quite a long walk, and she wouldn’t really say she enjoyed it. As she travelled along the path, she noticed that the air that hugged her felt somewhat colder, lonelier, considering that the companion that brought her here several years ago was nowhere near her anymore.

Despite having this many people, she could still hear Nayeon’s voice, mellow and distant. She could still hear their sneakers thumping against the wooden floor.

And as though she was being haunted, chased by memories she had always wanted to bury, she remembered, witnessed so vividly their figures from afar, fingers intertwined, hands both held tight—it used to be a habit that they both couldn’t break.

Lorn beyond all rationality, she found it unbearable to walk any further—her whole body ached. For sleep, for rest. She could not even recall the last time she had slept soundly.

She turned around and removed her mask—however, it didn’t really make breathing any easier—suffocated at the thought of still being haunted by the ghost of her.

Perhaps there’s something wrong with her.

She tried, for as long as she could remember, she tried her best to forget her, abandon her feelings, but it was easier said than done.

She had been on so many blind dates set up by her colleagues, friends, and even family this past year—she had even managed to actually date a few where each relationship only lasted for three months at the very least, knowing that her heart burned for a different name.

She had tried several ways but failed each and every time.

Leaning her weight against the railings that were cold to the touch, she decided to look around her surroundings—an attempt to divert her thoughts—refusing to break down in such a wide-open space full of people.

“Nayeon, what are you doing to me?” Jeongyeon whispered in the air, all the while staring at the city lights beneath her.

Missing someone. She of course knew what it was like to miss someone. Having been separated from Nayeon for almost a decade several years ago, she out of all people should know how it would feel. And it did hurt then— _but why does it hurt differently now?_

She shook the thoughts off her mind as her grip drew tight around the cold metal.

Putting her mask back on, she started walking again, following the trail of unique and colourful love locks affixed to the railings, gazing at the words scribbled on them.

And it didn’t take long for her to spot their own lock—fastened very much nicely, although a bit rusty.

She squatted down and held the lock between her fingers.

**‘NY** **♥** **JY**

**14.02.22’**

A smile formed her lips, a sad one, she knew.

She often wondered whether this lock was the reason why it wasn’t so easy to forget about her, to love somebody else that wasn’t her, to see anybody else other than her. The lock that perhaps symbolised an unbreakable love. It was the very lock that supposed to bound them together, forever.

And things as such were usually just fantasies to her—mere tales or myths that people had chosen to believe just so they could have something to believe in. A glimmer of hope in a world that lacked love.

But given her situation now and where she stood in life, it might as well be true.

It didn’t make sense. To miss or want someone this much, it just didn’t make sense to her.

She had no idea how other people have done it—how they could easily forget as time went on.

Did she perhaps need more time? To heal and accept the way things worked out?

But how much more? How much more time did she exactly need to be able to say to herself ‘I’ve moved on.’

How much more time? Because honestly, it was starting to feel like forever.

She flipped the lock around.

**‘JY** **♥** **NY more tho’**

A humourless chuckle came out of her mouth—and soon the chuckle turned to a sob, a stifled one, as her hold on the lock had loosened.

She must’ve lost her mind the moment she decided to set foot on this place again. When she thought it may give her peace, closure, all it gave her were memories that she didn’t want back.

She was so close to driving herself mad, carrying such a burden in her chest that she eventually decided to drive back home.

\--

Jeongyeon figured she just had to say it. To admit it to Nayeon’s face. And there she was, standing at her friend’s door, waiting.

She raised a fist and landed two knocks on the wooden door.

She heard a voice inside the place, talking, seemingly arguing with someone. “Who is it?” The footsteps ceased.

“It’s me,” Jeongyeon croaked.

Seconds later and the front door creaked open. Nayeon’s face greeted her with surprise right through the small gap. “Jeongyeon…” the woman said. “What brings you here?” She marched towards the kitchen island—it was messy, documents were scattered everywhere—leaving Jeongyeon trailing behind.

Judging by the looks of the apartment, it was very clear that Nayeon had a lot on her plate. She could only hope that the woman would be able to spare a bit of her time.

Jeongyeon fixated her eyes on her own shoes. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Not now Jeong, please…” Nayeon dialled some number on her phone and pressed it against her ear. “I have so many things to do and—I’m struggling over here.”

“I know.” Jeongyeon clenched her fists—they shook lightly, knuckles turning pale as she took a huge gulp. “But it’s really important, and I just need to let it out.”

Nayeon, having retrieved her phone from her ear, heaved a loud sigh. “For God’s sake.” She appeared to dial the number once more.

“Nayeon…”

“Yeah, go on.”

Not a glance was spared. And it wounded Jeongyeon’s frail heart. Nayeon’s eyes merely maundered on all the papers in front of her, acting as if she had already deemed Jeongyeon’s presence no less than insignificant.

“Would it kill you to at least look at me?”

The woman put her phone on the marbled top, rather brashly, then raked her pale hand through her hair. Her gaze remained trained on the documents; brows knitted close as murmurs left her pallid lips.

“Nayeon.”

“What?” Nayeon snapped, dropping the pen in her hold at once. “What? What could possibly be more important than this?” Annoyance framed her face, and it may have startled Jeongyeon in place, sucking her breath dry.

“I…”

“Well?” Nayeon tapped her fingers on the counter—they were fast, somewhat antsy. A gusty sigh then escaped her mouth as she cranked her neck from the side. “Jeongyeon, I don’t want to waste time like this. So, if you have anything to say, just say it after the wedding.”

Jeongyeon interlocked her fingers together and rested them just below her stomach. “No. Please, just—give me a moment. I’m just trying to sort my thoughts out.”

The woman had her back face Jeongyeon. “Yeah, okay. Well, let me know when you’re done sorting them out.”

Rustling of papers, shuffling of feet, a fountain pen scribbling on some stupid paper—the mere sounds of them have managed to get under Jeongyeon’s skin.

But she knew she had no right to be mad—at least not in this situation. She took a deep breath and had her jaw clenched.

“Can you stop what you’re doing and just… look at me?” Jeongyeon said, sounding close to a plead—her voice wavered slightly. “After I say my piece—fine, look everywhere else for all I care, but right now, I ask you to just stop and listen to me.”

A sigh flew around the room.

Nayeon turned to face her. “Fine,” the woman said, crossing her arms as she leaned her weight back against the kitchen island. “I’m looking at you now, and I’m listening, so, say it.”

“I…” Jeongyeon stuffed her hands inside her pocket. “I haven’t been completely honest with you,” she said, eyes dropping to the floor in an instant.

“Okay?”

“It’s just—I…” She tried to buy some time to find the right words to say by dragging the syllables out, but to no avail. “We have a problem.”

“What problem?”

“This. This whole wedding thing…” Jeongyeon shut her lids. “I don’t think I can do it.”

“What are you talking about?”

Jeongyeon’s knees grew weak. “Don’t get me wrong—you mean a lot to me, Nayeon, and I know that you know that. But this…” She paused. “I just think you’re asking too much from me.”

As soon as those words flee her lips—words that had always been fussing at the back of her mind—she could almost see the cracks, the gashes inflicted in her core.

Nayeon forced a laugh, seemingly stoic and sarcastic. “Me? _I’m_ asking too much from you? What are you on about? All I’ve asked was for you to be there—"

“And that’s the problem.”

“What? What exactly is the problem? You attending? Jesus. Are you saying you’d rather do something else than attend your best friend’s wedding, is that it?” Nayeon took a step closer.

“No—”

“Then what? And don’t make this a ‘we’ problem. _You_ have a problem.” The woman stabbed a finger on her chest. “Do you not realise how important that day is for me? The wedding is next week! What’s wrong with you honestly?”

 _I ask that to myself too_. Jeongyeon wished she had a solid answer, but it really wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

For many months, she wondered why she wasn’t healing. People told her that healing wasn’t supposed to be linear—that there would be days you’d feel great, days you’d feel okay, days you’d feel down and some you’d feel as though you’ve reached rock bottom. And the cycle repeats.

_But what does one exactly do when they feel everything—every pain, every throe, every bullet—all at once and then nothing at all?_

“I’m just trying to make sense of things.” Jeongyeon pressed her lips together. “Nayeon, I-I can’t be there.”

“No. That’s not fair.”

“Not fair?” Her voice trembled.

“Y-you can’t just say that. You can’t just show up here and tell me you don’t want to be there. Not when everything’s been planned out already. _I_ want you to be there.” Nayeon’s chin quivered ever so slightly, hand clutched to her own chest. “Why are you acting like this? You’re hurting my feelings.”

Jeongyeon turned her face away right as she saw the flicker of sadness in her friend’s damp eyes.

“I’m not trying to.”

Silence engulfed the room.

There was this thickness in the air that surrounded them—each breath she took, each small movement she made felt hefty—it was unforgiving.

Jeongyeon wanted to run, to hide, and she was almost certain Nayeon felt that way too.

“Why can’t you be there? Is this about work? Family? Some personal thing?”

“It’s not going to change anything.”

“What?”

“If I tell you, you’re just going to hate me and we’re going to be awkward and ignore each other again for who knows how long, and I don’t want that,” Jeongyeon admitted. “So, please, just forgive me for this one.”

“Oh, so now you’re assuming how I’d react—Of course! What a very Jeongyeon thing to do.”

“Nayeon…”

Nayeon drew a sharp breath. “Let me hear the reason.”

“Don’t be stubborn.”

“You’re being stubborn.”

“You’re not going to like it. Trust me.”

“Who are you to say that? How could you possibly know what I’d like and wouldn’t like.”

“I just know, okay?” Jeongyeon raised her voice, leaning forward with her fists clenched to either side.

She saw the way Nayeon flinched—but the woman didn’t back down. She maintained the eye contact—looking at Jeongyeon with a thousand-mile stare, and maybe it stirred something inside of her.

Quickly averting her gaze, Jeongyeon’s eyes roamed around the room, so desperate to quash the tears that sat on her lids.

A pair of hands found her own. They were cold. They trembled.

“Just tell me what’s wrong,” Nayeon said with her now thick voice—her breath shook as she squeezed Jeongyeon’s hand tight, coaxing, begging for an answer. “C’mon. Why can’t you go?”

Jeongyeon’s eyes landed on their hands. They appeared as though they were holding onto each other, hanging onto something so unsure, given that any moment the twig might snap, their fingers might slip from the cliff that is love.

Nibbling on her bottom lip, she began to hesitate.

She thought about all the possibilities—how Nayeon would react, how their story might end upon releasing the truth. And she could already tell how this one might end—and perhaps it wasn’t going to be pretty.

She met her friend’s eyes.

“You know why.” A single tear raced down her cheek.

“What?”

Her chest drew tight. She did not say a thing, not even a single vowel—she merely stared as she finally wore her heart on her sleeve.

Nayeon let go—and it hurt.

“No… no.” The woman shook her head lightly, and slowly stepped away. “You can’t—”

“I already did, and there’s no way out of it. I’ve tried, believe me.”

“I’m, I’m getting married.”

“I know.”

“I love Mina.”

Jeongyeon held her breath.

“I know.”

Nayeon stayed mum, her lips were sealed shut as she dawdled her way towards the couch, shoulders slumped, eyes seemingly lost.

And at that moment, the world appeared to have stopped turning.

It was so quiet, Jeongyeon could almost hear the sound of her own breathing. Maybe she regretted it. Regretted admitting it. Especially when Nayeon’s weak sobs had reached her ears.

“What’s the use of telling me this now?” Nayeon said.

“I don’t know.”

Jeongyeon knew it would turn out this way, and it truly was not pretty.

And nothing in this Godforsaken world was more painful than seeing the woman that she loved the most cry because of her.

But she couldn’t take it back—now, she could only wish she hadn’t said it at all.

“It really took you this long to tell me the truth?” Nayeon sniffled.

“Yeah…”

“Why?”

“Because I was confused… and scared.”

“Confused how?”

A sigh. “Nayeon—”

“Confused how.”

Jeongyeon took a few strides towards the couch. She sat beside her friend soundlessly and gathered her hands on her lap. “At that time, no one really made me feel the way you did. And I wasn’t so sure what to make of it. I didn’t want to entertain the idea. I thought that, if I just ignore it, suppress it—it will fade, and that it was only a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. ‘It will pass,’ I thought.” She pressed her lips together and shifted in place. “And then one day, it just hit me—the realisation—that holy shit moment where I just sat in my car and thought, ‘it’s her. it’s always been her.’ But I was too much of a coward to do anything about it. I didn’t want to risk it. Of all things to risk, I didn’t want to risk you.”

A scoff. “You really expect me to believe that? When all your life you’ve done nothing but risk it all?”

“Yeah, okay. You’re right. I was a risk taker. Whether it be dropping out of University. Pursuing a different career… I do a lot of stupid shit, quite impulsively, in fact, but this—” Jeongyeon paused, and ran her fingers through her hair. “—this is different. It’s our friendship we’re talking about, and I just couldn’t risk it. Because—let’s say I did. Let’s say I took that risk, and then we decided to start dating. What if it doesn’t work out in the end? What if we both wake up and learn that we aren’t happy? Then we’d break up and everything would turn foul. What then?”

Nayeon stared into space. Her own hands found their way to her cheeks as she wiped the tears that somehow refused to stop flowing.

“You’re just about the closest thing I have to paradise, and I didn’t want to lose you, Nayeon. Not again,” she added.

The sobs briefly ceased. “No—Don’t look at me like that.” Nayeon shook her head, rising from her seat.

“I don’t know how else I should look at you.”

Nayeon paced to and fro before her, then started to point fingers, her figure loomed over Jeongyeon’s face. “I was always here. I was literally right in front of you and I thought you never fucking saw me… Years. Years, I’ve waited, like a fool, and you never said a thing because you’re scared? You think I wasn’t?” Her chest heaved up and down, her eyes fragile, like a porcelain on display, albeit with cracks and a few more flaws. “I fucking hate you.”

Jeongyeon looked down. “You don’t mean that.” Her voice broke.

Hands on waist, the woman offered a sardonic laugh. “You know what? You’re right. I don’t. And that’s the part I hate the most—how you can fuck me over so many times, make me cry, break my heart in two, and I still cannot bring myself to hate you,” she managed to say in one breath. “And now you pull this stunt, telling me you cannot go because you love me?”

“I’m sorry.”

The moonlight casted its halo on Nayeon’s face as the woman stepped before the balcony.

Jeongyeon wished she could hold her—caress her cheeks, wipe the tears off her small face, hug her close—even just for a brief moment, just one last time before they part, before they act like strangers who knew a little too much about each other.

“I don’t know what to do…”

The strain sustained in Nayeon’s voice was enough for Jeongyeon to deduce that the woman was torn.

“You don’t have to do anything. We can just—”

“Pretend like this never happened? Again? Like that time you kissed me? Say that this was a mistake? To not make it ‘weird,’ because that’s what you’re good at, right? Running away from things?” Nayeon said, further pressing onto the fresh wound. “Was that the plan all along—you coming here? To say your piece and then leave me in pieces? Because you’re selfish like that, is that right?”

“There was no plan, alright? I didn’t even want to tell you in the first place. And what’s wrong with pretending like this never happened? It’s not like you…” Jeongyeon tilted her head, walking to her friend with light steps. “It’s not like you still…”

Hypocrite. That’s what Jeongyeon was—a hypocrite.

She promised not to expect more, to want more than what they already have, to not defy the odds against them. She said she didn’t want to risk it, but whenever she looked at Nayeon, all Jeongyeon wanted to do was risk it all.

Nayeon looked away. “I-I don’t know. We’re done here. I’m tired.”

“Nayeon—”

“I just want you to leave, please.”

But of course, she was too little too late. A step behind, like always. And when she jumped, having carried that courage she had finally acquired, nobody was on the ground—just her falling hard with the love nobody wanted.

“Okay.” Every step she took felt heavier than the previous one, heading towards the front door, and felt as though she had stained the floor with her chest open, heart chained close to Nayeon. She tried to pull a smile right as a solemn tear fell down her cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad I met you… And I’ll have you know that the moments I’ve shared with you—granted, they weren’t perfect, but they were with you and I guess that’s what made them incredible.”

Her utterances simply hung there, in the air, echoing in the closed and dim room.

And before she knew it, the place began to crumble. The walls fell outwards, leaving the place naked as the furniture evanesced into nothingness—and soon, Nayeon’s features began to fade, like an oil painting, smudged off wilfully till she became unrecognisable.

And Jeongyeon is able to make out faces, expressions, reactions, if you will—but by no means will she be able to make out what Nayeon’s face would be, what her expressions would be like, or how she would’ve reacted to all the things she said.

Because the truth is—Jeongyeon didn’t want to ruin Nayeon’s long-awaited shot at happiness, still doesn’t.

There was, in fact, no fight, no confrontation, no confession—Jeongyeon never knocked at Nayeon’s door that night; she never went back to her apartment building, but instead spent the night at her parents’ place, crying in her mother’s arms like a tired and defeated child after she had made her journey to Namsan Tower.

In trying to palliate for all the regret she has, she made them be that way, in her head.

She gives them an ending, an imagined one, that she believes they at least deserved—or perhaps it’s meant to help herself, to kid herself that it’s going to be okay, to lessen the regret, a way to minimise the pain—that in some way she is compensating them for all the chances that were never taken.

And there is perhaps no harsher pain than choosing to keep things untold.

“I actually spoke to one of our best friends earlier, Jihyo, and she warned me about the things _not_ to include in my speech, so I guess this means, no alcohol…” Jeongyeon says against the mic, purposefully dropping a paper on the floor—an action that has garnered laughter by many guests. “Nothing embarrassing that might ruin our best friend’s image…” She drops another paper.

“Nothing nasty…” she trails yet again letting the paper loose as the crowd laughs. “Ah, here we are—high school.”

Jeongyeon’s eyes wander around the reception, acknowledging every eyes of every guest there is—their gazes, expectant.

She swallows a lump in her throat, giving an unsure smile that she hopes looks quite sure and convincing to many. “Nayeon and I have known each other for 16 years. I wouldn’t say we _clicked_ right away, in fact, we actually disliked each other—and I just remember thinking, _‘wow, this girl is such a pain in the ass.’_ ” She chuckles, and so do the guests.

The scent of the place reminds Jeongyeon of something sweet, like some freshly baked chocolate cookies, cakes, and ice cream. Mayhap there’s a whiff of bitterness too, like the taste of a red wine at the tip of one’s tongue.

The space is no less than magical. It’s almost like a fairy-tale come true with its high ceiling, illuminated by hanging bulbs and chandeliers, and its far-reaching vista of the ocean. The tables are adorned with fresh white flowers, climbing around the gold-plated candelabra—It’s bold, it’s rustic, it’s elegant.

“And before I go any further, I must let you all know that this speech isn’t about Nayeon and I,” she says as she reads off of the paper in her grasp, “but rather this is me letting Mina know just what she got herself into.” She casts a glance at Mina’s way and receives a small smile in return.

“You see, Nayeon has always been quite an imaginative person. From the moment I agreed to be her friend, I just knew I wouldn’t be able to shut her up… Her mind, her mind really is an amazing one—she’s bright, she loves to talk, she’s funny and so full of ideas—and having spent years by her side, I’m pretty sure, Mina already knows that,” she says whilst staring sightlessly over somebody’s shoulder. “16 years. It’s safe to say that Nayeon and I know too much about each other—way too much that anything she says now just might send my career down the drain.”

She finds Dahyun’s eyes amongst the horde, they’re gentle, kind, and encouraging. The woman gives a grin at her previous remark.

“Know too much in the sense that we’ve laughed about the things we’ve shared, cried about them, and perhaps have shared secrets too—one being that Nayeon has actually had a crush on Mina since she was 18.” Fascination and awe cross the people’s faces. “Oops, not a secret anymore. Sorry not sorry?” She winces, and soon chuckles, a sound which echoes from the speakers.

“All I remember was rooting for her then, to tell Mina how she felt, and then maybe she could stop complaining to me about why she was still single at that time,” she continues, playfully rolling her eyes—one can say she’s trying to mask the nervousness and pressure she’s under. “And although they’ve lost touch for quite some time, me being here in this wonderful wedding reception of theirs is perhaps enough proof for me to believe that there really is such thing as soulmates.” Her chest begins to grow tight as she lets the last word escape her lips.

“I remember Nayeon saying one winter afternoon that she doesn’t know if soulmates are real, but if they are, she hopes she’d get to marry hers.” Her nails dig into her palm. “Well, guess what? She actually did.” She forces a smile.

“That being said, here are some tips I have for Nayeon’s soulmate… and you better jot them down because I swear on my life, you’ll need them,” she says, looking brazenly into Mina’s eyes. “After all, the pain in the ass needs someone to look out for her too,” she adds, jokingly.

She takes a deep breath as her stomach knots. “One, Nayeon can be stubborn. Our friends can vouch for that—so when she suddenly asks you to play truth or dare, just play along and hope she’ll let you live.” Giggles reach Jeongyeon’s ears. She clears her throat. “Two, when she cuts food with the knife upside down, kindly correct her, emphasis on _kindly_ , and always, _always_ make fun of her for it… Three, when she insists that everything’s fine, it’s really not—what that means is drop everything you have in your hands, and instead hold hers, and just squeeze them tight,” she says, speaking in a tone that’s barely managed.

“I mean, I could go on for hours but we’re running out of time, so I’ll just email you the rest.” Mina’s eyes crinkle at the corners as Jeongyeon lets the words fly through the speakers.

Licking her lips who have turned dry, she draws a sharp breath as she carefully folds the paper into squares, ultimately keeping it out of sight. “Nayeon… Nayeon once told me that a soulmate is someone who just gets you. Someone who matches your crazy, who matches your sarcasm with an even better one. That it’s someone who you can banter and argue with, and still make it worthwhile. That perhaps it’s someone who wants to work at it, every day, when things get difficult, simply because they want you—because they’re crazy just like you…” She gives a snicker, a light one that’s embossed with a hint of amusement, before she meets the eyes of the prettiest woman in the room. “And I hope you’ve found that someone, Nayeon, and that you fight for it, hold onto it, and never let go.”

The corner of Nayeon’s lips raise by a bit—almost a smile, but not quite.

Dressed in white, Nayeon’s hair cascades down her shoulders—they’re slightly wavy, dyed in a sun kissed brown colour that complements her fair skin. She, after all these years, still parts her hair the same way.

Beautiful. She’s achingly beautiful.

Jeongyeon thought she’s doing alright up until now. With Nayeon’s eyes on her, it’s starting to feel like she’s trapped, unable to move—even breathing is starting to feel like a chore.

But those eyes, those piercing eyes that hold many secrets, words unsaid, and stories untold, they make Jeongyeon want to stay.

“Your stubbornness has effectuated great bliss to my ordinary life. You’ve painted it with colour and sprinkled some glitter here and there, and I’m more than happy that you did so,” Jeongyeon says, voice edged with tension as she locks eyes with Nayeon. “You proposing some… _lame_ deal years ago is just about the right proof I need—a deal about dating each other if ever you and I still found ourselves single by the time we’re in our 30s… It had become a running joke between the both of us, and _boy_ am I glad we didn’t have to—because… here you are… at 34, marrying someone who loves you and that you love back.” She clenches her jaw, inhaling a long breath as her lids grow heavy with the tears that’s been kept at bay for as long as she can remember.

Nayeon’s brows turn soft, they arch in a way that’s angled upward. Her lips grow thin and firm.

There is somewhat a shared understanding in this magnet of a contact they’re locked in.

“With all my heart, I wish you all the happiness this world can offer... Today, you are surrounded with people who care for you and who love you… like I do… wishing the same thing too,” she says, quite helplessly.

Every now and then whenever Jeongyeon looks at Nayeon, and Nayeon looks at her the same way, she perceives something. In Nayeon eyes, she sees hope—a smidge of something more. A look that holds billions of questions and answers. They share this look that perhaps no one’s able to understand but them. Stealing glances, throwing smiles from across the room but never done when someone’s watching, as though it’s built to be hidden—to be lost in their own little world.

And Nayeon wears that same look in her eyes, albeit less secretive, more open to the judgment of many.

“You’ll always have me, Nayeon, I promise,” Jeongyeon continues, “and if ever you need anything, _anything_ at all, I won’t be too far.”

A faint smile etches on Nayeon’s face as the place ceases its stirrings.

Little does Nayeon know that behind Jeongyeon’s words, stares, and smiles, her heart bleeds and shatters for a hundredth time, and it shatters in the most ear-splitting silence there is.

Jeongyeon forces a smile once more. “Now, I’d like to ask all of you to stand and raise your glasses to the happy couple, Nayeon and Mina!” Clinks of glasses resound the place as her lips touch the rim of her grappa glass, gulping the liquid to its last drop in hopes of numbing the agony the rests comfortably in her chest.

~

_ October 2033 _

  * • “One strawberry and one chocolate, please,” Nayeon says to the ice cream vendor keeping a small smile on her face whilst counting the coins from her purse.



The children’s laughter fills her ears. They roam around the place, running and playing with their siblings and parents—a sight that only brings joy to Nayeon’s day.

Today is no ordinary day. It’s one of those days where she forgets about everything that’s on her plate, whether it be work or some issues need resolving, and instead focuses on one thing only—spending time with the people she cherishes the most.

Her phone buzzes against her shorts.

**_[MESSAGES: Ballerina_ ** **_🐧_ ** _– 2 Text Messages **]**_

****

****

A smile finds Nayeon’s lips as soon as she reads the name.

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[2:09 PM]_ Heyy 😁

 _[2:09 PM]_ Where are you??

Mina. What else is there to say about this woman? Nayeon reckons there aren’t enough adjectives to describe the way Mina has impacted her life.

Mina had been a good friend, a great partner, and have offered nothing but kindness to Nayeon, and she supposes she might have taken it for granted.

But Nayeon is trying to make things right, to do right by her, she really is, and that’s more than just doing nothing at all.

~

** April 2028 **

5:55 PM. A week before the wedding.

Sitting on the couch with a laptop on her lap, Nayeon stretches her limbs, raising her arms up high as she releases a soft groan.

She removes her reading glasses and sets it neatly on the empty space beside her.

Stressful isn’t even the right word to synopsise how her week has been. It has so far consisted of paperwork, dress rehearsals, practicing her vows, packing, and shoving stuff in her luggage and so on. It has been a lot.

And it really is only starting to sink into her that she’s getting married.

It’s scary. She doesn’t even know if it’s okay to feel this way.

Every night, thoughts randomly cloud through her mind—just when she’s about to fall asleep, they begin to buzz, making her worry and doubt certain things. She cannot even remember the last time she has had a good night’s sleep.

She turns to her phone and stares at the dark screen, showcasing her reflection. There are indents right at the bridge of her nose, they’re red, assuming she has got it from her glasses. Her eyes look like hell as bags rest under her eyes.

A sigh.

And in the moment she least expects, a pair of arms wrap around her neck from behind, holding her securely, like an assurance that things are going to be alright.

“You okay?” Mina asks softly.

_Am I?_

Nayeon stares into the distance. “Yeah,” she says, not forgetting to give her fiancée’s arm a light squeeze. “Just tired.”

Mina hums in response.

It has been quiet between them—Nayeon doesn’t know when it has started, or who chose to tone it down but Nayeon doesn’t hate it—but she really isn’t quite sure if she prefers it this way.

“Listen, I forgot to tell you,” Nayeon starts, “I’m supposed to meet Jihyo in a few minutes just down the road for some coffee, is that okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? Just text me what time you’re coming home.” Mina kisses the crown of her head before making her way to the kitchen.

And there goes the quiet again.

\--

Nayeon has been sitting in the café for at least half an hour now.

Jihyo is right in front of her, sipping her second cup of coffee for the evening all the while listening to Nayeon’s concerns and fears.

It feels good to be able to finally speak openly about it. She has been keeping it all to herself for who knows how long now, scared that she might sound stupid or they might judge her too quickly.

“Let me get this straight. You _don’t_ want to get married?”

“No, I do! I’m just, I… Have you not been listening?” Nayeon pinches the bridge of her nose.

Jihyo shoots her a wordless apology. “I am listening. I’m just lost, that’s all.”

“Chaeyoung said that it’s probably just cold-feet, pre-wedding jitters and all that, but… what do you think?”

What exactly does Nayeon want to hear from her friend anyway? And is it so different from what she needs to hear?

“Okay. Hold on, I need to process this,” Jihyo says, moving her coffee to the side. She drums her fingers on the table, her brows knitted close. “Right, so, elaborate on what you’re feeling.”

 _How am I supposed to condense it in a way that she will understand?_ Nayeon fidgets in her seat. “Mina… she’s always there for me. She’s amazing, she’s kind, she’s _perfect_ , but with Jeongyeon, it’s different… It’s fun... It’s thrilling, it’s not perfect, and she is _very_ flawed, but I think it’s what makes it feel real, you know?” She chews on her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m saying this. I’m getting married—I shouldn’t be saying this.”

She surrenders her face to her palm that’s plodded on the table.

“Have you ever thought that you may be putting her on a pedestal?”

She looks up. “Who?”

“Mina. You’re saying she’s perfect, and I’m not sure if it’s because you love her and you see her that way _despite_ her flaws, or you are too smitten to even recognise the flaws,” Jihyo says, sustaining a tone that’s laced with care and heed. “It’s not healthy, you know.”

Her stomach contracts, tormenting her as she digests her friend’s statements.

Jihyo grabs a hold of her hand. “Look, I don’t mean to scare you, but you asked for my opinion and as your best friend I feel like I should tell you what I truly think.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m scared,” she admits and feels as though she could cry. “What if it doesn’t turn out exactly how I pictured it to be?”

Jihyo’s eyes stare right into hers—they’re sympathetic. “Are you happy?”

“What?”

“Are you happy?”

She breaks the eye contact. “I think so.”

“Because… I’ve seen you with Jeongyeon… and with her, you shine,” Jihyo whispers, and it sends a whole ‘nother massive ball of confusion to her brain. “I know, _I know_. It’s cringe, I get it. But I didn’t say it for no reason. I’m aware that I was the one who told you to get over her, but seeing that you’re confused, I’m guessing it’s still not over?”

“I don’t know.” She feels a quick pulse at the back of her throat. “I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she says, but not without her voice breaking half-way.

“Hey, hey… Listen, I could be wrong too. Maybe Mina _is_ the right one for you. Maybe you have just mistaken security with tedium—mixed the quiet with incompatibility.” Jihyo combs Nayeon’s fringe as she speaks in a gentle tone. “Sometimes, in life, you have to make decisions for yourself. And some of those decisions can be tough and will hurt people along the way. Maybe it’s because of the stupid choices we’ve previously made that have led us into making a more difficult choice. But at the end of the day, you will have to make a choice because how else are you going to move forward?”

Nayeon remains mum.

“Choose happiness. Always,” Jihyo adds, wiping Nayeon’s warm tears with her white handkerchief.

~

_ October 2033 _

And Nayeon hopes she made the right choice.

_[2:10 PM]_ Hey!!

 _[2:10 PM]_ I’m buying ice cream atm. Everything okay?

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[2:10 PM]_ Ohhh I see. Do you have time?

 _[2:10 PM]_ It’s about Rini

_[2:10 PM]_ Yes. What about Rini?

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[2:10 PM]_ OK. I know she’s meant to stay with me tomorrow, but I urgently

 _[2:10 PM]_ Have to fly to Japan tonight and I don’t know when I’ll be back. Something about family stuff. I’d love to bring her with me, but I figured it’s such short notice

 _[2:11 PM]_ Maybe we can rearrange things when I’m back?

_[2:11 PM]_ Yes don’t worry :)

 _[2:11 PM]_ I hope everythings fine though. I’m here if you need anything.

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[2:11 PM]_ Thank you 😊

 _[2:11 PM]_ I’m still getting used to this whole joint custody thing, bear with me

_[2:11 PM]_ It’s okay. Me too :)

 _[2:11 PM]_ Safe travels! I’ll explain things to Rini later

**Ballerina** **🐧**

 _[2:11 PM]_ I’ll call!!

“Here you go,” the vendor says, holding out two ice creams, strawberry and chocolate in each hand.

“Thank you.”

Nayeon walks leisurely back to where she has left a while ago with both ice creams in her hand.

The weather is exceptionally great today. Given that it’s autumn, it really is no surprise just how beautiful the leaves look on the trees around this big zoo. It reminds Nayeon of Sana’s ginger hair years ago.

A few more steps and she sees two familiar figures, conversing animatedly under the blue skies. She breaks into a smile. “What are you guys doing?”

She did take Jihyo’s advice. Maybe it took her a long while to make that choice, maybe she has wasted time, a lot of time, but ever since she did, she has never been happier.

So perhaps she’s now on the right track.

 _Pretty jaw, pretty nose, pretty eyes._ The woman turns to her voice, and she too, smiles as they meet eyes. _Jeongyeon._ “See? I told you your mum was just buying you ice cream,” she says to Rini.

“Mum!” The little one runs to Nayeon and latches onto her leg.

“She’s been saying ‘mum’ to me these past few minutes—‘Where’s mum?’ but she won’t believe anything I say. She thinks you’ve left her.” Jeongyeon approaches her with light steps.

Nayeon merely giggles, handing Jeongyeon her chocolate ice cream. Carefully, she crouches down and offers her daughter the strawberry flavoured one. “Thank you,” Rini mumbles. “For you.” She gives Nayeon a flower, a fresh one, red in colour. A flower that she hasn’t seen in a long while. _Chrysanthemum_.

“What’s this?”

“Auntie Jeongyeon… bought it,” she says whilst licking the ice cream messily as it goes to places it doesn’t even belong—like the nose.

Nayeon rises from the ground and finds Jeongyeon’s eyes with a look that says, ‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ and immediately shrugs with a sly smile, feigning innocence.

Nayeon tilts her head.

_Me?_

_Oh._

_Right._

“You’re crazy,” Nayeon says, smiling. She shakes her head.

“This one’s for you too.” Jeongyeon extends her hand that encapsulates a tiny paper.

“Tell me it’s not a parking ticket.”

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes heavenwards. “Funny.”

Nayeon releases a hearty chuckle. She opens the crumpled yellow note.

She reads it—it’s roughly nine words short but it’s enough to make Nayeon’s heart skip a beat. It’s the type that she has been ignoring for years but somehow still nags. Her heart skips a beat, and she knows what it means, always have, and she hopes Jeongyeon heard it.

“Weirdo.” Nayeon closes the note and bites her bottom lip.

And she believes Jeongyeon did as she hears the heavens sigh in relief.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Nayeon says playfully as she keeps the note in her back pocket.

“Okay,” Jeongyeon sing-songs, holding Rini’s tiny right hand as they begin to walk. “You’re blushing by the way.”

“Shut up. I’m not.” Nayeon lowers her head as she follows suit.

Things with Jeongyeon aren’t easy. They aren’t perfect, not even close. But Nayeon isn’t looking for perfect—she just wants something real.

And with Jeongyeon, it feels real.

“Hey, have you thought about getting bangs? I feel like it suits you,” Nayeon says, grabbing onto Jeongyeon’s arm. They now walk in sync.

“You suit me.”

“That’s not even—Never mind.” Nayeon looks away as she suppresses a smile.

Nayeon made her choices. Some were dumb, some were bad, some were not so bad, but they were her choices and they’re the reason why she’s here today.

She’s still learning, every day, and perhaps learning with Jeongyeon by her side wouldn’t be so bad.

Roughly nine words short but it’s enough for them to finally make that leap. ••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we made it to the end! that was quite a ride.
> 
> i have to say, writing this fic truly wasnt easy, but the tremendous support i received from everyone made it worthwhile. i had enjoyed myself along the way and i hope youse did too (sorry not sorry for breaking your heart?)
> 
> again, thank you to those who have left kudos, wonderful comments, and to those who have shown enthusiasm and hilarious feedback on twitter using the tag. you have no idea how many times they've made my day :')
> 
> so yea, i guess this is where #r2dm ends.
> 
> p.s. the endgame has always been the endgame i had in mind. dont yell at me, im soft

**Author's Note:**

> [#r2dm]


End file.
